Home Before Sundown

by Barbara Hannay

  ‘I’m French,’ Anton said, still smiling. ‘These things do not bother me.’

  ‘But they bother me.’ Bella sat up quickly, pulling the sheet over her skimpy pyjamas.

  ‘I can kiss your neck then.’ His lips were already on target.

  ‘Um, did you sleep well?’ Bella tried valiantly not to squirm as he trailed kisses over her bare shoulder. ‘I’m sure you’d like to see over the property, Anton. We should make an early start before it gets too hot. I have to deliver molasses to one of our paddocks.’

  ‘Your cows eat molasses?’

  ‘It’s fortified molasses. We use it as stockfeed when it’s really dry like this and there’s hardly any nutrition in the grass.’

  ‘That’s interesting. I’d like to see your ranch.’

  ‘Warts and all?’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘Sorry. I mean – you won’t mind the cattle work? It’s not pretty.’

  ‘I don’t mind.’ He smiled, but he was watching Bella with slightly narrowed eyes and she winced, knowing that he had to be puzzled and disappointed by her not very subtle avoidance tactics.

  From the lounge room came the sound of beautiful rippling arpeggios.

  ‘Crap. I really have slept in. That’s Liz practising for her CWA concert. Have you had breakfast, Anton?’

  ‘Not yet. I was waiting for you.’

  ‘Sorry. Boiled eggs okay?’

  ‘Perfect.’

  They ate their simple breakfast of boiled eggs, toast and tea and, after finding an old shirt of her father’s for Anton, they filled the drums with molasses from the tank, heaved the drums onto the back of the ute and set off.

  Anton was a very appreciative tourist, politely fascinated by everything, especially the sight of wallaroos on a stony ridge.

  ‘And the trees are so different here,’ he said as they passed through a stand of ironbarks.

  ‘They’re certainly not neat and tidy like alpine trees,’ Bella admitted.

  ‘No. The branches are tangled and twisted. But they’re interesting.’

  ‘Right,’ Bella warned as they reached the Brimsmead paddock. ‘This is the messy bit. You might want to stay outside the fence.’

  ‘No, I’d like to help.’

  ‘Well, you’ve been warned. Watch out. The cattle will rush at us.’

  She had to admit it was good to have help with rolling the drum from the ute and through the barbed wire gate and there was the usual mad scramble as soon as the cattle caught scent of the molasses. They rushed at the drum, pushing and shoving and head-butting and kicking, like schoolboy footballers in a scrum.

  Cattle had their own pecking order and it was a matter of shooing the gutsy ones away while Bella got the bung out of the drum and emptied the molasses into the trough, then refereeing to make sure each animal had a fair go.

  By the time the molasses was consumed, which wasn’t long at all, Bella and Anton’s clothes were sticky and filthy. Bella even had molasses in her hair, but at least – thank heavens – Anton hadn’t been hurt.

  ‘That was fun.’ He was grinning as he wiped his forehead with the back of a sticky hand.

  Bella laughed in surprise. It was stinking hot and she felt disgusting as if she’d been dipped in glue and then rolled in the dirt.

  They passed the waterhole on the way home.

  ‘Would you like a swim?’ she asked as she stopped on top of a rise with a view down to the river.

  Anton’s eyes lit up. ‘Great idea.’

  From their vantage point the hole looked shaded and cool and as appealing as ever. But Anton didn’t look quite so excited when Bella took her boots off and stood on the bank, ready to plunge in fully clothed.

  ‘Best way to wash the molasses off your clothes,’ she explained. ‘Oh and don’t dive too deep, Anton. It’s too shallow at the moment.’ Without waiting for his reaction, she ran in.

  Anton followed and the water was cooling and refreshing – everything that a swim on a hot day should be. And of course, Bella sensed that he wanted to swim close and pull her into his arms. After all, if there was a romantic spot on Mullinjim, this had to be it.

  As Anton kissed her, she tried to relax. It was only kissing after all . . .

  In the past they’d never stopped at just kissing, but there was no way she could allow things to go any further today.

  What a trap she’d set for herself. How was she going to tell this man, after he’d come all this way, that she was no longer keen?

  ‘Maybe we should dry off now,’ she suggested as soon as they broke the kiss.

  Anton seemed happy with that idea. Their clothes were dripping, so they squeezed them out and flapped their arms in the sun for a bit. But then Anton took his shirt off, spread it over a rock and stretched out on a patch of grass

  He smiled at her. ‘Come here.’

  Bella gulped. If swimming with Anton was dangerous, it was even more dangerous to lie beside him. She was tense as wire in a bloodwood strainer post as she cautiously lowered herself beside him, trying for a spot not too far away but not too close.

  Closing her eyes, she tried to relax.

  ‘Bella.’

  Her eyes flashed open and she saw Anton leaning over her.

  ‘You’re so beautiful,’ he murmured. He tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear and his lips were cool from the water as they brushed hers.

  Oh, help. She tried to oblige by returning his kisses, but she clearly didn’t manage very well because it wasn’t long before he pulled away with a heavy sigh. Then he sat up, elbows on his bent knees, hands linked, looking mildly pissed off.

  Bella felt terrible.

  Was it only a month ago that she’d spent every spare minute in this man’s company – on the ski slopes, in Flo’s bar, getting happily pissed and then making love into the early hours? And hadn’t she been convinced that she was really happy then?

  Was she really so fickle? Was it any wonder that Gabe demanded she get herself sorted?

  Wasn’t that why she’d gone overseas in the first place? She’d wanted to put her childish dreams behind her and to develop a broader outlook, a better sense of herself, a clearer vision.

  She’d come home, shared one steamy kiss with Gabe and now she was back where she’d started.

  ‘Anton?’

  He slid her a sideways glance, his pale blue eyes dull with disappointment.

  ‘I’m so mad with myself for sending you that bloody stupid email. It’s cost you so much money to come out here and . . . and . . . ’

  ‘It wasn’t only the email,’ Anton said rather haughtily. ‘I’m not in the habit of leaving my girlfriend out of my sight for too long.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I . . . I didn’t expect . . . ’ She faltered and tried again. ‘You see, the thing is I’ve had to adjust to being home again.’

  ‘And this adjustment involves your neighbour.’

  Bella winced. ‘I have to admit Gabe and I have a history, but it’s complicated. We split up before I went away and now . . . it’s still . . . a mess.’

  ‘But you would like to tidy this mess.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Anton. Things seem to have changed so quickly.’

  ‘I think I have heard enough. I don’t need it spelled out. Don’t forget I’m a Frenchman.’ A tinge of pride crept into his voice. ‘I know when a woman’s not available, just as easily as I know when she’s available.’

  ‘But I’d like to apologise.’

  ‘I’d rather not hear an outright rejection.’

  He was letting her off the hook and Bella felt bad about wriggling out of this, but she didn’t want to make things worse for Anton.

  After they’d sat in uncomfortable, gloomy silence for a while, she eventually asked, ‘What will you do now?’

  Anton shrugged. ‘I can always go south to the Snowy Mountains. Even though it’s not winter, I can check out the skiing facilities for next year. And I might fly to the centre to see Uluru.’

  ‘I’ve
never been there.’

  His upper lip curled. ‘I’ll send you a postcard.’

  Their drive back to the homestead was strained. Several times as they bumped along the track Bella stole cautious glances in Anton’s direction, but he sat in grim and dignified silence, staring out through the side window.

  Near the homestead, however, he got out to open the gate while she drove through, and as he climbed into the truck again, he smiled at her.

  No words were spoken, but somehow Bella managed an answering smile, and a silent communication flashed between them. Tentative, tremulous, but reassuring just the same.

  That night Liz and Bella built a campfire on the creek bank for Anton, cooking sausages and onions with mushrooms and tomatoes, as well as making billy tea and damper with golden syrup. The mood, now that the air had cleared, was a little lighter and Anton enjoyed the night and the stars and the crackling fire as well as several of the local beers.

  It was Liz who took Anton into Gidgee Springs in time to catch the next bus back to the coast. She was heading into town, anyway, to give Alex Costello his piano lesson, and to enjoy a ‘date’ with the boy’s grandfather afterwards.

  ‘I’m so glad we’ve met,’ she told Anton warmly as she pulled up in Gidgee Springs’ main street.

  ‘Thank you, Liz. I’ve enjoyed meeting you, too.’

  ‘And remember if you’re ever in London I have a very comfortable spare room just waiting for visitors.’

  ‘That’s a very kind offer, thank you.’

  ‘And I hope you enjoy the rest of your travels.’

  ‘Yes. I’m looking forward to seeing more of Australia.’

  Watching, as Anton swung his duffle bag over one shoulder and walked away with quiet dignity, Liz knew that she and Bella had to have a serious talk.

  Jack Roper bought takeaway coffees and drove Liz half a kilometre out of town to a small but pretty park, where he found a shaded seat made from a smoothly flattened log overlooking the creek.

  It was hardly a creek now, just a string of pools between dark basalt rocks. Just the same, Liz felt very contented as she watched an iridescent dragonfly zigzag across the surface of a puddle. ‘This is wonderful, Jack. I’m afraid I’m prone to cabin fever at Mullinjim.’

  ‘It must be quite a challenge after your busy life in London.’

  ‘It’s certainly different.’ She took a sip from her cardboard cup, pleased to discover that the coffee was half-decent. ‘Have you ever been to London?’

  Jack nodded. ‘I had several trips over there when I was in business.’

  Liz hoped she didn’t look too surprised. ‘I’m presuming this wasn’t cattle business?’

  ‘No, I used to be an insurance broker. I didn’t buy the Lansdowne property till after my divorce.’

  At the word divorce, Liz felt a small ping of excitement. She did her level best to ignore it, even though Jack was ridiculously attractive and even though there was something so very right about him. Something warm and steady and keen in his gaze that felt incredibly honest and true.

  ‘You must be a quick learner,’ she said. ‘You seem to have acquired plenty of knowledge about cattle. I was very impressed by your midwifery skills.’

  He smiled, making appealing creases at the corners of his eyes. ‘I grew up on a cattle property, further to the south, near Rockhampton. But I turned my back on the bush for many years.’

  ‘What happened? Did you feel it call to you again?’ Liz realised she was very eager to hear his answer.

  ‘I guess I was interested in going back to a simpler life. It was probably a sentimental decision.’

  ‘Or quite possibly a wise one.’

  Jack shrugged. ‘I didn’t know I’d be looking after Alex, of course.’

  ‘I don’t think this year in the bush has hurt Alex,’ she said gently. ‘He thinks the world of you, by the way.’

  ‘Thanks. That’s reassuring.’ Jack’s mouth widened in a grateful smile. ‘And he tells me you’re the best teacher he’s ever had.’

  ‘That’s nice of him.’ Liz finished her coffee, set the cup aside. ‘I haven’t had many pupils. I’ve mainly concentrated on performing, but it’s always fascinating to discover a child who has an unavoidable passion for music.’

  ‘Alex didn’t get it from me. When I was young I was passionately attracted to making money.’

  Liz suspected this was some kind of confession, but she didn’t like to pry. ‘It’s interesting how we’re drawn down different paths, isn’t it? It’s as if there’s something born in us that says: I want that.’

  ‘Like a calling?’

  ‘Yes. Like baby sea turtles that know exactly where they have to rush to as soon as they’re hatched.’

  They smiled at each other and Liz felt a thrumming chord that she recognised as happiness. Comfortable, ordinary, yet incredibly special happiness that arrived without any effort on her part.

  It was a level of happiness that she’d long ago decided she didn’t deserve. So this was a rather wonderful, brand-new experience and she didn’t want to spoil it by thinking too hard. Coming back to Mullinjim had helped her, in part, to face down her demons. And now she simply wanted to enjoy this deliciousness.

  28.

  By the end of the day Bella was tired to the point of exhaustion. Despite two restless nights with next to no sleep, she’d worked harder and longer hours than ever. It was a kind of penance for the guilt she carried after seriously upsetting both Anton and Gabe.

  But although she’d made life harder for two men this week, she was glad that she’d at least pleased a third man, her father, by keeping his stock in the best condition that the lack of rain would allow.

  Today she’d shifted cattle onto better grassland, delivered more molasses and salt licks to distant paddocks, and found twin orphaned calves, which she brought in to the home paddock. The poor skinny babies had huge dull eyes and sunken sides, and if the land wasn’t so desperately dry, Bella might have encouraged one or two mother cows to take them on. The other cows, however, had barely enough nourishment to feed their own young, so now, with a couple of buckets of powdered milk, Bella made her way back to the paddock.

  ‘Come on, girls,’ she called to them, but the calves were so weak they could barely struggle to their feet, let alone walk to her. ‘I know how you feel,’ she muttered as she lugged the heavy buckets over to them.

  Encouraging calves to feed meant she had to dunk her hand in the milk pail and splash it into their mouths. Baby calves only knew how to drink by sucking, so she had to encourage them to suck on her fingers. It was the weirdest sensation to have their raspy tongues working away on her hand, but luckily, these two both got the hang of it.

  Bella had just finished and was climbing through the fence with the empty buckets, when Liz drove around the bend in the small borrowed sedan.

  ‘Looks like you’ve had a long day,’ Liz called as she pulled up and lowered the window.

  ‘So have you,’ Bella suggested wryly.

  ‘I know. Sorry I’ve been AWOL. I gave Alex his lesson and he practised for an hour afterwards, and then Jack thought we should all have lunch in the pub, and there seemed to be so much to talk about, trying to plan for Alex’s future schools, et cetera. I’ve stayed away much longer than I meant to.’

  ‘But you’ve had a good time?’

  Liz was glowing. ‘I have.’

  ‘That’s great.’ Bella was sincerely pleased that at least one person around here was happy. ‘What about Anton?’ she asked less happily. ‘Did he get away okay?’

  ‘He did, Bella.’ Liz’s eyes were thoughtful for a moment, then she nodded towards the buckets. ‘Are they new calves? Have you been feeding them?’

  ‘Yes. I brought them in from the Grey paddock.’

  ‘Well, you can leave feeding them to me in future. That’s one job I can look after.’

  ‘As long as you don’t mind being licked to death and having your skin feel like it’s being rubbed with we
t sandpaper.’

  ‘I’ve fed calves before. I know what it’s like to be slimed to the elbows. I’ll be fine.’ Liz gave an airy wave. ‘See you up at the house.’

  Bella had showered and was in her bedroom, hunting through her diminishing quantity of clean clothes, when she saw the glint of gold on her dressing table.

  Even before she crossed the room, she knew this was the necklace with the horseshoe charm that she’d left behind with Anton.

  Her throat was tight as she picked it up.

  It was embarrassingly clear to her that she’d been immature and foolish when she’d left this in France. Even if it had been a desperate, subconscious attempt to prove to herself that she was finally over Gabe, it hadn’t been very effective.

  She could no longer hide from the truth that she was unlikely to get over Gabe. Ever.

  Poor Anton had been considerate enough to return the charm without making any fuss. He’d been incredibly gentlemanly and evolved about this whole debacle. But his mature behaviour made Bella feel smaller than ever.

  Was she a prime case of arrested development?

  Sort yourself out, Gabe had challenged.

  I’m trying.

  She pressed the tiny horseshoe to her lips, fighting tears, then slipped the chain around her neck and secured the clasp.

  But I can’t do it in isolation.

  Her ‘sorting out’ required a difficult and scarily honest con­versation with Gabe.

  She’d left a message on his phone letting him know that she needed to talk to him. She’d made sure he understood that Anton was past tense, but so far Gabe hadn’t replied. She had made a special trip home at midday, anxious and nervous, especially to check the answering machine, and she’d checked it again this evening before her shower.

  There was still no answer. Gabe was letting her sweat.

  Liz had thrown a roast in the oven as soon as she arrived back from town and now rich smells filled the kitchen.

  ‘You look like you could use a drink,’ she said when Bella walked in.

  Bella gave a tired shrug. ‘I guess. Have you opened anything?’

  ‘I can in a blink. Let’s have a glass on the verandah while the veggies brown.’