by T. L Smith
Her lips were bright red as she smiled at me, still with the knife in her hand.
“I need some money…” She was straight to the point, never sugarcoating anything, never needed to. Pulling out my cell, I got ready to transfer the funds to her—that was before she spoke.
“Who’s the brunette?” Hard eyes fell on her, and she smiled, almost laughed. And I forgot for a second how good Harlin was, how she always picked up on everything.
“How much?”
“Two-hundred thousand.”
“Done. Now leave.” Leaning over, she kissed my cheek, leaving her mark there before she pulled away, opening the door and climbing out. Before she shut it, she leaned back in.
“I’d be careful. I saw the way you watch her. Don’t want to catch feelings, Connick. That could be bad.” Slamming the door shut with a smile, I watched as she walked away with her high heels clicking on the pavement as she went.
Harlin did my dirty work. She carried out whatever I told her to do but only to an extent. She’d taken over my dirty work years and years ago. And she’d been a loyal ally since I took over everything my father owned. Though, she was not someone I wanted to cross, either. Her temper was bad, but her strike was even worse. So, neutral was what we were. And when she wanted money I was more than happy to give it to her, because I knew she would pay me back one way or another.
Her car pulled away, and I took one last look at Milanka, who was sitting in the same spot, her hands were in her lap, moving and crunching her knuckles. Her hands were always moving. It was a tell with her, and I quite liked knowing it, even if Derrick was the one to tell me about it.
“When you visit her work, I suggest you change.” Cherry’s voice came from behind me as she entered my office.
Sitting in the seat available, the one she usually sat in, I tucked my cell into my jacket pocket. “Why should I change?”
She eyed me up and down, then raised an eyebrow. “For one… it’s basically a redneck pub, not a high-end New York pub. Second… you want to appeal to her, not frighten her with your money. Third… you need to tell me the real reason I’m watching a brunette. Have you fucked her and she’s gotten you hooked?” Her right eyebrow stayed raised as she watched me and waited for my answer.
“Cherry…” Her eyes widened at my use of her name. “Stop asking and do what I pay you to do.”
She saluted me then gave me the finger as she laughed and walked out the door.
Opening the closet in my office, I found a decent set of clothes that wasn’t a suit, changed and walked out to Cherry who whistled and threw me a black hat.
Looking at it, she told me, “You’re too intense. Don’t frighten her, so just wear the hat.”
“I’m not going tonight,” I told her placing the hat on my head, she eyed me suspiciously.
“She may not see you tonight, but very soon she will.” Cherry turned away and all her words were right. I couldn’t see her just yet, I had to give her time to breathe. She was a woman that needed time to breathe, so tonight I was just going to look. Because that was what I was good at, watching.
Every night.
Like a fool that couldn’t seem to get enough, yet I had no idea why. She was intriguing, beautiful, there was no denying that. And complicated, that was what Milanka was most of all. You could tell by the way she carried herself, and if you watched long enough you could see it in her eyes.
Every shift, I would be somewhere, I guess in the same way Derrick was. I didn’t stay for long, being there for her end of shifts after I finished work. I was telling myself it was to make sure Milanka got home alright, yet I knew that was a lie.
What fucked up minds we had.
What a fucked up world we lived in.
What fucking kryptonite she was…
I planned to see her face to face tonight. No more drive-bys as she finished work, tonight I was going to go in. I was going to let her see me. Dressing in the outfit Cherry suggested, I was glad she did when I walked in. This wasn’t my usual crowd, it was lower class. More laid back, mine are all suits and business talk. This wasn’t anything like that.
Spotting her straight away was the easiest part because she stood out like no other woman had stood out before. It was like she had an invisible chain I couldn’t recognize, pulling me in without my consent. Looking away, I wanted to see the people who recognized her, who actually saw her. People appreciated the way she looked, they were drawn to her, but none saw her the way she was meant to be seen.
Slow.
Taken in.
Like a fine wine.
That was when you could really value the beauty in her.
Milanka looked me over, the surprise was written on her face. Just as I turned so our eyes could meet, she spun around and walked to the next available table. A man walked up to her and when her eyes landed on him and a name fell from his lips, her whole body locked tight.
It was all going exactly as I had planned.
He talked to her as if he wanted to see her again. Maybe he does? But I won’t allow that. He was a pawn in my game, and games I liked to play well—I’m an expert.
I walked up behind Milanka when his hand touched her. Her eyes widened, and a part of me wanted to leave it, to see what she would actually do. I was not quite sure how to read her yet, but I had this feeling that she could handle herself. She must be able to handle herself considering how she was raised. Then I wondered if it was all an act—to show a helpless woman, yet she was anything but.
Standing directly behind her, the dickhead’s eyes landed directly on me, and he knew it was time to stop and walk away. That was what he was being paid for. Before she got a chance to see me, I left and headed straight outside for her car.
Standing out there for a few hours, I contemplated the right way to go about this. At the moment she opened her mouth, when she was standing in front of me, I knew I was about to give her what she wanted. I knew I was about to fuck her, and I was about to brand her.
What I didn’t realize at the time was just how addictive she was.
Chapter 3
Connick
The present…
Those words—I never once thought they would leave her mouth. Yet, Milanka repeats them, again and again, with the knife held firmly at my stomach. I want her to stab me.
She looks shocked when I tell her to do so. I didn’t think she could love me. I never thought I could love her. I’m still not sure.
Milanka looks at me like I’m her savior, but I know I’m anything but that. Then she does the most torturous thing. Her lips land on mine, but the knife stays clutched in her hand on my stomach. I’ve had a taste of her before, it was short and sweet, but never got anything back from her.
This is the first time she’s kissed me.
This is the first time I feel everything she’s feeling for me.
I want to scream at her. Is she stupid? She must be!
Milanka must know things now Derrick has had her. He told me to stop and stay away from her, but I refused him which made him angrier. Then he didn’t wait for his stupid plan to pan out, that’s why he took her so fast, because he didn’t like what was happening between us.
When I finally got to her, I noticed all the bruising and marks and I didn’t know what to do. So, I let her sleep and sleep until I could no longer watch her. I tore my closet apart making room for whatever she needed to fit in there, to make it hers not mine. She thought I was mad, I noticed the look on her face. Then she was in the shower, touching her bruised body, and I almost lost it. I had to walk away and not take a second longer.
Now, her lips are on me, even though she knows most of my secrets to do with her. My hands wrap around her neck as I pull her into me, kissing her, marking her, claiming her, in all my falseness just so she can understand that it’s wrong.
We don’t love. People like her and me. We’re too broken, too fucked to love. We take pleasure in other people’s lust for us and ride it out in the form of sex.
A
nd we do that well.
Fuck. It’s our specialty.
But her lips aren’t kissing me like that, they’re kissing me as if she’s trying to change.
Trying to be someone she isn’t.
She can’t lie to me.
Not to me.
I see her, for all she is.
Just as she sees me, and stays all through my bad. We are both as stupid and idiotic as one another, yet crazy for what we get from each other.
My hands thread through Milanka’s hair. She moans into my mouth and I’m glad she’s never kissed me before. I’m pleased that she waited until now. I would have been fucked long ago with the taste and sensual way her lips feel against mine right now. Absolutely fucked from all things her.
She realizes what I’m doing the moment she feels it. Trying to pull back but I won’t let her, her lips stop moving but mine don’t as I drag her into me, holding her in place. She bites my lip causing blood to ooze, and then she manages to pull her head back away from me. Her eyes are wide, her lips puffed and bruised from the contact with my lips. I want to kiss her again.
“You did it! Why did you do it? Is it that you chose everything over this?” Stepping back, her hands now free, Milanka wipes at her eyes as a tear slips out. There’s so much strength in one little woman.
“I told you not to say it. Then you did… what you never should have done.” My words are frigid, my lips instantly cold from her departure. I hear the blood dripping onto my floor and look down. Is that my blood? I place my hand across the wound and notice that there’s blood oozing through my fingers, which is clutching to the wound. Searing pain rips through my abdomen, and I finally realize Milanka’s pushed the knife into me.
“Should I go? Is that what you want?”
“I didn’t want that. I wanted you as you were.”
“As I was? As a sex slave for you?” Milanka’s top lip picks up and I know straight away she’s pissed.
“Why must we be more? What is wrong with what we have?”
She shakes her head. “There’s nothing… nothing wrong, till the lies started creeping out. Then you fought harder for me. So, don’t stand there and say this is me. You should have let me be. You should have done all your shady business, and let me be,” she screams the last part.
“You were my shady business. And I would do it all again.”
“Fuck you! You sound just like him right now.” She looks around and spots her keys on the counter. Reaching across, she grabs them and clutches them in her hand then she looks at me.
“You can’t love me, Milanka. You can’t. It’s all a lie. You want what I can give you. That’s all. Stop thinking it’s love. People make that shit up, so we have something to look forward to in our future. It’s all a fucking lie.”
She steps forward as I start to feel light headed, lifts her foot and kicks me over, so I fall down. Landing in my own blood, I slide a little, and she stands over me with a smile as she watches.
“Fuck you, and him. I’ll call an ambulance once I’m gone, you fuckhead. Find me when you can admit to it. Because despite what word vomit leaves your mouth, you love me, too.” She walks out the door and I don’t move. I should try to stem the bleeding, stop myself from passing out which is about to happen, but I do nothing other than lay there wondering how the fuck we got ourselves into this fucked up situation in the first place.
Someone is kicking me, so I open my eyes to see Harlin standing over me. She smiles, looking down at me. I move my hand to touch my stomach and notice the knife has been replaced with stitches.
“So should have let you bleed out, but then I remembered I need to get paid.” She laughs as she walks off into the kitchen and starts pouring herself a drink. Once she has it, she jumps up and sits on my spotless counter, crossing her legs with boots on her feet. “I told them to leave in case you were wondering. Figured I could patch your ass up myself. I have adequate experience since I have to fix myself regularly enough.” She throws something on the ground to me with a bottle of water—Advil—and then she smiles.
The door opens, and Cherry walks in. She spots Harlin, shakes her head, and walks to me, helping me up off the floor.
“Harlin, I warned you,” Cherry chastises the moment my feet touch the ground.
I feel shaky while taking a step, so I sit near the kitchen counter and take the Advil. Harlin holds up both her hands, one of them still with her drink firmly grasped.
“I didn’t stab the boss man, I found his ass like this.”
Cherry looks to me, and I nod my head in agreement with her.
“Aren’t you meant to be working?” Cherry asks Harlin.
Cherry likes Harlin, but Harlin is hard to deal with. She respects those that aren’t afraid of her, especially when they know what she does.
“The boss texted me last night. Wants me for a job.” She raises both eyebrows with a smile.
“Not that kind of job, Harlin.”
“Please, as if I would let him between my legs. I know how he is. I’m the boss in the bed, not the man. He wouldn’t be able to handle me, again.” She laughs, but it’s dangerous.
“I worry about you sometimes.” Cherry walks over, lifting my shirt and assessing my stitches. “What happened?”
Shaking my head, I tell her nothing, except someone has a big mouth.
“The brunette is what happened.”
Cherry looks to Harlin and then to me. “Milanka did this?”
Nodding my head, I drop down onto the counter, closing my eyes, hoping to sleep. I haven’t slept for days, and now that Milanka’s found I think I can.
Even if Milanka isn’t in my bed anymore. She soon will be.
“Yeah, I saw the whole thing. That one is fiery all right. Can I be her friend?”
“No, Harlin… no, you cannot be her friend. Stay away from her.”
“You’re no fun. No fun at all, spoilsport.”
When Cherry speaks next, I know she’s getting sick of Harlin’s games. “Tell me what happened.”
“I was asleep when his jackass of a brother started yelling, and when I woke and decided to come down, Mister Chocolate over there was kissing her, while she had a knife in her hands and pointed at his stomach.”
“You let her stab you?” Cherry is now pulling at my shoulder, so I have to look up. I shrug my shoulders not answering her. I forgot about Harlin’s room here, she hardly ever uses it, and when she does, I never know she’s here.
How the fuck did I become friends with women and not men.
Especially these two.
“No more… no more playing your brother’s games. If he wants to blackmail you, Harlin can handle him.”
“He won’t let me. I’ve offered before… for free, you know.”
“You aren’t killing my brother, Harlin,” I say, sitting up looking at her.
“Well, you do it then. He’s a douche anyway. Someone has to put him out of his misery.”
“I agree with what Harlin says.”
“Of course you do,” I mutter placing my head back down.
“What did he do to her?” Cherry asks quietly.
“He hurt her. That’s enough.”
“Exactly! Now dispel him from you and her.”
“There is no us,” I state.
“Bullshit,” Harlin mutters.
Sitting up, I look at her. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”
She smiles and shakes her head. Standing up they both start bickering and fighting with each other, so I walk up the stairs and into my room. It feels weird not having Milanka in it. I planned to keep her, have her here forever. She wasn’t having it, just because I don’t believe in what she says. How can you believe in something that isn’t real? That’s like children believing in Santa Claus. You do so at the time because you’re a child, but soon you come to realize it’s all a bloody lie, just something told in books and fairy tales to give you hope.
It’s a lie, and the sooner she sees that, the sooner we can
forget all about it, and I’ll have her back in my bed.
Chapter 4
Milanka
My lips are sore, my body is still aching.
How did he get my car?
Did Derrick give it to him?
Thinking of that man makes me sick to my stomach.
Opening the front door to my house, nothing has changed, yet somehow everything has changed. I’m not the same woman I was when Derrick took me. I’m not the same woman who was carried out in the arms of Connick. It hurts everywhere, not just physically but emotionally as well.
Sending a message to Marina, I ask about seeing her. She doesn’t respond straight away, and that alone is odd. She’s always very prompt and is there for me every time I’ve needed her to be.
Changing into my work clothes because I don’t want to be alone right now, I get ready to head out. Today is a day I’m meant to be doing a shift. What do I say to them, though? How do I explain why I disappeared again? I love my job, and they won’t take me back again with no notice of leaving. This time I have to try, though.
Yes, I want to somehow change my life, but in order to do that, I need money.
Driving back to work feels like an ordinary day, except it isn’t. Yesterday, I was held hostage, today I stabbed a man that I love. How is this my life? How did I fall so far to end up this way? I didn’t expect to. I’ve tried to live normally, to have a normal life. Yes, I didn’t account for love, because I never thought I deserved it. Because I’ve never received it.
Stepping out of my car hurts. My ribs are painful from where Nicole beat me. I am literally covered in bruises everywhere on my body. My face is easier to cover with makeup, the rest I covered as much as I could with my clothes.
Opening the front door of the bar, I see Von first. He doesn’t smile when he notices me which isn’t unusual, and he doesn’t kick me out which I take for a good sign.
“Milanka, why are you here?”
Looking around I spot Serena, which is odd because she quit. She sees me and runs to give me a hug in her safe arms. I let her hold me, even though it hurts to have her arms around me.