by T. L Smith
“Yes.”
Opening the door, I climb out with him following. The driver heads off, leaving us here by ourselves. There’s no going back now. Unlocking my door and walking in, he shuts it behind me, locking it. He walks over to the flowers sitting on the counter, reaches out and touches them then walks back over to me. My hand reaches the zipper on the back of my dress, he knows what I want because his eyes light up when I slowly undo it. The dress drops to the floor, leaving me in the lingerie set Serena bought for me. His eyes dance like fire as he takes me in from top to bottom, then he steps closer, undoing his buttons on his crisp, clean white shirt.
“Are you sure, Milanka?”
“Very sure,” is all I can reply. No other words come to mind when I see his chest. He pulls his shirt free, revealing his beautiful skin and rippled abs.
“I’ve missed you, Milanka.” His hands touch my bare stomach, and I flinch when he does.
Because I should tell him.
I should step away right now and tell him.
But I’m going to be selfish, just for this moment, because I can tell him later.
Leaning into him, his hands swim the back of me, up and down, and then grabbing my ass and squeezing it hard. He lifts me just slightly and walks with me backward into my bedroom. He stops, laying me down on the bed, then leans down and strokes a path from between my breast to my pussy. I moan, because I’m so ready, so needing him right now. I could sit right up and tear his clothes off and have my way with him.
His hand lifts and he takes the rest of his clothes off, he doesn’t even ask or try to find a condom, I guess it’s useless now anyway. He pulls my panties off and down my legs, then he lifts them over his shoulder. He looks down between us, wets his finger, then strokes me in the right place. One thing about Connick, no other man’s touch can make me go crazy as much as his does. No other man has come close to his touch. And I’ve had experience, lots of it, but no other compares. End of story.
My moans increase, then he drops ever so slightly as well, lifting me up. He enters me hard, then stays still for just a moment before he starts moving. My hands play with my breasts which are still encased in their bra. I pull them out and squeeze my nipples. Connick sees this and pushes my hands away and touches them for himself, while I keep my legs wrapped around his waist as he fucks me.
The buildup is fast and furious. Pushing his hands off of me, I reach for him and he lifts me, knowing what I want, and cradles me to his body as I bounce up and down. His tongue licks my ear then nips it, making me even wilder than before, making both our movements faster than before. It doesn’t take long until we both reach exactly where we want to be, both of our breathing stops at exactly the same time. A high fulfilled for both of us, a desire we both crave yet stopped ourselves even with the impossibilities of more, it scares us both. I would fuck this man to his grave if I were allowed to. But it’s a pity feelings had to get involved and fuck it all up.
He slowly places me softly back on the bed, laying me down gently. He walks away then comes back with a bottle of water, which he places to his lips then passes it to me before he climbs in next to me. I move to one side to give him room, but he pulls me back to him so our bodies are touching.
“No sleeping, Milanka.”
My eyes are heavy and that’s all I want to do. That’s all I have been doing for quite some time, just sleeping.
“Are you ready again?”
He smirks at me and I know he is, he always is. It’s like he was made for me at the sex store, yet I didn’t have to purchase him. Placing the water on the bedside table I turn to him, he’s still naked and on top of my sheets. He is hard, just like he said. I climb on him, sliding down very slowly until I can feel him at my entrance. It doesn’t take much for him to slide in, I’m already wet from our previous fuck, but now even more sensitive. He grabs my hips and starts rocking me back and forth, my clit is being rubbed at the perfect pace and I know this won’t last long, I’m already halfway there just from looking at him. Running my hands along his chest and stomach, one of his hands leaves my body and I feel the pull of my hair before he tugs it hard, yanking my head back, making me arch my back. He sits up with me still inside of him and sucks on my nipple, paying massive attention to it before he goes to the next. My hips don’t stop moving, his other hand doesn’t either, pulling me back and forth.
“Milanka…”
“Tell me you missed me,” I breathe. “Tell me how much?” He doesn’t watch his words when we fuck, it’s like he loses his filter.
“I’ve missed you like I forgot to breathe, I want to only breathe with you.” His hands wrap around my face, my hands do the same, both our bodies slowing in motion as we both come.
My lips come down, first they graze his to taste him. Slow, soft kisses. His hand slides to my hair, pulling me in further. My mouth opens, his mouth opens, our tongues touch, and it’s like his eyes earlier, licking at a flame. He soothes me with such an intimate touch, I knew I could only give it to him.
This right here, it feels so close, he feels like too much. I’m not running this time, I won’t pull back. I’ll take it all if I have to. I’ll take everything from him that he has to give, and he won’t say no. Because he’s doing exactly the same thing, giving me all of him without even realizing it. In the touches, to how he looks at me. In his lips, to how they graze me. This is what I’ve always wanted, this right here is also what I’m most afraid of. He could tear my life apart worse than any other could. He has these pieces of me I’ve handed him over on a platter, letting him devour them if need be. No one can hurt me as much as Connick can. That’s what scares me the most.
I wake to a hand on my thigh and Connick breathing in my hair. My heart starts to race fast.
What have I done? Did I do the right thing by letting him in again? Just as I start to calm down, he moves, pushing into me, pulling me closer.
“Sleep,” he grumbles.
Waiting a few more minutes until I feel him relax again, I slowly creep out from underneath him. He doesn’t move when I stand, walking to the door. Connick looks peaceful like nothing in the world could bother him. I wish it were the same for me. I wish it were that easy. Go to sleep to take all my worries away, but it isn’t working. Closing the door behind me, I go to the shower, turning it on to heat it up. I walk back out to check my cell. Connick is sitting there and sleeping, but his cell is flashing. Looking to my closed door, I’m not sure if I should answer it, when it stops. Then starts again, this time Cherry’s name comes up. So, I decide I should answer it and Cherry starts talking fast.
“Cherry… Connick’s asleep.”
She pauses then says my name.
“Milanka, is he with you? He didn’t show up today. We had a big meeting with an investor, he’s never late or misses them.”
“Do you want me to wake him?” I ask, starting the walk to my room.
“No. No, this is good. He needs to start slowing down. He does too much.”
“Okay.”
“How are you, Milanka?”
“Good, thank you. Look, I better go, I’ll let him know you called when he wakes.”
She laughs and says goodbye. Just as I place his cell down, it starts again. It’s on silent, thank God. Just as I decide I won’t look or even bother answering his call, I see the caller ID, and my heart stops and for a second. I wonder why he’s calling, then I remember it’s his brother. I can’t simply expect him to never speak to his own blood again. Turning the cell over, I walk back to the shower, knowing that’s one call I will never answer.
I smell Connick all over me.
He’s everywhere but intended to be nowhere.
I constantly wonder about how I’m going to tell him. What exactly I should say to a man like him who has never spoken of wanting a kid. The blood test came back positive. I couldn’t move all day when the doctor told me. I sat in my bedroom, staring up at the ceiling like it would magically tell me what to do.
It didn’t.
&nb
sp; The doctor told me I was early, and that I should have a scan to see exactly how far along I am. I know exactly when it happened. It was in his office, the day I got back from vacations. So I am weeks, at best, pregnant.
With his child.
With Connick’s child.
It plays tricks with me, repeat it enough, it might become real. Or it won’t. Soon though, I will start showing. Now Connick’s back in my life, he will notice. He’s always touching me, he doesn’t miss things either.
Scrubbing my body, my legs are still sore. I sit down and let the water wash over me. The heat feels like a massage. A sharp pain pulls at my stomach, it shoots through me and I squeal when it does. Then another. My breathing becomes heavy, and at first, I think I have my period, but I can’t because I’m pregnant. Sitting up, the cramps don’t lessen, it just continues and now blood is flowing from me.
My hand covers my mouth and a large gasp leaves me. Dark blood is in my shower right now, and my stomach feels like it’s on fire. I have no idea what’s happening. It’s like watching something from my dreams while horror and disgust shoots through me. Trying to sit up higher, I hear the sound of it, like a tap that was left on and you can’t possibly turn it off. My hands want to shoot up and cover my ears, to block out that sound. Drip, drip.
My hands roam my body, something is missing, something has disappeared somewhere, and a part of me is lost forever. All without my consent. My voice is broken, hollow when I call his name, “Connick.” I say his name loudly but without yelling. I hear his footsteps, he opens the door, looking in, seeing me bent over in the tub with the shower still on. He takes a step further in, and I can tell that’s when he sees the blood. His eyes go wild, he looks around then back to me, grabbing a towel. He works fast. The shower is off, and I’m picked up within seconds. He walks me to my bed, places me on it then disappears. I hear his voice, calling someone, but don’t see him. Even after I know he’s hung up, I don’t see him.
Did he work it out?
Does he think less of me now?
Even though I don’t understand what’s just happened.
I know what did happen.
I’ve just lost my baby. One I didn’t even know I wanted.
And he can’t even be in the same room as me now.
Chapter 19
Connick
Milanka was up before me. I heard her voice call my name, and the minute she did, I was up looking for her to bring her back to bed. Yet, I found her in her shower with blood. I didn’t think as I grabbed her body to carry her out. My concern was for her and how that could possibly have happened. Then she touched between her legs softly, and I knew what it was straight away.
Cherry has had multiple miscarriages, and each one destroys her a little more. She wants a baby more than I want my businesses, and that’s saying something.
Pacing the front of Milanka’s door with my black trousers on, I wait for him to come. The same doctor I have on call for all my problems. I don’t want to walk back into the room right now, I’m afraid of what will leave my mouth. Yet, I’m also afraid to see her broken again. Last time was too much, and I pushed her away because of it.
He doesn’t take too long and before he can knock I have the door open, walking him in, straight to where she’s curled up in a ball on the bed. She doesn’t even look up at us, sadness covers her face as she looks down at her knees. Dr. Miles starts talking to her, he looks at me to leave, so I do so, looking back one last time to see her eyes on me, lost, then shutting the door behind me.
Pacing is what I do when I can’t work something out. It helps me sort out my issues in my head. This time, it’s not doing a fucking thing. Was it mine? Is this the reason she told me to stop asking questions the other night? Why wouldn’t she have just told me?
The doctor opens the door and steps out. Milanka has a fresh towel under her now with her blanket wrapped around her.
“She’s had a miscarriage,” I state to him.
He nods his head, going on about how she will have to rest, and the medication she will need to be on. I try to pay attention to everything he’s saying, but my eyes are in the room, looking at her.
“Thank you,” I say cutting him off. He nods his head, walking out and shutting the door behind him.
“Milanka…”
She doesn’t even look up, she stays exactly where she is. “Leave, please.” Her voice is muffled by her blanket.
“Milanka...”
“Leave, Connick.”
Grabbing my things, I make my way to her door, shutting it. I sit out front and call someone she may be able to talk to. Then I sit and wait, having no idea what’s going on but having a million fucking questions.
She turns up not long after I called her. Strutting her stuff as she walks up, typical Harlin.
Looking down at me, she laughs. “Did she kick you out?”
“I guess so.”
“Is she in there? Or are you becoming a stalker?”
“She’s in there. The door’s unlocked, just walk in. Oh, and Harlin…” she looks down at me with her hand on the handle, “… be gentle.”
She winks, walking in and shutting the door. Flicking through my cell, I see Cherry has called as well as Derrick. Yet, Cherry’s was answered. Calling Cherry back and not that dickhead, she answers straight away.
“Hey, I only spoke to Milanka just a bit ago. I told her not to wake you.”
“She was bleeding, Cherry.”
“What? What do you mean she was bleeding?”
“She was pregnant.”
“And she didn’t tell you,” she whispers.
“No, she didn’t.”
“Where are you now?”
“Sitting out front of her door, after she asked me to leave. Harlin is in there with her now.”
“Oh Lord, why would you let Harlin’s crazy ass in there?”
“Milanka likes her.”
“Yeah, and I like tigers, but do you see me patting one?” she harrumphs through the cell. “Maybe you’re right. Harlin is different with her, in a way. Tell me, why did she ask you to leave?”
“I don’t know.”
“You walked out and started pacing, right?”
“I have to go,” I say, hanging up.
My ass is hurting by the time Harlin walks out. She slams the door then bends down and smacks me across the face. Then stands back up and smiles.
“Told her I was doing that, you dickhead. You put her in bed and left her there without even asking if she was okay?” Her hand goes to her hip as she stares down at me.
“Was it even mine?”
Her eyes go wide. “If I hear you say that to her, I will tear that cock you call a penis from between your fucking legs and ram it so far up your ass you will be able to see it in the mirror when you brush your teeth. Of course, it was yours.” She rolls her eyes at me. “She’s sleeping now. Doc gave her some meds.” Then she walks off, leaving me sitting in the same spot.
Milanka was pregnant, with my child.
Holy fucking shit.
How the fuck could she not tell me that? That is not something you keep a secret.
Standing, I open the door and walk straight back in. She’s still in a ball on the bed, but soft breathing leaves her as she lays there. Walking over to her, I touch her hair, she doesn’t even flinch. Then I grab my clothes and leave.
“Nope, not happening. What are you doing here?” Cherry says as I walk into the office.
“Why the fuck am I surrounded by women?” I mutter, stepping to my desk. She follows me, of course, she does.
“Because you lack a mother’s attention, so you fill it with Harlin and me.”
“Fuck off I do.”
“Seriously, why the fuck are you here? You should be there.”
“She didn’t even tell me. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?”
She shakes her head. “Have you considered she didn’t even know what to do? How to tell you?”
No, I have
n’t, the whole drive here I was thinking why the fuck didn’t she tell me. I know she likes to keep shit bottled up, it’s what she’s good at. But this is not something that should be bottled up. No fucking way.
“It’s like a train wreck every time we’re together, something crashes, even when it’s good.”
“Yeah, soon it’s going to be your face. Who does she have, Connick? Who is going to look after her right now? She needs you.”
“She doesn’t need me. She doesn’t need anyone.”
“She does, especially right now. Look, I know you’re hurt, but you will hurt a hell of a lot more if she hates you over this.”
She’s right. I have to try. Something.
“Just look after her. When she’s better and ready, she will tell you. Now leave. I’ve already canceled your meetings for the next two days.” She walks out, leaving me to myself.
I go to my personal shower and get changed into fresh clothes before I leave.
She has moved and dressed when I arrive back, but she’s asleep again. I sit at the end of her bed, waiting for her to wake, but not wanting to wake her either. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Eventually, she stirs as I do some work on my cell. I pocket my cell while turning to her, to see she’s staring at me. Not moving.
“Milanka…”
“I told you to leave,” is all she says.
“I want to be here.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t, and that’s okay. I never asked you to be.”
Standing up, I start pacing the foot of her bed. She doesn’t move, she just watches me, very still.
“You never told me, Milanka. How do you expect me to react?”
She closes her eyes as she answers me. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now, Connick. I want to sleep.” Her eyes open again.
“Fine, sleep.” I start taking off my clothes.
“What are you doing?” She looks shocked.
“You want to sleep, and I could use more sleep. I seem to sleep better with you anyway. Win, win.”
Climbing into bed with her, she turns away from me, wincing when she moves. Curling up around her, I try to be as gentle as I can without harming her.