by T. L Smith
My cell starts ringing, so I excuse myself and answer without looking at the caller ID.
“Milanka…” His voice does things to me that aren’t natural.
“Connick…”
“I’m sorry.”
Lifting the cell away from my ear, I look to make sure this isn’t a joke. This man has never uttered an apology since I’ve known him. “Sorry, what did you say?” I heard him, but I need to make sure it’s right.
“I’m sorry, Milanka.”
“Sorry for what?”
“For everything.”
“Is there more, Connick?”
He is silent for a second. “No.”
“Okay.”
“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?”
“A date.”
“Do we have to use that word?” he asks.
I want to laugh, but I refrain. “I don’t trust you.”
“I don’t expect you to. Let’s just try. If we don’t succeed, we don’t.” He sounds genuine.
“Okay.”
Shit! Why am I agreeing to this? Shouldn’t a normal girl be running away, far away? Pity I’m not normal.
“How’s the car, Milanka?”
“It’s good, thank you. How much was it so I can pay you back.”
“It was a gift. I sold your old one and kept the money.”
“How much was it, Connick?” I ask again.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Milanka.” I hear the smile in his voice as he hangs up. Walking back inside, I have to run to the toilet, my stomach contents are about to come back up. Pushing the door open, I just make it to the bathroom in time. Pushing my hair back, I throw up again. Serena must have seen me because she’s passing me a glass of water.
While thanking her, I stand when it feels safe. Before I can stop her, her hands are reaching out and she grabs both of my boobs and squeezes. “Oww,” I scream, slapping her hands away. Her eyes go wide, and she turns, slamming the door while at the same time reaching for her cell in her pocket.
“You have to see a doctor… today.”
“What? It’s only a bug.”
She stops dialing and looks to me. “You’re pregnant, I bet my right hand on it.”
“No,” I tell her, shaking my head.
Serena talks fast on her cell then hangs up smiling. “He can fit you in an hour. So clean yourself up and get ready.”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“You are.”
“Am not,” I argue back with her.
“Last time you had your period?”
“I don’t know, I don’t keep a calendar.”
Shit! I can’t remember the last time. Was it before our vacation?
“Your boobs are sore, that was always my sign. Plus, you’re spewing, that’s another sign.”
“My boobs are always sore.” That’s a lie, they’re only sore that time of the month.
“Is it him, Mil?”
“Connick?” I ask.
She nods her head.
Closing my eyes, I answer her, “He’s all I’ve been with for months. I can’t be pregnant, Serena. He doesn’t want kids. I don’t want kids.”
She places her hand on my shoulder, and her eyes go soft. “Let’s just go and see what he says.”
Walking out, she tells everyone to leave while handing me a black bag, and inside it is the lingerie she’s bought for me. How did I luck out and find a friend like her? How did it take me so long to find her, or even talk to her?
The pee test comes out positive. The blood test will come back tomorrow. The doctor gave me a list of dos and don’ts. It feels like so much too fast. This can’t be happening to me. I cannot be pregnant. I never wanted a baby. Connick, as far as I know, doesn’t want kids. What am I meant to do?
Dropping Serena off, she hugs me hard, knowing what’s going through my mind right now and the possibilities of what I’m going to do. Something good comes along, I change my life and find the best job, then something has to land in my lap saying a big ‘fuck you,’ you can’t have what you want, you aren’t that lucky.
I’m afraid I will be like her. That’s the main reason I don’t want kids. What if I end up like her? My mother hated me. She never loved me. Could it run in our genes? Could we both be the shittiest parents to ever exist? Then comes the part of how am I meant to tell Connick. I wouldn’t even know what to say to him. He will hate me, thinking I’ve done this on purpose. I may have never had friends or serious relationships, but I have seen enough fights in pubs that start with pregnancies. That will not be me.
Walking up to my house, there’s a parcel on the porch out front, as well as a bunch of pink roses. They are beautiful. Bending down, I pick the box up with the flowers and read the card.
This was delivered to my office.
It’s from your mother’s possessions.
The flowers are from me.
Connick.
Walking in with the box in my hand is like walking back into that funeral home. Odd. Why was this sent to me, and what could possibly be in it? It’s small, roughly the same size as my box I keep my memories in, almost the size of a shoebox.
Placing the flowers on the counter, my hands freeze on the top of the box. Can I open it? What will I even find in there? I hardly knew the woman who was my mother. Why would I feel any different about what is possibly in there? Taking a deep breath, I tear the top off fast like a Band-Aid, and inside is something I don’t expect. It’s photos of me, scattered with small keepsakes. It starts with a bunch of photographs of me when I was a baby, to my latest photo before I met Connick.
Was she keeping track of me?
How did she even have recent photos of me?
Did Connick give these to her?
A baby tag sits at the bottom with my name on it. Why does she have all this if she didn’t care for me? Now I can never get my answers. Now I will never know who my mother really was. Maybe it’s for the better. She never liked me. I was what she wanted to be, yet a path took her down another road—one that was full of sex, drugs, and alcohol. I’ve stayed away from all bar one of those things—sex. I haven’t been able to and now I’m possibly pregnant the same way my mother was. Will I now turn to the drugs and alcohol the same way she did?
Can I save myself?
From what… that is the question, though. I already have issues to deal with and adding to them won’t help me in the slightest.
Is Connick an issue that will be added? Or a prize? I still haven’t been able to work it out.
Chapter 17
Connick
Tonight, I have a date, a date with a girl I’ve lost and made mine several times over. Now I have to win her back permanently so she can end up back in my bed where she belongs. And in my house.
The driver stops out front of her place. Milanka opens her door and walks out before I even have the chance to greet her properly. She’s walking down the stairs while I wait near the car holding the door open. Her eyes are downcast as she watches each step she takes. Her legs are bare, apart from the blush colored skirt she has on, accompanied with a black long-sleeved shirt that shows the perfect amount of cleavage. The moment her heels hit the bottom step she looks up to me, with a shy look, which is very unlike Milanka. She can be reserved and sometimes quiet, but never one to be shy.
“You look beautiful.” Leaning down I kiss her cheek, and she turns, so I’m not near her lips, her no-go place until that day she told me those words. I’ve had a taste of those lips. I want those lips again, though I won’t push her. She will hand them back to me when she’s ready.
“You, yourself, look tragically handsome.”
I quirk an eyebrow at her, and she smirks before I make room for her to get in. I slide in next to her and have to remember to keep my hands to myself.
“We aren’t going to your restaurant again, are we?” She is looking at me for an answer.
“No, just a normal one tonight. Take it slow.”
“I’m glad.” He
r hands are crossed over in her lap, her posture is straight and not friendly.
“You got my delivery, Milanka?”
She nods her head, looks out the window, then back to me. “She had pictures of me, in that box… recent ones.”
“I know, I gave them to her.”
She doesn’t look shocked, more like I have confirmed it for her. “Why?”
“She asked. She was my employee.”
“You owned her.”
I nod my head. “I did. She owed me a lot of money. She was mine ‘til those debts were paid in full.”
“Do you want to own me, Connick?”
What a tricky question and only she could ask such a thing. “I would like to in many ways, but no, Milanka, just the way you are is perfect for me.”
The car comes to a stop. I get out, holding the door for her, my hand goes to her lower back which is bare because her shirt is midriff length. She doesn’t falter when I touch, nor does she try to remove me, and I take great pleasure in that.
We are seated in a private booth as this is also one of my many investment restaurants.
“Water?” She nods her head and the waiter disappears.
“Do you see anything with us, Connick?”
“What do you mean?”
“You told me you don’t do this, yet here you are. I figured you’re a man of your word.”
I smirk, she calls me out and strangely I like that about her. “I never intended for you… never wanted you. You were a means to an end so I could take hold of what was mine. I had to be civil to Derrick because his mother is my stepmother. She also has a large role in what my father does. Then I had you.” My eyes harden on her while she watches me with interest. “I told myself this wouldn’t work. How could it possibly work? Don’t think me a fool, Milanka, this could possibly blow up in smoke. I wouldn’t do this especially only for a piece of ass. This is what you want. And for me to have you, this is what I will do.” Her eyes don’t blink as she watches me. She is so still, I’m not sure what to expect.
“Thank you for being honest.” She nods her head and the waiter comes over to take our orders. She’s polite and smiles, and once he’s gone she looks back at me. “How do you think I feel about all this?”
“Is that a trick question?”
“No.” She shakes her head.
“I don’t know, this is clearly what you want. Me to be attentive, and more than just bed partners.”
“You’re right, and if you were anyone else, I would have slept with you one night and never intended to see you again. Yet, you kept on sneaking your way back into my life, determined to plant yourself there. How do you think a girl like me feels about something like that?” She pauses and her forehead creases. “No one has worked that hard to see me again and again. Then you tell me you don’t want what you’re clearly asking for… feelings from me. You act like an injured animal and ask me to stab you instead of telling me your feelings. Still, you brought them on yourself. You would have known I haven’t been in a relationship since Derrick. I was clear about what I did… I had sex and left. You never left, Connick.”
My hand goes up to my jaw and I rub it, trying to think of the appropriate response. Our food arrives, and she smiles like she didn’t just try to rip into me as she thanks the waiter.
“Start anew.”
“Start anew?” she asks me, I nod my head.
“Can you forget about it all? Can we start anew?”
Her beautiful green eyes look down to her food before she looks up at me. “No. I can’t forget about what happened. A lot has happened to me, Connick. I’ve been pretty resilient about it. I haven’t broken down, I haven’t locked myself away, even though Derrick tried to take away my freedom. What he did to me was bad, Connick, it’s not something that you can forget.”
“I didn’t ask you to forget it, I asked you for a new us. Start anew.”
“We can try,” is all she says as she starts eating. Milanka doesn’t speak as we eat. So to start some conversation I ask her about her new position. She looks up confused and I explain about Harlin. She smiles at her name and tells me all about it. Actually, she smiles brightly every time she speaks of it. She loves her work, it’s clear as day to me. Plus, Harlin and Milanka have somehow formed a bond I didn’t see coming. I’m glad because she shouldn’t be working in a bar forever, that isn’t who she is. She’s so much more than that.
We finish up, and I take every opportunity to touch her, a light touch on her arm or to the lace covering her back.
After a short drive home, we come to a stop out front of her house, and I realize we didn’t even speak on the way. I just stared at her occasionally with my hand on her thigh. She didn’t move it or tell me to move it. So I kept it there, touching the bareness of her skin, rubbing my finger over it back and forth. We sit there, neither of us moving
“Tomorrow night?”
She turns to face me. “A date? Tomorrow night. Again?”
“Is there rules that say we can’t do two nights in a row? I plan to do almost every night. So, if there are rules, you best tell me now.”
“There isn’t. None that I know of.”
“My house.”
Her head starts shaking. “Okay, I’ll pick you up from somewhere else.”
She leans in, her mouth so close. “Thank you for tonight.” Her lips touch my cheek for a few seconds before she pulls away. She opens the door and leaves, and I sit and wait until she goes inside, waiting for her lights to come on.
Did I want her to kiss me then? No, I want more, there’s no denying that.
Work was uneventful, all day my mind has drifted to her. What she expects from me. Is there much because I don’t want to crush her any more than she has been in the past. And she is right, her life this year has been fucked and most of that is due to me. Not all, of course, Derrick takes the blame for some of the bullshit, but some of the situations I take full responsibility for. I messaged her today and told her what time, and she replied with a simple, “Okay.” Nothing else.
Milanka talks about how hurt she was, but I’ve never seen it on her. She holds it all in tight and doesn’t let it show. She speaks of love, yet I’m not sure if I’ve seen it from her.
Taking my jacket off, I wait out front of Milanka’s house again. She comes down the minute we pull up without me coming to her door. I tried that last night and she was too fast for me. A simple black dress is all she’s wearing tonight, heels on, hair down. Her hair being down is my most favorite part, with the way it cascades around her back and arches around her face. I want to stroke my fingers through it and pull it back to make her submit to me. I open the car door for her and she climbs in, as soon as the door is shut the driver takes off.
“I wasn’t sure how to dress,” she says, looking over at what I’m wearing.
“It’s perfect. You are perfect.” She blushes and turns her head away. She doesn’t blush often, so I look longer than necessary at the pink in her cheeks. She feels my stare and matches mine.
“Where to tonight?”
“You haven’t eaten?” She shakes her head. “And you don’t want to go to my place?” Again, she shakes her head. “How was your day?”
“Good. I slept through most of it.” Turning toward Milanka, I watch her playing with her hands, it’s what she isn’t saying that’s concerning me. She’s hiding something and she’s nervous.
“Are you sick?”
“A little, but better now.”
“Why were you sick?”
Her nails start digging into her hands and she won’t look at me. “Stomach flu… as I said, I feel better now.”
“Was it something you ate last night?”
“Connick…” she gushes out.
“What?” I ask, watching her.
“Please stop asking questions.”
I nod my head and the car comes to a stop. We arrive at a Japanese restaurant which sits high up in the hills overlooking the city below.
&nbs
p; “It’s so beautiful.”
She’s right, it is. But so is she. My hand goes to her back and we walk in. Sitting at the table is a present waiting for her, I had Cherry deliver it earlier today. She looks to it and then to me when we sit.
“You can open it.”
The waiter brings the food out straight away. I asked for a mixed variety so she can try everything, I know she doesn’t have Japanese food often. Her hands pause on the present like she’s unsure.
“I don’t like this, I don’t want these things. The car was too much. Do you understand?”
“Just open it, please.” She tears the wrapper off and she smiles at what she sees. That smile could light up the night alone.
“You bought me a camera?” I can hear the happiness in her voice, it makes me want to be closer to her, so I pull my chair around so I can touch her.
She leans in and kisses my cheek. “Thank you… so much.”
“I did okay?” She nods excitedly. “I’m glad you’re happy, Milanka.”
She asks me about my day, and I ask her about hers. There’s no bringing up the past tonight, it feels new, fresh. I didn’t realize how happy it would make her but thank the fucking Lord it did. Because that smile I want to steal at every given chance.
Chapter 18
Milanka
We drive around, talking about all the places he owns. He points them out and explains their purpose. Some are his that he purchased on his own, but the larger ones are from his father which he explains that he now owns as well. I don’t want to ask about Derrick’s involvement because I don’t want to ruin the mood. Connick did something so thoughtful tonight, he got me a gift which I didn’t expect, and one that will be of great use to me. It’s my favorite thing right now. We finally come to a stop out front of my place. He leans in and lingers on my neck, his lips drag then leave a scorching kiss.
“Do you want to come in?”