by T. L Smith
Arriving at the restaurant, she places the camera in her bag and opens her own door, sliding out. I shadow her like a helpless man that has been following her all my life, yet I haven’t.
Everyone is there when we enter, even a man she works with. Von. He sits next to her friend Serena, and they all smile and kiss her cheek with a quick hello to me.
“It looks like no ass kicking is needed now, Mils. You look so happy.” Harlin lifts her lip at me then turns back to Milanka.
Placing my hand on her leg she follows covering mine with hers.
“No, not today. I’ll put that on hold, though, just in case, thanks.” She laughs, and I love it, the sound of her laughter is music to my ears. My eyes stay on her, and only her, for most of the evening. She talks to everyone equally, never leaving anyone out. She holds my hand every second, apart from when she eats. Milanka smiles and makes conversation, even when she doesn’t have to. No one asks her about it, no one asks about us either. They just leave it be. Which is for the best, because we still need to figure out exactly what we are. And I don’t think there’s any rush for that, at least I hope not. Harlin starts mumbling, and I know she’s had way too much to drink. We’ve been sitting here for almost three hours now, and we are some of the last customers left in the restaurant. Von kisses Serena, and they say their goodbyes. Harlin mumbles again, and I only just make out that she’s getting up to leave. The only person left is Cherry, who’s watching us intently.
“I’m happy for you, you know. You always held yourself back, never went anywhere near serious. She is something serious.”
Milanka turns to look at us, missing what Cherry has said and suggests we all leave as well.
“She can’t have sex, Connick. She needs to stop bleeding.”
Cherry knows all about Milanka, she’s read all the files I have on her. She knew I followed her, and exactly when it became more. She’s warning me because of what’s happened, and how Milanka is now. I think she’s wrong. I don’t think Milanka wants sex. Especially not after what’s happened to her.
“Thank you,” Milanka says, walking to my car. Her lips come down on mine, soft, tender lips that taste like wild berries. She lingers, and I get a shock because she never goes for the lips. Yet, I won’t stop either. As I’ve said, any part, any touch, I can steal from her I’ll take, and if it’s those lips, I will die a very happy man to have them on me.
Chapter 22
Milanka
It’s like he’s a new man wrapped in the old one’s clothing. I didn’t want him to change, just his views on what we could have been, instead of pushing it away like he so easily did. Now he’s attentive, I can see that he cares, I just couldn’t see it all that well before. Maybe it was because I didn’t know him that well, and now I can read him easier. When he’s angry, he paces, which means he cares. When he’s overthinking, his hands want to hit things, knock things. And when he looks at me, his eyes turn a darker gray the longer he stares.
I’ve taken over his room the last two weeks. Connick was right, me being out of my house has helped me heal, not fully, I don’t think it’s possible to fully heal from what I went through, or maybe it is just him. Maybe it was him that I’ve needed. He’s gone when I wake most mornings, but he always has my coffee ready and all I need to do is boil the kettle. The last few days I’ve been snapping photos of him, each and every moment I can capture. He requested some to have me in the photo with him, and one of them is my favorite.
We are in bed, my head is tucked under his arm as he holds the camera up with me smiling. We look like a happy couple, one with no troubles, how wrong that is.
Have we aired everything out? Probably not yet. We both have issues, it’s a matter of how we handle them. Everyone has issues and I have come to accept his, as well as he has come to accept mine.
Walking out dressed and ready, I don’t bother looking up, because Connick’s house is a well-secured neighborhood. It makes me feel safe being here with him. Harlin pulls up on her motorbike as I get to my car, she takes her helmet off and puts it in the car with me as she climbs in.
“What? How come not here?”
“I found this beautiful little spot just down the road. It will be perfect.”
“If you say so.” She opens her cell and stares at it as she scrolls—Facebook by the looks of it. I don’t have an account on any social media, though Harlin tells me I need to if I wish to have my own business. I don’t want to be a part of it, though. Maybe I can convince her to do it for me.
We pull up to a small lake, large rocks are scattered around everywhere with water streaming between them. Passing Harlin a bag as she gets out and begins undressing. Harlin doesn’t care that she’s out in the open as she gets changed into the clothes I brought for her as I set up my camera.
“I want you to lay on the rocks and arch your back.”
“That shit’s cold, woman, I don’t want to lie on it,” she complains, already dressed in basically nothing.
“You want them perfect and sinful? Get your ass in that water, woman.”
“Fuck, you’re such a bitch.” I laugh at her bitching as she steps in. She listens to every pose I suggest, and she’s honestly the perfect model. Her bone structure is magnificent, her tattoos shine through the water droplets and match her exterior.
“I wonder what it’s like to be you.”
She starts getting dressed as I look at all the photos through the viewer. “You don’t want to know, trust me.”
“Why, Harlin?”
“Because what you have been through is a walk in the park compared to what I grew up with.” She doesn’t say any more as she walks to the car, opening the door and getting in. I wonder what she meant by that, considering she knows most of my life and what I’ve been through.
What has happened? I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone.
Though she says she’s had worse, and I’m inclined to believe her. Harlin doesn’t lie to make herself appear fearsome or worse, she’s already there.
I tried to cook, I really did after my day with Harlin, but I burnt it all. Now I’m stuck ordering takeout hoping Connick will be home soon. Time has gone fast since staying here, my heart and head are slowing healing, and it’s all thanks to Connick. I bet he doesn’t even know it, he just does him, and that seems to be enough for me. Without asking for a thing. Sex is that one thing he hasn’t pursued. I wonder if he thinks I’m tainted, or if he is afraid, or if it’s for my own well-being. Not wanting to ask him, though, because I haven’t been ready either.
Sleeping next to him is enough for me. Who would have thought that? Me, able to sleep next to a man, especially one who looks as good as Connick and not want to jump him and have my way with him. It’s a foreign concept for me. That’s what our situation has done to us, this is what it’s done to me.
Hearing a knock at the door, I grab my purse, ready to pay for the food. Opening it, I take the exact amount out with a tip, and when I look back up, I gasp. My hand flies to the door trying to shut it, but I have no luck as Derrick’s hand comes up, stopping me from doing so.
“Mils…” The way Derrick speaks my name sends shivers through me. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be anywhere near me. I don’t want him here. “Mils, let me talk to you.” He pushes the door so it bangs on the wall forcing it all the way open.
“Leave, Derrick.”
He shakes his head, stepping one foot inside.
“No, Mils, you need to listen to me. We need to talk. We can do it here, or you can come with me.”
I don’t want to talk with him, let alone be anywhere else. But Connick should be home soon. I haven’t spoken to him all day as I always forget my cell, but he comes home around the same time every day.
Today he’s late.
I wish he weren't late.
“You can stand there to speak, Derrick, you don’t need to come in.” My hands are shaking because I remember that trailer only too well and how he left me in it for days. Starved me.
His wife beat me. I was living in squalor and in the dark.
“I don’t think that’s smart. Plus, this isn’t your house, Mils, it’s my brother’s.”
“And I live here. I don’t want you in here.”
“You think you have rights because you bear his child, Mils?”
My eyes widen in surprise.
“You didn’t think I would find out? That was meant to be our child, Mils. You aren’t supposed to be with him.”
“You didn’t even want me, Derrick. Why do you care so much? We didn’t love each other as teenagers, and I left because of that reason. Nothing kept me there.”
He growls taking a step toward me, his hand reaches out but I take a step back. Wrong move, because it allows him to enter more inside the house.
“You should have stayed because of me. I loved you, Mils. I still love you, more than he could ever love you. I married her because she begged me to, because she had my child. I didn’t choose her. I choose you.”
Looking past him, I hope for Connick’s car to come driving in, but nothing. I’m left now in the house with a madman, one that scares the hell out of me.
“She loves you. Nicole loves you. You should be with her.”
“So you can be with him? Is that what you’re saying, Mils? You disregard me without a thought.”
Something’s wrong with him. It’s like a merry-go-round that won’t stop. He keeps on talking in circles like he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Why can’t he understand why I won’t choose him? It’s simple, I don’t like being around him. He disrespects me. Treats me like garbage. Considers me no more than a whore. Plus, there’s no love there at all on my part. Not an ounce.
“What do you need from me, Derrick?” My voice is calmer than it should be, but I don’t want to make him mad. Staying calm is my best option with him right now. His hand reaches out to touch my hand, and I try my hardest not to revolt, but I flinch when he touches me.
“Just you, Mils. It’s all I have ever wanted.”
“What about Connick?” He squeezes my hand hard. “What about Nicole?” I add. He drops my hand with a flick and shakes his head at me.
“We will go far, far away. Just us two, Mils.”
“You shared me, Derrick, like I was your toy. I am not your toy.”
“You were mine. I do what I please with mine, Mils. You will do well to remember that.”
“But I’m not yours anymore.”
Wrong thing to say, and I realize this as soon as I’ve said it. He comes forward fast, and his fist connects with my stomach—my still-healing stomach. I drop to the floor, breathing hard.
“I’ll get his kid out of you and place my own in there, Mils. You watch.”
He walks away, I can hear his footsteps. My stomach groans in pain, as I try to stand to reach for the door, but his footsteps come back fast.
“Mils, do you still bear his child?” His voice comes from right behind me.
“Fuck you, Derrick.”
He grabs hold of my hair, pulling then dragging me. I try to use my feet, so I do not lose all my hair with his pull.
“He won’t save you again, Mils.”
“What did you do, Derrick?”
He drops me so my head slams on the floor, then he climbs on top of me, so he’s straddling me.
“Nothing to my dear brother, as of yet. I may have played with his car, though. Were you expecting him soon?” He laughs maniacally then knocks me hard across the face, my vision blurs, but I hear his words as he speaks, “That night, Mils, why can’t we go back to that night? It was magical the way you put the knife in that man who touched you at your mother’s. Don’t you remember? We left that night, made love by the night sky. I knew then I could never give you up. You had such passion, plunging the knife firmly into him, that’s why I held the knife for so long. Knowing you would come back for it, it was my leverage over you. It was my way of keeping you, Mils. Why don’t you see that? I would do it all again for you, Mils. I love you. But now you’re contaminated, and that needs to be fixed.”
His words begin to fade as my vision blurs, and all I see is Derrick standing over me with a knife.
As my consciousness returns, the first thing that leaves my mouth is a scream, a scream of pure agony. Derrick is still sitting on me, knife in his hand, as he concentrates on my belly.
“Derrick, stop.” Tears leave my eyes as he digs it into my skin.
“I need to get rid it, Mils. Not enough to kill you, just the baby. We can’t be tied to him anymore. Go back to sleep, Mils. It will all be okay when you wake.”
Tears don’t stop, but my screaming stops. He notices that I don’t sleep as he asks, and smacks me again. Making sure I see stars once more.
How much more of this life am I to take?
Has it not dealt its hand on me enough?
Chapter 23
Connick
Calling Derrick’s cell, I get no answer. I know it was him, the dumb fuck, I have security everywhere. Cameras everywhere. It takes a good hour for them to fix the car. I’ve tried reaching Milanka to inform her I’ll be late, but I never have any luck because she never answers her damn cell. I often wonder why she has the fucking thing. When I arrive back home, the lights are on and the door is shut, but there’s a car parked out front. One I don’t know. I’ve never seen it before.
Walking up to my door, a light flickers off as I place my hand on the doorknob and I hear a soft sound float out to me from inside. Opening the door fast and stumbling back in shock, I see Milanka on the floor, her stomach bleeding and passed out.
Derrick.
He’s nowhere to be seen.
Walking in and leaning down to Milanka, I try to wake her. She whimpers but doesn’t wake up. My hands are fisted and my heart is beating fast. The things I want to do to this man. How did he even get in? I told security not to let him pass, yet I know he’s here.
“Derrick, I would stop the games.” Covering Milanka’s stomach and kissing her forehead, I leave her on the floor to find him. He’s still in here somewhere, I know it. “Derrick, last chance.”
He doesn’t come, but I hear the sound of his fast breathing. Walking out of the entry and into the living room where there’s a cloakroom, the door slams open, and Derrick stands there with the knife in his hand. Blood licks the blade that he’s hurt her with.
“You can’t have everything, it’s not fair, Connick.”
“You wouldn’t understand fair, Derrick. You have a family. I tried to be the good son, the good brother. No longer, Derrick.”
“You won’t kill me. Father would hate you.”
My head drops to the side. “Who says he would find out?”
His eyes go crazy, he knows what I’m talking about. Reaching for my cell in my pocket, I press a button, calling someone who will be here as soon as I need them, then I place it back.
“What did you just do?” he asks, noticing my moves.
“What did you do to her?”
“I wanted to cut your baby out.”
“She lost the baby, Derrick.”
He shakes his head. “Milanka would have said so. She wouldn’t have let me cut her if she didn’t have the baby.”
“Maybe you’re more fucked up than you realize, and because you are, I can no longer have you near her.” He tries to look past me to her, but I block his view which makes him angry and his grip tightens on his knife. “Just remember, you asked for this.” Walking toward him with my hands at my sides, he tries going in the other direction but nothing is there except a wall. He swings the knife, trying to cut me, and it just misses my face when it comes down. I barrel into Derrick, taking him down in one swift movement. The knife drops from his hand, and he tries to push me away to get to it. I’m stronger than him so he doesn’t succeed.
We wrestle on the floor. Derrick bites my arm, making it bleed, but I don’t let go, I won’t give him the upper hand—he’s had that too many times before and I won’t give it to him again. My
fist comes down hard on his cheek. He laughs when I lift it.
“I did that to her.”
So I do it again, and again until his face is hardly recognizable, but he’s still awake.
“Connick.” Her voice sounds broken. Turning around to face her, she’s now standing next to me, looking down at both of us.
“Move away, Milanka. Now.” She turns but walks around us. We both watch her, Derrick through one eye, me with both. She leans down, her hand covering her stomach and she holds it.
“I don’t want to.” She picks the knife up from the ground while Derrick laughs loudly. His laugh is sickening and makes my skin crawl.
“She’s going to kill you,” he says to me, looking at me now.
Milanka bends down, so she’s level with me and looks me dead in the eye.
“Milanka…”
What would I do if she stabbed me again?
Would I even try to defend myself?
Last time I asked her to do it but I won’t do that again.
“I love you, Connick.” She wants to smile, but it doesn’t touch her lips.
Derrick’s laugh stops, his one good eye looks to her. “Mils…”
She shakes her head at him. “No more, Derrick. Maybe you were my devil after all.” She strokes his hair, then the knife comes around and she slices his throat, fast and mercifully. The knife drops to the side of his head as she watches his neck bleed out.
When he takes his last breath, she drops back onto her ass with tears soaking her face. Standing up and off of him, I walk to her, lift her up and cradle her in my arms.
“Well, shit! Told you she could handle herself.” Harlin is inside. She walks over to Derrick and kicks his body. “Piece of shit,” she says to his corpse.
“Harlin, get the first aid kit. Now.”