Fifty Shades of Puss in Boots (The Fifty Shades Of Jezebel Trilogy Book 2)

by Melinda DuChamp

  Finally they came to the seventh hole, where a group played golf. Well, if having all manner of sex with one another could be considered playing golf. There were some naked elves, a centaur who was hung like a horse, a horse who was hung like a larger horse, a larger horse who was hung upside-down from a tree, a guy named Hung whose name was hung around his neck, and several Pacific Islanders. An elf who was receiving a blow job from another elf noticed them watching and gave them a wide, toothy grin. He giggled, hips thrusting like a jack hammer, his beard flopping against his round belly.

  Others were experimenting with golf balls and clubs. Jezzy recognized the four businessmen from the restaurant teaching four women how to drive, only there didn’t seem to be a ball on the tee at all. Or clubs in the women’s hands, either. In fact, instead of driving, they seemed to be getting ready to tee off a mini-orgy.

  One of them motioned for her to join in.

  And the strangest thing about the scene was that all of them, man, woman, and fairytale creature, no matter what they were engaged in, were singing (or humming) a merry tune.

  My next door neighbor, Dawn

  Was sunbathing on the lawn

  She took off her swimsuit

  And I saw the crack of Dawn.

  “Climb in the golf cart,” Rumpleforeskin said, motioning to a golf cart Jezebel had been too distracted to notice. “Snow White is waiting at the water hazard.”

  They climbed in, Jack offering Jezebel the seat beside Rumpleforeskin and jumping in back.

  Jezzy glanced down at the cart’s controls and noticed the dwarf feeding his member into a tube that jutted up from the vehicle’s floor.

  He smiled up at her. “We’ve switched the whole country club over to renewable energy. This cart is all about suction.”

  “Suction?”

  “Yeah, it sucks my cock.”

  “And how does that work?”

  “Well, I fit the head in here, just like this, and…”

  “I mean, how does that power the cart?”

  “The cart? It doesn’t. The cart runs on gasoline. But being sucked like this sure renews my energy!”

  Jez frowned. “Are we going to have to put up with many more stupid jokes like that?”

  “Probably. For the remainder of the book, I’m guessing. That’s how we distinguish ourselves from all the other erotica out there. We’re funny.”

  “Funny is stretching it a bit.”

  “This tube is stretching it a bit, too.”

  “Not funny.”

  “Hmmph. I’d tell you to blow me, but that’s already being taken care of.”

  “Hey!” Jack said, confronting the dwarf. “Be polite. There’s no reason to be short with her.”

  Rumpleforeskin chuckled. Jezebel rolled her eyes.

  Great. Two comedians, one golf cart.

  Rumpleforeskin shifted into gear, and they bounced up the hill, the dwarf leering at Jezzy’s bouncing breasts while thrusting in and out of the sucking attachment. His smart-assed comments were replaced by moans, and Jez wasn’t sure if that was an improvement because it only reminded her that she was still horny. By the time they reached the water hazard, Jez was so tired of seeing others gain pleasure, she was tempted to jump on the gearshift.

  But when Rumpleforeskin stopped the cart, Jezzy’s attention was captured by a lovely female voice humming. She forgot all about manual transmissions and turned toward the sound.

  There, between the trees, she could see the sun sparkling off the water hazard. But Snow White wasn’t on the banks playing golf, as Jez had hoped. She was in the water, and not playing golf at all. Instead, she appeared to be taking a bath.

  Jezebel looked at Jack, who was beaming at Snow White.

  “See? I told you she was beautiful.”

  “And you didn’t exaggerate.” Jack’s engorged member twitched at the sight.

  Snow White lifted her lovely, dark head and looked up at them. She swirled soap over her breasts, giving her taut nipples a particularly good scrub.

  “You must be Jack and Jezebel. So pleased to meet you. I apologize for not being ready yet. Being the fairest of them all takes a whole lot of washing. If I even get a bit of dirt under a fingernail, the magic mirror on the wall drops me down a dozen places. I haven’t had spaghetti in ages. Too messy.”

  “Messy,” Jack said. “Indeed. Spaghetti is very messy. They should blend it into a smoothie so you can drink it with a straw, then it wouldn’t be messy. Heh heh heh.”

  Jezebel had never before witnessed the loopy grin Jack wore. Her heart sank a little, but she lifted her chin and gave Snow White a bright smile.

  “No apologies needed. We’re a little early, I’m afraid. Please, finish your bath, and we’ll wait for you here on the bank.”

  Snow White plunged into the water, and when she emerged, her snow white skin glistened. Her lovely pink nipples jutted out, water dripping off their sharp peaks. Her long, coltish legs met at a trimmed pussy, a thin line of glossy black hair pointing the way to her tight little nub.

  And when Snow strode out of the hazard and walked toward them, her breasts jiggling with each stride, her naked beauty was enough to make Jezebel feel a little dizzy.

  “Impressive bounce,” Jack said.

  “Thanks.” Snow White glanced from Jez to Jack. “Sounds like you’re in the mood for a game of golf, Jack. It’s great fun the way we play it here.”

  “How about a threesome?” Jack asked, as a wolfish smile spread across his face.

  “I don’t know a thing about golf,” Jezzy said, not sure she was up to remaining professional in light of what she’d already seen at the country club. “Besides, the point is for you two to get to know each other.”

  “No,” Snow corrected. Slowly, she bent forward and poked a tee into the grass, exposing her shapely posterior and soft pink folds. “The point is to get a hole in one.”

  “Fore!” Jack declared, stepping up behind her.

  Jezzy faded back from the couple, her facilitation skills obviously not required. She should be pleased that Jack and Snow were hitting it off so well. They really were a perfect match, and the exposure in Big Cock Billionaire Magazine was just what Playing With Matches needed. What Jezzy needed.

  So why do I feel so…

  Jealous?

  Am I actually jealous?

  Of course not. I’m over Jack. Besides, I don’t get jealous.

  “You look jealous,” Rumpleforeskin said.

  “I’m certainly not.”

  “I’m enjoying the tube, but if you want I could throw you one.”

  “Throw me one?”

  “A little slap and tickle. A quick poke and stroke. Give you a good slogging. You’re quite a bit taller, but my brother gave me a pair of stilts.”

  “Let me guess,” she deadpanned. “His name Rumpelstiltskin.”

  “No. His name is Steve. He’s an accountant. Do you know why ladies love accountants?”

  “Because they’re good with figures.”

  “What? No, because they can get their taxes done for free. Ladies hate doing taxes. Want me to get the stilts?”

  Jez watched as Jack reached out and caressed a hand over Snow White’s buttocks, then slid his fingers between her legs. He moved them up and down, his hand shiny with her juices, then slipped two digits deep inside. “Gotta say I love a woman with an open stance.”

  Snow wiggled back against him, spreading her legs wider, and he continued to plunder her with his fingers, his member jabbing her backside as if desperate to join the fun.

  Despite herself, Jezzy found herself moving, too, her hips thrusting, matching the rhythm of Jack’s hand. She threw a desperate glance at Rumpleforeskin, and he shrugged.

  “Too late. I came while watching them. They’re one hot couple, aren’t they?”

  “Yes,” Jezzy said, struggling to maintain a prim demeanor. “Very hot.”

  “I could lick you if you’d like.” Rumpleforeskin stuck out his tongue and cleaned o
ut some wax from his left ear.

  “That’s nice of you, but I’m here in a supervisory capacity.”

  “Supervisory? You’re wetter than a tadpole in a Florida swamp.”

  “Just mind your own business, please.”

  “Just trying to be helpful,” the dwarf said.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Snow White finally finished placing the tee and straightened. She sidled up to Jack and peered down at his manhood. “You seem to be ready to play.”

  “I don’t have a club,” he said.

  Snow White took his hard length in her hand, stroking down to his tip then back up to his root. She lowered herself to her knees, his cock right at mouth level. “What do you mean? Your wood is right here.”

  “Oh, yes,” Jack murmured. As if on cue, his cock flexed under Snow White’s hand.

  Jezebel clapped a hand over her mouth to hold in a groan.

  “But how about golf balls? Don’t we need some of those?”

  “You have a couple of balls right here. And they have the cutest little dimples.”

  Snow lifted his stiff shaft, his scrotum hanging heavy beneath, and lathed long, fat licks along Jack’s quivering sack. Then she took it fully into her mouth.

  Jezzy squirmed, imagining the weight of Jack’s testicles on her tongue, feeling them tighten as his arousal intensified.

  She was going to lose it for sure.

  “I could stick my thumb up your ass,” Rumpleforeskin said to Jez. “If you want.”

  She ignored the little man.

  “So maybe it’s time to play golf?” Jezebel called to Jack and Snow, her voice sounding a little more irritated than she intended.

  Snow let Jack’s balls fall from her lips and looked up at Jezzy. “We are playing golf. I told you the way we play it is fun. Wait until later, when we’re playing the back nine. That’s when the divots will start to fly. We might even have to pull out the sand wedge.”

  Jezzy made a face, not quite sure what all that meant but too afraid to ask.

  Jack was beaming. “I like this game, Jez. Snow White is an amazing ball-washer.”

  “Thanks, Jack.” Snow winked up at him. “I can’t wait to check out your backswing.”

  And that should be the last of the stupid golf puns, Jez hoped.

  Jack wiggled his brows. “Sure you can’t join us, Jez?”

  Jezzy shook her head. She didn’t want to be a third wheel, and yet she wished she hadn’t dismissed the game so quickly. She’d really never imagined golf could be so exciting. Where she came from, balls and clubs were… well, balls and clubs. The antics involved in the game at this particular country club were unlike anything she’d ever seen before. It would have been fun to join in.

  But this game wasn’t for her. Jezzy’s focus had to be on Jack and his future wife.

  Not on fun.

  And not on herself.

  Snow White was lucky. Jack was handsome and ripped, and he made King Midas look like a pauper.

  And he used to be mine.

  Jezebel pulled her eyes away and sighed wistfully. The sexual chemistry between Snow and Jack was palpable. Proof the Playing With Matches algorithms were dead on.

  I should be happy.

  “Let’s get on with the game,” cooed Snow White. “I can’t wait to show you my ten-finger grip.”

  Ugh. More golf innuendo.

  Before Jezzy had a chance to grimace, Snow wrapped both hands around the base of Jack’s cock. Twisting her hands in opposite directions on his shaft, she moved them closer and closer to his tip. At the same time, she swirled her tongue over his head. Reaching the end, she started twisting back down, her mouth taking in each inch her hands vacated.

  Jack groaned deep in his throat.

  After several minutes of this, up and down, up and down, Snow ran her tongue along the underside of his shaft. When she reached his balls, she gave them a few more kisses, then started moving back up his length. When she reached his head, she parted her ruby red lips.

  “Oh, yes,” Jack moaned, pushing himself inside.

  Hot need licked at Jezzy as she watched Snow take Jack deep into her throat.

  Just like I imagined doing at the restaurant.

  “I love the way you choke down on the shaft,” Jack moaned. “You really know your way around a club.”

  She grabbed his butt, one cheek in each palm. Her cheeks grew hollow as she sucked hard on the head and Jack’s hips began to thrust.

  “Oor slii a il oooo a eft,” Snow said, her mouth full of wood.

  “I beg your pardon?” Jack asked her.

  “She said you’re slicing a little to the left,” Jezzy offered. Jezzy had always loved that about Jack’s driver. It hit her right every time.

  Oh, dammit. Now I’m doing the dumb puns.

  As she watched, Jez felt warmth trickle down her inner thighs like liquid honey. She squeezed her legs together, the aching in her core almost too much to bear. Her folds felt like they were swelling, her walls clenching with desire.

  “Well, it seems like you two are getting along smashingly already,” Jezebel smiled, gritting her teeth and stamping down a spike of envy. She wanted to be the one who was being putted. Or birdied. Or bogied. Or anything at this point, no matter how stupid the golf joke was, as long as it was pleasurable.

  But even more, she needed to be successful at finding Jack a wife. The ball was tonight, and she’d have to be a success by then.

  Being the reason for Jack’s happy new engagement will certainly give my business unheard-of credibility. No matter how hard it is to watch Jack have sex with the lovely Snow, I can do this.

  Jack guided Snow White onto her back in the grass. He knelt over her, and a shiver went through Jezzy as she watched his tongue gently, then firmly flick one of Snow White’s nipples, then the other. He began slowly, sensuously sucking each nub, taking his time.

  Jezebel braced herself. Watching Jack pleasure Snow might be too much for her to handle. Her clit pulsed steadily with unreleased need, and her nipples stretched straight out, announcing their desire for all to see. Her entire body felt unbearably hot and she was becoming hornier by the second. So horny that she was considering taking Rumpleforeskin up on his many offers. But when she turned to look at the dwarf, she found him asleep on the front seat, snoring softly.

  Jack’s fingers reached the V between Snow’s legs and his middle finger slid between her folds, slowly moving back and forth, then in little circles over her little pink clit. Jack lifted his gaze to watch Snow White’s face as he pleasured her. His eyes were shining with desire and it made Jezebel think of all the times he had looked at her like that.

  Jezzy’s breaths came short and quick, her heartbeat like the fluttering of bird wings in her ribcage. Her mounting passion was equal to her rising envy, and the confusion was making her head spin.

  And when Jack brought his mouth between Snow White’s snow white thighs, Jezzy could feel the clenches of either an orgasm or tears or maybe both hover just out of reach. She tried to stay her wiggling bottom, pretending that she couldn’t imagine exactly how Jack was licking Snow, thrusting his tongue into her, sucking and nipping her sensitive bud.

  Snow’s moans were almost too much.

  Her screams were worse.

  And finally when Snow was sated and Jack looked back up at Jezzy, his glistening smile was the worst of all.

  Memories flooded Jezebel, followed by questions.

  What had happened to her and Jack?

  Why had they broken up?

  Jezzy shook her head, scolding herself inwardly for feeling nostalgia about a relationship that was clearly over.

  “Take a swing,” Snow White moaned. “I think you’re ready to sink that hole in one.”

  Jack positioned himself between Snow White’s milky thighs and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

  Jezzy watched as Jack slid his enormous manhood into her. He began a slow, steady thrust, bracing himself with his arms. Plunging, thru
sting, and all the while, keeping his eyes glued to Jezzy’s face.

  Oh my god, I can feel his stroke just as if he’s doing it to me.

  The breeze picked up just then and the most delicious shiver moved over her as it kissed her taut nipples. She felt her lips part, and let out a soft sigh.

  Jack continued staring at Jez, his thrusts into Snow White becoming more frantic and urgent. Suddenly he slowed and made several short, close little jabs into her.

  Jezzy knew what he was doing. He was probing Snow’s center of pleasure, as he’d done to Jez many times.

  The effect was instant. Both for Jezebel and for Snow.

  A scream broke from Snow White’s lips. Jack’s grunts could barely be heard over Snow White’s cries. He gripped Snow’s creamy white bottom and began a punishing thrust, driving deeply into her.

  Jezzy’s pussy now throbbed and ached terribly. She couldn’t help remembering all the times Jack had used that well-grooved swing of his to bring her to ecstasy. The way his rock hard cock felt plunging deep inside of her, filling her, demanding orgasm after orgasm.

  And then Jack’s intense gaze penetrated Jezebel, staring straight into her soul.

  He’s making love to her, but staring at me.

  She wondered what Jack was thinking. To punish her? To show Jez what she was missing since she dumped him? Or was he watching to make sure that she wasn’t getting turned on? He’d fire her in a second if she was, Jez was sure. But by the looks of it, he was pretty pleased with Snow White. Maybe didn’t even need Jezzy’s services any longer.

  Good. Then I’ve succeeded.

  But…

  If only I hadn’t failed him in our relationship.

  If only—

  “Jezebel!” Jack’s voice tore from his throat. He gripped Snow’s hips and plunged deep, holding on as his own orgasm rocked his body.

  He called my name! Jezebel thought.

  Why did he call my name?

  When Jack’s trembling climax finally ended, his face became slack.

  “Yes, Jack?” Snow said. “You want something?”

  “Wha… What?” he said, as if dazed.

  “You called for Jezebel.”

  “I did?”

  “Yes, but she’s all the way over there, and I’m right here. Since I’m the one who is going to be your wife, I would think you’d call for me if you needed something. Now what is it?”