Mazin Grace

by Dylan Coleman

  ‘I come top in school last year,’ I say proud-way.

  Eva rolls her eyes.

  ‘Yes, I heard,’ Old Rod says. ‘Good work, keep it up.’ Then he looks over at Eva. ‘And you too, Eva, you do the best you can, too.’

  Eva nods, and kicks my jinna.

  ‘Another thing that was important to my parents was workin’ hard on the farm to build it up.’

  We nod again. We know that, from how Old Rod talks about makin’ ’is farm bigger and better all the time.

  ‘Because of their hard work,’ he continues, ‘and the hard work we do now on the farm, we’re one of the biggest land holders in this area.’

  He’s talkin’ like what he’s sayin’ is really important, but I can’t understand why he’s tellin’ us all this stuff. It’s like he’s braggin’. I yawn. I’m startin’ to get bored. I turn to Eva. One side of her mouth goes up, makin’ her cheek look puffy. I can see she’s feelin’ the same way.

  ‘And when I die . . .’ Old Rod pauses for a long time.

  Eva and me both look up at him. Is he planning to die soon? He can’t do that. I’ve only just worked him out, I’ve only just found out he’s my father.

  ‘I want Ada and you girls to ’ave some of this land too, the land out the back of the Mission. That will be especially for Ada and you girls.’

  Wow, imagine that, I think. Our own place away from all them rotten, teasin’ kids, away from all the drinkin’ and fightin’ on the Mission. A place of our very own.

  Munchin’ on our sandwiches that Old Rod’s given us from the brown paper bag, Eva leans down and scratches ’er ankle, while I nod to myself. He’s a real caring man, Old Rod. He gives us Dolly and now he wants to give us some of his farm when he dies.

  ‘But I hope he doesn’t die,’ I quiet-way whisper under my breath as we head back to the Mission in Old Rod’s new truck. ‘I still got to get to know him as my father first.’

  If he died would he go to hell with fire and brimstone? I hope not ’cause deep down inside he’s a good man who really cares.

  ‘Don’t die just yet, Old Rod.’

  14

  The sins of the father

  When Old Rod drops us off on the Mission with Dolly, a bottle and some powdered milk to feed her, all our minya sisters and brothers just go joobardi. Before we can tie her up, about ten kids start chasin’ her ’round the house.

  ‘Hey, you kids, leave ’er alone,’ Eva yells at them. ‘She’s only a minya baby.’

  But no-one’s listenin’. They just keep chasin’ her screamin’, ‘Come here, minya nyarni.’

  Poor Dolly is boltin’ in all directions tryin’ to get away from them.

  ‘You bloody idiots,’ I yell. ‘You’re scarin’ ’er. Now stop it.’

  They all want to pat ’er, or feed ’er and some of the boys even want to see if they can ride ’er, even though she’s real tiny.

  Eva and me growl them again. Dolly is our special pet that Old Rod’s given us, and he made us promise we would look after ’er real good and there’s no way we gonna let anyone hurt ’er.

  ‘Right, that’s it,’ I scream, frustrated that they won’t stop. ‘Next one not to listen is gonna cop it.’

  I put my fists up.

  Thump. Adrian is the first one to go down as he runs past. Then Joshy. I only manage to slap a couple of the girls on the arms because they see the boys on the ground and swerve around me.

  ‘Hey, stop it.’ Polly grabs ’er arm that’s goin’ real red from the slap.

  ‘Let’s get ’er.’ Joshy waves his arms in my direction.

  Then suddenly all the kids stop chasin’ Dolly and head straight for me.

  ‘Noooo,’ I yell as a mountain of kids comes tumblin’ in on me. Elbows, knees, fists hittin’ me from all directions.

  I’m swearin’ with swear words that I’d never put together in one sentence before.

  ‘Hey, who’s the filthy mouthed little girl, swearin’ like that?’ Mumma comes out the back door, picks up a stick and starts wavin’ it in the air. ‘You kids stop fightin’ now.’ Her voice booms over the squeals and groans comin’ from me and the pile of kids on top of me.

  One by one, the kids peel back to reveal me at the bottom, still swearin’ my minya mouth off. Mumma gives me a sharp hit on the jinjie with the stick and tells me to get inside. Ada is there waitin’ at the back door and she give me a clip on the ear as I walk past.

  ‘When you gonna learn, Grace? You just wait ’til I see Papa Neddy, I’m gonna tell him about your filthy minya mouth. Now get inside.’

  Molly stands in the kitchen with a big grin on ’er face, sharpenin’ the knife on a sharpenin’ stone. ‘So Grace, what? We havin’ roast lamb for tea tonight? That’s real nice of you and Eva to share like that.’

  I turn ’round, ready to run at ’er and give ’er a big kick on the shins. Then I see Ada glarin’ at me from the back door.

  ‘You better leave Dolly alone, Molly, or you’ll be the one bloody-well fryin’,’ I hiss at ’er between my teeth.

  ‘Get into the bedroom now,’ Ada yells. ‘And don’t come out ’til I tell you to.’

  Moogada-way I turn ’round and kick the cupboard instead of Molly, stomp to the bedroom and slam the door as hard as I can behind me. It shakes on its hinges as I throw myself on the bed.

  Ada is in the bedroom in a flash, givin’ me a good hidin’ until I start to cry.

  ‘I hate you,’ I scream.

  ‘I hate you too, Grace, when you carry on like such a rotten kid.’

  ‘Anyway, you a damn liar,’ I spit back at her through my tears. ‘I know your big secret you been hidin’ from me. I know Old Rod’s our father.’ I punch at the bed. ‘I might have a swearin’ mouth but you’re nothin’ but a liar, Ada.’

  Ada backs out of the room then and slams the door behind ’er.

  I lie on the bed, sobbin’ and thinkin’ how much I hate Ada when she hits me like that. I hate my life on the Mission. I hate havin’ to share everything with the other kids who don’t respect nothin’, not even the special things Old Rod gives us. But most of all I hate this stinkin’ bed that I goomboo in nearly every night and the bloody bedbugs that’ll be havin’ a good feed on me and Eva and my minya sisters again tonight. I wish I was back at the farm with Old Rod, my father, livin’ in his farm’ouse, with him.

  Next minute the door opens and I hear a little clip, clop on the floor. I lift my head and smile.

  Eva has brought Dolly into the room. She is safe. The poor minya thing’s still shakin’ from those stupid kids scarin’ ’er, but when Eva lifts ’er up and puts ’er on the bed next to me, she nuzzles ’er nose in under my arm.

  ‘She knows what’s good for her, what’ll make her strong, nguggil,’ I say.

  ‘Yeah.’

  Eva smiles and pats her, then asks me to look after her while she makes up some powdered milk. Not long after, Eva returns and hands me the warm bottle. Dolly greedily tugs at the teat, suckin’ it, spillin’ minya drops out the side of her mouth, her little tail goin’ a million miles an hour.

  Eva and me both laugh. It feels so good to look after a helpless minya lamb like Dolly, to feed her and protect her. I feel like her mumma. Holdin’ Dolly close to me, I tell her how beautiful she is and that I will never let anyone hurt her, no matter what. And most importantly of all, I will never belt her or tell her lies or keep secrets from her, nor will I growl her if she goomboo the bed.

  As the weeks go by, Dolly grows bigger and stronger and her wool grows thicker. Eva and me play with Dolly for hours, take her for walks and tie material around her neck and ribbons in the wool ’round her yuree. Even though Old Rod give us those ribbons for our hair we’re sure he wouldn’t mind us sharing them. After all, he did say to look after her real good and now she look
s so pretty. We tell her how sweet she looks too, right up close to her yuree, in our nice, soft voices and she bleats back at us, like she’s thankin’ us for sayin’ nice things about her.

  Not only will we have to keep an eye on Dolly around Molly, who is always sharpenin’ that damn knife, teasin’ us, we have to keep an eye on the dogs too. They try to round her up and sometimes even bite her on the legs or the neck. When the dogs snarl at her, she comes runnin’ to me or Eva to protect her. But after a while, the dogs get used to her and leave her alone and she gets used to them, too. When they come at her barkin’ she nudges them to push them away. We’re real proud of how Dolly’s growin’ up into a lovely young lady sheep. Old Rod will be proud.

  One day, Old Rod comes to the Mission in his car. It’s the same one that we had the accident in, Old Rod got it fixed. Makes me a bit nervous lookin’ at it, even though it’s workin’ all right now. I still think about what happened that night, how we could’ve died. Ada was real worried when we got back from the farm after the accident but was pleased that Old Rod wanted to look after us girls more, too. After gettin’ in trouble for swearin’ I’ve been thinkin’ a lot ’bout Old Rod, Ada and us kids. Even though I’ve been angry with her for lyin’ I reckon it must be hard for Ada sometimes.

  Again Old Rod goes into our bedroom to see Ada while us kids wait outside. When he comes out, he asks Eva and me to go for a drive with him. Old Rod’s face looks real stern and even though I feel safe with him, I worry what Ada’s told him ’bout my swearin’ and if I’m gonna get a growlin’.

  Eva must be thinkin’ the same thing, she’s got a big frown on her ngulya.

  After Eva and me climb into the front seat, Old Rod closes the door behind us, walks around the back and gets into the driver’s side. Then he starts up the engine and takes off slowly down the road. We don’t get very far when he takes a big, deep breath, pulls up in front of a building and switches off the engine.

  Raisin’ our eyebrows, Eva and me look at each other, then back to Old Rod. Why’s he stoppin’? We aren’t even out of the Mission yet.

  Old Rod clears his throat.

  Closin’ my eyes and holdin’ my breath, I start countin’, wonderin’ how long it will be before his big, boomin’ voice gonna start growlin’ me.

  But instead, a soft, caring voice comes out his mouth. ‘There’s something I want to talk to you girls about.’

  I open my eyes and stare at him. He takes off his hat and is movin’ the rim ’round in his hand like he’s lookin’ for somethin’ on it, a loose thread maybe.

  There’s a long silence.

  It makes me feel real nervous. Old Rod is never lost for words, he talks real deadly-way and always knows what to say. Why’s he havin’ trouble now? Maybe he’s really angry with us?

  ‘Ada tells me there’s a certain little girl who’s always using really bad language, who swears all the time.’ His voice is flat and firm.

  I put my head down, real shame-way. I can feel heat risin’ up in my face until my ears burn. Tiltin’ my head sideways, I look at Eva. She’s sittin’ there real proud-way, guru mooga as round as Tom Bowler marbles and a stupid big smile on her face that seems to be singin’, ‘I-know-who-it-is-and-it’s-not-me.’

  I want to punch her right now. Stupid bloody Eva with that smart look on ’er face, stupid damn Ada for dobbin’ on me. And stuff Old Rod for tellin’ me off and makin’ me feel so shame. I swear some more at both of them in my head.

  Then I stop ’cause Old Rod is startin’ to choke up. He puts his murra mooga over his face and starts rubbin’ his eyes with his pointin’ finger and his thumb.

  What’s wrong? Did my swearin’ really upset him that much?

  ‘Your mother and I . . . We . . .’ He starts to choke up again.

  I feel real scared now. It looks like Old Rod’s cryin’. I’ve never seen ’im like this ’cept the night of the car accident. Has something else really bad happened?

  He starts again. ‘Your mother and I, we have broken God’s fourth Commandment. Do you know what that Commandment is?’ He’s lookin’ at us with red, watery eyes.

  We both nod, of course we know what the fourth Commandment is, Pastor drills the Commandments into us all the time at church, and then there’s Teacher breathin’ down our necks about it all the time: Thou shalt not commit adultery.

  ‘That means you can’t be with another woman if you already have a wife.’

  Old Rod’s words can hardly be heard through the tears that are now streamin’ down his face. He fumbles at his jacket pocket and pulls out a hankie. Then he wipes his eyes and blows his nose for what seems like a really long time.

  Now I know the full reason why Ada bein’ Old Rod’s mudgie had to be kept a secret. Now I know why Papa Neddy flogged Ada when she still had Eva growin’ in her djuda, and why Hetty Clare said what she did, that night she fought with Ada. Papa was so shame of Ada, shame of what her and Old Rod did knowin’ what Pastor and all the Christian walbiya mooga on the Mission and Nyunga mooga would be sayin’ about him, his daughter, Ada, and our family. But worst of all, Papa who’s a strong believer in God and his Commandments would have felt so shame in front of God, probably like he’d let God down for bringin’ his daughter up not to take notice of his Commandments.

  Hetty was right. Ada did bring big shame on our family havin’ us kids. But she wasn’t the only one to blame. Old Rod here too, he’s the other one. He should’ve had more sense, he much older than Ada, closer to Papa’s age, and a big Christian man, too. He was even once an Elder in his own church, he told me and Eva one time. He should know better than to commit adultery with Ada who looks like she’s the same age as his and Mrs Williams’ daughter. Poor Mrs Williams, imagine how she must feel. Then, I wonder if his son, and his daughter, who lives in Adelaide with her aunty, know.

  I suddenly feel shame and angry with Ada, and Old Rod, too. How could they do this to us kids? Bring us into the world like this, out of their act of sin, so everyone points at us and calls us ‘bastard kids’ and ‘illegitimate’. I’ve heard those taunts as far back as I can remember, even before I knew what they meant. That’s why we’ve been teased all these years by them nasty kids.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Old Rod sobs. ‘I know life hasn’t been easy for you girls and your mother and for that I’m so very sorry.’

  Eva is lookin’ straight ahead, out the window with a blank look on her face, her hands curled in her lap. She could be thinkin’ anything.

  ‘I’m going to make it up to you girls. I promise. Soon, I’m going to Adelaide to see my lawyer and I’m going to change my will to include your mother and you girls in it, to make sure that no matter what happens, you’ll be well looked after and have a decent chance at life, to get you off this cursed Mission.’ He wrings his hankie. ‘I promise you that.’

  When he drops us off out the front of our minya cottage again, I feel like I’ve been through the wash tub and hung out on the line, except I feel real dirty, like I have a million stinkin’ smelly stains on me. No wonder God never answers my prayers. Look where I come from, the sins of my mother and father. I was born from breakin’ God’s fourth Commandment. God probably doesn’t even see me as his own. Never in my life have I felt so dirty and filthy, as I do now that Old Rod’s told me about his sins. It just kind of clings to me like a bad smell and now no matter what I do it’ll always be there.

  15

  Dolly gets a haircut

  I talk to Dolly ’bout everythin’ and it makes me feel better. We sit out the back together, or go for a walk into the scrub and I tell her everything. She seems to understand when she looks at me with ’er big watery eyes and goes, ‘Baah, baah.’ It’s like she’s answerin’ me, ‘It will be aaaaall right, Graaaace.’ I give ’er a big hug then and it makes me feel like everythin’ will be all right.

  When it’s time for Dolly to ha
ve her first shearin’, Eva and me are real worried. ‘Who’s shearin’ her?’ we ask Old Rod in a quiet, real concerned-way. We don’t want just anyone cuttin’ her wool. What if they’re too rough on ’er? Or they slip and cut ’er throat instead or somethin’ like that?

  ‘I’ve got some of the best shearers in the district working for me,’ Old Rod says, crossing his arms and standing up straight. ‘You should know that, your uncles are some of them.’

  Eva and me still aren’t convinced, we’ve heard the uncles talk about roast lamb when they look at Dolly. I draw a line in the dirt with my big toe, and Eva puts her hands on her hips. They probably want to eat Dolly too, just like Molly.

  ‘I tell you what,’ Old Rod says, tiltin’ his head slightly. ‘I’ll make sure Dolly gets well looked after by putting your Uncle Ted in charge of her, okay?’

  Eva and me both nod, satisfied. Uncle Ted is real good with animals and we know Dolly will be in very good hands.

  Uncle Ted is Old Rod’s brother. We love him ’cause he’s not like other grown-ups, he’s more like us kids in some ways. Aunty Mim says that’s because he had an accident when he was younger and God gave him a different way of seein’ things. That suits us just fine. Eva, me, Sarah and Lil-Lil, we follow Uncle Ted ’round the farm when he feeds the animals and does his chores. Jane and Maddy stay with Ada, ’cause they’re still minya. Uncle Ted never gets tired of us or growls us like the other grown-ups, or if he does ’cause sometimes us kids get up to a lotta mischief, he does it in a nice way. He doesn’t talk much but he’s always happy to listen to us. It isn’t like I could have a big yarn with him or anythin’, that just wasn’t like Uncle Ted. When I was younger though, I would yarn away to him about my peg dolly and he’d listen real close-way, noddin’ his head like he thought it was very interestin’, but he didn’t say anythin’. Most of the time we spend with Uncle Ted is real quiet. There’s just this nice, warm feelin’ that’s always around us.