Anno Zombus Year 1 (Book 8): August

by Dave Rowlands

  Eventually stopping to reload, Deathwish stepped aside. My katana sang as it flew into my hand, slicing Dead heads apart as easily as it might slice through weeds. Before I was even aware of it I had advanced down to the next level, so caught up in the act of slaughter I was. When we reached the barricade between ground and first floors, every last Dead in five stories of carpark slain, my arms were so fucking tired that I dropped my sword, Machete catching it before it struck the concrete floor. Then I realised that Apocalypse Girl had caught me just before I struck the concrete floor. I didn't even notice myself collapsing.

  evening

  We decided to make camp on the roof, as it was reasonably secure, there was a nice breeze if a little chilly and the dead were relatively easily disposed of by rolling them down into the lower section. We were even able to use some of the cars as shelter to build a small fire to cook with, which was nice because I was honestly expecting to be eating nothing but cold baked beans on this expedition. They are so much better warmed up, I've found. The innumerable cans of the stuff were Deathwish's contribution to our food stores, also among the heaviest of all of our supplies. Weight plus warmth equals baked beans for dinner for a while...

  Jester asked us how we all found one another, laughing out loud when we informed him that we had picked up The Twin from a hippy commune, of all places. He nodded sagely when told that Apocalypse Girl and I had been together since it all started, saying that sort of thing can be a powerful bonding experience. Scout told her side of our arrival at Coober's Nest, also describing the brutal Dingo attack we had been witness to. Jester whistled low as we discussed the various nasty attributes that these newly mutated native dogs now had. “Those Dingoes sound nasty, I hope I never have to see one,” Jester told us.

  “They're nothing, really. At least you know when they're around, anyway. Those fucking Drop-Bears, on the other hand, they are just fucked up!” Apocalypse Girl told him. The look on Jester's face told her that he didn't believe in Drop-Bears, or Father Christmas or The Easter Bunny either. Or unicorns or mermaids. So, we told him what happened to Granny, Apocalypse Girl emphasising the point by showing him the Skillet. “Now you know why I don't cook with this fucker, yeah? Don't really want to be eating Dead brains, after all.”

  Butler took this opportunity to say something. “I've heard stories, rumours really, that some people are... eating the flesh of the Dead out there. Is this true, at all? Have you guys seen or heard anything like that?”

  I told him about the first trio that Apocalypse Girl and I had met with The Colonel, how they had seemed more than a little bit off to the three of us and how the three were dead before I had even realised that The Colonel had drawn her pistol once they had admitted to devouring the Dead. Butler shuddered.

  We decided to take advantage of the long-abandoned vehicles by breaking into them, rifling through them for whatever we might find, Apocalypse Girl finding a bag containing a small hand-held gaming device, amazingly still fully charged, and a few games. This she promptly handed to Machete, who accepted it gleefully. “Damn, sometimes it works, sometimes it's just useless crap.” Machete defended her new entertainment, rightly pointing out that we had taken this job for the sake of entertaining people anyway, so...

  Apocalypse Girl gave her a look, sighed and said “Yeah, you've got a point. Maybe it focussed on that, I don't know. I don't suppose we actually need anything right now, do we?”

  We found comfortable spots in various vehicles, figuring that with the carpark secured we should be fine overnight. Apocalypse Girl curled up with me, Machete curled up with her games and Apocalypse Dog curled up at our feet. Fuck me, but it was almost beginning to feel like a normal family outing.

  August 6th Year 1 A.Z.

  morning

  The sun greeted us by warming the interiors of the cars that we had chosen to sleep in considerably, so we all piled out at around about the same time. Now, everybody hates a cold breakfast of baked beans, so Apocalypse Girl pulled out a lighter and built a small cooking fire, making sure she showed Machete the proper way to go about it with minimal pain and burning. The small blonde girl, having been playing her new gaming system until late in the evening, when the batteries had run out, paid attention but yawned in a combination of both boredom and weariness.

  After feeding time, we meandered back downstairs in a leisurely fashion. Apocalypse Girl had made up a batch of coffee which was at least attempting to contain my own yawns, though seeming to fail miserably. I'll be honest, Machete wasn't the only one indulging in her new toy last night.

  By the time we arrived at the ground floor doorway between carpark and shopping centre, we considered exactly how we were going to get through. Deathwish suggested slamming through the glass with something heavy, say a backpack full of baked beans, which seemed almost like the only option when Jester pointed out that he could, with a little help, find his way to the backup generator for the shopping centre itself, which no doubt would provide power to the doors. Deathwish looked positively scandalised when we the rest of us all unanimously agreed with Jester's idea on the basis that he was not a complete loony with a bag full of fucking baked beans, but he offered to help provide an escort for the little guy. I just had to promise to look after his beans. I was beginning to wonder about Deathwish...

  So, I waited at the doorway with Apocalypse Girl, Machete and Tiny. Butler, naturally, had to go with Jester, with Scout, The Twin and Apprentice rounding out the group in case they ran into a wall of the Dead. Apocalypse Dog, torn between the two groups, chose to stay with us, returning from trotting after the departed to place his head in Machete's lap, whining forlornly.

  The plan had been to wait for Jester and his escort to return before we headed inside but a moment after the power came back on and the lights flickered to life a small army of Dead shuffled out from behind automatic doors that had been sealed shut for the last seven months. The four of us were, consequently, having a hard time remaining in the same place. Soon enough, however, the Dead lay still and quiet and we moved inside quietly, blades and skillet at the ready.

  noon

  We hadn't gone far, didn't really have any need to yet, just made a kind of barricade between the rows of shops on either side that Machete and I took turns defending until Jester and his escort returned. Butler had a large red smear on his very white shirt, other than that there was no evidence that they had any troubles whatsoever in getting the electricity running. Jester was even whistling when they strolled through the doors, picking their way past the dead Dead we had left. Butler clucked irritatedly as he dragged the carcasses out into the carpark. When he returned he was furiously attempting to wipe some red from his glasses with some limited success.

  “Shouldn't there be more Dead?” Deathwish wondered aloud. I realised that he had asked precisely the same question floating around in my own brain. A few had tried to get past the barricade. A dozen at most. It was disconcerting, to say the least. I had expected to be greeted by hundreds, perhaps even thousands of the things. A couple of Dead shambled around a corner and past a shop that had once sold CDs and, after a moment to process the information in whatever passes for thought patterns in Dead brains, began heading more or less in our direction. One had what looked like a fishing spear dangling from its jaw.

  Luring them in closer, it appeared as if the spear had been planted there only recently. Slicing into their heads, I thought no more of it. Jester was already suggesting that we head first to the security office. That should have monitors showing us what was going on in the rest of the centre, he reasoned, which will give us a better overall picture of what had been happening. Not to mention there was likely an up-to-date floor plan with details on every single shop and store in the place, as well as a set of keys that will make exploration a damn sight easier.

  Deathwish smiled when the decision had been reached. “Hey, I know right where that is, too... got hauled in there more than a few times as a kid, you know. Shoplifting, that sort of
shit.” Jester suggested that he had stolen the entire world supply of baked beans from them. Deathwish grinned. “Nah, I've never stolen food, just some jewellery and fancy stinky candles and shit to impress some girl or other. Don't even really remember the details now. Don't suppose it even matters anymore. She's probably Dead by now.” Clearly he was full of shit, it mattered to him and he wanted to know what had happened to her. He had just resigned himself to the fact that he would likely never find out. Not now. He led the way to the security office in silence, slamming the heads of the few Dead in his way with a hammer that was soon covered in a blackish red muck.

  evening

  The security office was, in fact, on the top floor, so it took us a while to get there. Still, there seemed far fewer Dead than we had anticipated. It seemed far too easy. There was a Dead guard inside, as well as the rotting corpse of the one who had bitten him. The guard fell easily to Machete's blade and Butler rifled through his clothing with a grimace, finding a single, solitary key that happened to unlock a weapon locker containing a few pistols and some ammunition. These, we took gladly.

  Machete found a small stove built so that the security guards on duty could cook for themselves and, excitedly, offered to cook for everybody. Baked beans again. How I longed for a fresh, juicy Meat-Beast steak. While she cooked, Jester examined the monitors and computer systems.

  “By the look of things, I could probably open up every shop in the entire place from here, you know,” Jester was saying around some piping hot baked beans. “It'll be a damn sight easier than trying to find the Dead guard with the keys, cause he is out there, somewhere. Up to you though, really.” He said, indicating me. I told him that I'd sleep on it. One thing I really liked about this security office; it had several rooms to it, all of which contained incredibly comfortable furniture. Apocalypse Dog had already claimed one couch as his, though he was willing to share, as long as you didn't mind a doggy tongue exploring the inside of your ear while you slept.

  August 7th Year 1 A.Z.

  morning

  The monitors showed nothing untoward this morning, though we kept careful watch as we cooked and ate some more of Deathwish's seemingly unlimited supply of baked fucking beans. Jester apologised out of the blue, an instant before his silent, yet deadly brown wind struck, rendering all olfactory senses thankfully inert as the sounds of several days' worth of beans passing through each one of our digestive tracts thundered across the security office. Machete and Scout could barely contain their giggles, losing their shit entirely when Apocalypse Girl casually lifted a cheek and practically tore a virtual, stinky hole through the couch upon which she sat.

  “What's that?” Apprentice asked, pointing to one of the monitors. “I could have sworn I saw movement...seems like there's nothing there now, at least!” Dead swarmed and shambled across many of the screens.

  After a short while gathering ourselves together and setting up the security office as a kind of headquarters, with Apocalypse Girl and Machete keeping an eye on our supplies, Jester figured out how to unlock all of the various shops and stores inside this enormous structure. His skill with computer systems was impressive, to say the least. Butler begged him to stay behind at the security office, though he wanted to search for some quite specific things, Jester relented and agreed to stay behind once I told him that we would likely just be putting down the Dead today, maybe tomorrow as well. Deathwish reluctantly parted with his massive backpack of beans.

  Apocalypse Dog was torn between wanting to stay behind and wanting to go on an adventure with some of his people! This state was exacerbated by Machete slapping the couch next to her and Scout slapping her thigh. In the end, he was distracted by his own tail, spinning around several times before falling to the floor and chewing his own arsehole. We took that as our cue to leave.

  noon

  A few more Dead in the halls today, it seemed. They fell as easily as ever, Deathwish accounting for no small number with his hammer. “I always felt useless as part of the Scavenging Squad, you know?” He told me, laying another Dead one flat. “Knocking these fuckers on the noggin is way more fun than lugging massive amounts of fucking toilet paper around for Her Majesty!”

  An hour or so into our excursion we found signs of the Living, traps that had been set for the Dead, a couple of security grilles that had been forcibly removed and replaced by makeshift barricades. Campfires, even. Abandoned, months ago by the looks of things, the number of Dead that remained caught in the traps. There was, however, no signs of struggle, no massive amounts of blood covering the walls, floor and ceiling. It looked as though whoever had been staying here had simply moved on.

  Deathwish was fossicking through a nearby CD shop, grabbing albums from all of his favourite artists when Apprentice reminded him that all he had were empty cases, the actual discs were behind the counter. So, over he hopped, landing atop a Dead one, lurking since the end of the world for some dinner to arrive. Unfortunately for the Dead one, Deathwish's reflexes were far sharper, fuelled by adrenaline, and his hammer came down on the skull of the thing, smearing the remains of its brains all over. Well, now at least I know why they gave him the name, if he is prone to doing stupid shit like that. Hooting with the joy of success, Deathwish proudly held up the discs for which he had already found covers, proceeding to match them up as we looked around for some more Dead, or else some further sign of previous inhabitants.

  Finding neither we waited for Deathwish to fill up a couple of bags before we started back to the security office. A couple of Dead had shambled their way to block our path, but as usual, my katana made short work of them and before long we were safely tucked away in our temporary headquarters.

  evening

  Apocalypse Girl told me, once she had finally let go, that she had spotted movement again on the monitors, there was definitely someone darting around between several clothing stores it seemed, though she had also spotted something unusual in a speciality booze shop as well. It seemed, as well, as though more Dead had somehow managed to find their way into the hallways, terraces and corridors of the shopping centre.

  While exploring the office, Machete had discovered the key to the weapon locker, so we were all armed with an extra pistol each, except of course, Apocalypse Dog for obvious reasons. I took a couple of sets of handcuffs for myself as well, you never know when they might come in handy. Scout suggested a couple of ways that they could be used that had Apocalypse Girl blushing.

  August 8th Year 1 A.Z.

  morning

  Apocalypse Girl shook me awake considerably more violently than I would have liked, pointing to one of the monitors while trying to talk around a mouthful of Deathwish's favourite. On the screen a couple of Living people ducked and dodged through racks of clothing as an enormous horde of Dead shuffled in pursuit. Scout and Deathwish had already bolted to their rescue, pausing only to ascertain the correct location, Apprentice following with Tiny and The Twin in tow a moment later, on the off-chance that somebody is bitten severely enough to require her specific brand of treatment on the spot. Apocalypse Dog whined and pawed at the door leading from the security office to the rest of the centre, Machete standing beside him patting him on the head, trying to keep the dog calm, and herself as well.

  Jester hopped down from the counter top with a big grin as Butler handed me my bowl of breakfast. “I know, it's hardly a juicy, tender Meat-Beast steak, but it is still food, so tuck in, alright?” Bitch! I'd been complaining about our all-bean diet as we attempted sleeping last night. Butler looked concerned.

  “These Meat-Beasts I've heard you talk about, would they look like a gigantic bush of flesh just sort of, how should I put this...? Kind of rooted in place, usually in fields, open farmland, that sort of thing?” I nodded. Baked beans, fucking yum... Not exactly my personal favourite any old time, but now... if I never see another can I'll die a very happy man! I choked down my mouthful of condensed chemical warfare and added that they taste fucking wonderful. I looked down at my br
eakfast, saw the vastness of it, the sheer enormity. Sighing, I dipped my spoon in for more, silently wishing for something to add to it, anything really. Some bacon, some salt and pepper even... Grimly determined, I returned to my breakfast.

  “They used to be cows,” Apocalypse Girl said in a matter-of-fact tone while I chewed. Butler's eyes narrowed. Jester asked how she knew that. “Because the first one we found fucking mooed at us, that's how! Besides, this alien we met told us that a whole heap of species have been targeted for genetic alteration. We figured Meat-Beasts were meant to be a kind of food source, either for us or maybe some of the other critters that have been changed.”

  “Aliens, genetic engineering, you sound like crazy people, you know!” Butler told us when I informed him that Fluffy had been the one to give us the information, but apparently another species was to be responsible for any changes to local wildlife. On the screen a Dead head exploded. Scout and Deathwish had arrived. The bulk of the horde chasing the couple around shifted their focus to the rescuers.

  Jester sat, thinking to himself for a while. “I don't know, a year ago I would have laughed off the idea of the Dead coming back, trying to chew my face off. I'm just interested to know what it meant when it said it had seen this sort of thing before. Besides, where did that second moon come from?” Having just shovelled another mouthful in, I simply nodded my agreement. One of the pair being chased was cornered, the other shoving over a rack of clothes in an attempt to distract them.