Please Don't Tell My Parents I Have A Nemesis

by Richard Roberts

  I wasn’t actually hurt. By evening, I felt fine. Convenient, because I was lolling in a kitchen chair with a pitcher of ice water and a mother-ordered wet rag on my forehead when the phone call came for Mom.

  After a lot of mmm-hmmming, she asked me, “Penny, your friends want to see you again. Cassie says they’re going to the beach tomorrow, and you’re invited along. Shall I tell them you’re too tired?”

  “Are you kidding? The Machine did most of the physical work. Going out and having fun sounds like the perfect cure for today.” Ha! Robot Me came through. Maybe we’d get this done before Mom caught me after all.

  She relayed that and hung up, then remarked to Dad (also forcibly resting), “I’m not sure how I feel about Ruth and Rachel as chaperones, but Cassie seems happy and healthy.”

  “They’re certainly no more weird than Misty,” Dad replied.

  Mom snorted in amusement. So, that’s where I got it from.

  I greeted the new day with eagerness. This would be it. I’d said that before, but now I didn’t have a choice. Sadly, I only seemed to accomplish―no, let’s rephrase that. Penelope Justice Akk rises to the occasion. The tougher the situation, the more she knuckles down and gets it done. Robot Penny might have a Heart of Gold, but Meatbag Penny had a Heart of Steel. Figuratively. The literal Heart of Steel was somewhere in my base, being carefully not used for anything.

  I solved the problem of how to excuse taking my superhero gear to the beach in a snap. I packed it with my spare swimsuit, towel, suntan lotion, and other beach sundries into the same duffel bag, which I’d left in Dad’s car. HA HA HA! Easy first win!

  How would I confess? It had to be just right. Ah, perfect. The first thing I would do when I get home, before even a ‘hello’, before they could speak if I could manage it, would be to say ‘Mom, Dad, that was all a show. I need to tell you the truth.’ SO NOBLE. Right there, that would drop my parents’ reaction to ‘We’re very disappointed in you, Penelope’ levels. I could survive that.

  The biggest worry was that I wouldn’t get that far, so when Cassie and her family pulled up and Mom hadn’t announced she knew my secret, I felt a huge rush of relief.

  I’d cleared the last hurdle I wouldn’t have been able to adapt to. Anything else, Robot Penny and I could work out.

  Sliding into the backseat of their car, I found Ruth driving, Rachel shotgun, and Cassie in back with me. All wore the same outfit I did, loose shorts and shirt over a swimsuit. The biggest difference was I had my bulkiest boots on, and they all wore flip-flops.

  “Is this it?” I asked. Robot Penny had implied there would be more.

  “Naah, the others didn’t need a ride,” Cassie reassured.

  Ruth pulled out of our driveway. A few seconds later, Cassie leaned over in the seat, hands braced on the cushion. “What’s wrong? I know something big is going on.”

  My robotic duplicate had left it to me to explain. That was fair. “I never wanted to be a supervillain―”

  Rachel snorted disbelief up front.

  I kept going, despite her skepticism. “―my parents don’t know-”

  Winces all around, an “Ooo,” from Ruth.

  “―and you’re all going to be witnesses to an elaborate plot to break this to my mom and dad gently.”

  Cassie pursed her lips, maybe pensive, maybe confused. Ruth and Rachel laughed.

  “You are such a mad scientist,” observed the former.

  Cassie leaned closer, put her hand on mine, and gave me a solemn, sincere look. “I’m with you.”

  “And we’re with her, so you’re well supplied for allies,” added Ruth.

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Also, Cassie touching my hand still felt weird. She must have picked that up, because she returned to her place and called up to the front, “Hey, Rachel, put on my Beatles mix, would you? Penny hasn’t listened to them.”

  “No way!” with the urgency of a holy mission, the redheaded supervillainess started stabbing car stereo buttons.

  So, we did that on the long drive down to the shore. My main reaction was, “I can’t believe these are all from the same band.” That got a big laugh.

  Parking lots swarm near the beaches. Most are underground, but we found one above ground with open slots, surprisingly. Thank goodness, because from Rachel’s scowls had me worrying she would make room for us forcibly.

  Or maybe someone had bought the parking lot or something, because everyone else had already gathered there.

  We got out, to be swarmed by Marcia, Sue, Beaddown, Will, and Jacky. A couple of adults I didn’t know hovered in the background. It was a regular school reunion.

  I had too much on my mind to listen closely to the buzz. Mostly, they congratulated Cassie on being able to get a hold of me. We all stripped down to our swimsuits. I was too distracted to even feel embarrassed at being the only girl in a one-piece swimsuit. Beaddown, who had a skinny figure like mine but taller, at least had a bikini top and bottom so modest they were almost a shirt and shorts. Marcia seemed comfortable in a bikini so skimpy I had trouble believing anyone would let a fourteen-year-old wear it. Kind of matched my impression of her messed up home life, though. She was used to being a display doll rather than a child. No wonder she’d gone crazy.

  Amendment. I was the only teenage girl in a one-piece. Rachel turned out to be wearing one, bright red like her hair. She just had more to fill it out. Ruth’s purple bikini rivaled Marcia’s for immodesty, and bright sunshine on her silver cybernetic tattoos made all that bare skin gleam.

  What a strange pair they made. I could see it. Like me and Claire, really.

  Also, Jacky didn’t wear a swimsuit at all. She kept herself gooey enough that clothes were a moot point. And Will wore basic trunks with lightning bolts on them. He had a lot harder and more defined muscle than I expected in a boy our age, but he did have a physical super power.

  It seems I’d gone from ‘distracted thinking about confessing’ to ‘distracted avoiding thinking about confessing.’

  I took a moment to look around, and appreciate that this was what waited for me when I cleared my name and made up with my parents. Not the swimsuits. The love.

  That was Beaddown’s moment to point at the sky and gasp.

  Lights. Familiar lights, streaking down towards the shore like meteors.

  Bravo, Mecha-Me. The electronics summoning radio was eye-catching, and known to be Bad Penny’s, despite Echo’s paranoia. A perfect and believable way to get Penelope Akk’s attention. You, girl, are clever.

  Hey, did that count as bragging?

  Purpose gripped me, pushing aside my anxiety. I grabbed my duffle bag, and marched in the direction of the beach. As I did, I armed myself. Flying disk on my back, clipped to my swimsuit. Remote control on my right wrist. Flight rotors, one at a time, on wrists and ankles. Belt of pouches containing blueprints around my waist, although I couldn’t imagine I’d get to use those. Boxing glove gun strapped to that. Staff in hand. And of course, the weapons already in place, like my Machine.

  I got out my mad scientist goggles and put those on, too. Ha! I guessed right. They had anti-glare lenses. That would make fighting on the beach on a bright day easier.

  I found her standing right by the water line, reverse transmitter by her feet, amid a large circle empty of people, sparsely littered with broken phones and computer parts. Some invisible mob instinct arranged the curious onlookers at a distance around her almost exactly as far as the space to the boardwalk.

  Stepping through that ring, I marched up the sand towards her.

  Only the whisper of wind and surf, the squeak of distant seagulls, and the patter and thwack of electronics dropping out of nowhere cut the silence. Even the cars had stopped.

  Her gas mask and goggles hid her face, but oh, you could hear the sneer in Robot Penny’s voice. “Surprised to see me, Penelope Akk? One of the people with you wants this over, but are they on your side… or mine?”

  It was a gloriously dramatic moment.
A pity that just then, a falling phone bounced off Mecha-Me’s head. Mumbling what sounded suspiciously like “Criminy,” she crouched down and turned off the reverse transmitter.

  “As long as we finish this. Today,” I answered, loud enough to be heard across the crowd. Sweeping my arm around that ring of people, I added, “Cassie? Everybody? Stay out, and make sure everybody else stays out.”

  A few spectators let out squeals of surprise as Cassie’s hair turned blue, and lightning crackled over her body. “Will do.”

  Behind her, Rage and Ruin transformed. Their swimsuits stretched, but didn’t break, although on those hairy, digitigrade bodies they were hardly needed. Rachel, the hulking bright red werewolf, picked up a security guard I hadn’t noticed by his lapels, and growled, “You heard the kid. This is supervillain business.”

  “Superhero business!” I corrected at the top of my lungs.

  Rage laughed, her gruff wolf voice dripping skepticism, evil, and hunger for violence.

  Lycanthropic menace wasn’t my problem. My problem faced me at the water’s edge, in full mad scientist costume. Still, her stiff shoulders merely looked squared. When we fought, people would take videos, and those videos would show she didn’t move like a human. Another reason why this had to be the end, would be the end whether it went according to plan or not.

  My robotic double did her part. All sarcasm and arrogance, she asked, “I chose the ground this time. Can you handle it?”

  “I sure can,” I answered. Flipping the flying disk off my back, I flicked a button to start its motors, and hurled it at Robot Penny’s face.

  She ducked, and it skimmed over her head. I twiddled with a lever, reversing the disk’s course.

  Not even looking, Robot Penny extended an arm behind her, hand open to catch it. “Go on. Try to surprise me.”

  I did. Instead of plowing into her, the disk hit the surf, hard. Water sprayed up over my robotic opponent.

  That didn’t hurt her, but her backpack, which supplied all the lightning to turn her energy channeling gloves into a weapon, made a horrible sizzling noise, and then a pop.

  Round one to me.

  Faux Bad Penny slapped a hand against the pointy electrodes on top of the tanks, just to be sure. All she got for her trouble was another sizzling noise. I activated my fans, and hovered up into the air, well out of reach. Giving my staff a twirl, I flicked its wheels into a spin, and called down, “It looks like the advantage is still mine.”

  She pulled the Onomatopoeia Grenade out of her pocket, and tossed it on the sand. I hovered back a few feet, pretending caution.

  The grenade still worked. Suddenly the sea whispered, “Woosh. Woooooosh.” Seagulls quietly but clearly said, “Cree.” Out of the crowd, a number of people said, “Gasp.” I heard a distant “Vroom, vroom,” from a car.

  That diabolical little minx. The grenade didn’t fluster me at all―but I had to pretend it did! Not that it was hard to laugh when the crowd said, “Mutter mutter point,” or when my laugh came out as, “Laugh.”

  Skimming from side to side to fake confusion, I lashed out with my staff, spraying bolts of random energy down at Robot Penny. Purple, then red, then silver, they reminded me of her family, but I never found out what they did. She caught them with her gloves, whirling fluidly, and tossed them right back up at me. I didn’t have to dodge. It was hard enough to aim from up here, and impossible from down there, with a weapon as weird as those gloves. Still, I drifted away from each blast, both to look good and for safety.

  We watched each other for a second, until Bad Penny shouted, “Got a plan, Akk Girl?”

  I didn’t get to answer. She took a baby step, and disappeared. There wasn’t time to wonder where she went. I found out from the sudden, crushing pressure of a boot to the middle of my spine.

  She’d teleported on top of me!

  Compared to a human, that hollow, ceramic body might be light, but forty pounds between the shoulder blades hurt. I splayed my arms and legs, trying to slow down my abrupt descent with my overloaded fans.

  I hadn’t even noticed the hushed ‘flutflutflutflutflut’ they made, until Robot Penny stuck her hand into one of them and it said, “Thunk crunch snap.” Made of light plastic, they weren’t that sturdy. She ripped off the cover, a piece of the fan itself, and a few cogs.

  Her weight disappeared as she teleported away, but I couldn’t control on three jets, and I was already headed down. At least I had enough experience to wobble more than plummet, and my rolling impact with the sand merely knocked my breath out.

  In the distance, I heard a man shout, “Stand aside, folks! Let a hero handle this.” followed by, “Snarl” “Thump” “Wheeze” and “This is a private duel, justice boy.” That latter definitely came from Ruth.

  Much closer to home, the surf next to me announced, “Splash splash glub.” Gleaming like fresh rainbow paint due to a coating of seawater, liquidly mobile and utterly feminine, everything a mermaid of legend would be, Polly Icarus slid up out of the water next to me.

  “Penny and… Penny? What’s going on?!” she demanded, wide-eyed and alarmed.

  Oh, criminy. This we very much had not planned for.

  “Stay away! This is between us!” I shouted at her, flapping an arm desperately.

  “Do it! Private business!” echoed my mechanical double.

  It worked. At least, Polly backed up, until the waves rolling in and out climbed up to her shoulders.

  Vera would be here, somewhere, but I couldn’t see her, and she showed no sign of interfering.

  If only they’d come alone. It took a moment to notice the cat-sized glob of water, but my elemental friend ignored the warnings, crawling on wobbly liquid legs up the wet sand between us. It made no sound for the Onomatopoeia Grenade to distort.

  Robot Penny scrambled backwards, away from the fragile elemental.

  Worried and uncertain, Polly explained, “It led us here. Something important for you was going to happen, but I don’t know what we’re supposed to do about it.”

  In a whisper I could barely hear over the surf, Robot Penny hissed, “If we fight, we’ll hurt it. We have to stop.”

  She was right, but… I leaped, much harder than I needed to, making sure I cleared the little watery creature with plenty of room. I tackled Robot Penny, and as we both went down onto the sand, I saw the elemental splay out like a sea urchin in fear, and dive back into the ocean.

  “You scared it! We may never see it again! What if you tripped?” Robot Penny whispered angrily as we struggled to our feet, hands locked and grappling.

  “I don’t have a choice! You haven’t heard Mom asking questions. I’m out of time. We’re out of time!” I whispered back.

  My double was mad, and I couldn’t blame her. She pushed back, applying her robot strength.

  I whipped out my ace. Bracing one shoe against the other, I pulled my right foot out, and kicked it up at Robot Penny. Out of it fell the web of handcuffs and chains I’d wedged in so carefully before leaving.

  One of the cuffs hit her thigh, and snapped closed.

  She knew how they worked as well as I did. She could have treated it with care, maybe come up with a plan of her own to remove the shackle, or at least tangle me up in the process. Instead, she shoved me away, shouted, “Let go of me, you―hey! Stop that!” and grabbed the first cuff. As she knew perfectly well, that sent another cuff swinging around to grab her wrist. She struggled, exactly the wrong thing to do, and in a few seconds, my nasty little trap had her tied up in a ball.

  Angry as she was, she’d taken a dive. Gratitude flooded me, more so when I saw her wink behind a goggle lens.

  I left her long enough to deactivate the Onomatopoeia Grenade and tuck it into a pouch.

  “Fine. You win,” grumped the fake Bad Penny, loud enough for everyone to hear.

  The crowd cheered.

  Standing over her like the looming prospect of justice, I said, “I’m taking you back to your parents.”

  S
he squealed, and thrashed in her bonds. “You wouldn’t!”

  “That will end this for good. Hero defeated villain. If we were adults, I’d be delivering you to jail,” I declared, just to make everything totally clear to our audience. With any luck, videos would not get back to my parents before I did, but word certainly would. The story they heard would be the one I wanted.

  “I’ll transport the prisoner if I can have that sound converter thingy!” shouted Marcia, eagerly.

  Cassie left the ring of watchers, and with a few more spark displays so the audience would know she wasn’t a random spectator, grabbed Robot Penny and helped me haul her up the beach.

  Mecha-Me wasn’t all that heavy, of course. I could have done it myself. But we put on a good show this way. I even took the Onomatopoeia Grenade out of my pouch and dropped it into Marcia’s hands as we passed, which got another cheer from the crowd.

  Cassie and I hauled our prisoner across the street to Ruth’s car. Rachel brought my bag, and our friends crowded behind. They might not be sure what they’d seen, but they were excited to be a part of it. Or maybe that had been really obvious to anyone who knew me, and they wanted to help.

  “That was short, but dementedly devious,” commented Cassie as we settled our prisoner into the car’s back seat. Our friends all nodded.

  “I’ll explain it all tomorrow. If I have to, I’ll call each of you individually. I promise!” I told them, and slipped into the back seat myself.

  Ruth and Rachel got in, too, started up the car, and we drove out of the parking lot.

  “YES!” I shouted when we merged onto the road. Throwing my arms around Mecha-Me, I gave her the tightest hug I could, and started unfastening her with the little key that controlled the handcuffs.

  When we had her free, and the handcuffs delicately folded up and tucked away, she asked, “Can you drop me off at the lair, Miss Pater? I need to pick up my things and get moving.”