by Bec Botefuhr
“You are fuckin’ pourin’ out there girl.” Max grumbles, hanging me a wet cloth.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t be. It’s a face wound; they always look worse than they are. Come on, scoot closer.”
I do as he asks, and he grips my chin in his hand. Max is a handsome man, and I often wonder why he hasn’t gotten another woman. He has a son, and he lives a hard life, I am sure he would love the company. His grey eyes scan my face, and he slowly dabs the blood away.
“How tough are ya?” He asks.
“Um, not really…”
“Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Or do you want me to put a stitch in for you?”
“You can do that?” I ask in alarm, and his eyes meet mine.
“Angel, I have been stitchin’ me and my boy up for years. We don’t do doctors.”
I think of the hours’ drive to get to the hospital, then the two hour wait I will likely have. I sigh and close my eyes.
“One stitch?”
“Yeah, just one.”
“Okay, go for it.”
He nods and stands, walking into the kitchen to get me a bottle of whiskey. I can do one stitch; I got a tattoo for Christ sake. He gets back in, and I watch him sterilize a thin needle, he pulls on a pair of gloves and then digs through the first aid kit to find a thread. I watch as he ties the thread to the needle and secures it.
“Drink up,” he orders.
I swallow three gulps of the burning liquid. God, it hurts.
“More.”
I swallow more; it burns the entire way down and my stomach bubbles in protest. I manage to force another two gulps down before I can’t bear another sip. I feel a shiver run all the way up my spine and I shake my head to keep from bringing it back up.
“Ready?”
I nod, and already I can feel the alcohol rushing to my head. Within ten minutes I’m giggling like an idiot. I don’t drink, so eight gulps of whiskey is massive for me. Max snorts a laugh, and grips my head.
“Shoulda done this five minutes ago, but there was too much blood.”
He has spent the past ten minutes trying to slow the bleeding so he can stitch my lip. I guess the alcohol didn’t help. Finally, he grips my lip and looks at me.
“Sit still girl.”
I feel the sting of the needle and I grit my teeth, holy shit, it hurts. I focus on breathing, focus on anything but the burning, stinging pain in my lip. The alcohol helps; I know this because I would be wailing and crying if I was sober.
“All done,” he says, trying it off.
“Ow!” I cry, swatting him.
His eyes widen, and he looks over at me.
“Girl, did you just hit a biker?”
“Wasn’t…a…hit….was a biker…slap.” I slur.
Max throws his head back and laughs. “Well fuck, you’re wasted. Chief is gonna kick my ass.”
“If he kicks your ass, I’ll kick his,” I hiccup, putting my fists up.
“You got a ton of guts girl. Now sit there a minute; you should sober up before you go anywhere.”
A pounding on the door has Max getting to his feet and walking away. I stand and stumble, crashing into the table.
“What the fuck Max?”
It’s Caden. His eyes fall on me, and shock registers on his face.
“Fuck, fuck…”
“Yeah, you hit her real good. Don’t worry she is cleaned up.”
I stumble over, gripping Caden’s shoulders.
“Don’t worry baby,” I slur, “wasn’t your fault. You was sleepin’.”
“She’s fuckin’ trashed.” Caden snaps.
Leaning over the sink to wash his hands, Max lets out a chuckle. “What would you have me do? Send her to the hospital at two in the morning? Not likely bud.”
“So you got her drunk and stitched her up.”
“Didn’t want her in pain.”
“Jesus, you coulda come got me.”
“She’s alright; look at her!”
“Angel, I’m fuckin’ sorry.” Caden says, touching my lip.
“Was a dream,” I hiccup.
“Come on, you need to sober up.”
“Nah, nah, I want to stay and talk with Max.”
“Max is goin’ to bed.”
“She’s fine, leave her here. She can go in one of the rooms upstairs.” Max says, shrugging.
Caden gives him a scolding look.
“Alright,” Max laughs, throwing up his hands, “She is all yours.”
“Aw, boo,” I pout.
“Come on.” Caden says, sliding his arm around me.
He leads me back to his house and I pass out, fully clothed, as soon as my head hits the pillow. I don’t wake until a few hours later. Although it’s still dark out I know the sun will rise soon. I see Caden’s silhouette by the window; he is staring out, completely still. I get out of bed and groan, my head thumps and my lip throbs. I walk over and put my hand on his shoulder, he flinches and I know he is hurting.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I fuckin’ hit you,” he rasps.
“Caden, it wasn’t your fault.”
He turns to look at me, and he winces. “I hurt you.”
“I am not angry, I know you didn’t mean it; it was just a dream.”
He turns from me to look out of the window again. “It might be safer if you don’t sleep next to me.”
I sit down beside him, “Are the dreams always that bad?”
“Sometimes they’re worse, other times I don’t even notice them.”
“Are you dreaming about…”
“Shooting that woman? Yes, I can see it over and over in my head.”
I feel bad for him; I couldn’t imagine having to live with that gut wrenching guilt.
“How did you deal with it?”
He sighs, “I didn’t the longest time; God, I went ape shit. Couldn’t get the kids faces out of my head,” I hear his voice hitch and I know he’s trying to hold himself together, “I fucked them up Angel; I ruined their lives.”
“You didn’t know they were home. It wasn’t supposed to be her; it wasn’t your fault.”
“It was my fuckin’ fault for agreein’ to it. I knew I wasn’t ready.”
“It is a dangerous world you live in; you were only trying to be a part of the club.” If someone would have told me a few months ago that I’d be standing here trying to justify murder I’d have laughed in their face; but I guess that’s what love does to you.
“I deserve this. I killed her,” he says and his body trembles.
“I know…”
“Her kids… I fuckin’ ruined them. They will see that for the rest of their lives; every time they close their eyes.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I will never get over that; I can’t ever move on. You’re better off without me Angel; I am fucked up.”
I put my arms around him and snuggle close, “Well, you are my fucked up.”
He snorts a ragged laugh, “Why are you still here Angel?”
“You know why?”
“I know, but tell me again.”
“Because, I love you.”
~*~*~*~
“Oh, God,” I groan, rolling over.
“Hurtin’ baby?”
I open my eyes and see Caden sitting by the bed fully dressed.
“Remind me never to let Max help me out again.”
He laughs, “Noted.”
“Did you get any sleep?”
“Nah, you fell asleep so I just sat watchin’ you.”
“You need sleep too,” I whisper, stroking his face.
“I’ll survive.”
“You’re dressed?”
He stiffens; only slightly but I’m close enough to notice. “I‘m riding out today.”
“Oh,” I sit up in bed, “can I come?”
“No, not today.”
I tilt my head. “Where are you going?”
“It’s just business.”<
br />
Not really sure if I want the answer to my next question, I ask anyway. “Caden…are you doing something illegal?”
“I can’t tell you what we’re doin’; just know you can’t come.”
I give him a glare, “Is it always going to be like this? You telling me I can’t know anything and sneaking off?”
I know I’ve hit a nerve when I see Caden’s jaw clench. “It’s fuckin’ business Angel, I can’t tell you.”
“Are you going to hurt someone?”
“I said I can’t tell you.”
“You are!” I cry. I don’t know what I expected after our talk earlier but it sure wasn’t for him to head out on another job.
“Look, we have a job to do, it is gritty. You can’t be there… and I can’t see you for a few days afterwards either.”
“What?” I whisper.
“I am the club, you know that; hell you told me you accepted that! It’s not just some casual get together; I can’t just say ‘oh I can’t make it today boys’.”
“I know that!” I snap.
“What crawled up your ass? Fuck you’re moody when you’re hung-over.”
I stand, gripping my jacket.
“Don’t go stormin’ out on me.”
I spin around. “Then tell me what you are doing?”
“Alright!” He yells, gripping my arm and yanking me down onto the bed.
I cross my arms and start to tap my foot impatiently. “Well?”
“We are going to do a job, I can’t give you details. The man we are ‘visiting’ has been ratting us out to the cops for over six months now. Word is he’s been feeding info to Dragon’s gang too. He is dangerous, and may get us all put away if we don’t stop him. Worse, Dragon will get something on us, and war will start.”
“So you are going to kill him?” I whisper.
He shakes his head at me. “I can’t say yes or no to that.”
“Oh God,” I moan, gripping my head.
“I will be fine. We’ll go do our thing, it’ll get sorted and you don’t have to know about it.”
“Caden, what if you get hurt?”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head Angel. I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t…”
“We’ve been over this. If you can’t handle this life, why are you here?”
I know what I said; I know I promised to accept him for who he is and I know that the club is a massive part of that. I’m just not sure I can resign myself to a life of worrying whether or not he’s going to be arrested, if he’s going to walk through the door with a bullet in him or, worse still, come home at all. “Last night…you said how much it damaged you shooting that woman and now you are going to risk it all again.”
His face goes hard. “I would never be that careless again.”
“But what if something goes wrong?”
“It won’t.”
I shake my head, “Caden you scare me.”
He pulls me to him and kisses my forehead by way of reassurance. I know I’m being a nag, going on at him all the time; I just need to know that when he walks out of the door this morning that it won’t be the last time I see him.
“I should go,” I say, standing. “Jaxson has probably been wondering where I am.”
“Angel…”
I turn to him. “Stay safe Caden, please. That’s all I ask. I won’t bother you with any more questions because, truthfully, I don’t want to know.”
He grips my face. “Tell me you will be here when I get back?”
I sigh, “I couldn’t walk away even if I wanted to.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Ouch,” Jaxson says, touching my lip.
“Yeah, it is ouch.”
“You look like hell Mands, is everything okay?”
“Caden is away for a few days ‘visiting’ someone with the club.”
Jaxson’s mouth drops. “Oh…”
“Yeah. Oh.”
“And you aren’t happy with that?”
I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and unscrew the cap. “How can I be? It’s dangerous. Look, whatever they need to do with their biker world is up to them, but he could get hurt.”
“I am sure he will be fine.”
“It worries me,” I sigh, tipping my head back and talking a gulp of water, swallowing a few painkillers.
“I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”
“I know. I should really get to a Doctor and make sure Max didn’t massacre my face.”
“He looks like he did a good job,” Jaxson says, inspecting it closely.
I grab my compact from my purse and take a look. “Yeah, he did. I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared that he was so precise. Still, better get it checked out just in case.”
“Do you want me to come with?”
“Sure, we can do lunch after?”
He grins, “Sounds like a plan.”
We shower, dress and make our way to the local Medical Center. After a long wait, the Doctor goes over my lip and gives me some pills to make sure I don’t get an infection. That done, Jaxson and I make our way over to a nearby café and sit down for lunch. I scan the menu after ordering an iced tea. Jaxson does the same.
“What are you going to have to eat?” He asks.
“I might just have a BLT.”
“Sounds good to me too,” he says, flipping the menu closed.
We place our order with a passing waitress and I turn back to the table to quiz Jax. “So tell me Jax, how are things with you?”
“It’s crazy, we live together but we still have to ask that question.”
“I’ve been a bad friend, I know.” I groan.
“No you haven’t,” he laughs, leaning backwards so the waitress can put our drinks on the table.
“I have so, but seriously? What has been happening?”
Jax picks up his drink and after taking a sip, smiles shyly from behind the glass. “I am seeing someone.”
I slam my hand down on the table. “What?! Since when?”
“Since last night. We have hung out as friends a few times but he finally asked me out.”
“Oh, my, God, give me details.”
Jaxson’s smile gets wider; he must really like this guy! “His name is Jamie.”
“Oh, sexy name! What else? Give me more, I need details,” I tease.
“Well he is blonde, with big brown eyes and a killer body. He‘s a photographer for one of the big modeling agencies; he’s even offered to take pictures for me.”
“Intriguing… go on.”
“We have decided to date, so we will see how it goes. I would love for you to meet him.”
“Pizza and movies tonight?” I suggest as the waitress returns with our food.
He grins, “That would be awesome; I'll let him know.”
We laugh and talk for the duration of our lunch. When I get back home, I literally pass out with exhaustion and don’t wake until late afternoon. I get out of bed and groan, my body is stiff and sore. I get into the shower and wash my hair, trying to make myself feel a little more human. When I get out into the lounge, Jaxson is on the couch having a serious kissing session with another man. I clear my throat.
“Oh Mands! Sorry!” Jaxson laughs.
“No problems.”
I look over at the attractive man sitting beside Jaxson. He is very handsome, and together he and Jaxson certainly make a striking pair.
“Mandy, this is Jamie.”
I smile and reach out to offer my hand. Jamie takes it and a warm smile spreads across his face.
“Nice to meet you, Jamie,” I smile.
“You too,” he says in a smooth, velvety voice.
“So, what are we watching tonight?” I say, walking into the kitchen and digging about for some pizza vouchers.
“I say The Notebook,” Jaxson suggests.
“Aw Jax, you know that makes me cry,” I moan.
“I love that movie!” Jamie laughs.
“Ok,
The Notebook it is,” I pout, dialing for a pizza. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
An hour later we are all curled up with pizza watching the film.
“I can’t believe you made me watch this,” I groan.
Jaxson laughs, “It never gets old. I mean come on; Noah is hot!”
“Hey!” Jamie grins, shoving Jaxson.
“You have to agree Jamie,” I say, biting my pizza, “he is smokin’.”
“Yeah, I can’t deny that.”
“You should see her piece of ass,” Jaxson laughs, winking at me.
“Hey now, don’t call him that.”
“Oh?” Jamie says, intrigued.
“Caden is beyond smokin’ the man has the body of a God.”
“I think I should meet this man of yours,” Jamie says, grinning at me. “If Jaxson says he’s hot then it must be true; we all know he has good taste!” He shoots a wink over at Jax and we all laugh.
“Hey, he is mine to perve on,” I protest.
“We can look; it’s the law you know?” Jaxson looks to Jamie, who nods in agreement. “Good-looking men like that have to be ogled; it’s just how it works!”
I laugh and roll my eyes, snuggling further down into the pillow. An hour later there is a knock at the door.
“Who would that be?” I mumble, getting to my feet.
I walk over and open the door, to see a smiling Caden.
“What are you doing here?” I cry, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I’m not going. I told them I had to look out for you after last night,”
I’m surprised to say the least. “And they let you?”
“Just this once.”
“You know I think that is the sweetest thing you have ever done.”
“Now, don’t go callin’ me sweet. I’ve got a reputation to protect.” he grumbles.
“Come on in; we’re just watching a movie and eating pizza.”
“We?”
“Jaxson and his, err, boyfriend.”
Caden gives me a look. “Right.”
“Come in, please?”
He walks in behind me and the two men turn to look. Jamie lets out a low whistle and Jaxson laughs.
“I told you he is fine.”
“Settle down now boys! If you are gonna perve on me and whistle like I am your next piece of meat, I might have to knock you out,” Caden says, shaking Jaxson’s hand with a grin.