by Bec Botefuhr
“If you love him and you want him, accept him. If you don’t, walk away now and don’t come back. He doesn’t deserve your constant confusion. You knew what he was when you started dating him, he never lied about that. If you hear from him, call me.”
I hear the front door slam and Max is gone. Jaxson stares at me wide eyed; not quite believing what just happened. I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat. Max is right, Caden is a biker and I knew that from the start. How can I judge him now when I knew damn well what they delved into? Knowing the shooting wasn’t his fault makes me feel ill. I can’t imagine how he got through something like that. I stand and wipe my tears away.
“I have to find him.”
Jaxson eyes me warily. “Are you sure that is a good idea?”
“Jaxson, Max was right. I know what Caden is, and I have to make the choice. I love him, and I want to be with him. His life isn’t enough to stop me wanting to keep the connection we have. I have to fix this.”
He nods and takes my face in his hands, “If this is what you want, then I’ll stand by you.”
Relieved to have some support, I get to my feet. “I’m going to find him.”
“Do you have any idea where to start?”
“No, I don’t but I can’t do nothing. I’ll figure it out.”
“Want me to come with?”
“No thanks Jax. I need to do this on my own.”
I grip my car keys and I head out. I have no idea where I’m going; I just get in my car and drive. I don’t know where to look; I don’t even know where to begin. After an hour or so I have a thought and head over to Max’s house. When I get out, I see Max and a few other members sat on the front porch. Clocking me their eyebrows rise. I walk towards them; stopping at the foot of the steps.
“Where does Dani live?”
“Change your mind?” Max asks.
“Something like that. Can you tell me?”
He gives me Dani’s address and I drive straight there. It’s a good job there aren’t any cops about because I haven’t got time to pull over. When I find Dani’s house, I see Caden’s bike parked outside and my heart clenches. Part of had hoped that my guess was wrong but I have the proof in front of me. Why did he turn to her of all people? I take a deep breath and get out of the car; I don’t know what I’m going to say when I reach the door. I walk up the path and knock furiously on the paint chipped wood. A moment later Dani opens the door, her eyes widen she sees me. She steps outside, pulling the door behind her.
“Where is he?”
“He doesn’t want to see you.”
“Dani, we can go over this until the cows come home but it won’t help. So we can do this the easy way or I can stay out here until I get what I want. Now let me see him!”
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head but pushes the door open and I see Caden sitting on the couch, shirtless. He is leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. He looks, and his eyes meet mine. He looks worn, completely drained. I stare at him for what seems like forever before walking in to the room; stopping in front of him.
“Why are you here?” He growls.
“We need to talk.”
He stands, and I can smell alcohol on his breath.
“Nothin’ to fuckin’ say to you. Get lost.”
“Caden, I spoke to Max and…”
“Do I look like I fuckin’ care? If you had have given the chance, you’d have known all the details days ago but you didn’t and now I’m done.” He reaches for the glass on the table beside him and I can see a half empty bottle of whiskey tossed on the floor beside the couch.
“It sounded bad; wouldn’t you have jumped to conclusions?” I whisper.
“Leave Amanda.”
Ouch.
“You heard him – leave. And don’t bother coming back; Chief’s back with me now.” Dani snarls.
“That isn’t true,” I say.
“It’s true, so just leave.” Caden whispers.
I think my heart actually falls out of my chest. This can’t be happening to me; not again. “No.”
“Get out, he doesn’t want you.” Dani snarls.
“You’re wrong Dani, he does want me. He doesn’t want to because I let him down real bad but he does and so he can tell me to get lost all he wants; I’m not leaving.” I turn to her, and get in her face. “Unless you want to try and make me, but I’d advise against it.”
Her eyes widen and she shuffles backwards a little.
I relax enough to let a smug grin spread across my face. Maybe I was a bit of a biker chick after all. “Didn’t think so. Caden, let’s go.”
“I said no,” he snaps.
“What do you want from me?” I growl, getting angry. “Do you want me on my knees? Do you want me to tell you I was wrong? That I misjudged you? That I fucked up? That I was so damn frightened because I’d fallen in love with you?”
“What?” Dani yells. “She is just saying that.”
I don’t answer; I just keep staring into his eyes.
“Yeah, that’s right. I love you. I chose you even after Max told me what happened. You think it didn’t scare me that you could kill someone? It did; it freaked me the hell out! But I decided something for myself today and that is that I don’t want to be without you. So I accept you Caden; for everything you are. And because of that I can accept your life. If you want me to leave, fine, but I wasn’t going until you knew how I feel.”
I turn on my heel and storm out. I’d just reached my car when I hear my name being called. Caden is standing on the path, his chest is heaving. I freeze as he walks forward until his face is mere inches from my own.
“Do you mean that?”
Tears fill my eyes. “You know I do.”
He steps forward and I can see his eyes are bloodshot. He takes my face in his hands and he brings his lips down onto mine. I can taste whiskey and smoke, but I don’t care.
“Why were you here? Why her?” I whisper against his lips.
“Had nowhere else to go.”
“Were you really getting back together?”
He snorts, “No, I was only tryin’ to get back at you; hurt you like you hurt me. I didn’t even touch her.”
“Come home with me,” I whisper, “Please.”
He nods and gets into my car, and we head back to my place. When we get in, Jaxson is out, so I lead Caden straight to the shower. I lean over and start the taps; filling the room with steam from the hot water. I grip my shirt and pull it over my head, and then I remove my pants. When I’m standing naked before him, his eyes widen and his breath hitches. He drops his pants and seeing him fully naked, standing before me, gives me the shivers.
“Caden?” I whisper.
“Yeah.”
“Do you feel the same?”
He stares at me, “I don’t follow.”
“I said I love you…”
His eyes meet mine and then they narrow.
“I don’t…” He makes as if to finish his sentence but the look on my face is enough to stop him.
I am crushed, truly crushed. The fact that he is hesitant is enough for me. I grip a towel and pull it to my body.
“Angel…”
My throat tightens and I struggle to breathe. I can’t believe I just laid myself bare just to be shot down. I feel so stupid. “After all that, you don’t even feel the same?”
“I care about you, God knows I do. It’s just… I don’t love easily Angel. I have never loved a girl in my life.”
“I’m just not good enough to change that,” I whisper and a silent tear stumbles down my cheek.
“God, fuck, that isn’t the case at all. I care about you, more than anything but I won’t tell you I love you until I know it with my whole heart. You can’t hate me for that Angel. Wouldn’t you rather me say it when I mean it; not as a token gesture?”
“I don’t hate you…”
He takes my face in his hands, “It might not be love for me right now, but I can tell you this, I fuckin’ care about you Ange
l and I would die for you.”
“You would?”
“Fuck yeah, I would.”
I take his mouth with my own and kiss him with raw need and desperation. He groans and steps backwards, leaning his hips on the nearby bench. I touch his chest, sliding my hands down his body and over his firm abs. I slowly begin to lower my body.
“Whoa, baby, what are you doin’?”
“I want to…suck you.”
“God…” He rasps.
“Can I?”
“Oh fuck yeah.”
When I am on my knees before him, I take in the sight while licking my lips. He is beautiful, so hard and perfect. While I imagine he is bigger than most men, he is just right for me. I take his throbbing length into my hand and gently stroke. He groans and I peer up to see his head falls back. I slowly lower my mouth, until I am taking his head in and suckling it.
“Holy fuck,” he rasps.
“I haven’t…done this before,” I say, wearily.
“Angel, you are fuckin’ amazing. Keep going. God, suck me hard.”
His words spur me on, and I take his length into my mouth again; sucking and bobbing until he is hissing and tangling his hands through my hair. His back is arched, his hips are thrusting forward and oh God it’s an erotic sight.
“If you don’t stop soon baby, I’m gonna come in your mouth,” he rasps, gripping the base of his cock to stop it from spurting.
“Let it go,” I whisper, “I want to taste you.”
“Angel are you sure?”
“Yes, let go Caden.”
With a visceral howl he lets go, and almost instantly hot liquid spurts into my mouth. I have never done this before, let alone tasted a man’s arousal but I find myself clenching in need as he pulses over and over into my warm mouth. I flick my eyes upwards to see him heaving and groaning, his gaze focused on my mouth around his cock.
“Oh fuck, you are so amazing.”
He leans down and lifts me to my feet, running his finger over my swollen lips.
“I liked that,” I whisper, leaning against him.
“It’s my turn now.”
“What?”
He grips my hips and lifts me, depositing me on the bathroom bench. I whimper when he grips my knees and spreads them, and one hand gently pushes my back against the mirror so my hips are titled outwards. He gets to his knees and looks up at me; his eyes are hungry and wanting. When his head falls between my legs, and his tongue swipes through my wet flesh, I cry out.
“Oh, God, Caden,” I moan.
He slides his tongue up and down, and slowly inserts one finger into my depths. I groan and squirm, my hips thrusting forwards, as he works my flesh with his mouth. I am so desperate to come, so desperate to feel all of him. I arch and squeeze my eyes shut. My teeth clamp together and I shudder violently as my orgasm rips through me. I can feel Caden’s groan against my pussy as he continues to lick until I am slumping in relief.
“God, you are fuckin’ beautiful when you come Angel.”
He lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist, and carries me to my bedroom. He drops me on to the quilt and moves so that he is lying on top of me; pinning me down. He grins and his beautiful dimple shows, I reach out to touch it, stroking my fingers over the tiny indent.
“You are so beautiful.”
He grins, “Well, thanks, I think.”
I find the courage to ask him the question that has been on my mind throughout our time together. “Caden… Why me?”
He leans down to rest his forehead against mine. “Angel, why not you? Any man would be crazy to turn you away; you are fuckin’ beautiful, inside and out. I will want you until my last breath leaves my battered body.”
I kiss him, and he deepens it until we are rocking against each other with desperation. His hips undulate against mine, and his erection grows hot and hard once more. We are a mass of arms and legs, our hips grind together and our mouths mesh until we are panting and desperate once more. Caden pulls back and closes his eyes a moment.
“I don’t have any fuckin’ condoms,” he groans.
“We shouldn’t risk it,” I pant.
“Fuck, I need to come again.”
He leans back, and looks down at me.
“I…you can make yourself come again,” I whisper, giving him a sultry look.
“The wanking? You want to watch me wank?” He growls, gripping my face.
“Yes, oh…yes.”
He sits back against the head board, and I roll onto my belly over his lap, my face is only inches away from his erect cock. He grips it and moves his hand up and down, my groin clenches. I feel it radiate through me; I feel hot, hard arousal. I look up at him, and he is staring down at me, his eyes are hooded; his gaze lustful.
“More,” I whisper.
He strokes again, and I groan. Watching him slide his hand up and down his cock is so HOT! I feel the urge to climb on him, condom or not, and fuck him until we can’t breathe. His chest rises and falls rapidly as his hand strokes with increasing speed.
“Give me your hand, I want you to feel it,” he rasps, gripping my hand.
He puts my hand on the base of his shaft, and then covers it with his own. He begins moving again, and I can feel the soft skin sliding beneath my palm. Quicker and quicker our hands move, until finally he groans and I feel the hard length pulsing. Hot liquid spurts out and over my hand and I watch in awe at the distance it spurts; some of it landing on his stomach.
“Oh…” I whisper, my eyes wide.
“Well?” he groans, “was it everything you ever wanted?”
I chuckle, and lean over to grip a towel from the chair beside the bed. I swipe it over my hand and then clean him up.
“It was most certainly everything I ever wanted.”
“Just as soon as I can move, I’m going to the shop to get some more condoms.”
“I should go on the pill,” I say, dropping the towel in the washing basket.
He smirks at me from the bed. “Yeah, maybe you should just in case.”
“I’ll book in with the doctor next week.”
He slumps back, and his stomach muscles bulge. I swing my eyes away from his spectacular body, up to his face, his eyes are closed and he is breathing deeply.
“I love you Chief.”
His eyes spring open, and he looks down at me. A lazy smile creeps across those beautiful lips.
“Say that once more; I want to memorize it because I know you won’t say it again.”
I crawl up his body, and grin down at him.
“I love you Chief.”
He groans, and grips my face.
“You are changin’ me Angel.”
“Is it a bad thing?”
“No,” he murmurs, “it is the best fuckin’ thing.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
“No!”
I stir, my body is stiff. After our gymnastics at my place, we headed over to Caden’s so he could let everyone know he was okay. We fell asleep together, tangled in a mass of arms and legs. I am woken by his pained cries, and slowly I come back into reality.
“NO!”
I bolt upright, and I look down to see Caden thrashing around in the bed. His body is twitching and his jaw is tight. His eyes are clenched together and he looks like he is in deep pain; like something is torturing him so badly he just can’t take it a second longer. He growls and groans, thrashing his head from side to side.
“No, how could you make me do this? How?”
“Caden…” I whisper.
“NO!” he roars.
“CADEN!”
I grip his shoulders and I shake him; a bad move on my part. I should know never to wake a person having a nightmare. His hand lashes out, and connects with my face in a hard, echoing crack. I scream as I am sent tumbling off the bed. I land on the floor with a harsh thump. I am momentarily dazed; he hit me that hard. I can taste blood in my mouth, and pain radiates through my skull.
“What’s happening?”
&
nbsp; The door is open, and Jeff is standing there in his flannel pajamas, staring down at me. When he registers what has happened, his eyes widen. I get to my feet, my legs are wobbly. I grip my coat, thanking God that I was wearing clothes, and I rush out.
“Angel, wait…” Jeff says, gripping my arm.
“It’s okay Jeff, please don’t…he didn’t mean it.”
“He is having a bad dream; the boy has had nightmares for over a year now. It got better, but…I guess he is having a bad night. Let me get you to a hospital, that lip is split real bad.”
“I’m okay, honest. Stay with him; I have to go.”
“He is goin’ to wake and freak out.”
“I’m not leaving for me Jeff; I’m leaving for him. Tell him I am fine but I had to go.”
“Angel…”
I rush past him, and hear him call my name once more. I stumble down the stairs and rush out the front door. My emotions are shot; I don’t know what I feel. Caden didn’t mean it, I know that but I also know what it will do to him when he finds out. I rush down the drive, when someone calls my name again.
“Angel?”
Shit. I turn to see Max sitting out the front of his house. Does that man ever sleep?
“What are you doin’ out at this time?”
“Just going home Max.”
He casts a glance over his wristwatch, “It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“I…uh…”
“Holy shit! Are you bleedin’?”
“I’m fine Max; please just let me get home.”
“Ass. Here. Now.”
“No, it’s fine I…”
“Get over here girl.”
With a sigh, I walk over. Max walks down the steps and grips my face.
“That little fucker hit you?! I will fuckin’ gut him…
“No, Max, he didn’t mean to,” I realize I sound exactly like a battered wife, “It was a nightmare, he just lashed out; he doesn’t even know I left.”
“You better not be lyin’ to me.”
“I’m not,” Looking back over towards Caden’s house I know I need to get out of there before he wakes, “I should go.”
“No, get in here and let me clean you up.”
“It’s not necessary, really…”
“Get inside.”
He grips my arm and pulls me inside the house. I don’t bother arguing, it isn’t worth it with Max. He always gets what he wants. He sits me at the kitchen table and goes to get a first aid kid. I look down and see my shirt covered in blood; I must be bleeding quite badly.