That particular nightmare had probably been inevitable. It was his subconscious again, moving the pieces around until he found a better fit for everything he was feeling. The guilt and horror he had from fearing that he’d been within seconds of harming her had to be dealt with and with Marty’s help he saw that Brynn would need to understand a few simple dos and don’ts…like don’t ever touch someone having a nightmare. The biggest “do” she already had under control by immediately suggesting he needed to talk to someone and also by not being a judgmental bitch the way Heather had been.
Now that the cloud was finally lifting though he had to think long and hard about what to do next where she was concerned. He’d left without a word and hadn’t attempted to contact her since. Was she mad? Hurt? Angry? Had she decided he was too damaged to deal with?
Truth was, he missed her like fucking crazy. Even though he felt better, he wouldn’t be whole until he was back with her. Until she smiled at him, laughed with that husky voice, and maybe even smacked him upside the head for being such an ass.
His mom had pretty much crystalized all those thoughts after dinner just last night. She’d cautiously asked if he wanted to talk about Brynn with her, and surprising them both, he actually did. It didn’t hurt to get a woman’s perspective so he’d poured out his heart ad nauseam about what a special and amazing person his beautiful Brynn was.
“Have you told her this, sweetie? I mean, since you’ve been here. She needs to hear your reassurance that she holds a special place in your life.”
Jax was pained to hear that and admitted he’d been an ass. “Um, well….actually, I haven’t spoken to her at all since I left.”
Kate Merrill looked at him like he’d grown another head. “Are you out of your mind? Oh dear Lord, Jax. That poor girl. She must be beside herself with worry. What in the world were you thinking?” She jumped to her feet and started anxiously pacing, wringing her hands and muttering under her breath in a way that made his unease spike to an alarming level.
Oh Christ, he thought. His mom’s instant reaction felt like a slap across the face. Crossing and uncrossing the foot that rested on his knee, Jax cleared his throat half a dozen times and cringed. He saw the light bulb go on over his mom’s head when she whirled toward him and barked, “What did you do?”
What was it about a mother’s direct and precise third degree that felt like an interview in hell? He couldn’t fob her off with a shrug or make a joke intended to deflect her attention. That was not how Mom talks were designed. Besides, he’d walked willingly into this quagmire by seeking her advice and yeah, her approval. Best to lay it all on the line and see what happened.
“Had an episode, Mom. A bad one. Scared the fucking crap out of me.” He squirmed in his seat and hung his head like a bad kid. “Brynn was there, and well…she could have gotten hurt.”
“So, what Jax? You fall in love with this girl and take her to bed?” When he winced and gritted his teeth she didn’t slow for a second. “Don’t treat me like a fool, son. You say you had an episode and Brynn was there. Most of those episodes start with a nightmare. Even a preschool teacher knows how to add one and one. That poor girl was in your bed and you, what? Got scared and ran? Please tell me she knew what was going on at least.”
“She did know, Mom. It was pretty awful—there was no way for her not to know. And I didn’t run. Not exactly. She knew I needed to get some help.” His voice was low and unsure by the end.
“Does she know where you are?”
“Yes. I left her a note that said I was going home for a bit.”
Hurricane Kate blew into the kitchen at that moment with a flash fury that shocked him. “You left her a note? You LEFT her a note? Jackson! Please tell me you weren’t that big an idiot.”
What could he say? That was exactly what he’d done. His hands felt warm and sweaty. Rubbing them on his thighs he turned worried eyes on his mom and rolled a shoulder in defeat. She stood there, shaking her head at him. Disbelief and unease all over her face.
“What the hell is wrong with you men? I mean seriously, Jax. Think about it for a second. How do you think I’d feel if your dad pulled a stunt like that? And to make your dumbassery even worse, you haven’t, by your own admission, spoken to her since you left. Do you imagine she’s baking cookies and waiting patiently for you to pull you head out your ass? My boy, I love you, but you are one stupid shit.”
Whoa. It took a lot for his well-mannered southern mama to break loose with some swear words. The icing on the cake of his shame came in the form of his scholarly father who happened to walk into the kitchen at just that moment. The expression of shock on his face quickly turned to concern when he barked, “What’s going on? Why is your mother cursing?” When Jax just sat there, his mouth in a grim, taut line, his dad turned to his mother. “Katie, sweetheart. What’s the matter?”
Hurricane Kate part two formed. In a viciously sharp tone she snapped out an answer. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Adam Merrill. Your idiot son—the one sitting there with his head hanging—left that poor girl on her own and for some insane reason did so with a damn note. A note, Adam! He left her a damn note. And…to make things worse, in all the time he’s been here, hasn’t seen fit to contact her. At all. I’d say that warrants a few well-placed swear words.” Throwing her hands up at the end, she crossed her arms and looked at them both with an expression Jax had never seen before.
His father groaned and rubbed at his brow. “Jesus, son. Is this true?”
Jax looked down, studying the kitchen floor as if seeing it for the first time, unable to take another second of their disappointed expressions.
His dad went and threw an arm around his wife’s shoulders and spoke in a hushed voice, quietly leading her from the room, leaving Jax to wallow in the overwhelming sense of doom that was sucking him under. What the hell had he done? How stupid could one man be, he wondered. In record time he’d gone from pressing his authority and domination over the woman he loved, after going into great detail about his need to protect her at all costs, to turning his back and walking away when his cage got rattled. Some protector he was.
Couple of minutes later his dad returned with a none-too-happy look on his face. “Stuck your foot in it, son. You should have told me upfront how you left. Keeping Brynn in the dark was…well, it was mighty fucking stupid.” He put up his hand to stop Jax’s response and kept on talking. “You were right to seek help for your problems Jackson, but this isn’t just about you anymore. I don’t care how understanding and supportive this girl is. She has feelings too. How do you envision this panning out as you move forward? Did you actually imagine once you had some perspective on whatever happened that you could turn around and tra-la-la your way back into Brynn’s good graces?”
“Dad, honest to God—what happened was so extreme that I wasn’t thinking straight. Protecting Brynn was the only thing on my mind. Yeah, I left a note and not contacting her while I’ve been here was probably a dumb move but until I found some clarity and felt with any degree of confidence that she wouldn’t end up hurt—or worse—by my problems, it didn’t seem fair to drag her any further into this.”
“I hear what you’re saying Jax, but it doesn’t work that way with women. If Brynn loves you as much as you love her, she’s going to take your silence as a kick to the heart. Your mother would have my balls in a jar by the back door if I ever pulled a stunt like this.”
Shit. His dad was right. He already knew her greatest fear was that he’d leave. It was the deal-breaker, which was precisely why he’d been working overtime in his head to come up with a new business plan that would make it possible for him to put down roots. Stay in one place. Build a life instead of wandering like a gypsy. Fuck my life, he thought. Now what do I do?
Brynn and Rhiann sat side by side in two leather chairs in front of an impressive desk, waiting for the doctor, who’d just run Brynn through a thorough exam, to join them. An antique clock on a bookshelf crowded with medical texts an
d the occasional picture frame seemed to be mirroring the beating of her heart.
The last few days had been surreal for Brynn. After her emotional breakdown, Rhi had taken charge and set in motion this appointment that would change her life no matter the outcome. It had been two and a half weeks since Jax had left and not once in all that time had he contacted her. Nothing. Not a call, not even a text. She suspected that he was in touch with Jonas but pride kept her from asking the young man to confirm her suspicion.
And now, here she was, clutching her sister’s hand as they waited to hear her fate. Rhi had insisted she come to New York and see her doctor because there was nothing worse than the possibility that word would spread like wildfire in a nanosecond about Brynn’s condition if she opted to see her own physician at home. Small town gossip. Ugh.
Luckily, having Terry and Sue work out so brilliantly in the bakery she’d been able to slip away mid-week, leaving Amy in charge. She didn’t imagine for a second that her sister and her confidante hadn’t discussed Brynn’s predicament, but she was okay with that. After all, if she was pregnant, which she didn’t doubt that she was, Amy was going to find out soon enough.
The door opened behind them and Brynn jumped when she heard the footsteps of the sixty-something doctor approaching. She liked the woman immediately. Maybe it was her laidback demeanor, or the way she laughed so easily. Brynn was simply relieved not to be facing some uptight by the book medical robot.
“Congratulations, Brynn. You’re definitely going to be a mommy.”
She felt Rhi squeeze her hand but other than that, she was numb. A baby. Oh my God. She was going to have a baby. None of this felt real.
The doctor keep on, glancing from time to time at the chart she laid on her desk when she sat down across from them, a kindly smile lighting up her face.
“I know this is a lot to take in but you’ll get used to it! All your test results look good, Brynn. You’re healthy and though it’s early there’s absolutely nothing to indicate any problems. I suspect the vomiting you experienced had more to do with stress than morning sickness.”
“Doctor, are you sure?” Rhiann asked. “I keep reading all these stories about hyperemesis gravidarum. You don’t think that’s going to be a problem do you?”
The doctor smiled at Rhi and looked back to Brynn. “I wouldn’t pay much attention to what you find on the internet. Yes, hyperemesis is always a possibility but that sort of vomiting is severe and excessive. From what you’ve described, any vomiting you’ve had has been quite limited. Plus, you’re able to eat and keep your food down, so that’s a positive sign.”
Brynn sat there so still and calm she was almost freaking herself out. Is this what an out-of-body experience felt like, she wondered. She should probably be asking questions, but language seemed to have deserted her. Besides, Rhiann had come prepared to handle the basics—all she had to do was sit there and watch everything unfold. She was going to have a baby. Wow.
“Brynn, I can see this is something of a shock and since you’ve already explained a bit about the anxiety you’ve been feeling, let me just say this. I’ve been delivering babies for thirty years, and what you’re experiencing is completely normal. Not all pregnancies are planned—if they were, well…we’d be in a different world altogether, now wouldn’t we? Instead of letting the worries make you sick, try and focus on the incredible and amazing journey you’re about to take. Bringing a new life into the world isn’t easy. And it isn’t without some drama. But look at it this way, you’ve been given a gift. Somewhere out there in the cosmos a little life chose you. I know that sounds a bit hippy dippy—blame my age. As a kid from the sixties, that’s how I see things! What I’m trying to say is, relax. You’re pregnant. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Think about your baby and be joyful. As for the daddy, from what you’ve said, even though there’s some distance between you two right now, have a little faith. These things have a way of working out.”
Brynn felt tears welling in her eyes. Jax. Oh dear God. They were going to be parents. Not exactly a surprise since they’d been doing practically everything they could to tempt fate. How in the hell was she going to tell him with the mess they were in?
“Doctor,” she murmured. “Can you give me a due date?” The kindly smiling eyes softened at her quietly voiced question.
“Mid June. Once we do an ultrasound we’ll pin down something more exact. I’m going to schedule you for the sonogram at the end of the month. Until then I want you to go home and relax. Make sure you eat regularly and most of all Brynn, be kind to yourself, okay?”
She spent the night with Rhi and let her sister fuss over her because, well… because it felt good. The only thing she asked was that for now at least, no one was to know what was going on. Brynn needed time to process what was happening. To her surprise, Rhi suddenly took a few days off from work to accompany Brynn back to Wilde House and get her settled in.
Her sister stocked the kitchen with every imaginable fruit, vegetable, and whole grain she could find and set about making healthy meals that could be frozen and heated up later. She also had a stern talking to with Jonas and the work crew making it abundantly clear that she was moving Brynn back into her bedroom immediately and suggesting that they board up the big hole in the wall that now led to the massive dressing room and en suite bath so she wouldn’t have to sleep on a sofa.
Two days later, pretty much the most surprising thing she never imagined would ever happen, happened.
“WHAT AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL AREA,” Kate Merrill exclaimed to her travel companion as they drove along the beautiful back roads in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. With autumn in full swing the colors were magnificent and her love of nature and plants, Kate was in heaven.
“You’re a meddling old fool,” her friend snickered, “so I suppose some pretty scenery just makes this crazy jaunt into the middle of nowhere even more fun for you!”
Kate turned and grinned at her best friend and partner in crime, Gigi Allen. She’d convinced her to tag along, promising a fabulous overnight stay in a five star bed and breakfast along with the prospect of some shopping along the way.
“Oh, pooh,” she quipped. “Meddling shmeddling. You’d be doing the same thing if this were your son about to mess up the best thing that’s ever happened to him. I mean, c’mon. If you’d seen my Jax rhapsodizing about this young lady, you’d know why I couldn’t just sit back and let the chips fall.”
Gigi barked out a laugh. “I just hope you know what you’re doing. Telling Adam we were going to the Barnes in Philadelphia for an exhibit might not be the smartest thing you’ve ever done.”
Turning into a parking lot, Kate admired the charming sign marking the location of the Wilde Bakery and Baron’s Tea Room and smiled. Men just didn’t understand how a woman felt, and she’d be damned if she didn’t seek out Brynn Wilde and see if there was trouble ahead for her son and if she could do anything at all to fix any damage his stupidity had caused.
“Well, here we are. Let’s go get a coffee and scope out the situation,” she chirped excitedly.
“Fingers crossed,” Gigi snarked as they made for the door to the shop.
The minute they entered an enthusiastic greeting awaited them. “Good morning ladies! Welcome to Baron Wilde. What can we get you today?”
Kate took in the young woman behind the counter with the big smile and welcoming way and knew immediately this wasn’t Brynn. Darn. She was hoping to stumble upon her right away—not have to ask which was clearly what she’d have to do since there didn’t seem to be anyone else except customers milling around.
“My word but it smells amazing in here,” she said cheerfully, stepping up to the counter with Gigi pulling up the rear. “I may have to buy a little of everything,” she giggled as she eyed the selection of goodies filling the display case.
“Well, it’s your lucky day then,” the shop girl joked. “We’ve just put out some fresh muffins and between you and me, the shortbread cookies are to die
for.”
After arranging for a dish of shortbread the two friends scurried into the tearoom and sat down to come up with a new course of action. Kate was disappointed Brynn hadn’t been behind the counter so it was time to break out plan B.
“Okay Gigi, you stay here and enjoy a coffee. Keep your phone handy in case I text you for help. I’m going to take the bull by the horns and see what happens. Wish me luck,” she added as she lifted her chin, put her shoulders back and headed back into the shop.
“Liking that shortbread?” the shop girl asked.
“Oh my, yes. It’s delicious.” She paused and took a deep breath then blurted out, “Um, I don’t suppose Ms. Wilde is available, is she?”
The shop girl went from happy and smiling to protective in an instant. “I’m sorry, but she’s not in today. Perhaps I can help you?”
“Oh, hmmmm,” Kate murmured. Now what? “Truth is, I was hoping to have a word with her. Privately.”
The other woman’s eyes narrowed as she considered the request. “Excuse me but you look vaguely familiar. Have we met before?”
Oh shoot. Sensing her cover was about to be blown anyway—she and her son had identical eyes after all—Kate Merrill gave a little shrug and made a face. “Perhaps you know my son, Jackson.”
“Wait a minute. You are Jax’s mother?” the shop girl drawled none too happily.
“Guilty,” Kate answered. “I really was hoping to speak with Brynn. Is there any way that would be possible?”
The shop girl stared her down. Not a surprise that Brynn would have staunch allies. Every woman did. Heck, she’d brought her own back-up even though Gigi had been gleefully giving her a hard time the whole drive here.
“Please?” She tried one of those southern belle smiles hoping to get around the other woman’s defensive posture, but she might as well have used a bazooka ‘cause she wasn’t budging. Seemed like her son had enraged quite a few females during his adventure in Bucks County. Why the hell not?
Wilde Forever (Wilde Women Book 1) Page 39