by Geneva Lee
When he was hard again, I dug another condom out of the drawer and rolled it over him. Then, I climbed onto him and sank down. I had to stop midway to adjust to the deep angle.
I rocked back and forth, pinned to him, my throbbing center dragging across his skin until I felt the slow tightening of my muscles. Pleasure spilled from me as I rode him.
Spencer reached to me and gripped my hips, coaxing me faster. He drove deeper into me until I was wound around him so tightly I thought I’d break. “I’m the only one who can make you feel this way.”
His words snapped my taut core, and I unraveled like a spool of delicate thread.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I woke up to the sound of Spencer snoring softly next to me and a mild headache. Untangling myself from him, I got out of bed as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake him. In the harsh light of dawn, all my choices seemed wrong. Flashes of the prior evening hit me as I gathered my clothes and snuck into the living room. I was relieved to see that it was empty. The curry rested, forgotten, on the counter. I waited for my stomach to remind me that I hadn’t eaten, but it was too knotted up for me to feel even an ounce of hunger.
Shame flooded through me as I considered what I’d done. How was I supposed to feel toward either of them now? How would I look them in the eyes? Eliza had been wrong. This had not made things easier. It had only made them more complicated. I might not have slept with both brothers, but I’d never done anything like that before. I’d never even considered doing something like that before. I wanted to blame the alcohol for my rash decision, but I couldn’t help wondering if it had only made it easier to do exactly what I wanted to do all along. I ignored the pang of desire I felt at the memory of how it felt to have Spencer’s hands on me while Holden’s cock was in my mouth. I remembered everything I had said to them. I remembered how I egged them on. Last night, the words felt brave and confident. Today I wondered if I had made promises that I couldn’t keep. I wasn’t really going to sleep with both of them, was I? Have a threesome? I stopped dead in my tracks as I considered it.
But despite the fact that Spencer had acted into it last night, there had been something in the way he fucked me — and it couldn’t be called anything else—that told me it wasn’t as simple as brothers sharing everything. He had liked watching me with Holden. He had gotten off. But then he had taken me to his bed and claimed me repeatedly—possessively. Which one was the real Spencer? I didn’t have the courage to wait around to find out. If this was supposed to make it easier to walk away from this life and hand it to Kerrigan Belmond, it didn’t feel that way. It felt like I was actively destroying her world.
I slipped on my shoes, considering whether to write a note, but decided better of it. I didn’t bother to call for a car. I simply gathered my things and left as quickly as possible. The last thing I wanted was to face either of them. I would have to, eventually, but I knew I needed time before then. As I stepped from the lift into the private lobby, my time ran out as I came face-to-face with Holden Byrd.
“I thought you’d want some coffee. We used the last of it yesterday,” he explained, holding out a to-go cup.
I took it cautiously and stared at him, waiting for a reckoning that didn’t come.
“I didn’t poison it,” he said dryly, sipping his own to provide proof of its safety. “You’re leaving awfully early. Does Spencer know?”
I shook my head. “I needed some fresh air.”
Holden’s eyes fell to the floor, and he nodded in understanding. “Are you going to take a cab?”
“I haven’t decided,” I admitted. “Maybe. I might take the Tube.”
“Let me drive you home,” he said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Not after what happened last night.
“Look, Spencer will kill me if he finds out I let you take a cab or the Tube. Plus, we should talk.”
“About what?” I said quickly.
He shot me a look as if to say are we really going to play it that way?
I took a deep breath and considered my options.
“Or I can go upstairs and wake Spencer up,” Holden added, “and he can drive you home.”
“Fine.”
He’d played the one card he knew would win the hand. It was hard enough to face Holden this morning. There was no way I could face Spencer. We took Holden’s car: a vintage Jaguar that was as different from Spencer’s McLaren as possible.
“I thought you said you two have the same taste,” I commented as I got inside and buckled the safety belt.
“That’s just a line,” Holden confessed. “The truth is that we’re as different as night and day. Spencer’s the serious one. The Prime Minister.” He flourished his hands across the horizon like he was picturing the future. “I’m the rake. We are, however, best friends. At least, as much as you can be best friends with your biggest rival.”
“Rival?” I repeated. I had expected him to say that.
“It’s obvious, isn’t it? Although, I suppose he looks like he’s winning. I’m not certain that being forced to carry on the Byrd name and inherit all that responsibility is much of a prize. I’m much happier being the one with no expectations resting on my shoulders.” He paused before adding, “We do have the same taste in women though.”
I kept my eyes trained on the scenery out the window, not daring to look at him as he said this. “That must be complicated.”
“It’s never been a problem.”
“It hasn’t?” I said, not able to hide my disbelief.
“Not yet,” he said with meaning.
“Because you share them,” I said, realizing the truth. They took turns, so neither had to make any hard choices.
“It’s always been better than fighting with each other,” Holden said in a dark tone.
“Has it?”
His eyes flashed to me and I saw a muscle tense in his jaw. “You wouldn’t understand.”
I needed to drop this topic. I knew that, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. There was something about the way that Holden spoke which made me think of the secrets that lingered in Spencer’s eyes. There was more to the story.
Holden sighed, drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel, before he finally began to speak. “When my dad was alive, we did everything together. Spencer loved nature. We could never get him to come inside.”
“And you?”
“I was into books and painting and sculpting. Big nerd,” he admitted sheepishly, “and then I discovered girls.”
“Did you discover them first?”
“I’ve always been an early bloomer,” he said with a smirk. “And then Dad died, and everything changed. He was supposed to be the one to inherit the title and the responsibility. He’d been groomed for it. Suddenly, my grandfather had to consider which one of us was more suited to take his place.”
“How old were you?” I asked softly.
“Thirteen,” Holden said miserably. “We went from being best friends to being pitted against each other at every opportunity. Grandfather made our family move into Sparrow Court, so that he could make sure we were raised with a proper male role model.” Bitterness coated his story, and without thinking I reached out and placed my hand over his on the steering wheel. His eyes flickered to it, but I didn’t let go.
“Why? What was the point of doing that to you? You were children.”
“You know better than to think any of us can be children. We’re heirs and heiresses. All the money in the world and none of the choices, right?” he said with a hollow laugh. “Grandfather’s excuse was that he could die any moment and he had to know that the family name and title would be passed to the right one of us. It was relentless. We went to the strictest boarding schools. We were forced to abandon any interest we had that didn’t align with politics. We hated every minute of it, but the worst part was that we were starting to hate each other.”
“And then Spencer won?” I understood now why Holden was bitter. Why he played the pa
rt of the charismatic scoundrel of the family. It was easier than admitting defeat.
“No,” he said, surprising me. “I lost.”
“You didn’t lose,” I started to say, feeling a rush of sympathy, but Holden laughed.
“It was the only way to win,” he explained. “I chose to lose. I knew what was at stake. I could grow up hating my brother and being forced into a life that neither of us wanted, or I could be the failure no one bothered with. So I took the easier road. I became the fuck up. I got into trouble. I got kicked out of schools. I was uncontrollable. Wild. And somehow that was easier for all of us. It was easier to write me off and let me do as I please. Grandfather put all of his time and attention into Spencer, and I simply became the charming bachelor you see before you.”
“Is that what you are?” I asked him quietly. More and more, I could see the cracks in his act.
“I think you’ll find that in our family, we all have our roles to play. I hope you understand that.”
“I understand what’s expected of me,” I said simply, withdrawing my hand. My heart hurt for him. It hurt for the boy that had lost his father and nearly lost his brother. I understood what it was like to feel trapped with no options. I understood what it was like to become what they wanted you to be rather than what you might have been if given enough time and respect.
“At least you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” He didn’t look at me the rest of the way to Hampstead. I got out of the Jaguar in silence. Before I was through the gate, he rolled down the window and called after me. “Kerrigan?”
I stopped and waited.
“If you were mine, I would never share you.” Then he threw the car in reverse and drove away.
Chapter Twenty-Five
A week passed, and I ignored Spencer’s calls and text messages. I couldn’t face him. Not after what happened with Holden. Not after what I’d learned. What kind of life was I consigning Kerrigan to? What kind of life was I consigning myself to? I didn’t have any answers. I simply knew that it was dangerous to be around either brother. I needed a plan. A way to keep my emotions detached from the situation. Eliza’s had backfired. Instead of spreading myself between the brothers, I now felt more divided than ever. Spencer had shown me glimpses of the man he would become, but Holden had bared his soul to me. I didn’t expect he would do so again, and yet, I couldn’t forget what I knew.
Like me, they had taken their roles as if they had no choice. There were tens of millions if not billions of reasons in their future. I knew it was impossible to walk away from that kind of money. How much harder would it be to have never had any choice at all?
I spent most of the week avoiding social activities by claiming a terrible bout of menstrual cramps. Iris had taken to checking on me every day, bringing me a cocktail of pain relievers she swore up and down would get me on my feet in no time. But there were no cramps. No reason to take them. The last thing I wanted was to be on my feet. I wanted to hide. At least until I could figure out what to do. But each day that passed made me more anxious. I’d agreed to a year pretending to be Kerrigan Belmond. The only thing that would deliver me from that contract was the passage of time or her return. I was beginning to understand that I couldn’t survive a year torn between the brothers. Not without losing something I couldn’t replace. They were never mine. I needed to remember that. I needed to get away before I forgot that fact entirely. But I had no idea where to start.
The following Monday, Giles arrived with my coffee and found me on my couch in front of the fire.
“I hope you’re feeling better,” he said pointedly.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept track of things like menstrual periods for Kerrigan. Either way, it was clear he knew I was lying. Still, he hadn’t called me out on my bullshit. If he took issue with what I was doing, he said nothing to me. Even Tod had given me space. If there was one thing a girl could count on, it was that men got squeamish when female problems came up.
“I am. I think it’s behind me now.” I needed another excuse. Something to buy me time. It wasn’t like I could pretend to be on my period still. Not unless I wanted them to push for medical attention.
“Good, there are some matters to attend to. As you requested, I canceled any social engagements last week, but it will be important for you to make an appearance soon.”
I read between the lines of what he was saying. Tod would be asking questions soon. I had a responsibility to uphold. I had obligated myself to fill Kerrigan’s shoes, and I couldn’t back out now. Not without losing the ten million pounds I’d been promised and my only chance of finally being free of my past.
“Of course.” I reached for the itinerary he held out for me.
“What is this about going to Surrey?” The entire week revolved around it. There would be no getting out of it.
“The Belmonds are taking the next fortnight at their country home,” he explained. “You are expected to travel with them unless you have business keeping you here.”
I gawked at Giles for a moment. He had to know I was avoiding Spencer and this entire situation, yet, here he was giving me an out. Tod and Iris would be traveling to the countryside. I could go with them and avoid Spencer and his family so long as Tod didn’t invite them to join us. Or I could stay here under the pretense that I wanted to be near my boyfriend, which would please Tod Belmond to no end.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” I said, taking my cue.
“You should speak to Iris,” he advised meaningfully. “She’ll be disappointed, but surely she’ll understand. I assume you need to be near Spencer.”
I nodded. “I’ll talk to her.”
A short while later, I found Iris in the kitchen going over a menu with the cook.
“There you are.” She gave me a big hug. “I was just going over the menu for our holiday. Is there anything you’d like to see on it? I was wondering if Spencer might be joining us at any point. If so, we should plan a special dinner.” She turned, now speaking to the cook.
“Iris, I can’t leave London right now,” I said with as much disappointment as I could muster. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t thinking about the time. I promised Spencer that I would attend several events with him over the next two weeks. He’s been so patient while I dealt with these terrible cramps.”
“Of course,” Iris said sympathetically. Her lips turned down as she patted my arm. “I was looking forward to spending time with you, but it’s obviously more important for you to be here with him. I know you two are enjoying getting to know one another.”
I looked to the ground, hoping it came off as embarrassment. “I know I didn’t come home a few times.”
“It’s none of my business,” Iris said quickly. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and dropped her voice to a whisper. “But I’d love to hear the gossip. It seems like things are really heating up between you two.”
“Between whom?” Tod’s voice boomed through the room.
We startled apart, looking guilty at being caught.
“This is girl talk. Shoo!” She waved him off.
“I just spoke with Giles. What is this about you not coming to the country with us?” Tod asked.
For the first time, I considered this through his eyes. I was a virtual stranger, pretending to be his daughter. Now, I expected to stay behind while he packed up his household staff and his security and went to the country for two weeks. I couldn’t blame him for being suspicious. It was the perfect opportunity for me to gather up whatever I could carry and leave, robbing them blind in the process. Except that despite the number of priceless items in the house, there was no way I could make off with anything that was worth close to what he promised me.
“I just think it’s more important for me to be here with Spencer. He wants to spend time together. We’re getting quite close.”
“Still,” Tod said, cautiously. “I don’t feel good about you being at the house alone.”
“She’s an adult, Tod,” Iris interjected.
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br /> “I’ll ask Giles to stick around. He’ll be disappointed, of course. He loves Surrey.”
Suddenly, I understood why Giles had been eager to get me to stay behind. He’d known Tod wouldn’t leave me here alone. I suspected Giles didn’t like Surrey nearly as much as Tod Belmond believed.
“You can’t do that to him,” I said as dramatically as possible. I might as well really sell it.
“If it’s important for you to stay here with Spencer, then you should have a chaperone.”
“I didn’t take you to be such a prude,” Iris said, poking her arm through her husband’s. “Don’t stand in the way of true love.”
“I don’t care if he sleeps here,” Tod said with exasperation. “I just want to be sure that someone who has Kerrigan’s best interest at heart remains.”
The gauntlet had been thrown. The question he must have been asking himself had finally been spoken. Did I really have Kerrigan’s best interests at heart? It was then I realized that not only did Tod Belmond not trust me. He never would. I couldn’t blame him. I was a mercenary — a woman who’d agreed to take millions of pounds to perform what amounted to con artistry. If that’s how he saw me, I couldn’t change that.
“I’m sure Giles will understand.”
“What will Giles understand?” he asked, joining us. Giles looked expectantly between Iris and Tod then to me. “Is this about the country?”
“I’m afraid I have to stay behind, and father feels that I should have a chaperone.”
Giles took his glasses off his face and began wiping them down, heaving a heavy sigh. “You know how I love the countryside.”
“I know, can you forgive me?” I did my best to sound sincere, but it was hard given I was holding back laughter over the scene I was performing. Everyone in this house had their own intentions. Iris might be the only innocent one of the lot.
“It’s fine. I’ll get theater tickets,” Giles said glumly and stomped off.