Stupid Girl: A Fantasy Adventure Based in French Folklore (Faite Falling Book 4)

by Mary E. Twomey

  He whined under my touch. He’d been spending a lot of time outside helping Mad and Link secure the grounds. I hadn’t had much cuddle time with him as of late, and I could tell both of us missed it. “Of course I was fighting. Daddy was in danger. I wasn’t going to do nothing while they killed him.”

  Hamish chimed in with a fierce, “And we’d do it all over again. Bring back the soldiers who tried to get at Lane. I’ll show them all!”

  I whirled on Bastien, all pretense of sweetness gone. “You let him fight? He’s just a baby!”

  Bastien grinned at me. “He’s a year old now. That’s hardly a baby for a bear.”

  “He fought because he was scared for you. You just led a one-year-old into battle. A child. Is that the kind of daddy you want to be to our…” I stopped short, my nose scrunching. I blanched, horrified at how far my imagination had run away with me.

  Bastien leaned his head back to bark out a loud laugh. “You just said he was our baby.” He smiled down at me with more love than my scowl was willing to accept. “You want to have babies with me.”

  “Oh, jeez. Go back up there and let Remy deal with your brain damage. Clearly you’re not thinking straight.”

  “Kiss me, Rosie.”

  My cheeks heated, so I ducked my head and shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “Hello, I’m engaged to your friend. We can’t do that in public.”

  All the levity in Bastien’s face hardened. “Sorry. I forgot. In like, just over two more months, you can call the engagement off.”

  Madigan stayed out of our awkward conversation until it was over. Then he turned to me with his head lowered so he could speak quietly. “Which one of the lads wanted to bend my fiancée over his knee?”

  I covered my face with my hands. “Sheesh. I dunno.”

  Mad moved my hands so he could read my lips. I wondered if anyone else knew he was hard of hearing. He hid it pretty well. “Which one?”

  “I don’t know. They were all talking at once. It’s fine. It was a random thought. You’ve never had pervy musings about a woman who didn’t belong to you?”

  Mad’s eyebrows furrowed, unable to stab at my solid logic. “I don’t like it. Princesses aren’t toys to be played with.”

  I nodded, trying to do damage control. “Well, like I said, I don’t know who it was, so there’s nothing to do about it. It’s fine, Mad. I’m not upset. I just wanted them to know I could hear them.”

  I nudged Link with my elbow. “Dude, hottie checking you out over there.”

  Link slapped me on the shoulder. “Speaking of pervy thoughts…” He eyed the girl maybe two years younger than me who was helping the healers tear up rags to be used for bandages. She had big boobs, a flirty eye for him, and no wedding ring. I’d fallen into dude friend zone with him, which was my most comfortable default mode. “Excuse me, lads. I’ll be rolling tha lass in the hay tonight.”

  “Enjoy.”

  Before Link left to settle in on his conquest, he smacked Mad on the back and nodded to Bastien. “You’ve got her?”

  “Aye,” Mad replied, leaning over to pet Abraham Lincoln, who apparently was one of the few who was allowed to touch Mad without him recoiling from the contact. They were actually kind of sweet together.

  Hamish planted himself on my shoulder, his arms crossed over his chest. He started chittering at errant healers who walked past, angry at all of them for the few bad seeds.

  “You guys don’t have to do this, you know. Seriously, I’m not in any danger.”

  “Did ye not hear Morgan’s threats on ye? Of course you’re in danger. One victory means nothing to tha witch.”

  Bastien hissed, motioning for Madigan to shut up.

  “What threats? I was in the keep with the kids the entire time.”

  Madigan eyed Bastien warily. “Uh, nothing. Just stay close. I don’t fancy fishing ye out of another well.”

  Though the sun was starting to peek over the horizon more fully, I felt cold all over. “I think I’ll go inside and see if Lane needs help with anything.”

  “Aye, me too.”

  I paused and stared up at Mad’s hulking form. “You’re not going to let me out of your sight, are you.”

  “Do ye need me to lie to ye and give ye some promise tha Morgan will leave ye alone?”

  “No. I guess not. You don’t have to follow me, though. I’m sure I’m not in as much danger as you’re thinking. I’m just going inside.”

  “I need to go inside, too.”

  I sighed, glancing up at Bastien, who tried to keep a stoic expression while Remy stitched up a gash on his arm. As I made my way up the steps with Abraham Lincoln, Hamish and Mad in tow, I flinched at the barrage of errant thoughts that hit me all at once. My shoulders sunk inward and my arms crossed over my breasts to deflect the comments about my body I didn’t need to hear. Guys were never like this when I had my hump and no boobs. I idly wished for the days when I was the ugly girl, and life was simpler.

  Madigan understood and whirled around to the nearest healer, gripping his jaw in one of his massive hands. “Is this the lad who wanted a go at my fiancée?”

  The dude was horrified, begging me for his life to be spared and swearing that he didn’t have those thoughts about me.

  “No! Jeez, Mad. I never should’ve said anything. Leave this poor guy alone. He’s helping fix up the wounded. Inside now, before your temper gets the better of you.” I rubbed my temples as too many voices cried out that they didn’t think pervy thoughts about me, either.

  I yawned, hoping I could make it to my bed before the overuse of my magical gifts took the last of my energy.

  Superman’s Daughter

  “I don’t know why it’s not working,” Kerdik admitted, holding my hand while we stared at my dad. He’d been standing with Lane and Reyn over the stretcher King Urien had been brought outside on as soon as the sun rose. Now that the entire day had passed and the sun had set with no hint of movement from my dad, we were all more than a little discouraged.

  “It’s been all day of him in the sun, and still nothing.” I cleared my throat and voiced my dad’s worries. “He’s starting to get anxious.”

  Bastien and Reyn bent down and lifted the stretcher from the grass, and moved him into the mansion. Kerdik locked us inside, sending an ominous chill up my spine. The guys had been doing that a lot. Wherever I went, they locked the door behind me. It was a small thing, but didn’t give me any kind of solace that the threats on my life from Morgan could be ignored.

  They brought Urien to a room on the first floor that was down several hallways, and away from the hustle of the house. The stretcher was set on the bed, but no movement was made to take the stretcher from beneath him. We all just stared at him, stumped that our plan hadn’t worked.

  “Tell Kerdik that I have more sensation now. I can feel when he touches my foot. Whatever he did helped, but any progress seems to have stalled.”

  I harrumphed when the message didn’t give Kerdik or Lane any kind of cheer. Urien’s mind was going in and out of focus, sometimes tuning in to the conversation, and other times I had to shout his name to rouse him. Reyn patted Lane’s hand to reassure her. “It was a long shot, and the fight’s not over. We’ll figure this out.”

  Lane didn’t respond; she was too far gone. She’d been through enough in the past twenty-four hours. We’d lost twenty-eight people, and though we’d buried far more of Morgan’s soldiers, the loss hit her hard. “I was supposed to keep everyone safe,” she muttered again. She’d been saying the same thing on and off all day. “They trusted me.”

  I held tight to her hand while Reyn brought her into his arms. He kissed her lips, since it was just us in the room. “You did a great job. Twenty-eight is a small number to lose, Lane.”

  Both Lane and Urien said in unison, “One body is too many to lose.” Lane sniffed, and then turned to Kerdik. “We were unprepared. We still had people crossing our borders and settling in when her soldiers marched on our land. That
you…” She looked up at the ceiling to steady herself before she met Kerdik’s eyes once more. “That you showed up for us means the world to me. You saved Province 9 from total destruction.”

  Kerdik’s mouth was in a tight line. “I didn’t do it for you. I owe the Daughters of Avalon nothing.”

  Bastien shook his head, his arms crossed over his chest. “Man, you’re a tool. She’s trying to thank you.”

  “I don’t care about that. All I want is to have my friend back.” Kerdik pulled a chair close to the bed and leaned forward to rest his elbows on the edge of the mattress, hands flat together while he pressed his fingertips to his lips. “I don’t understand why it didn’t work.”

  Lane’s hand was hesitant when she reached out to rest it on Kerdik’s shoulder, giving several false starts before touching down on him. “If I can repay you somehow for your kindness, I will. Until then, I’ll do all I can to keep Urien’s body safe. Would you like guards posted outside his bedroom?”

  Kerdik turned his head to stare at her hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to do that. I know people don’t like to touch me.” His tone wasn’t petulant, but more humble than I was used to hearing from him. I watched Lane swallow hard as she kept her hand on his shoulder to give him a squeeze of solidarity. Kerdik turned his attention back to my dad. “I don’t need help guarding him. Use your soldiers to guard your borders. That’s where they’re most needed.”

  I could tell Reyn didn’t like Lane so near the monster, but he let her make her own choices, and for that, I respected him.

  Lane took her hand from Kerdik and moved toward me, wrapping me in a hug I prayed I would never stop needing. “Tell me everything’s going to be okay,” she whispered, trusting me with her moment of insecurity.

  I held her tight, treasuring that every now and then, she stopped being my mom and my aunt, and let herself be my best friend. She didn’t often need to lean on me, but when she did, I made sure not to screw it up. “Hey, everything’s going to be okay. There’s no way for it not to be.” I rubbed her back while I hugged her, and slowly rocked her from side to side, her dress swaying slightly. “You’ve got this, Lane.”

  “I want to leave Avalon so badly, but how can I now? The plan was to instate Roland in my place, so I could get out of here. But they don’t trust Roland after he left for the Forgotten Forest. I can’t abandon them when they’ve only just started to come together.” Her eyes squeezed shut. “I got twenty-eight people killed.”

  “Hey, now. Morgan got them killed, not you.” My grip on her was firm, and I could feel Bastien and Reyn’s eyes on us, studying our weird bond. “You make everything better.”

  At this, Lane started to cry softly on my shoulder. “This is moving us to Common all over again. I didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t have a penny to my name, but somehow thought I could handle a world I didn’t understand while I was responsible for a whole other person. Sometimes all I can think about are those nights we spent in the homeless shelter, Ro. I was so scared I would ruin you somehow. And here I am, more than twenty years later, totally out of my element and responsible for people who would be better off without me in charge.”

  “Hey!” My voice turned sharp, unwilling to let that kind of nonsense go on a second longer. “You can turn that noise right off. Do you think Avril would really be better at standing up to Morgan? What about Roland? You’re it, kid. You’re exactly the curveball Avalon needs. Morgan won’t know what hit her when you get through with her.” I took the handkerchief Reyn offered over her shoulder and dabbed at her tears with it. “And all that worrying you do about how we started out? Take a look at me, Lane. I’m exactly the girl you raised, and I turned out alright, thanks to you being one heck of a curveball.”

  “I love you, Rosie. You’re the best thing I ever did.” She caught her weird words and let out a laugh. “You know what I mean.”

  “Rosalie? Rosalie? Is that my daughter? Are you my daughter?”

  I cringed and turned my head to look at to Urien. “Oh, crap. I didn’t mean for you to hear that. Britney! My name is Britney Spears!” My eyes shut in dread. “I forgot you were listening.” I glanced around nervously. “I, um, I’ve got to go check on something.” I made to bolt out of the room, but Lane held me in place while Bastien blocked the door.

  “Wait!” Urien roared in desperation. “Stop her! Britney, are you really my Rosalie?”

  I begged Lane with my eyes to let me run, but she stood her ground. I would’ve put up a bigger fight, but she needed the win more than I did. “Urien, let me introduce you to your daughter, the biggest chicken in the whole province. Rosie’s been pretending to be a random girl because she was afraid you wouldn’t like her if you knew who she was.”

  Urien’s voice came out choked with shock and a flood of too many emotions. “Why? Why, would you hide from me? Don’t you know how long I’ve ached to have you home? I tore my heart in two the day I sent you off so you could live away from Morgan’s plans for you. Every day without you has been a death far worse than the one Morgan’s kept me suspended in.”

  I was wringing my hands, totally blowing it all over the place. This was not how I wanted him to find out. I was supposed to be doing something cool, making him proud of some big accomplishment he just so happened to see. I would wait until he was impressed, and then I was going to tell him. “I wanted to see what you were like – if we could get along without you knowing who I was. You don’t understand. Morgan hated me from word one. I couldn’t take two blows like that.”

  “Get me out of this prison!” He bellowed, making me flinch. “I need to see my daughter!”

  My fingers wrung themselves as my gut twisted with anxiety. “We’re trying, but we can’t figure it out yet. Give us a little more time. We’re all working on it, sir.”

  His voice came out angry and mournful. “Don’t ever call me ‘sir’! I’m your papa! I sang to you and carried you around the castle to show you off to anyone who would look. You were my rose, not my subject. My beautiful, sweet rose.”

  I tucked my hair behind my ear, shy under the grand words. “You don’t know that I’m beautiful now.”

  “She is,” both Bastien and Kerdik replied in unison, and then scowled at each other.

  Urien started shouting orders and basically freaking the crap out trying to get to me. The little girl I never liked to admit was still inside of me wanted to burst into tears, but the adult I knew I had to be lurched into action. “Okay, he’s having a meltdown, so let’s figure this out. I mean like, now.”

  Lane snapped to attention. “I’ll go get Remy. And Draper. Draper should be here for this, in case Remy can think of anything to wake him.” She moved out of the room quickly, shutting the door behind her.

  Kerdik reached into the breast pocket of his standard gray charcoal vest and drew out the piece of parchment I’d stolen from Morgan’s special box. Without tearing his eyes from Urien, he handed it to me and then rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt. “Read it to me. Maybe I’m missing something important. I have to be. The clue has to be in there somewhere.”

  My mouth went dry at the request, and my heart took on a terrified rhythm I was all too familiar with. This was worse than being called on in front of the whole class to read a paragraph. This was meeting my dad for the first time, and waving a big banner that screamed out a declaration that his only daughter was stupid.

  I swallowed hard and opened the letter with shaking fingers, staring blankly at the tight and scrolly cursive that may as well have been written in a foreign language.

  The Dumbest Girl in Avalon

  My hands shook, which only made trying to read that much worse. One of the great things about Avalon was that I hadn’t been exposed to all that much signage, so the topic of me not being able to read all that well hadn’t been discovered. I needed Bastien to leave. If I couldn’t go, he had to. I couldn’t have him looking at me like we weren’t equals, like I was stupid. I wouldn’t be Remedial Rosie
in Avalon, so help me. “Bastien, could you get me a glass of water?”

  “Sure, babe. Read us the letter first, though. I haven’t gotten a chance to look at it. We’ve all been pretty curious.”

  Not in front of my dad. Not in front of my dad! Come on, Lane! Why’d you have to pick now to leave? I cleared my throat so many times, I’m sure they probably thought I was coming down with something. I tried to work out the first word, but my voice vanished into a croaky whisper.

  Trying a different tact, I handed the letter back to Kerdik. “I’m a little tired. You mind reading it to the guys?”

  Kerdik glared up at me in frustration from his chair. “I asked you to do one simple thing for me. I fought a war for you, and you can’t stay awake long enough to see if I’m missing a step in resurrecting your own father?”

  My palms were sweaty as I took the letter from his hand again. “Sorry. You’re right. I just… I…” I cleared my throat again, my hands trembling so badly, I’m not sure if I would’ve been able to read the letter even if I wasn’t dyslexic.

  “You okay, babe?” Bastien was eyeing me with caution, concerned that I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown over being asked to read a letter.

  He was not far off.

  I shook my head, but kept my eyes on the note. I could feel sweat breaking out on the nape of my neck. “One… An… Um, On. Yeah, On. On… l… l-buh… No, wait, that’s a TH. On… th… these. Yeah, On these.” I could feel moisture beading on my forehead now. “On these… quah-qu… On these qu-y?” I shook my head. “No, that’s not right.”

  Reyn rubbed a circle in my back. “Are you alright, kiddo?”

  Kerdik craned his neck to gape at me. “Are you trying to play stupid to get out of doing the one thing I asked you to do? This is actually your plan?”

  My dad told Kerdik to mind his words, but no one heard the scolding except for me.

  My dad will know now. He’ll know his only daughter is a dummy. I’m That Stupid Girl. The Humpback Whale. Remedial Rosie. The Humpback of Notre Dame. Lazy-Eyed Susan. Baby Got Too Much Back. He’ll know I repeated the third grade.