Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1)

by Ashley Parker

  “It’s taken some time, but we’re on the right track. Since it was reinjured so soon after it healed, we can start on therapy now, but slowly.” He did a couple of stretches with my hand.

  I stopped to catch my breath. It was harder being a zombie when I needed to be okay and fine.

  “Please allow me to get you something else. You’ve taken nothing for the pain.”

  “And I won’t, especially now. We know for sure now.” I slid off the table and on to my feet. “Thank you for fixing that light, by the way.” I handed him the cup.

  “Least I could do.”

  “Can I ask about your training as a doctor?” I straightened my clothes. I stuck to my yoga pants with a t-shirt and jacket most days. I refused to wear anything similar to the clothing I wore that night. And I didn’t foresee anyone looking at me with anything but pity.

  “Military, Ma’am. Sent me back to school to finish my degree. Funny actually. I dropped out to enlist.”

  “And the managing skills?”

  “How do you mean?” His eyebrows scrunched in the middle of his forehead.

  “The clinic is functioning. Before, I wondered if anything worked in here.” I looked around at the new layout. Things were more efficient since he started working with me in the clinic

  “She’s been…”

  “Don’t make excuses for her.” I held up my hand.

  “Yes, Ma’am.” We created an unspoken understanding on day one. He didn’t know anything, but trusted my gut feelings from our past experiences together. They were experiences only he remembered.

  “Well, this should be a pleasant conversation with Caleb.” I stood in front of the door, building up the much-needed strength I would need to get through this talk.

  “I could tell him, Ma’am. You two haven’t said two words to each other since……” Mitchell stood next to me.

  “I will not put that on you. And only being six weeks along, I’m more concerned about a healthy environment.” I need to be concerned for the baby and creating a healthy environment. I’m concerned for the baby.

  “I had these brought in.” He handed me a mask similar to what the painters wear. “It’s more durable and safer for you.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled which happened less frequently. “I’m concerned how my Pulls…” I nearly forgot to ask, turning away from the door.

  “The team will monitor you closely. They come on randomly, but luckily you’ve gotten used to the symptoms again.”

  “Can’t mistake those. They will be told today? And we can trust them?” I didn’t have to ask. There was more trust between the small group of us than in the entire house. The only concern I had was their previous living quarters, and how they were going to handle the news.

  “I’ve known the lot of them for many years, and Seth and Caroline only a short while. We’re with you through and through.”

  We parted ways to our destinations. Mitchell called his usual meeting of the day for updates on my condition and Thomas brought any changes Caleb was enforcing. I headed through the house not sure, where Caleb would be, but given the time, I decided to try the dining room first.

  As much as I avoided Caleb, I avoided Caroline more. I had no use for her and because Caleb chose to keep her around, I hadn’t much use for him either. And this was our problem. He knew what I could do. I wasn’t being protected for my good looks. He knew and he ignored my state of mind. He ignored my gut feelings and unexplained requests.

  I walked into the dining room where Caleb and Caroline were talking about more plans for the renovations and redecorating.

  It all started with my room. I refused to live in it any longer and as all the guest rooms were taken by our security detail, I moved into the Library. It took a few days to clean up, but has kept me busy and given me a sense of peace.

  Caleb, of course, fought the move so far from him, but the discussion was dropped when his six, now beefier security detail, fixed the room up while I spent the first week in the clinic. Since my attack, some of the guys took to a workout regimen to work through their anger issues.

  I took two things from my old room, the oak chest and the quilt. The quilt hasn’t left my side since I pulled it from the chest. I had to wash the blood from it, but it still carried the memory of Chayton.

  I decided to keep to myself the new information I’d learned of Chayton. Mitchell was my new go to guy and I hadn’t asked about him yet. I wanted to enjoy the beautiful memory of him as it was.

  Caroline and Caleb stopped eating and pressed pause on the renovation talk to include me at the table.

  “Eva.” Caleb stood quickly, smiling, and assisted me in a chair.

  “Breakfast?” Bernard asked with light in his eyes. For weeks, I only allowed Jake or Thomas to prepare my meals, more so I didn’t have to see anyone.

  “Please, join us.” Caroline smiled awkwardly. She was a stone.

  She was the only person in the house that didn’t believe Seth was capable of the damage done in my old room. She assumed it was another ploy to get Caleb’s attention because he left me to be with her. She, however, could not explain Seth’s disappearance.

  “Why not, something filling...Oatmeal, perhaps?” I noticed the stares. Bacon was my preferred breakfast choice, but I needed to eat better.

  “Right away.” Bernard prepared my food.

  “What brings you down today?” Caroline wasted little time.

  “I wanted to inform Caleb of some additional circumstances and hope we can come to some sort of compromise.” I smiled.

  Caroline’s eyes rolled around so much I was afraid she would lose them in her food. “And here we were looking forward to your visit today.”

  “Eva, what is it?” Caleb sighed loudly, placing his hand on Caroline’s hand, as she held her cup of bourbon coffee. Jake noticed it the day after they came back, she was drunk most of the day, starting early in the morning.

  My hesitation was unexpected. I came into breakfast knowing what I needed to say. For several weeks, I knew this was a possibility. Before the blood work confirmed the positive results, I knew I was expecting. The discussion with Mitchell before I arrived for breakfast would call for more hesitation than the announcement.

  “I’m pregnant.” The room stiffened including Caroline. “And I was concerned with the construction, paint fumes, and what have you.”

  Bernard’s hands shook as he placed a colorful dish of oatmeal, dried cranberries, almonds and fresh raspberries in front of me. The staff was well aware of the circumstances that led to the new living arrangements upon their return. Even after my raspberry champagne debacle, they gave me their pity faces in passing and gave extra care to my things.

  “Seth,” Caroline choked. She actually seemed to be turning a shade of green. She was a strong believer in his innocence and yet she stayed.

  Caleb’s face changed to a dark shade of red, but as angry as he was, I seemed to match Caroline’s take on the situation. Now, I knew I was going crazy if I was sympathizing with her, or was it the other way around?

  “Look, I don’t want to prevent the remodel, just looking for some ventilation.”

  “Of course,” Caroline spoke kindly.

  Either my sudden illness was a bit of the morning sickness or the way she looked like she was swallowing vomit was making me nauseous. Or her kindness wasn’t sitting well with my stomach.

  I took a bite of the delicious oatmeal to ease my nerves. Caleb looked like he was a kettle still boiling and whistling loudly on the inside. I continued to eat as Bernard excused himself from the room, a rarity for him to leave before I was done with my meal.

  I finished and Caroline managed to drink her coffee in a gulp - the steam was still pouring for the cup and now her mouth. She left her plate untouched. I felt badly knowing how uncomfortable I made her. I took no joy in it.

  “I see I have taken you both from other matters. Thank you for breakfast.” I left.

  When they say the hardest part is
telling the news, it really isn’t. I covered my face through the freshly painted halls and headed for my room. As I made it upstairs, lined up in attention, was each of my six guards.

  “Morning to you all, you do not have to stand like that.” I walked passed each of them until Thomas stood out of line.

  “Ms. Eva, following the news…” he paused, his jaw clamped shut.

  “It’s okay.” I grazed his arm. The intensity he was feeling didn’t show on his face, but he was a soldier after all.

  He cleared his throat, “We were dismissed by Mr. Leon, Caleb, Ma’am,” he blurted out.

  The news shot at me like daggers, more surprisingly than the news of my pregnancy. My strength, my friends, they couldn’t be leaving me. I wasn’t sure if it was their sudden change of stance that fueled my anger, or if it was the tone in Thomas’ voice or the words he said.

  Chapter 13

  The Performance

  I wasn’t just seeing Mitchell’s opinion against abortions, or Caroline’s sickness, or their anger from the new orders. I was feeling what they were feeling, and the further along I was, the more I noticed it wasn’t me.

  “What reason were you given?” Their anger fueled mine.

  “We weren’t needed.” He shook his head.

  “When were you given these orders?” My fists clenched at my side.

  “During your check-up, today, before we knew,” he stopped.

  “I see and when are you expected to be gone?”

  “This afternoon. But we learned about your…condition…,” his voice weakened.

  “We should start packing. I won’t stay here without you, any of you.” I pointed down the line at each of them.

  “We haven’t prepped for your arrival back home, let alone…,” Mitchell spoke.

  “Well, things have changed. We were hoping for more time for me to heal completely and it doesn’t look like we’ve got the extra time.” I leaned against the wall sensing packing was the least of their worries.

  “We want to make sure you’re okay?” Pint, the hair player, asked.

  “I’m not and I have a feeling things are only going to get messier but…”

  “What’s going on here?” Caleb stormed up the steps.

  “My guards were just saying their farewells,” I said with force, pushing myself away from the wall.

  “So they’ve told you.” He peered at each of them.

  “Just as I returned from breakfast, imagine my surprise. I would have preferred a discussion before you decided to ax them.” The hall was filled with hate.

  There was no sense in trying to understand what was happening, other than my new addition would be the cause of the roller coaster of emotion I couldn’t understand. I suppose this was better than puking.

  “Would you give us a moment?” He looked at the men.

  “As they are no longer employed by you, and we must pack if we’re going to be gone by this afternoon…”

  “We?” he interrupted.

  “Well, I’ve healed mostly and they are going, so.” I continued to my room, the men behind us.

  “You still live here. I haven’t asked you to leave.” Caleb looked confused.

  “If they aren’t needed, I’m safe to leave.” I stood in front of my door. I never allowed him in my new untainted room. It was to stay untainted. It would stay untainted.

  “You can’t leave.” Pint stood between Caleb and me.

  “Not sure there’s a reason to stay… Not sure there’s a reason to fire them, but we don’t all get what we want.” I entered my room of books, my bed overlooking the cove.

  “Eva!” he yelled.

  “There’s not much else to say. We’re short on time.” I pulled out a few outfits I managed to make work and laid them on the bed.

  “Eva, I’ll let them stay,” he yelled.

  I stood in front of Pint, his eyes flickered to my stomach and back up again. “You understand they are only part of the reason, correct?”

  “No, I wouldn’t know since we haven’t talked in weeks.” He peeked over Pint standing in the doorway. It wasn’t hard to do, sadly.

  “Because I’m tired of playing games, I’m tired of the lies, the secrets, and everything in between. I’m pretty sure none of this, is good for me.” I pointed at what we were doing.

  “Let me in and I’ll tell you everything I know.”

  “Why would you tell me now?”

  “I’m pretty sure you’ve already been feeling it by now,” he lowered his voice.

  He knew? There’s no way he could know. I wasn’t around him long enough for him to pick up on anything. I didn’t share my uncommon symptoms with anyone. I was only now figuring out what any of it meant.

  More things left out of the Eva packet and Caleb was holding the pen.

  “Everyone in.” I stood to the side, ushering the line of men into my room.

  “We really should talk alone,” he spoke just under a whisper in my direction.

  “You have five minutes and go.” I closed the door.

  “Eva.” He looked around the room, the men standing or sitting, were still prepared to take him down.

  “Last chance.” I sat on the footstool, all eyes on him.

  “Okay, here goes…” He stood near the door.

  “The place you lived before here was called the Colony. It was just too dangerous for you there. I was asked by a few of their members to keep you safe.” The explosion of emotions circulated through me, giving me a headache.

  The men who were seated jumped from their seats, those who were standing inched closer to Caleb. They reacted as if he spouted blasphemies.

  “Really?” I held up my hand.

  “I knew it. You can’t trust them, Eva.” He pulled me from the stool towards the door. His touch was torture; the ache in my head was now a large thud against my temple.

  “Okay, let’s not do that again.” I snapped my arm from his grip. “And I know they’re from the Colony.” His fear was real; I could feel it in his touch.

  “You really are carrying a child.” Caleb was pacing as he had when he learned I had no memory of him. He had doubted me.

  “Duh?” Jake was at my side. “Seriously, Dude?” He was careful with me, gentle.

  “Let’s start from the beginning. You’re supposed to be protecting me from the Colony and you allowed eight of them into your home with instant access to me?”

  Caleb’s eyes dimmed, squinting with confusing. “Eight?”

  “Six.” I pointed to the men in the room. They were all on edge, eying Caleb. “Seth and Caroline.” By his reaction, Caleb didn’t know about Caroline.

  “Why would you be protecting her from the Colony?” Thomas asked. His words signaled his men to chillax, only eased my struggles slightly.

  Caleb looked out of breath. I wouldn’t be surprise if he was trying to wrap his head around Caroline’s place in all of this. “Only that she was in danger and that this would be my redemption…” he seemed puzzled.

  “Redemption?” I asked.

  “That difficult stuff with my family is exactly why I couldn’t pass up the chance, but I don’t understand how any of you knew Eva was here,” he managed to avoid my question.

  “Seth was contacted by Caroline,” Pint acknowledged.

  “How does any of this make sense to you guys?” Joss, the nail biter, spoke. “Our mission was to insure Ms. Eva’s safety, learn of Mr. Leon’s plans, and remove Ms. Eva from the immediate danger. We were brought here because Mr. Leon took Ms. Eva, and now we’re chit chatting about the danger being one of our own, in our own home?” He was fighting was something else internally. He laid everything out nicely, loudly, but clearly and even he was struggling with something about what he was saying.

  “As much as I don’t want to believe it, I’ve seen what one of our own is capable of,” Jake stated the obvious as he eyed my stomach.

  “So you all were sent to keep me from him and you’re supposed to keep me from them? Great.�
� Their feelings of confusion heightened mine.

  “When we got word you were not dead...,” Jake added.

  “Dead?” Caleb and I said in unison.

  “After you were taken, we were told shortly after that you were killed. Thrown from a cliff by your kidnapper,” Pint spoke.

  “The waterfall.” I chattered.

  “You remember?” Caleb wasn’t surprised.

  “A Pull and don’t play dumb. You knew I was having them.” Seth wasn’t entirely useless. Caleb witnessed a few of the Pulls first hand. He would have seen the change in my eye color when I was trying to leave the first time.

  “You didn’t tell me.” He watched me carefully.

  Shivers coursed from the base of my neck and through my ears. The passion oozing from his eyes meant he wasn’t thinking of the same moment in the foyer.

  “You didn’t tell me anything.” I broke his trance. “And the gifts, those were cute.” I stood pointing at him; my blood was boiling. It made me uncomfortable.

  “Those weren’t me. I really thought they were from someone at their place.” He finally sat; the seductive stare down was now a bowl of regret.

  “We got the call from Seth that you were keeping her here under some false notion she was in danger.” Thomas folded his arms.

  “From your people, and there was nothing false about it. When she woke up and had no memory, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t just spell it all out there for her. Things had to be done a certain way.”

  “You’re not giving us much,” Joss said, his patience wearing thin. Though, Joss didn’t seem to have any at the moment. He looked like he was jacked up on energy drinks the way he couldn’t stop moving. Any signal that allowed him to attack Caleb, he was ready for it.

  “I agree; you are holding back.” I rubbed my eyes trying to keep my focus.

  “Well, there’s one thing,” he hesitated.

  “Go on,” I encouraged.

  “First,” he stood. “I need to know where you stand.”

  “I told you,” I spoke, but he wasn’t talking to me.

  “No, I want to hear from them.” He looked at me but pointed to them.