“What’s wrong with that?” I ask defensively. Noah is a doctor. Sure, it’s still early in his career, but it’s an honorable profession. He’s nothing like my father, who won’t stop texting me. His weekly messages just add to my distress. I haven’t told Leia about him, and it feels strange to keep something from her. But this… this I can’t tell her. It would change the way she looks at me, and I can’t bear the thought of that happening. I spent years building a life I could be proud of. I won’t let Dad take that from me all over again.
“Nothing,” Leia says carefully. “There’s nothing wrong with it, but his life and yours differ too much. He has a promising future, for sure… but it hinges on him not getting involved with you. I don’t doubt that your grandfather will ruin him if you two get together. Is that a risk worth taking?”
“No,” I whisper. I’m being selfish, and I know it. There’s definitely something between us, something stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before… but that’s all it is. We aren’t in a relationship, and Noah has made it clear he doesn’t intend to pursue me. I can’t expect it from him either. I can’t stand up to my grandfather myself, so how could I ask him to?
Leia wraps her arm around me, and I drop my head to her shoulder, feeling defeated. “I just can’t take it, Leia. The way Noah looked when Gregory so blatantly reminded him of our history, and then the look on his face when I told him about what Greg told me… I don’t know. He looked so hurt, and I just want to speak to him. I just want to reassure him.”
Leia sighs and shakes her head. “I get it, babe. I do. But maybe this is for the best, you know?”
“Yeah, maybe,” I murmur. I wish this was easier. The feelings I’ve got for him are getting stronger every day, and it’s becoming hard to fight this thing between us. I fell for him just a little when he caught me in the rain, then even further during the ball. Every interaction with him since then has just cemented those feelings. I know letting go is what’s best for him, but it’s hard. This doesn’t feel like a simple crush. It’s not just infatuation.
“Talking about elusive men, have you tracked down the one-night-stand you were so obsessed with?” I ask, changing the topic.
The way she smiles cheers me up instantly. The way I feel about Noah… that’s how Leia feels about this mystery man.
“No, but I will. God, Amara. He was so delicious. I won’t rest until I have him between my legs again. That man knows how to fuck. Ugh, and that cock. I need more of it.”
I burst out laughing and shake my head. “Did you go back to the bar you met him at?”
She nods. “Every night for a month straight. He wasn’t there. I’m not surprised, to be honest. His accent was unfamiliar. He sounded a little British? It wasn’t a strong accent, but it was there. I doubt he’s from around here.”
“That bastard,” I mutter. “I can’t believe he ghosted you.”
Leia frowns and throws her arm over her face. “It’s worse than that, though. He actually gave me the wrong number. I’m not trying to be cliche or any of that. You know I’m not like that. But this was just different. It might have only been one night, but the connection we had was insane.”
I nod in understanding. “Yeah, I get that.” I might never have slept with Noah, but the way he makes me feel… I’ve never felt anything like it before.
“I don’t even know what it was about that night. I guess it was just the way he managed to cheer me up when I was convinced that forcing even one more smile that day would shatter my heart. He made me smile until it hurt for all the right reasons, and then he took me to watch the sunset, reminding me of how beautiful life can be. We just talked, you know? I don’t think either of us even really expected it to turn into more, but when it did… wow.”
She wraps her arms around herself and sighs. “I guess that’s why it hurts so much that he gave me the wrong phone number. It’s because I thought he felt that same connection, and I guess he didn’t. It was just sex to him.”
I open my arms and Leia rolls toward me, until I’ve got her wrapped in my embrace. She inhales shakily, as though she’s keeping in her tears, and I rub her back gently. “Fuck both of them,” I whisper.
Chapter 24
Noah
“Well done, son,” Mr. Astor says. I smile at him, a sense of pride washing over me. He’s been working me to the bone all week. I’ve barely had time to sleep between work, the endless dinners and lunches he asks me to attend, and the site visits we’ve been doing together.
I didn’t expect him to be so involved in his new acquisitions, but he’s personally reviewed every single aspect of the three clinics we bought.
“I got the hang of it after the first two,” I tell him. He’s been teaching me what to look out for in acquisitions, how to negotiate, and how to put together a growth plan to turn businesses around and make them more profitable, which is ultimately what he wants for his portfolio.
“You won’t need me to accompany you anymore soon. I’ll leave you in charge of growing the business. I’d like to own another seven clinics in three months’ time. There’ll be a lot to learn.”
I nod, oddly nervous. He offered me a performance-based contract, meaning I get a cut of the profits of each of his clinics. The more profitable I can make them, the more I’ll earn.
“Working at the college clinic helps,” I tell him honestly. “Seeing how that’s run, being there to make operational changes and seeing how they impact the clinic… that type of hands-on experience is invaluable.”
He grins as he opens his car door, and I rush to get to the passenger door. He’s always been friendly, but I’m not crazy enough to get too comfortable with him. “I knew I was right to put my faith in you, Noah.”
I smile back at him in gratitude. “This opportunity you’re giving me, I’m beyond grateful for it, Mr. Astor.”
He shakes his head as he puts the car into gear. “You needn’t be, Noah. And call me Harold, please. We’re hardly strangers, are we?”
I nod, feeling a little out of place. My life has changed so much in the span of a few months. The trajectory I’m on isn’t one I could’ve ever gotten to by myself. No matter how hard I work, by myself this would never be achievable.
“It’s late. How about dinner at my place? You’d probably eat alone otherwise, wouldn’t you? Besides, my daughter has been asking about you. She’s convinced that I’m overworking you. I think it’d be good for her to see you.”
My first instinct is to decline. Dinner at his house means facing Amara. She and I haven’t spoken since that day at the vineyard. I haven’t seen her at all, but that hasn’t kept her off my mind. I’m trying to distance myself from her, but it seems like an impossible task.
Everything reminds me of her. She’s so deeply entrenched in my life. I can’t go to work without thinking of her in my office, I can’t go to the gym without thinking of the time I caught her crying in the rain, and then there’s her grandfather… she’s everywhere.
I’m absentminded by the time we get to the Astor mansion. I’m not ready to see her. I’ve only just about managed to convince myself to stay away, but I’m weak. One look at her and my resolve will crumble. I won’t be able to remind myself that I can never provide her with the life she has now. And if I give in, I’ll lose my only chance at an extraordinary future.
“You all right, son?”
I nod and force a smile onto my face as we walk toward the dining room. If Mr. Astor notices, he doesn’t say anything.
A pang of disappointment hits me right in the chest when I walk into the room to find that Amara isn’t there. It’s just her mother.
“Charlotte,” I say, greeting her. She rises from her seat and hugs me, startling me.
“How are you, sweetheart?” she asks, pulling out a seat for me the way my mother used to do. I stare at her in surprise, my heart twisting painfully. I’ve done a very good job at pushing down the pain that haunted me for so long, but every once in a while, something happens th
at reopens the wounds.
Charlotte smiles at me, but there’s a hint of worry in her eyes. I grit my teeth as I sit down. I’m trying, but I can’t recall what my mother’s laughter sounds like. The memories are fading, and it’s killing me.
“What’s wrong?” Charlotte asks, her tone higher than usual, a hint of panic in it.
I shake my head and force a smile onto my face. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry. For a moment, you reminded me of my mother.”
Her eyes widen, and she looks away in understanding. I know the Astors looked into me, into my background, so she knows how my parents were killed. I’m not after sympathy, though. It’s taken my sister and me years to heal as much of our battered hearts as we could, and I don’t want to take a step back.
“Excuse me for a minute,” I tell her, needing a moment to compose myself. As the years pass, it becomes easier to hang onto the good memories and to let go of the pain, but tonight I’m struggling. Maybe it’s the loneliness I’ve been feeling, maybe it’s the way both Charlotte and Harold have welcomed me into their family, each of them in their own way. Maybe it’s a combination of it all. Either way, the pain is hitting me hard tonight.
I look up in confusion when I realize where I am. I walked into Amara’s bedroom without thinking. It shouldn’t surprise me. This is, after all, where she took me last time. Besides, if I’m truly honest with myself, I’m longing for her tonight. I want her snark, her smiles.
I sit down on her bed and smile to myself. I can just imagine her lying here, testing out her toys. I wonder if she ever thinks of me.
My fingers trail over her pillow and my eyes fall closed. I wish I could have her in my arms tonight. Falling asleep with her, what would that be like?
I tense when her bedroom door opens. Amara gasps, her initial shock quickly making way for confusion.
“Noah,” she murmurs, and the way she says my name tugs at my broken heart. I drink her in, my eyes roaming over her body. She looks beautiful tonight. “What are you doing here?”
I rise from her bed and cross the room, pausing right in front of her. “Your grandfather invited me over for dinner.”
She looks into my eyes, and the look in her eyes soothes my soul. “That doesn’t explain why you’re in my bedroom.”
My eyes drop to her lips, and I grit my teeth when I notice the edges of her lipstick are smudged. I cup her face and brush my thumb over the barely visible stains. She tenses underneath my touch, her eyes widening.
“Where were you tonight?” I ask, unable to keep the question buried.
She blinks and looks away, as though she can’t face me. I laugh humorlessly and let go of her, taking a step away. I’ve been fucked up over her, and all the while I thought she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong.
“I apologize for intruding,” I tell her, pasting on my physician-face.
I move to walk past her, but before I can, she grabs my hand. “Noah,” she whispers, and I stop in my tracks.
Chapter 25
Amara
“Noah,” I whisper, my hand wrapped around his. Something is wrong. I can feel it right down to my bones. That look in his eyes… he’s hurting. “What happened?”
He stares at me, but it’s like he sees straight through me. Noah shakes his head, a polite smile on his face.
“Leia,” I tell him. “I’ve been with Leia all evening. That’s where I’ve been every single evening for the last week. We’ve been watching movies and drinking far too much wine. Too much pizza too, come to think of it.”
His shoulders sag in relief, and though he tries to hide it, it’s clear some of his worries are put to rest.
“But where have you been, Noah? You haven’t been replying to any of my text messages, and every time I went to your office, I was told you weren’t there.”
My tone is sharp, the accusation clear. Noah takes a step closer to me, and I take a step away, my back hitting the door. The way we’re standing here together… this is exactly how we were just a few weeks ago, when he lifted me into his arms.
“I’ve been trying to stay away from you, Amara. The more your grandfather mentors me, the more I stand to lose by getting involved with you.”
I gulp and nod. “I know,” I whisper. I do know that, but I selfishly still want him to take the risk. I want him for myself. “But my grandfather isn’t keeping you from being friends with me, is he?”
“Friends? You want to be friends?” He laughs humorlessly and cups my cheek. “Do you ask all your friends to help you test sex toys? What do you even need me for when you have Gregory? He was right, you know? Eventually you’ll end up with a guy just like him.”
“Noah, the things he said… I’m sorry. I think he somehow feels threatened by you.”
He grits his teeth and closes the distance between us, his body pressing against mine. “I can’t stop thinking about what he said. Tell me… did you fuck him in that vineyard, Amara?”
I look away, unable to answer him. “It was years ago, Noah. He and I are over.”
He slides his hand down and turns my face back to his. “Sure as fuck doesn’t seem like it’s over. He was here for dinner with you, and he was your date at the vineyard. Your family seems to believe you’re still dating him, and he clearly still wants you. What kind of fucking game are you playing, huh? I don’t know what’s going through your mind, but I’m not playing along.”
I look up at him, my eyes blazing. “I’m not playing any games, Noah.”
“No? Aren’t you?” He asks, his hand sliding down to cup the back of my neck. “Asking me to test toys with you, crashing the date your grandfather set up for me, ensuring that at all times you’re the only one I can think of. You do that, knowing that I can never have you. This is all fun and games for you, isn’t it? A bit of excitement, toying with one of your grandfather’s employees. You do it, knowing that when you’re ready, you’ll be able to move on with a guy just like Gregory. Someone that can give you the world, someone that can give you the life you’re accustomed to and that can support your dreams. That person will never be me, and you know it. This might all seem like a bit of fun to you, but it’s my future you’re playing with.”
I place my hands on his chest, palms flat against him. I can’t tell whether I want to push him away or slide my hands up so I can hug him. “Aren’t you? Aren’t you the person that’s supporting my dreams? My own grandfather is blocking every avenue available to me, and it’s you, Noah. It’s you that’s making my dreams happen. You. No one else.” I inhale shakily, wishing he could see what I see when I look at him. “The only truth to everything you just said is that getting involved with me means risking your future, and I’d never ask that of you, Noah. I know how powerful my grandfather is — I know it better than anyone else. With his support, you’ll go further than you can even dream of, and I’d never ask you to risk that.”
I look into his eyes, my hands sliding up his chest the way I’ve been wanting to. He tenses as I wrap my arms around his neck. “But don’t do this, please. Don’t shut me out like this. Don’t punish me for my past, or for who my family is. I understand that you and I… we can’t happen. I know that. But please, Noah. All I’m asking for here is your friendship. Can you give me that much? If it burdens you too much, I’ll stop asking for your help with the toys. I’ll stop, Noah. But please… please don’t push me away like this.”
Noah drops his forehead to mine, his eyes falling closed. “Don’t stop,” he whispers. “I can’t stand the thought of you testing those damn things with anyone but me, and I meant what I said: you need medical supervision, Amara.” He pulls away slightly and presses a featherlight kiss to my forehead. “We can be friends. I’m sure we can manage that.”
Noah takes a step away, and it takes all of me to tear my eyes away from his. All I want to do is take a step closer and feel his lips against mine. I want his hands on my body, his hand wrapped into my hair. I want him. All of him.
“Come on,” he says, running a
hand through his hair. “I’ve been gone for far too long. Your grandfather is going to come looking for me soon, and he’s not going to be happy to find me in your bedroom.”
I nod and follow him to the dining room in silence. My heart feels like it’s in disarray. Noah is right here with me, yet somehow I miss him. I can’t pinpoint what it is about these last few days, but it’s like something is standing between us now. That day at the vineyard changed things, and it wasn’t for the better.
“Why are you two together?” Grandpa’s voice is harsh, and the way his eyes flash with anger makes me flinch. My eyes meet Mom’s, and I’m surprised to find worry in them. Both of them have supported Noah like he’s family, yet they worry about me being alone with him for just a few minutes? What do they think he’ll do to me? Ravish me? I wish.
“I ran into Amara in the hallway,” Noah says, smiling politely, completely unfazed. Grandpa stares him down, but Noah doesn’t even flinch.
I follow his lead and sit down at the dining table, ignoring the way my mother’s gaze burns into me. I was hoping that the way they’ve been supporting Noah meant they approved of him, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
“How did your date with Kim go?” Grandpa asks Noah, smiling tightly. “You should call her and follow up. The two of you are perfect together, and I want her to be in charge of the new hospital we’re planning to acquire.”
I sit in silence, looking up only to thank the staff when they serve me food. Noah and I are on different paths, and if I want what’s best for him, I need to make sure I don’t become an obstacle.
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 11