Too Long a Sacrifice

by Yvonne Whittal

  'You haven't been quite yourself these past few weeks,' Roland de Necker commented over a cup of tea one Friday morning before the expected rush of patients.

  'I didn't think it showed that much.'

  'I doubt if anyone else has noticed, but I happen to know you better than you think.' He observed her intently from behind his gold-rimmed spectacles. 'It's Nathan Corbett, isn't it?'

  Julia nodded and smiled self-consciously. 'I have this unreasonable fear that I'm going to turn a corner and bump into him.'

  'Are you afraid of him in particular, or are you afraid of yourself?'

  'I think a little of both,' she admitted, placing her empty cup in the tray on Roland's desk. 'I'm afraid of what he might do and say, and I'm not at all sure how I shall react if we should meet again.'

  'Forewarned is forearmed,' Roland pointed out, 'and Nathan doesn't have that advantage.'

  'I'm not so sure that being forewarned is such a wonderful advantage,' she smiled with unaccustomed cynicism. 'If I hadn't known about Nathan buying Sophie Breedt's farm, then I wouldn't have been in this state of anxiety about a meeting which I'm beginning to suspect is predestined.'

  Roland frowned and pushed out his lower lip in characteristic thoughtfulness, then he changed the subject abruptly. 'I hope you haven't planned anything in particular for this coming Sunday.'

  'What's happening on Sunday?' she asked warily.

  'You're invited to lunch.' His green gaze sparkled with amusement when she relaxed visibly. 'Elizabeth is in the mood to roast a leg of lamb, and we need someone to help us eat it.'

  'Elizabeth always does a marvellous roast, and nothing on this earth is going to prevent me from sharing it with you.' Julia smiled at him and shifted her fears and problems aside for the moment. 'Thank you for the invitation, and tell Elizabeth that I gladly accept.'

  The shrill ringing of the telephone interrupted them, and Roland de Necker got up to follow Julia when she went into the waiting-room to answer it.

  'It's Sister Murray from maternity,' she informed him with her hand over the mouthpiece. 'Mrs Jenson is in the final stages of labour.'

  'Tell her I'm on my way,' he said, striding briskly into his consulting-room to collect his stethoscope and car keys.

  Julia passed on Roland's message, and he had already left the building when she replaced the receiver.

  The rest of the day was hectic as usual. Roland was delayed at the hospital, and Julia had her hands full coping with patients who were becoming irate at having to wait beyond the specified time of their appointments. It was on days such as these that she was thankful for the ability to remain calm and unruffled, but her calmness seemed to desert her when she arrived at her cottage that evening. Alone, and with too much time on her hands, she found her disturbing thoughts returned to haunt her, and she spent yet another restless night wishing for the dawn when she could find forgetfulness in her work.

  The de Necker home was spacious and tastefully furnished. The atmosphere was homely, and Elizabeth had prepared a magnificent Sunday lunch which had left Julia feeling lethargic when they retired to the air-conditioned living-room with their tea. The conversation was not taxing, and Roland actually nodded off in his chair until he was called out to the hospital midway through the afternoon. Julia decided it was time she left as well, but Elizabeth seemed reluctant to let her go.

  'Stay and have another cup of tea with me,' she invited, and Julia found that she did not need to be coaxed to linger a while longer in her hostess's charming company.

  Elizabeth de Necker was a few years younger than her husband, but her fair hair cleverly disguised the fact that she was greying at the temples, and her slender body still had an enviable youthfulness about it. She was also a relaxing person to be with, and her warm, friendly manner had reached out to Julia from their very first meeting almost three years ago. Elizabeth and her husband were also the only two people in Doornfield who knew the reason behind Julia's decision to start a new life away from Johannesburg. Julia had taken them into her confidence a long time ago and, like true friends, the subject had never been mentioned again. Until now!

  'Please don't be offended,' Elizabeth broached the subject with endearing caution when they were alone and drinking their tea, 'but wherever I seem to go these days people are talking about Honeywell's new owner.'

  'I know.' Julia smiled stiffly and gazed down into her teacup. 'I've heard them talking and speculating in the consulting-rooms.'

  'How do you feel about it?'

  Julia did not need time to consider Elizabeth's query, and she answered her with inherent honesty. 'It scares me knowing that there's a possibility Nathan and I might meet again in the near future.'

  Elizabeth nodded with understanding, but her brown eyes were thoughtful and intent upon Julia's face when she asked, 'Are you still in love with him?'

  Julia had not yet dared to ask herself that question during all the restless hours she had spent fretting about the possibility of meeting Nathan again, but suddenly she was startled into taking a moment to consider her feelings. Was she still in love with Nathan?

  'I wish I could give you a precise "yes" or "no" answer, but I can't,' she confessed at length, rising to place her empty cup in the tray and walking towards the window to stare blindly out across the sun-washed garden with its colourful array of shrubs and flowers. 'I knew five years ago that I had to shut him out of my life, and I've been working at it ever since. I would be lying if I said that I've never thought about him. I've thought about him often, but always with the knowledge that he belonged to my past, and to have him suddenly thrust into my present is something that really frightens me.'

  'Are you afraid you might find that you still love him?'

  'I'm not sure what I'm afraid of,' Julia replied candidly, turning to face Elizabeth with a frown marring her smooth brow. 'I had to make a decision five years ago which hurt me as much as I imagine it must have hurt him, but I don't regret my decision, and I'm consoled by the knowledge that my motives were sincere. I couldn't leave my grandmother when I knew that she was dying and needed me, and I did what I considered was best for Nathan at the time, but I have a feeling that he won't see it that way.' Her small hands fluttered in a despairing gesture. 'What is a man supposed to think and feel a few days before his wedding when he receives an unexpected letter telling him that the girl he was going to marry no longer loves him?'

  'I should imagine he would be hurt and angry, but I'm sure that he would eventually be determined to discover the reason for her change of heart,' Elizabeth answered her soberly and logically, but her attractive features brightened the next instant with an animated smile. 'Consider the possibilities, Julia. You will at last have the opportunity to explain the reasons behind your actions, and who knows what might happen after that.'

  'I like your optimism, Elizabeth,' Julia smiled wryly as she returned to her chair, 'but I don't somehow think it's going to be that easy.'

  'Why shouldn't it be easy?' demanded Elizabeth.

  'First, because this is all pure conjecture,' Julia pointed out rationally. 'Second, Nathan always was a man with a great deal of pride. He might still forgive me for hurting his feelings, but I doubt if he will ever forgive me for hurting his pride.' Julia could feel her body grow taut with tension while she spoke, and she lowered her gaze to her hands which she had clasped together so tightly in her lap that her fingers had begun to ache. 'And last but not least,' she added quietly, 'it would be foolish to overlook the fact that he might be happily married, and not at all interested in whatever explanation I might want to give him.'

  'Whatever happens, Julia,' Elizabeth remarked after a lengthy silence, 'I'm sure it will be for the best.'

  Their conversation ended on that note, and Julia left soon afterwards to return to her cottage.

  Children played in the park alongside the municipal offices. Julia could hear their shrill, excited voices as she drove past, and she could not help wishing that she was a child again.
Childhood had been such a carefree time for her, but growing up had meant facing problems and making decisions, and she had not always found solace in the conviction that she had made the right choice.

  Julia drove on through the quiet streets. There was no sense in speculating about what she might have done if she had to have her life over again, and she sighed heavily when she finally turned off on to the narrow lane which led to the river.

  She reduced speed and changed down to a low gear to drive slowly past the row of familiar cottages. She was nearing the final bend in the lane when a red, low-slung vehicle appeared as if from nowhere directly ahead of her, and it was bearing down on her at breakneck speed. There was no time for contemplation, she had to avoid a collision, and she reacted instinctively. She turned sharply to the left, steering her Toyota into a shallow ditch at the side of the lane as the red monster skimmed past her, but the next instant she had to step hard on the brake to bring her car to a shuddering halt inches from the broad stem of a gum tree. The Toyota's engine cut out, and the deafening silence which followed was disturbed only by the thudding pace of her own heartbeats.

  It had all happened so quickly that there had been no time for thought. It was over in one terrifying instant and, too numb with shock to wonder at the identity of the careless driver, she buried her face in her arms on the steering-wheel. She did not hear the footsteps approaching her car at a brisk pace, and she was still sitting with her head bowed on her arms when the door was wrenched open beside her.

  A hand touched her shoulder, and a brisk, professional voice was asking, 'Did you hurt yourself? Are you in pain?'

  A renewed wave of shock rippled through Julia, and it felt curiously as if the air was being drained from her lungs. The deep, resonant timbre of that voice was too familiar ever to forget, she would know it anywhere even if she lived to be a hundred, and she had no option but to raise her head and look up into that equally familiar face so close to her own.

  Nathan Corbett's hand released her shoulder as if he had come into contact with a leprous object, and his surprise was evident when he stepped back a pace, but he controlled himself with admirable swiftness, his ruggedly handsome features settling into a cold and impenetrable mask that sent a shiver of apprehension racing along her spine.

  'Well, it's a small world, isn't it,' he commented with a biting sarcasm that made her wince inwardly, and she could feel herself shrinking beneath the probing intensity of his clinical glance. 'Are you hurt?'

  Her mouth felt dry, and she swallowed convulsively before she shook her head and croaked, 'No, I'm all right.'

  'What the hell are you doing here in Doornfield?'

  The past washed over her in one painful wave after the other while she sat there staring at him a little stupidly with her clammy hands clamped about the steering-wheel. At first glance he had not changed much except for the deepening of the grooves which ran from his high-bridged nose down to the corners of his strong, sensuous mouth, and he still had the bluest eyes she had ever seen, but they were flint-hard when they met hers, making him a harsh, formidable stranger.

  'I happen to live here,' she heard herself explaining in a voice which sounded quite unlike her own. 'My cottage is the last one before the road curves down to the river.'

  'Is everything all right, darling?'

  Julia glanced over her shoulder at the sound of that feminine voice, and her insides jolted savagely when she saw a dark-haired woman emerge from the driver's seat of the Ferrari which had been parked a short distance away. Was this Nathan's wife? Julia wondered as she watched the woman walk towards them in her baggy yellow slacks and equally baggy red blouse which had been girded in at her slender waist with a red and yellow polka-dot sash. This woman was dressed youthfully, but Julia guessed that she was not as young as she intended everyone to believe.

  'Everything is under control,' Nathan replied, and Julia was suffused with the desire to laugh out loud.

  Everything is under control! Oh, God, if only that were true! Shock was suddenly taking its toll. Her emotions were in a frantic, unrecognisable turmoil, and she was shaking so much that she had no idea how she was going to drive the short distance to her cottage. She also had a dreadful feeling that she was going to burst into hysterical tears at any moment, and she wished that Nathan would go away and leave her alone.

  'This really is a poor excuse for a road, and I can only say it's a miracle that no one was hurt,' Nathan's lady-friend remarked when she reached his side, and her dark gaze sharpened unexpectedly when it rested on Julia.

  'Marcia, this is Julia.' Nathan introduced them without so much as a flicker of emotion on his rugged face, and the casualness of his introduction made Julia suspect that he had taken Marcia into his confidence.

  The atmosphere was all at once crackling with tension as Julia received a cool, wordless nod in greeting, and she responded in a similar manner while she withstood the calculating stare of those dark, almond-shaped eyes. Marcia was an extremely beautiful woman, but Julia sensed a hard inner core which suggested a sad lack of warmth and compassion.

  'We really must hurry, darling, if we're to be at the farm before our visitors arrive,' Marcia reminded Nathan impatiently, and she ignored Julia as she linked her arm through his in a possessive gesture which said quite clearly, 'He belongs to me now!'

  A look of indecision flashed across Nathan's face, but Julia's nerves were fast approaching breaking-point.

  'Please don't let me delay you,' she said stiffly, turning the key in the ignition, and sighing inwardly with relief when the Toyota's engine sprang to life.

  Nathan closed the door without speaking, and they stepped away from her car as she reversed out of the ditch. Julia slammed the gear lever into first, let in the clutch, and drove on down the lane without daring to look back.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Julia could not recall afterwards how she had succeeded in garaging her car without a mishap when she arrived at the cottage. She was shaken to the core, and she had entered her bedroom like an automaton to lie face-down on her bed. It had taken a long time for those terrible tremors to subside inside her, and afterwards she had been left with an uneasy feeling that she had not seen the last of Nathan Corbett. She had known that meeting him again after all this time might be an ordeal, but the shock of their near collision in the lane had shattered her calm, and it had very nearly snapped her rigid control.

  She forced herself to eat and drink something before she went to bed, but she slept very little that night, and she awoke the following morning with a head that felt twice its normal size. She had wondered for weeks how she would feel if she had to see Nathan again, but when she analysed her feelings that morning she could recall only the shock and the near-hysteria.

  'You've been looking a little peaky all morning,' Roland remarked after lunch that day when he was free for a few minutes to have a cup of tea with Julia, and his clinical glance lingered intently on her hollow-eyed face. 'You look as if you didn't sleep very well last night. Aren't you feeling well?'

  'I had a bad night, but I'm not ill,' Julia assured him, draining her cup and placing it in the tray on his desk. 'I met Nathan very briefly yesterday afternoon after I left your house.'

  Roland's eyebrows rose in a query behind his gold-rimmed spectacles, and she felt compelled to explain briefly what had occurred.

  'Do you think Nathan is married to this Marcia woman?' Roland asked when she fell silent, and Julia shrugged.

  'I have no idea.'

  Roland drummed his fingers absently on the arm of his chair and frowned. 'I've heard from a reliable source that Nathan sent a crew of interior decorators up ahead of him to renovate the old house on the farm, and it seems as if he has plans to spend the next six weeks at Honeywell.'

  Julia did not question Roland about his source of information, but her uneasiness increased at the knowledge that Nathan would be spending the next six weeks on the farm. Doornfield had suddenly become too small to accommodate both Nathan
and herself, and she was not looking forward to a second meeting.

  'Don't leap ahead at problems which might never arise, Julia,' Roland advised as if he had gauged her thoughts and fears. 'Take each day as it comes, and deal with each problem if and when it arises.'

  Julia appreciated his advice, and she had cause to remember it when she arrived home late one afternoon later that week to see that now familiar red Ferrari parked outside her gate. Her body grew tense, and her heart leapt uncomfortably in her breast a few seconds later when she had garaged her car to find Nathan standing a short distance from her beside a wooden arch on which a lilac bougainvillaea was growing profusely.

  'I thought your grandmother would have moved up here to live with you.'

  Julia stared at him for a moment, taking in the blue denims filling snugly across his lean hips and muscular thighs, and the white, sleeveless T-shirt with the V-neck which gave her more than a glimpse of the short dark hair curling against his tanned chest. A pulse began to throb frantically at the base of her throat. It made her realise that she was not as unaffected by his presence as she would have wished to be, and she looked away again hastily.

  'My grandmother died three years ago,' Julia informed him matter-of-factly, stepping past him to walk along the concrete path to her front door, and her nerves coiled into a knot at the pit of her stomach at the knowledge that he was following her.

  'I'm sorry to hear that,' he was saying. 'I remember her as a strong, robust woman who was seldom ill, and I find it difficult to believe that she isn't still alive.'

  Julia's thoughts were too chaotic to speak, and she needed those few moments to control her features as well as her erratic heart-beats while she unlocked the door, but Nathan was observing her with a faintly sardonic expression in his blue eyes when she turned to face him.