She was telling Julia nothing that she had not known already, but having someone like Marcia put it into words was like a heated blade being thrust into Julia's soul, and something deep down inside her forced her to retaliate.
'You're not very sure of Nathan, are you?'
'What do you mean?' Marcia snapped, her dark eyes narrowing with indignation and anger, but a tiny muscle jerked at the corner of her mouth, and it told Julia that she had struck a nerve. 'Of course I'm sure of Nathan!' Marcia insisted.
'No, you're not,' Julia contradicted her with a calmness which heightened Marcia's agitation to a level where the atmosphere in the room became explosive. 'There would have been no need to warn me off if you had been absolutely sure of Nathan's feelings for you,' Julia explained.
Marcia's breasts seemed to heave beneath the low-cut bodice of the black, shimmering top she wore with her slacks, and that spark of malevolence in her dark eyes was hastily concealed. Julia had an odd feeling that they were now circling each other mentally like two cats taking their time to sum up the opponent before launching into an attack, and it was Marcia who made the first move.
'What Nathan and I have together is something you will never be able to understand, or appreciate,' she smiled as if she knew that she was in complete control of herself and the situation. 'We meet each other's needs perfectly, and we're planning to make it a permanent partnership.'
Julia's heart lurched sickeningly in her breast. 'You're going to be married?'
Marcia's complacent smile was sufficient answer, and Julia could feel herself dying slowly inside.
'I can give Nathan what he wants, and much more. My father is an influential man, and he is in a position to ensure that Nathan's brilliance and skill as a neuro-surgeon will not go unnoticed.' There was undisguised malice in the smile Marcia bestowed on Julia. 'You wouldn't want to do anything which might rob Nathan of the chance to reach the top in his profession, would you?'
Julia felt sick and nauseatingly cold inside. It had been wrong of her to underestimate this woman. Marcia was shrewd, and fate had diabolically placed the most powerful weapon in her hands. No, Julia remonstrated with herself. I don't want to do anything which might rob Nathan of the chance to reach the top in his profession. If I did do something foolish, it would simply make a mockery of the sacrifice I made five years ago.
'No, you wouldn't want to do anything to hamper Nathan,' Marcia answered her own question with a triumphant smile while Julia continued to stare at her in abject silence. 'You're still in love with him, but you're never going to get him back. He belongs to me now, and that's the way he wants it.'
Julia knew that she would be physically ill if she had to stay in the same room with this woman a moment longer. She brushed past Marcia and, wrenching open the door, she rushed out of the house to draw the fresh air deep into her lungs in a desperate attempt to steady herself.
'Are you feeling all right?' Damian peered at her anxiously when she got into the car beside him. 'You looked a bit strange when I saw you rush out of the house.'
'I'm quite all right, Damian,' she assured him untruthfully. 'Just take me home, please.'
Damian did not need further encouragement. He turned the key in the ignition and drove away from the house with the Jaguar's headlights slicing through the darkness ahead of them.
This was a night which Julia would not forget in a hurry. Being ignored and insulted by Nathan seemed to take second place to the confrontation she had had with Marcia, and Marcia's words echoed relentlessly through Julia's mind until she thought she would go mad with despair. We meet each other's needs perfectly, and we're planning to make it a permanent partnership. My father is an influential man, and he is in a position to ensure that Nathan's brilliance and skill as a neuro-surgeon will not go unnoticed. You're never going to get him back. He belongs to me now, and that's the way he wants it.
It had not been in Nathan's nature to rely on the resources of others to get him where he had wanted to be, but five years was a long time, and his sense of values could have changed. He had been ambitious in his search for knowledge, but now it appeared as if he was ambitious in his search for the public recognition he could acquire in his profession. Could anyone change so drastically?
'Are you going to invite me in for a cup of coffee?' Damian intruded on her thoughts, and she came to her senses with the discovery that they were parked in her short driveway.
'Yes, of course,' she agreed hastily, getting out of the car and leading the way to the front door of the cottage where the outside light was sufficient for her to see what she was doing when she inserted her key in the lock.
'I owe you an apology.' Damian had followed her into the kitchen and she turned to see him frowning down at the tiled floor. 'If I had known that Nathan would behave in such an atrocious manner, then I would never have insisted that you be my partner for the evening.'
'Don't feel bad about it,' she brushed aside his apology while she switched on the electric kettle. 'Nathan's behaviour was unpalatable, but quite understandable.'
'You're very forgiving.' He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek while he studied her clinically. 'You're a little pale, and your skin feels cold to the touch. Are you sure you're feeling all right?'
'Yes, I'm fine,' she lied, turning from him to set out two cups, and they did not speak again until they were sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee in front of them. 'Do you know Marcia's father at all?' she questioned Damian cautiously.
'I don't know him personally, but I know of him.' His green glance was curious when it met hers across the wooden table. 'Why do you ask?'
'I'm curious, that's all.' She raised her cup and held it between her hands to force a little warmth into them. 'Is he a man of influence?'
'I would say so, yes. He had an interest in almost every conceivable venture, and I'm told that he has friends in all the right places.'
'Has he extended his interests into the field of medicine?' she continued to question Damian.
'It's odd that you should mention that,' he said, his brushy brows meeting in frown. 'Basil Grant is a major shareholder in a project which concerns the construction of a private hospital where wealthy patients may languish for a fat fee, and I've heard whispers that he is very keen to install Nathan as head of the neuro-surgical department.'
Julia felt the cold hand of truth clutching at her heart. 'I imagine it's a chance in a lifetime.'
'That depends on which way you look at it.' His wide mouth twitched with the suggestion of a smile, but his rugged features were etched in disapproval. 'Nathan will most certainly make a name for himself, but at the same time he might also be selling his soul to the corporate bosses. He will be restricting himself to one particular hospital, whereas he now has the freedom to operate where he pleases, and you can bet that the members of the board will be selective when it comes to admitting patients.'
Julia could barely conceal her distaste, and she was having great difficulty in believing that the man she loved would allow himself to become a party to such unethical procedures.
'Has Nathan given you any indication as to whether he would accept such a post if it were offered to him?'
'Nathan doesn't talk much about himself these days. He works hard and plays hard, and he keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself.' His grave glance captured hers. 'He's not the same man you used to know, Julia.'
A lump rose in her throat and she swallowed it down with difficulty. 'Am I to blame, Damian?'
'Who can tell,' he shrugged. 'It knocked him hard when you broke off your engagement, but there are others who have survived similar knocks without undergoing major personality changes.'
Her empty cup went down into the saucer with a clatter, and she raised her hands to press her fingers against her throbbing temples. 'God knows, I've lain awake nights asking myself whether I made the right decision, but I've always seemed to come up with the same answer. I couldn't stand in the way of his career
, and I knew that he wouldn't have gone to Europe without me.'
'You're quite right there,' Damian eased her mind slightly by confirming her statement. 'It wasn't an easy decision for you to make, and one day, perhaps, he'll appreciate what you did for him.'
She shook her head. 'I don't want Nathan's appreciation,' she whispered emphatically. 'I want him to be happy.'
Julia surprised herself with those words, but it was true. Nathan's happiness was more important to her than anything else, and if he could find that happiness with Marcia, then she would never dream of standing in his way. Her own feelings did not matter. She would survive as she had done before, but only if she knew that Nathan was happy in what he was doing. 'You're the only one who could make him happy.'
'No, Damian.' She tried to smile, but her lips quivered with the effort to suppress her tears, and resignation was mirrored on her pale face when she lowered her hands to meet his frowning glance. 'Nathan has changed, you said so yourself, and I can no longer give him what he wants.'
'I don't think he really knows what he wants, and taking extended leave at this time, and at this particular place, is perhaps one of the best decisions Nathan has made in a long time.' Their glances met and held for interminable seconds, then he smiled faintly and pushed back his chair to get to his feet. 'I could sit here all night talking to you, but it's getting late and, much as I dislike the idea, I have to get back to Honeywell.'
'Will I see you again before you return to Johannesburg?' she asked when she rose to accompany him out to his car.
'I'm afraid not.' He shook his coppery head and smiled ruefully. 'I'm leaving early in the morning to keep a date with a pretty young girl before I take her into the theatre on Monday to do corrective surgery on a leg which she damaged rather badly in a car accident.'
'I'm glad you haven't changed, Damian.' She smiled up at him with a mixture of sadness and affection when they stepped out into the scented night air and walked along the concrete path to where he had parked his Jaguar. 'You're still the same caring man you used to be.'
He dismissed her remark with a careless wave of his hand, and glanced at her speculatively. 'Do you ever miss not working in a hospital?'
'Sometimes,' she confessed after a pausing to consider his query.
She had found it an exciting experience to be a part of the hospital team, but she was happy working for Roland de Necker, and he and Elizabeth had been good to her.
'Take heart, my dear,' Damian murmured, lowering his head to kiss her on the cheek. 'I'll keep in touch, and take care of yourself.'
Julia stood outside in the darkness for a long time after he had left, and only one clear thought emerged from her chaotic and tortured mind. Fate had brought Nathan and her together for a second time, but it was obvious now that they were not meant to have a future together. There would always be something which would create a barrier between them, and she had been foolish to allow herself to hope for more. There was no place for her in Nathan's life. He belonged to Marcia, they were going to be married, and his future would be secured.
CHAPTER FIVE
It was peaceful strolling along the river at sunset with Warren. The picnic area was deserted, everyone had returned home after spending the Sunday along the shady banks of the river, and Julia inhaled the fresh country air deeply as if three years in Doornfield had not been long enough to rid her lungs of the city smog. A fish eagle swooped low over the rushing water, and they stopped to watch and listen to its familiar cry piercing the stillness that hovered over the bushveld at that time of day.
'The call of Africa,' Warren remarked when they resumed their leisurely walk.
'The cry of the fish eagle has been recorded often enough,' she agreed, raising her glance to see the sun dipping lower beyond the distant hills until it was out of sight. All that remained was a pink hue in the sky, and it awakened a sadness in her which she could not suppress when her thoughts drifted back to that afternoon two weeks ago when she had accompanied Damian to the braai at Honeywell. 'I never realised what I was missing when I lived in the city, and it's going to be extremely difficult for me to leave here,' she spoke her thoughts aloud.
Warren halted abruptly, and his fingers bit into her arm when he turned her to face him. 'You're not thinking of going away, are you, Julia?'
'It's something I might have to consider seriously at some time in the future,' she replied, knowing that she could not bear to stay in Doornfield once Nathan and Marcia were married. To see them together as husband and wife would be a form of torture which she had no intention of subjecting herself to.
'We've been seeing other more frequently these past two weeks.' Warren's dark glance held hers captive. 'Dare I believe that you're beginning to like me?'
'I have always liked you,' she answered him truthfully, 'but in the past I was always afraid that you might want more from me than friendship, and that's why I never encouraged you.'
'Are you encouraging me now?'
'I'm not sure,' she laughed self-consciously.
'Julia…'
'Take it slowly, Warren,' she pleaded hastily, her hands flat against his chest to ward him off when he would have drawn her into his arms. 'I like you, and I enjoy your company very much, but that's all I can say at the moment.'
'I'm not asking for much, Julia,' he said quietly, his hands moving against her shoulders in a caress which soothed rather than aroused her. 'I know you may never love me the way I love you, but I know I can make you happy if you would only let me try.'
A lump rose in her throat and her eyes filled with stinging tears. 'I think I'm going to cry,' she whispered shakily.
'Marry me, Julia.'
She shook her head and swallowed down that aching lump in her throat while she dashed away her tears with the back of her hand. 'I wouldn't be the right wife for you.'
'That's your opinion, not mine,' he persisted, his hands tightening on her shoulders.
'Warren, I…' Her protest died on her lips when, for a brief moment, she actually found herself toying with the idea of marrying him, but she knew in her heart that it would be wrong, and her hands fluttered helplessly against his chest. 'I'm flattered and honoured, Warren, but I can't marry you.'
'Let me put it to you this way,' he said, obviously refusing to admit defeat. 'If you change your mind will you let me know?'
This was a reasonable request, and Julia considered it for a moment before she said, 'I can't promise anything, but, yes, I'll let you know if I change my mind.'
Warren kissed her briefly on the lips and, drawing her arm through his in the gathering dusk, she strolled back with him towards the path which led to her cottage.
Julia's thoughts were in a painful turmoil, and strewn with guilt. These past two weeks would have been sheer hell for her if it had not been for Warren, but it had been extremely selfish of her not to consider his feelings. He was in love with her and he wanted to marry her. She had known that for some weeks now, but she had done nothing to discourage him. Oh, God, how she hated herself at that moment!
'I believe young Tommy Durandt hurt himself rather badly a few days ago when he overturned a tractor on his father's farm.'
Warren's remark broke the silence between them, and it took a moment for Julia to surface from her disturbed thoughts. After three years in Doornfield she was no longer surprised or angered at the swiftness with which news travelled among the villagers.
'That young man should consider himself lucky to be alive.'
'How serious are his injuries?'
'Very serious.' A frown creased her smooth brow when she recalled her own anxieties with regard to this young patient whom Roland had admitted to hospital three days ago with multiple injuries. 'I'm not really at liberty to discuss a patient.'
'I understand that Tommy Durandt had been chosen to play first-team rugby for his school before the accident,' Warren continued conversationally. 'Do you think his injuries will allow him to play again?'
'It's too soon
to say,' she shrugged, giving him the only answer she could under the circumstances, and he fortunately left the matter there.
Warren had a cup of coffee with her at the cottage, and then he left. It was as if he had sensed that she wanted to be alone, and Julia was grateful to him for that. He was perceptive to her needs, and that was one of the many things she liked about him. Warren Chandler was a good, hard-working man, and he would make some woman a wonderful husband, but she could not imagine herself as his wife. She loved him in a way, but not as a woman ought to love the man she married, and Warren deserved better than that.
Nathan. Oh, if only she could shut him out of her mind and her heart! He was everything she had always wanted in a man, but fate had decreed that he would never be hers. Dear God, why did she still have to love him so much?
For some obscure reason Roland's waiting-room was always crowded on a Monday morning, but Julia did not object to being kept busy. It took her mind off her own problems, and she was pleasantly tired during a welcome break that afternoon when she prepared a tray of tea and took it through to Roland in his consulting-room.
He was sitting with his back to her while she poured their tea, and he was drumming his fingers on the arms of his chair while he studied a set of X-rays on the scanner.
'Tommy Durandt?' she guessed intuitively.
'Yes,' he grunted, snapping off the light on the scanner and frowning heavily when he removed the X-rays and slipped them into a large brown envelope on his desk. 'I'm worried about him, Julia.'
'Isn't he responding to treatment?' she asked, passing him a cup of tea.
'His condition has stabilised, and most of his injuries will heal, but the spinal contusion is causing complications.'
'His legs?'
'Non-functional.' Roland confirmed what Julia had begun to suspect. 'I've ordered a second set of X-rays which should be ready later this afternoon, and I'm placing young Tommy in the hands of a specialist.'
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