Frisky Business

by Tawna Fenske

  “Of course, not a problem,” Susan said. “Would you like me to make a copy for you?”

  Will had agreed, and spent ten minutes in his car afterward studying Marley’s background and googling her former employers on his iPhone. He hadn’t learned much, except that Marley had been a remarkably busy woman in her fifteen years since college. He’d do a little more digging once he had time to do it properly. He owed it to Cheez Whiz to be thorough.

  You owe it to Marley to admit you’re checking her out because you’re suspicious she fudges facts to please people.

  Not true. Well, true that he maybe had some trust issues, but he was just doing his job. And true that he wanted to be sure Marley’s references and work history checked out. As chairman of the board of directors, his loyalty was to Cheez Whiz. He didn’t owe Marley anything. Hell, he barely knew her.

  You’re being a suspicious jerk.

  True. Very true.

  But isn’t that exactly what April had said when she’d caught him scrolling through her cell phone a month before their divorce more than four years ago?

  Part of him had expected to find a clandestine email from a guy at the gym, or someone she worked with, or maybe even an old boyfriend. Something that would explain why his sweet, soft-spoken, eager-to-please wife had grown so distant.

  What he’d found had certainly explained things, though Will could have done without seeing topless photos of his sister. Apparently, the two women had been enjoying more than margaritas on their girls’ nights out.

  Should have learned your lesson about snooping.

  Probably so, Will mused as he drew his attention back to where Marley and Darin stood before the crowd. Marley clapped, her face flushed with excitement, as Darin led Floyd up a little ramp and into his travel cage. Then she turned back to the crowd and beamed. “A round of applause for the badgers, and an extra round for you, our generous donors.”

  The audience applauded politely while Floyd twitched his nose and picked up a scrap of food Darin dropped in the corner of his enclosure.

  “Thanks to all of you,” Marley said, “we’ll be able to continue our educational programs for schoolchildren throughout the district. We’ve already made a nice dent in tonight’s fund-raising goals, but don’t forget to take a look at our silent auction items in the next room. There’s a lot of great stuff up for grabs, and another twenty minutes left on the bidding. Remember that all the money goes straight to the Cascade Historical Society and Wildlife Sanctuary.”

  “Cheez Whiz,” Will said under his breath to no one in particular. He slouched against the wall, out of earshot of the donors filtering by with wineglasses in their hands and dollar signs in their eyes. Will studied Marley as she watched Darin latch the badger cage. She leaned close to Darin and spoke into his ear. Darin smiled and said something that made Marley laugh, and Will tried to ignore the jealous twist in his gut. His fingers tightened around the glass he’d filled with the last dregs of her blueberry tea. He took a sip to wash away the illicit thoughts he’d been having about her.

  Fat lot of good that did. The bright berry smell of it just made Will recall the scent of Marley’s hair as she’d tossed it over one shoulder and—

  “Billy’s got a cruuush, Billy’s got a cruuush…”

  The teasing whisper in his ear caught Will by surprise, and he whirled around to see his sister grinning at him. No one was close enough to hear, but he caught her by the wrist anyway and poked two fingers into her ribs.

  “Knock it off or I’ll tickle you until you pee,” he whispered.

  Bethany giggled and straightened her blouse, yanking her arm away from him with ease. She drained the rest of her red wine and set the glass on a bistro table before leaning against the wall beside Will, their shoulders touching slightly.

  “Nice to see we’ve both grown up enough to attend formal charity functions,” Bethany said. “We should make armpit noises next.”

  “Speak for yourself. I was just standing here, minding my own business—”

  “—ogling the new development director’s tits.” Bethany grinned and grabbed the iced-tea glass out of Will’s hand. She took a sip and handed it back. “I was doing the same thing.”

  “You have no idea how disturbing I find it that we have the same taste in women.”

  “Relax, bro. This one bats for your team. She’s all yours.”

  Will glanced over at Marley in case their voices had carried, but it was clear they hadn’t. His sister was crude, but she knew how to be discreet.

  “How do you know Marley bats for my team?” He frowned. “And did you know for a long time that April—”

  “Liked playing cuddle-the-koala?”

  “I don’t even know what that means.”

  “Well—”

  “Don’t feel you need to explain it.”

  Bethany grinned. “I knew before April knew, if that’s what you’re asking. Lesbians who come out of the closet younger like I did tend to have a finely tuned gaydar detector. It helps us spot the ones who are still locked in the closet but trying desperately to claw their way out.”

  Will bit down the insult that threatened to bubble up any time conversations with his sister took a turn like this. He didn’t still love April—not like that—but he didn’t like feeling as though he’d held April prisoner. That his sweet, gentle ex had been desperate or miserable. That he’d been a rich, entitled bastard who’d trapped her in a marriage and an identity she didn’t really want.

  “So you’re positive Marley’s straight?” Will said, determined to get back to the issue at hand.

  “I’d stake my flannel shirt collection on it.”

  “Have you ever owned a flannel shirt?”

  Bethany straightened the plunging neckline of her red silk dress. “I refuse to answer that on the grounds that my lesbian card might be taken away. Seriously, though, Marley seems nice.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Definitely not after you for your money like a lot of women are.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Smart. Outdoorsy. Loves animals.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Fantastic legs. Great hair. Gorgeous t—”

  “You can stop there.” Will took a sip of his tea and looked at Bethany. “You’re right though. She does have fantastic legs.”

  “You’re welcome to join the three of us when we go mountain biking next weekend.”

  “No thanks. Sounds like more of a girls’ outing.”

  “If I didn’t know you, I’d say your tone sounded a little bitter there, Mr. Barclay.” She grinned. “Wait, I do know you—we emerged from the same vagina, if I recall correctly.”

  “And again, thank you for that visual.”

  “I was talking about Mom’s vagina, moron. Though now that I think about it—”

  “Don’t think about it.”

  Bethany was quiet a moment. “April and I aren’t taking Marley out mountain biking to turn her into a big, raging lesbian. In case you were worried about that, I mean. We’re just being friendly.”

  “Okay.”

  “And for the record, you can’t actually turn anyone into a lesbian, raging or otherwise.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “That little vein in your temple is twitching again.”

  “Thanks for noticing.”

  Bethany grabbed his iced tea and took another sip before handing it back. “You know, Will, you’re going to need to get over your trust issues someday.”

  Will quirked an eyebrow at her. “An odd statement, coming from you.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning one could argue you had something to do with my so-called trust issues.” He tried to keep his tone jovial, but probably failed. Bethany just shrugged, not seeming too insulted.

  “You probably have a point. Maybe I’ll make
it my mission to undo the damage. Call it penance or something.”

  “There’s no damage, Bethy. I’m fine.” Will paused, choosing his words carefully. “Look, I’m happy for you and April. You know I am, right?”

  “Sure.”

  “But you also know that discovering my wife—”

  “—preferred playing tickle-the-tulips?”

  “It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, so I’d appreciate it if you could cut me some slack here.” He put his arm around Beth’s shoulder and pulled her close. She used the opportunity to steal another sip of his tea.

  “Duly noted, bro.”

  Will kissed her forehead. “I love you, you, evil wife-stealing tramp.”

  “And I love you, you clueless, dick-wielding breeder.”

  “We’re probably due for some intense family therapy.”

  “Again?” Bethany grinned wider. “Let me go find April. She lives for the group hug.”

  “I think she’s upstairs with Bed’s granddaughter watching the Bambi DVD again.”

  Bethany ducked out from under Will’s arm. “I’ll catch you later. Let me know if you change your mind about joining us for the bike ride.”

  “Sure.”

  “And go talk to Marley already. She’s single, you’re single, she’s cute, you’re cute, she’s straight, you’re straight—”

  “She hates rich assholes, I’m a rich asshole. She plays loose with the truth to endear herself to people, I have major trust issues. She—”

  “Way to keep an open mind, Will.”

  He grinned. “I’m the most open-minded guy you know. Didn’t I buy you guys that tandem bike as an engagement gift?”

  “Thank you, Will.”

  “And who marched in the pride parade with you wearing a pink tutu?”

  “You looked lovely in it.”

  “And who bought you The Big Book of Lesbian Sex Positions?”

  “You just liked the pictures. And Aunt Nancy gave it to you.” She slugged him in the arm, the same arm Marley had nailed less than an hour ago. What was it with the women in his life wanting to hit him?

  “Now go get the girl,” Bethany commanded.

  Will had no intention of getting the girl, but he also didn’t want his sister accusing him of standing around with his thumb up his butt. He took a few steps in Marley’s direction, then a few more. The next thing he knew, he was standing right in front of her.

  “Nice badger show,” he said.

  Marley turned and gave him a broad smile. “That’s what all the guys say.” The smile was her real one, and Will felt pleased he’d already learned to distinguish between the stiff one she reserved for donors and the one she saved for actual pleasure.

  Bet you could find ways to see the pleasure smile more often.

  “How’s your evening going, Will?” she asked. “I take it you caught the badgers’ performance?”

  “Great. Floyd was particularly impressive.”

  “Thanks for all your help earlier today,” Marley said. “It’s always a challenge navigating these new situations and social structures.”

  Her expression was surprisingly disarmed, and Will felt something inside him twist. “I am the king of social rules.”

  “So I’ve heard.” She started to say something else, but then seemed to change her mind. They stood there for a moment looking at each other, and Will wondered what she was thinking. She opened her mouth again to fill the silence, but Darin’s reappearance halted whatever words she’d been about to utter.

  “Hey, Will, good to see you again.” Darin pulled off his mauve glove and shook Will’s hand, even though they’d gone through this ritual at least two other times throughout the evening. Will shook his hand anyway, careful not to be the dickhead who gripped too hard or tried to prove the size of his testicles by the strength of his fingers.

  “Darin, nice job with the presentation.”

  “Thanks, man. Marley did great too, especially considering it was her first show.”

  “Floyd and Frank get all the credit.” Marley smiled at Darin, and Will tried not to feel jealous. “Well, Floyd and Frank and Darin.”

  “I’m just glad it could do some good for the Cascade Historical Society and Wildlife Sanctuary,” Darin said.

  “Cheez Whiz,” Will supplied.

  One corner of Marley’s mouth twitched, but she didn’t look at Will. “Seriously, I didn’t know half that stuff about badgers. They really hunt in packs with coyotes?”

  “Absolutely,” Darin said. “It’s a uniquely symbiotic relationship with the badgers digging out ground squirrels the coyotes can catch for dinner, and the coyotes serving as bodyguards for the badgers. If you’re ever interested in a day trip out to the southeastern desert, you might be able to see it sometime.”

  “Really? Is it rare to see them in the act?”

  “Rare, but not unheard of. I know some great places to look.”

  “Well then, we’ll have to make it a date sometime.”

  “A date. I’d like that.”

  Darin smiled, and Marley smiled back. Will wondered how long it would take to drown himself in what remained of his iced tea.

  It wasn’t that their topic was boring, though he liked to think he could come up with wittier banter to engage Marley.

  No you couldn’t. You’d just play her some Madonna and crack stupid jokes.

  Probably true. Will sighed and downed the rest of his iced tea in one swallow. He set his glass on the tray of a passing waiter and gave Darin and Marley a mock salute.

  “I’d better go find Aunt Nancy and say hello,” Will said.

  “Oh, I was hoping to meet her this evening, but I’ve been tied up with the auctions and the badgers.”

  “I’ll let her know. Actually, there’s a good chance she’s already gone. She’s leading an early morning gymnophobia support group.”

  “A fear of the gym?”

  “A fear of seeing naked bodies.”

  “I learn something new every day.”

  “With Aunt Nancy it’s not always something you wanted to learn.”

  “Well, if you see her, let her know how grateful we all are for her generous donation of… of… of figurines.”

  Will grinned. “Will do. Then I’m heading home to see my dogs.”

  Marley glanced at her watch and bit her lip. “I was worried about leaving Magoo this long, but luckily my father planned a last-minute visit. He’s keeping an eye on him.”

  “So you and Magoo are hitting it off well?”

  “Splendidly,” Marley said. “He’s always so sweet and happy and excited to see me at the end of the day. I just love having him there to cuddle with, and he always warms my toes in bed.”

  Will nodded, trying not to picture Marley in bed. Trying not to feel jealous of a dog. “Give him my regards.”

  ***

  Marley hadn’t even finished unlocking the front door when she called for her dog, eager to see a friendly face.

  “Magoo! It’s me, boy! C’mere, Magoo.”

  From the darkness, Marley heard a familiar snort. “Please tell me someone else named that animal.”

  “Dad?” Marley pushed the door open and flipped on a light switch.

  Her father tugged off a pair of expensive-looking earphones and smiled. He was sitting in the half-dark living room, the glow of his laptop providing the only illumination in the space. Beside him, Magoo was sprawled on his back with his jowls sagging open. Marley’s dad was stroking the dog’s belly with one hand and typing with the other. At the sight of Marley, Magoo flipped over as gracefully as he could manage and thumped his stubby tail against the sofa cushion.

  Marley patted her knees, and Magoo scrambled off the couch, catching himself as he started to tumble. His furry paws flailed, and he skidded to a halt in fron
t of Marley and licked her knee.

  Marley bent to scratch his ears, cooing about what a good dog he was. Magoo flopped onto his side and groaned with pleasure as Marley scratched his belly with French- manicured fingernails.

  Her dad watched the whole thing from the sofa, a bemused look on his face. “Your mother was the same way with animals. Giving them goofy names, slobbering all over them, making them piss themselves from the sheer joy of being around her.”

  “What goofy name did she call you?”

  Her dad grinned. “Rumpy-diddle, Schnooky Lumps, or Studly-do-right. I always maintained bladder control, though.”

  Marley laughed and stood up. “Need a refill on the bourbon?”

  “Just a splash. Care to join me?”

  “I don’t really like bourbon.”

  “You should learn to. High-end distilled spirits are a great entrée into upscale social circles.”

  Marley grimaced en route to the kitchen. She paused long enough to toe off her high heels, which she kicked into the corner by the door. She padded into the living room and grabbed her father’s glass off the coaster on the end table. Magoo trotted behind her, delighted with the prospect of a trip to the kitchen.

  “You look nice, by the way,” her dad said.

  “Thanks. My first charity event since I started the new job.”

  “Things go well?”

  “Great. Good turnout, very generous donors.”

  Her dad set the earphones on the arm of the sofa and turned back to his computer as Marley reached the kitchen. A bottle of Basil Hayden’s bourbon rested on the counter, and Marley yanked open the freezer and grabbed the requisite number of ice cubes, careful not to make them too big or too small. She hesitated, then grabbed an empty glass for herself.

  He’s probably right about bourbon and upscale social circles.

  “So Dad,” she called. “How long are you in town?”

  “A week at least, but I’ll be traveling to a lot of meetings so I’ll mostly be out of your hair. I want to give you plenty of privacy in case you and Curtis need space to work things out.”

  Marley rolled her eyes and picked up both glasses. “Dad. I’m not getting back with Curtis.”