My Estranged Lover (Middlemarch Shifters Book 5)

by Shelley Munro

  “Two days. I’ll talk to Caroline tonight. Is it possible for me to talk to Cam Sinclair?”

  “I’ll give you his number, so you can ring him tomorrow. Take Felix aside and ask your questions. He can tell you about the living situation and the other men.”

  Marsh nodded, a surge of hope lifting his chin. “I’ll do that. Thanks.” He extended his hand and Saber clasped it in a firm shake.

  Saber stood. “My final word of advice—tell Caroline the truth. Your parents were wrong to insist on you keeping this secret. If Caroline is your mate, she deserves the truth.”

  * * * * *

  Caroline sat in the passenger seat of the old Toyota and wished she’d met Emily, Tomasine and Isabella earlier, rather than staying in the nodding-acquaintance zone. They’d been nice to her, treated her as worthy rather than an encumbrance added to the family via marriage. They were exuberant but a trifle bossy. She smiled in the darkness, ruefulness filling her. Somehow, she’d committed to a shopping trip to Dunedin tomorrow when she’d intended to pack up their belongings and leave Middlemarch for good.

  One extra day wouldn’t matter. She still had her plan.

  Marsh pulled up in front of the farmhouse and she found it difficult not to compare their home with the Mitchells’ place. In the daylight, the white paint peeling from the old timber, the sloping floorboards of the interior, drew the eye.

  “You get the lights,” he said. “Both the boys are asleep. I’ll carry them inside.”

  “They had fun.” It had been good seeing them playing with young Sylvie, and even better, they’d behaved.

  “I think we all enjoyed the outing.”

  Caroline sensed him looking in her direction, despite her lack of clear vision. Clouds shrouded the half-moon, the nip in the air promising the arrival of winter. “The Mitchells are a lovely family.”

  “They are. I used to spend time there after school if Mum and Dad were busy. That’s when their Uncle Herbert was still alive. He took over after their parents died.”

  “He did a good job.” Caroline hurried up the three uneven steps to the front door and pushed it open. She reached for the light. Illumination filled the doorway, then a loud pop sounded as the bulb died a violent death. “Great. We’re out of replacement bulbs.”

  “Doesn’t matter. My night vision is good,” Marsh said. “Caroline, do we have any of that hot chocolate left? I wondered if we could talk once the boys are in bed.”

  Tension gripped her without warning. She didn’t want to talk any longer, not when she’d come to a decision. She opened her mouth to say no, then decided she owed him the courtesy of an adult discussion. “Will milo do?” The malty chocolate drink was one of the few food items left in the cupboard. If she intended to stay another day, they’d need to shop for food. A problem since they had no money in the check account.

  “Perfect,” he said, his tone warm with approval.

  She went mushy inside, hungry for every scrap of affection. Marsh, he’d swept her off her feet, and she still loved him. It was their situation—the constant battle to live and Marsh’s long hours, his family’s lack of warmth and charity that made their marriage so hard. The worst thing—she couldn’t see this changing, which was why she’d decided to leave. She’d force change on them, breaking up their small family in the process.

  “I’ll help Ricky into his pajamas while you get James,” she said.

  “All right.”

  Ten minutes later, she’d settled both boys—angelic and fast asleep. Caroline bustled around the kitchen with nerves simmering in the pit of her stomach. Not difficult to discern the topic of discussion. Finally, with the milo ready she had no reason not to join him at the kitchen table they used to eat their meals.

  Marsh took a sip of his milo and set the chunky mug down again. “I don’t want you to go.” He met her gaze, his own troubled. “I know things need to change. We’re broke and never have time together as a family or as husband and wife. My parents—” He shrugged. “I love you, Caroline, and I want another chance to prove that we’re good together.”

  His words held passion and strength, but she couldn’t see change and said as much.

  He pulled a face. “You’re right. Our lives won’t change if we stay here. What if we left Middlemarch?”

  Caroline gaped at him, blinking rapidly as she replayed his words. Had she heard right?

  He reached over to tap her chin with his forefinger, and she pressed her lips together. “Don’t look so shocked. Saber told me Cam Sinclair, Saul’s uncle—you remember Saul?”

  At her nod, he continued.

  “Cam Sinclair runs a sheep and cattle station in the Mackenzie country. He is looking for a farmhand. Saber said if I wanted the job he’d put a word in for me. I need to decide tonight because they’re advertising the job soon.”

  “The Mackenzie? The stations in that region are remote.”

  “Cam’s property is remote. According to Saber, they employ at least a dozen employees, some of them married with kids. One of the wives is a teacher, and she runs the correspondence school. Most of the time, they run regular work hours, except during lambing season. Part of the package is you helping with cooking, and they’d pay you for that. Saber gave me Cam’s number and we can ring him tomorrow morning. What do you think? Could we try again? Start again somewhere new?”

  “You’d do that? Leave Middlemarch, your family and friends?”

  “We’d have a regular income we could count on and I’d get time off to spend with you and the boys. I spoke with Felix since he worked there for six months. He said Cam was a fair boss, and apart from busy times of the year, his men do have a regular schedule.”

  “Why did Felix leave if he liked the job so much?”

  “Someone was stalking Tomasine, and he wanted to keep her safe. That’s all I know.”

  Caroline nodded, her mind busy. “Could I speak with this Cam Sinclair too?”

  “We can do the interview on speaker phone. If you have questions, you can ask Cam yourself.” His green eyes darkened as he gazed at her. “So you’ll do this? Give our marriage a second chance?”

  “I’ll think about it. Talk to Mr. Sinclair and maybe Tomasine.”

  Marsh reached for her hands and squeezed them hard before releasing them. “Thank you, Caroline. Things haven’t been right between us for a long time, but believe this. I do love you. I love our children, and I want to make this work.”

  “What time will you ring? Emily and Isabella talked me into a shopping trip. They’re coming to pick me up at ten. I’m dropping the boys at school and kindy before they whisk me off to Dunedin. We’re out of cash, and I need to buy food, otherwise we won’t have dinner.”

  “Once we’ve spoken to Cam Sinclair, I’ll hunt down Dad.” Marsh said in a grim voice.

  “I don’t need any for shopping, but the cupboards are empty.”

  “I’ll take care of it,” Marsh said, and steely resolve settled in his expression, a feral look that marched a shiver across her skin.

  “Thanks.” A yawn forced her mouth open, and she rose. “Pardon. I’m tired.”

  “Caroline.”

  “Yes?”

  “Can I sleep in our bed tonight? I’m tired too. I just want to hold you, feel close again. Please.”

  If he’d ordered her or forced his way into their bed after his lengthy absence, she might have objected, but his please cut her off at the knees. She nodded before her brain even caught up with the conversation.

  Marsh looked relieved, and she could see the tension lift from his muscular frame. His shoulders relaxed, his smile bathing her with humor. He held out his hand, his fingers gentle as he clasped hers. “Let’s grab some sleep. It’s late, and we’ve had an eventful day.”

  * * * * *

  Marsh clasped Caroline in his arms, the darkness a familiar friend since his feline sight gave him excellent night vision. He breathed in her sweet floral scent and his feline purred.

  “You’re ma
king that strange noise.”

  “It’s happiness. Stop wriggling.”

  She froze. “Why?”

  He led with truth. “Because we haven’t had sex for months, and my body is reacting to your presence.”

  “Oh.” Her small voice brought another grin. “Your…everyone says I’ve put on weight. I didn’t think you wanted me.”

  “Who is everyone?” he demanded, furious at them for doing a number on her confidence. Caroline had put on weight during her two pregnancies. She’d always been curvy, a fact that had drawn him to her. “Who is telling you you’re fat?” He rolled, gripping her shoulders and giving her a shake. “Tell me. Who?”

  She blinked, her blue eyes filling with unshed tears.

  “Caroline.”

  “Your mother.”

  “My mother said you’re fat?”

  A slight nod her only reply.

  “You are not overweight. I love your body.” He shifted positions and let his rigid cock graze her thigh. “Does this feel like an uninterested male?”

  “No, but we haven’t—”

  “I’ll feel this way about you when I’m eighty. Most people gain a little weight as they age.”

  “You haven’t.”

  “My job is more physical.” And it was almost impossible for a feline shifter to pile on huge amounts of weight. Their bodies burned energy fast. If anything, he came in underweight because he didn’t eat enough.

  “If we take this job, we’ll spend more time together as a family. We’ll be able to go swimming and walking. Teach the boys how to fly a kite. We can do fun things together. Remember how much we used to walk in Dunedin?”

  “Until our hands and feet went numb with the cold, then we’d find a cheap café and buy a hot drink. I remember.”

  “Caroline, my parents won’t take this well. Would you be happy for the boys to learn by correspondence? Felix said the kids range in age and they spend the morning together in the schoolroom. He said the teacher is excellent and Sylvie did well. She and the other mothers supervise the children in the afternoon, and they do arts and crafts and play games.”

  “I’ll talk to Tomasine after our phone call.”

  “All right. Just so you know—I’ve pretty much decided to take this job. Felix said they loved life at the station but missed Middlemarch and their family. The Mitchells are close. It’s easy to see their genuine affection for each other.”

  “This Cam Sinclair is a fair boss?”

  “Yes. Felix said he had no problems with the work and Cam was fair. He liked the other employees and said most of them had been at the station for years. That says something.”

  “It does.”

  “Maybe I’ll give Tomasine a quick call as soon as we wake. Ask her if she liked station life.”

  Marsh kissed her brow. He wanted to do more, but sensed they needed to heal their rift first. He understood even if he disliked the situation.

  “Marsh?” She sounded hesitant.

  “What, kitten?”

  She smiled. “You haven’t called me that for ages.”

  “Then I’ve been remiss.” He kept his tone light while inside he beamed. They’d talked more tonight than they had in months.

  “Marsh, will you kiss me good night?”

  “I just did.”

  “A real kiss.” Her words hung in the air and speared him with a jolt of adrenaline.

  “Anytime,” he said and closed the distance between them.

  Her lips were soft, her rush of breath smelling of mint. He tasted her, savored her and kept the kiss light, not traveling into carnal territory as his feline urged. When he lifted his head, they were both breathing heavily and his dick felt as if it might burst. He dragged in a gulp of air, then a second one. A purr erupted, and Caroline giggled, the soft gurgle welcome, even if it was at his expense.

  “Thanks. I wanted to know if we still had the spark.”

  “Nothing to worry about in that department,” he said, his tone dry. “What we have is an inferno.”

  Chapter Four

  Marsh dared to hope. If they could laugh together, they could make their relationship work. He brushed her hair from her face and stared at her in the darkness. Beautiful. While she’d put on weight she looked healthy and he loved every inch of her. He’d be having words with his mother tomorrow after he spoke to his father. It wouldn’t go well—neither of the discussions. His parents thought they knew what was best for him and the grandchildren they accepted because of their feline genes. But Caroline was the mother of his children, and that didn’t mean they could treat her with disrespect.

  “Why didn’t you tell me my mother was giving you a hard time?”

  “No point. She hurt me, but she’s always maintained a distance. I’m used to it.”

  “I want you, have always wanted you, Caroline. Never doubt that.”

  A tiny frown puckered her brow, and he pressed a kiss to the spot.

  “I’ve allowed outside factors to intrude. Give us six months. If the talk with Cam Sinclair goes well, and we move to the Mackenzie, it will be a new start. Give us a chance to become a family.”

  “If the talk goes well,” Caroline promised.

  Marsh relaxed. “I’m looking forward to making love to you again.”

  “I…I…” The tremor in her voice suggested where her mind had veered.

  He fixed it in the way he knew would spell out the truth, one she might believe because there was no lack of desire on his side. He grasped her hand and placed it on his groin. His cock tightened at the heat from her hand, her startled intake of air. He grinned again, even though his feline struggled for dominance.

  She kept her hand on his dick when he’d thought she’d laugh and roll onto her side to go to sleep. Instead, her fingers flexed, and the squeeze reverberated through his body. His feline stretched beneath his skin and reacted with a speed Marsh hadn’t experienced since the first time he’d met Caroline. Canines pushed free, piercing his gums. Claws forced their way beneath his fingernails, visible to him even in the darkness of their bedroom. He swallowed, his heart racing. Don’t shift. Don’t shift. Don’t shift. He forced his mind to thoughts of frigid showers, rolling in the snow, mustering stock under the hard pelt of winter sleet.

  Saber was right.

  Caroline had deserved the truth about felines and the feline community in the early days of their marriage.

  Now wasn’t the right time.

  If they moved to the high country station—he’d tell her then when she couldn’t walk away.

  Her fingers moved. A stroke.

  “I thought you wanted to sleep.”

  “I never said that,” Caroline said, and this time he was left in no doubt.

  “Be sure, because I won’t stop. I’ll take this as a sign you want this marriage and will meet me halfway to fix our problems.”

  The hand stilled, and she crawled over his naked body, her heavy flannel pajamas dragging against his torso. “I want this.”

  “Define this.”

  She bit her bottom lip, torturing it with the drag of her teeth as she hesitated. “I’ve missed sex.”

  “Caroline, if this continues, I’m going to leap to conclusions. I don’t want them to be the wrong ones.”

  She repeated the move with her lip, chewing it until he wanted to shout with frustration. He forced himself to stay silent, to wait.

  “It depends on what happens tomorrow. I can’t carry on the way we’ve been going, living so near your parents.”

  “What else are you keeping from me?”

  She sighed. “They put me down in front of the boys. I’ve tried to ignore the comments, but my patience is shredded. I’d hate to cause a rift with your family.”

  Anger pumped through him and a feline growl squeezed through his flattened lips. She stilled, her eyes rounding and her hand jerked from his body. He missed her touch at once.

  “My brother’s death broke my parents. Angus was the golden child, four years older
than me. He did everything they wanted without argument. He was bright and talented and they blame me for his death. I came as a surprise when they didn’t think they’d have more children.”

  “Didn’t you tell me he died in a motor vehicle accident? Your parents never mention him.”

  “He’s there in the background, hovering like an apparition,” Marsh said. “They compared us all the time. I didn’t measure up well compared to Angus.”

  “Why do they blame you? You’ve never talked about your brother.”

  “Angus was teaching me to drive. I made a mistake at a stop sign and hit the accelerator instead of the brake. We drove into the path of another vehicle. Angus died instantly and the driver of the other vehicle stayed in the hospital for three weeks. I escaped injury.” He shook his head, recalling his shock, his remorse and for the thousandth time wished he could go back to fix his mistake.

  “Oh Marsh. That’s terrible. How old were you?”

  “Sixteen. Angus had just finished telling me off for not paying proper attention, but I was so excited to learn to drive. We were practicing on the back roads that seldom had traffic. On that day, the guy was in a hurry, speeding, late to an appointment.”

  “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through.”

  “Time has made it a little easier, plus Sid Blackburn saw the entire accident from the paddock on the hill above the road. He told the cops I wasn’t going fast, but I was driving and didn’t stop. My parents have never forgiven me.”

  “I wondered about the tension. I thought your parents didn’t approve of me.”

  “That’s part of it. I’ve tried and you’ve tried. It’s time to stop paying for a mistake and move on with our future.”

  Caroline’s hand traveled across his biceps and up to his shoulder, her touch soothing his inner angst. Memories. Until the day of the accident, his recollections of his parents and brother had been good ones. Things changed.

  “I think I’ve spoiled the mood.”

  Marsh gave in to the impulse to kiss her—a quick brush of lips. Then, he wrapped his arms around her, shifting his position to align their bodies. “I think honest discussion is more important. We don’t take the time to talk. We’ve got out of the habit of doing lots of things and let our marriage drift.”