One bedroom was ours, and the other was Talon’s nursery. Drake painted it a soft yellow and added a pink fairy border around the top of the wall. I loved it. I also adored the matching crib bedding, and it even had a matching valance. Who knew they coordinated an entire nursery? Talon was six months old, and Nic, one of Drake’s sisters, was babysitting tonight.
Drake had told me we needed a night out – this was true. We’d barely been out since Talon was born. At first, I was anxious to spend time with him.
Things had been good. I'd forgotten how nasty his words could be.
We were in a bar with all of Drake’s friends. It was always his friends. I hadn’t seen Janice in a long time. I don’t even remember how it happened, or when it happened, but I no longer had girlfriends. A welcome gust of air whooshed in as the door opened, and an old friend of Drake’s walked in. He greeted several of Drake’s brothers, before he made it to us.
“Hey, Marie,” Johnny greeted. “How’s the baby?” I smiled brightly. I loved talking about Talon.
“She’s great. She’s crawling everywhere, already. I swear she is too curious for her own good.”
“That’s great,” he replied, “Drake? Marie? You want a beer?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Yeah, get me a tall one,” Drake answered his voice sounding off. Johnny walked away to get us drinks, and Drake grabbed my thigh, squeezing it with such force I knew it would bruise.
“Do you like that attention? You like being a whore?”
“Stop it, Drake,” I hissed, loud enough that a few of his friends sitting around the table heard. They ignored us, averting their eyes.
“You want Johnny to fuck you? Is that it? You been fucking him behind my back?”
“No, Drake. Please stop. You’re hurting me.” I hadn't seen this side of Drake in so long; I’d forgotten what it looked like.
“Let’s go,” he clipped, forgetting about his beer, or maybe just not giving a fuck. I followed him out the back door of the bar. It was hot outside. The air was sticky, and the dumpster wreaked as flies swirled overhead. There was a thickness to the air. I thought about the heat and the possessiveness from Drake that curled around my belly. I wasn't prepared for the sharp smack across my face.
“You don't fucking flirt with my brothers. I was sitting right fucking there, Marie. Right there.”
I fell to the pavement. Small pebbles tore into my leg. Drake had never really struck me before, not with an open hand, not like this. Sure, there was the time he choked me, but I'd somehow convinced myself that he was fucking me and choking me as a way to get off. This was different.
We fought, but never once was it quite like this. Never once was it so out in the open. Tears filled my eyes, and a metallic taste coated my tongue. My lip was split. That strike didn’t just hurt because it broke my skin, that was the first real strike that completely broke us. After a man hits you, and I mean truly hits you, there is no coming back. He could promise he’d change a million times, but that strike makes everything he says or does a lie. A man’s word was nothing if he uses his fist on you. Marriage vows of promising to honor and respect – obliterated.
I should’ve known when he struck me with words, or when he choke-fucked me against the wall, to leave and never look back. Now, we had a daughter, and I had to think of her first. Maybe somewhere deep down, I knew it would come to this. I'd been raised with this. I should have seen the signs, but perhaps it was the familiarity that unknowingly drew me in.
I knew I’d married a monster, and I’d enjoyed playing his game at the time. I suppose I just didn't want to see that the game would turn on me.
I raised myself from the ground, attempting to look at Drake head on. I wasn’t going to be his punching bag. “I can’t believe you hit me. I mean, I thought you had it in you after that one time, but not like this. Not after how good it has been. Not after Talon. You’re a real piece of shit. Who the hell do you think you are?” I screamed. I was so angry that he hit me. Again, I foolishly didn't expect the next strike. His fist came down hard and fast. So quick, I didn't even expect it. One minute I was yelling, and the next minute everything was dark.
I awoke at home. Drake was nowhere to be found, and neither was Talon. I called his sister’s, and she told me Drake had dropped me off and picked Talon up. I cried to his sister, and explained what happened. She cut me off mid-sentence, “He’s my brother. He’s an ass, but he’s my brother. I can’t get in the middle here. Sorry, he hit you, but it isn't my place. Don't come to me about this again,” Nic said practically hanging up as soon as she heard what her brother did.
I wondered why she wasn't surprised? I wondered why she didn't have my back? Maybe she thought this was how it’d been all along? '
I felt alone and angry. What made me angrier than anything else was the fact that he’d taken Talon. I packed my bag and a bag for Talon, determined to leave when Drake returned.
It was four, excruciatingly, long days before he brought Talon home. Four days for my bruises to fade enough for makeup to cover them. Four long days of silence from Drake. Enough time for me to wonder if he was going to bring her back.
I began replaying my conversation with Johnny. Could I have done something to deserve this? What if Drake didn't return my daughter? His absence was more of a punishment because the lesson he was teaching me was that he could and would take Talon from me.
When he came home, I expected an apology. I expected him to be remorseful. As soon as he saw the packed bags, he said, “You can leave, but only with the clothes on your back. Our daughter will stay with me. You try to take her; I’ll bury you.”
I knew he meant it. I unpacked her bag, then sadly did the same with mine. I felt hopeless. I couldn't leave my daughter. I wouldn’t. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t let him hurt her. He could do whatever to me. I didn’t matter. If I was honest, I was not sure I ever had. But Talon mattered. I vowed to myself, right then and there, that one day I would get her away from here. I would give her a good life.
Chapter Four
Mickey Past
“She’s a fucking problem, and you know it.”
Dray blew out a puff of smoke and set his cigarette in the ashtray. Maura grabbed my beard and gave me her sweet baby blue eyes. She was innocent in all of this, and didn't deserve to have Lacey as a mom.
“I know, okay.” I set Maura down in the pack-n-play. We were in my room in the clubhouse. Dray was my best friend, and the president of the Devil’s Crusaders.
“Lacey was supposed to have her. I got a room of seriously dangerous fucks out there, and I need you by my side, not in here with a kid.”
My nose flared and I clenched my teeth. President or not, Dray better watch his fucking mouth about my daughter. He saw my fist clench and backed up a step.
“Look, just get her to bed, and in the meantime, I’ll see if I can get Pebbles to grab Maura. Her and Daws can have a sleepover.” I didn't fucking like Pebbles. How Dray could have an old lady who got her name Pebbles because she could fucking suck a man’s rocks off in seconds was beyond me. She was nearly as bad as Lacey. I didn't fucking like any of this.
“Fine, get yer old lady over here. She best be fecking sober, though.” Dray gave me a chin lift and left my room, presumably to call Pebbles. I sat on the edge of my bed and wondered what I was going to do. This was no place for a baby. Maura stood against the pack-n-play. Her brown ringlets bounced as she moved watching me like I was her hero. She always looked at me like this; never Lacey.
“Daddy, up!” Maura lifted her arms wanting me to hold her. I couldn't say no to her, even if I was ticked at her piece of shit mother.
“Baby girl,” I cooed, picking my daughter up and kissing her on her nose. “I’ll make this better. You’ll see.” If I couldn't make this life with Maura work better, I was going to leave my club and venture back home to Ireland. I had vowed never to go back there, but I had a family and a sister who would help me with Maura. I just seriousl
y didn't want to go back there. I’d have to take up my place within the IRA and that came with its own risks for my lass.
I shook my head clearing my thoughts of Ireland. Whitesnake blared from the bar, and I feared Maura wouldn't be able to sleep. The music was too loud.
“Daddy, ba-ba.”
I looked at her, and told her for the tenth time today, “Yer too old fer ba-s. Ye need a sippy.” I’d been trying to break her bottle habit. Her doctor said she was too old, and that it could harm her teeth, but every time I turned around, Lacey was trying to stick a bottle down her throat to get her to be quiet.
I grabbed a sippy filled with milk from my small fridge, and put it in her hands. She tried to throw it.
“Ba,” she cried.
“No,” I told her firmly. My voice held an edge that she knew she wouldn’t get her way. Her lip trembled, but I knew my daughter. Even at two, she tried to work me. “No, ye don’t. Ye want yer blankie, don’t ye?” I reached down into her pack-n-play and grabbed her blankie and wrapped it snugly around her shoulders then sat down on my bed and held her tightly. I handed her the sippy again, and this time I began to sing young Maura the lullaby my father sang to me.
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral
Too-ra-loo-ra-li
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral
Hush now, don't you cry
Maura calmed immediately, and looked up at me with fascination. She took the sippy cup. Her eyes quickly grew heavy. By the time I finished the last verse, half of the sippy was gone, and she was fast asleep.
There was a soft knock at the door. Tammy, one of Pebble’s friends, was there.
“Where’s Pebbles?” I was frustrated and tried to keep the door cracked, so I didn't wake up Maura.
“She drank some wine. We were at the house. Sue’s there with Daws, but I drove, and Pebbles went to go find Dray.”
“Great,” I mumbled.
“Does she have the car seat in her car?”
“Yeah,” she answered, looking impatient, then added, “You know I could drop her off, and we could...”
I cut her off, pissed at her audacity. “Lacey is right out there,” I pointed towards the bar area of the clubhouse.
“Yeah, she is; but the way I see it, if she can be with whoever the hell she wants, then why can’t you?” She trailed her finger down my chest, and I caught her by the wrist.
“Take Maura,” I gritted out, scooping my sleepy girl into my arms and depositing her into Tammy’s. I watched as Tammy carried Maura through a back entrance of the club. Pebbles was arguing with Dray as I moved past his office, no doubt she caught him with a lass... again. I had no patience for it.
“Pebbles, Tammy is waiting for you.” I was curt; I didn't care.
“Get on home to our boy,” Dray ordered from the doorway. Once I could see inside his office, I saw Big Titty Rhonda tying her enormous breasts into a leather bikini top.
“I’m not going home, and leaving you here with her!” Pebbles screeched. She was a good looking lass, but she was self-centered, loud and obnoxious.
“You will. You have no place in my club. I called you to pick up a kid, and you’re too smashed to even drive. You want me to treat you with class? How about you stop acting like a whore?”
“Swear to God, Dray, you got a chick in here with her tits out, and you’re going to call me a whore?” She raised her hand to smack him. I didn’t have time for this. I grabbed her hand, and began dragging her to the back door.
“Get in de car. It’s time to go,” I said, as I practically threw her into the SUV. I was relieved to see Maura asleep in the back seat, safely buckled in. I stormed back into the clubhouse. We had a club here that we were trying to do business with, and they were a rowdy bunch. The fact that Tammy insinuated that Lacey was upfront with someone made me insanely angry.
I scanned the bar area, but didn't see her. What I did see were members of my club and our so-called guests. They were stumbling about, beyond wasted.
A slightly overweight redhead was spread open on top of the pool table. Bitty, one of our larger club members, was leaning over her, his jeans hung off of his arse – something I didn't need to see. One of the guys from the other club was getting his dick sucked while Bitty simultaneously fucked her.
There were women half-dressed practically everywhere. I wondered where the hell they all came from, because there certainly wasn’t this much tail in Wakeman.
I moved through the crowd, passing two guys snorting coke. I was beyond ticked. This wasn’t what I signed on for. Scanning the crowd, I finally spotted Lacey, and my blood fucking boiled. She had a plastic band tied around her arm and wore a huge grin on her face, all while some big motherfucker had his fingers shoved inside of her.
I saw red.
I didn't think. I pulled my gun free, and I shot the motherfucker in his thigh. He roared and stood ready to fight. His leg was bleeding, and he had to have at least half a foot on me.
“Ye don’t come in my club, and feck around with my woman.”
“Your woman’s a whore.” He reached down and touched his thigh. I could see now that it was just a flesh wound. Lacey’s eyes widened in shock at seeing me.
“Mickey, honey. No need to get worked up,” she slurred.
“You shot me, motherfucker. You’re dead.”
I held my revolver casually like he wasn't a threat. Dray was suddenly beside me shooting me a side eye, and it was just then that I noticed how many men had guns trained on each other. A few women were shouting, and a few were oblivious. If I shot him again, there would be an all-out bloodbath.
“Do you know who the fuck I am?” Yeah, I knew he was their VP. I didn't give a fuck. He had his hands in the mother of my kid’s cunt.
“I know yer da pansy-arse who thinks he can touch what ain’t his. Do ye know who the feck I am?” I asked sizing him up. “Looks to me like yer disrespecting me in my house. But I’ll tell ye what. Ye want to take it out like men, I’ll put my gun away, and ye and I can go outside, and I’ll teach ye smarmy arse a lesson about respect.”
“What are you, a fucking leprechaun? I’ll fight you, but there better be a pot of gold after I kick your rainbow ass.”
I was beyond livid, but if I shot him like I wanted too, I knew his men would fire and so would mine, so I handed Dray my gun. We went outside. I rid myself of my shirt. I took pleasure in watching his jeans stain with blood.
To anyone else, this would look like an unfair fight, but I was a fighter. It wasn't an accident that I was Dray’s, right-hand man. Men surrounded us. A fire was lit in a garbage can. The air smelled like burning cardboard, and small pieces of burning paper floated around us. He struck first and missed, as I bounced on my feet around him. I gave two quick jabs to his ribs. He grunted, then backed up on his feet and circled me. I waited. I’d let him strike again. He gave me a right hook, but I turned my head just before he landed the blow, then I gave him an uppercut. He was rattled. It was then I noticed how dilated his in pupils were. He wasn’t on dope like Lacey; he was jacked up on something else, entirely.
He bull-rushed me, knocking us both to the ground. He was on top of me, throwing hit after hit. His punches were uncalculated and messy.
He must’ve had at least seventy-five pounds on me, and was using his size as a weapon. I understood this from a technical standpoint. I, on the other hand, had been taught to hit with purpose, to throw my blows where they’d count the most. I was able to free myself from him, and scrambled to my feet. I had a small cut on my chin, but he was bleeding from a gash on his eye.
I didn't want to play anymore. I was getting pissed. I swung what was usually my knock-out blow, and watched as the behemoth of a man stumbled a little.
A woman’s shrill scream cut through the air, and something deep in the pit of my stomach sent me running away from the fight and into the clubhouse to investigate. It was like there was no one else around, and everything was standing still. The room was in slow motion, yet the poison in front of me w
as rushing at me full force. Lacey was gray. A needle hung from her arm. Her head lulled to the side, and I knew she wasn’t breathing.
“No!” I cried out and took her from the couch and laid her on the ground. I breathed air into her lungs and beat on her chest. I did this over and over again, pleading with her to come back.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, Dray was there, “She’s gone, brother.”
I looked down at the pathetic woman in my arms. There had been a time when I would’ve done anything for her. I wanted her to be in Maura’s life. I wanted Maura to have a mother who would be there for her.
I let her go and only then did I noticed the glass vial that once held the brown liquid now floating in Lacey’s veins, rolling away, and watched as he picked it up. He bled from his eye, and blood flowed from the corner of his mouth.
“I’m going to kill ye. Ye dirty feck.” I lunged at him, but was held back by my brethren. I was fighting with all the strength I had, and I swore as the other club left, that even though that fucker was still bleeding, he smirked at me.
I vowed, with every fiber of my being, that if I ever saw him again, I would kill him.
Chapter Five
Marie Present
“Do you hear that noise?”
Of course, I heard it. How could I not? I swore if Talon told me about the rattle in the piece of crap Honda one more time, I was going to lose it. My nerves, after our sixteen-hour journey, were spent.
“I know, honey. Not much longer.”
“That’s what you said an hour ago.”
“Yes, and I’m going to keep telling you that until we get there,” I snapped.
As if she knew that I’d reached my limit, Talon wisely put her headphones on and leaned her head against the window. I took advantage of the silence, and observed my surroundings. My highway exit was the next one, and it was twenty-two miles away. Twenty-two miles of highway surrounded by mountainous terrain. A rusted out pickup truck was stuck on the side of a hill. Trees grew around it, and there was no sign of a road. I briefly wondered how it could have gotten there. I’ve been a lot of places in our country, and I knew better than most that there were forgotten places that hadn’t aged like the rest of the world.
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