I hoped that Wakeman was one of those. I was assured that it was a small town, but its population wasn't so small that I couldn't blend in. Lord knew I needed to blend in. Its crime was moderate, which was fine by me.
Five miles to my exit. My heart raced in my chest. I was doing this. It was real. I was going to be free. Five more miles. I watched my speedometer. My eyes darted to the clock, then back to the road. The countdown to freedom felt surreal. I’d waited, plotted and planned. I was so close; I could taste it.
As the last few minutes went by, I couldn’t help but think about the events that led me to here.
“You,” Drake sneered, looking at me with bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair. “What have you been up to? Don't think I haven’t noticed the small skip in your step. You’re happy. Too happy.”
He was in rare form, and I was glad that Talon was in her room. I was happier; this was true. I’d heard back about this small cottage in Pennsylvania on a tiny lake called Lake Green. It sounded promising. I’d been plotting and planning. Everything was happening just like I’d laid out.
“I don’t know what you mean? Nothing is different, Drake. Please,” I pleaded. I didn’t want him angry.
He squinted his eyes at me. “Where’s Talon?”
“She’s sleeping.” I was careful to keep my voice steady, so he didn’t think I was being defiant.
I followed his gaze to the dishes in the sink. “Too busy to do your wifely chores like doing the fucking dishes?”
At this point in our relationship, arguing was useless. It only fed his anger. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Right about you being too busy, or about you doing your chores? What’s got you so busy these days? It’s that fucking church, isn’t it? You shouldn’t be kneeling, praying to some piece of shit God. In fact, the only time you should be kneeling is to suck my dick.”
“Okay, Drake.” I immediately dropped to my knees. If I could get away with sucking him off and not getting hit, I’d take that punishment any day. I learned a long time ago that my body was his to be used how he wanted. It was my heart and mind that he no longer had control of.
He undid his buckle and pulled his half flaccid dick out. “Make me hard, bitch.” I opened my lips and took him in. His dick reeked of pussy. I wanted to throw up from tasting another woman on him. I closed my eyes, and willed myself to just get it over with. I sucked fast, using one hand to pump him and my other hand to play with his balls. I knew how to make him come, and how to do it fast.
“That’s it. So good. Nobody sucks dick quite like you. You look so sexy down there on your knees.” I thought about how his words were meant to turn me on, or reward me for good work, but they didn’t. I felt nothing. It was a task; just another chore.
He grabbed my wild red tresses on each side of my head, and forced me to take him all the way in. I gagged. “The sound of you choking on my dick, so good.” I couldn’t breathe. Bile threatened to make its way up, and I knew if I threw up, it wouldn’t be good for me. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to stop them from falling. Drake hated seeing my tears. Finally, he released my hair, but only enough for me to suck in a breath, then he was pumping in and out of my mouth so vigorously, I could barely catch a breath. He was getting close. I felt his thumb brush my tear away and it felt tender. It was a lie. Always a lie.
He pulled out and came on my face then tucked himself back inside of his pants. I was not prepared for the hit, when it happened. His fist connected with my face, jarring me. I didn't have time to wonder if anything was broken. I fell to the floor. A minute later
he was kicking me; hurting me. “Now, do the fucking dishes!” Drake reared back to hit me again.
“Dad! Stop!” Talon yelled. It was the first time she witnessed him hitting me. He had never stopped before, but knowing she saw him as the monster he was must’ve broken him from his drunken stupor. He stormed from the house, the sound of the slamming door echoed off the empty walls. I attempted to sit up, and Talon rushed to my side.
“Mom! Oh my, God! Mom. Are you okay? You’re bleeding. I can’t believe he hit you.” I didn’t want her to see me like this. My face must’ve looked horrible. I had cum and blood on my face. I could only hope that she’d have no idea what it was, or that he’d knocked most of it off with his hit. I knew it was bad. Talon was crying, and it wasn't a usual teenage cry, either. It was the kind of cry that broke my heart all over again. Her world was shattering, along with the image of her precious daddy. I would’ve taken so many more beatings to prevent the pain that seeing him hit me had caused her.
“Why did he do this? Oh, God! Oh, God! Tell me how to help you,” she cried, not knowing what to do. She kneeled next to me. I put my hand up bearing some weight on it. Pain radiated everywhere and I’d had enough broken ribs to know that I had at least two more. I slowly sat up.
“Honey, just get these dishes done before he comes back, yeah?”
Now that she saw him for the man he was, I wasn’t sure if he’d keep his hands from hitting her if she mouthed off, or did any other egregious thing Drake deemed worthy of a beating.
“But your face?”
“Will be okay,” I tried not to flinch as I moved from sitting to standing. Talon grabbed my elbow, and helped me the rest of the way.
“Hand me that towel.” I gestured to the kitchen towel hanging from the oven. She let go of me, grabbed the towel and handed it to me. I quickly wiped my face and saw the blood. Talon cried as she moved to the sink and saw only her two cups from her room. “Mom, there’s only two dishes here.” I saw it click that they were from her room. “Is this my fault?” she asked. “Did he do this, because I left cups in my room?”
I slowly moved to her, wetting the towel in the sink. The cold water stung, then offered some relief. Talon washed the two cups, grabbed another towel, dried them and put them away. It took her less than thirty seconds.
It occurred to me that if I had done anything thirty seconds sooner, this wouldn't have happened. I could have cleaned them before he walked in the door, perhaps, if I didn't watch that commercial with a family at the new water park. I’d foolishly spent a moment thinking about what life would have been like if we were a real family. Those damn thirty seconds cost me. Or, what if I had folded the last load of laundry a little quicker, maybe then? No, I couldn't think about the what-ifs. I had to be present in these thirty seconds. So, I did what I usually did, I opened the cupboard, grabbed some Aspirin, and swallowed them without water. I needed to sleep away the pain.
I moved to my room, and Talon followed. I didn’t want her to see me like this. We’d always done a good job at hiding.
“He’s done this before?” she asked, but it felt more like an accusation. She saw everything in a new light. I couldn’t answer her. I hurt all over. I pressed the cold towel to my face, and curled up on the bed. Talon climbed in next to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. The weight of it hurt against my ribs, but I ignored the pain.
I awoke, but Talon was no longer behind me, she had been replaced by Drake. He was kissing my shoulder. I felt his naked skin against my own, and realized he must’ve undressed me. I smelled his Irish Spring and knew he showered before getting into bed with me.
“Where’s Talon?” I asked afraid he sent her away.
“Carried her to her room.” He kissed me again moving my long red curly mass of hair from my neck. It was his way of apologizing. “I’m sorry’s” were long ago replaced by empty kisses, as if I needed him to touch me. What he didn't realize was that he’d become such darkness, his presence was punishment.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. I turned to face him, wincing as I did so, but I needed him to see me and everything he had done. He was in a rare mood where maybe he was conscious of his brutality. He sucked in a breath, and my suspicions were confirmed. He was either too drunk or too high earlier to realize what he’d done.
“Marie,” his voice was soft, “even
damaged, you’re still the most beautiful woman.”
I rarely saw this version of Drake, and I couldn't help but let a tear fall from the corner of my eye. I wished he was the man who cared. I wished he never hurt me and that life was good, but it so wasn’t.
“Do you think one day you’ll kill me?” My chin quivered. I ached for everything I’d lost, and everything I feared I still would.
“Only if you try to leave me.” He pulled me close and slid inside of me not caring about my pain, and unaware how close his threat was to reality, because the first chance I got, I was running.
I EXITED THE HIGHWAY and drove through the streets of Wakeman, noticing right away that I’d made some unfair assumptions. I thought there was no money here and that it was a lower-class area. That thought was squashed as I watched an Escalade pull behind a gated drive. I passed and saw a glimpse of a large mansion. I continued driving. The houses got smaller and closer together.
I drove past a school, and eventually saw the downtown area. There wasn’t much here. Several businesses with matching awnings were on one side of the street. We passed an ice cream shop, a hardware store and a small grocery store.
I scoped out two bars, and made a note as to which one was busier. I was counting on finding a job under the table, and hoped that a cash business would hire me.
A few families walked down the street. A little girl was being chased by her brother, whose laughter carried on the wind. Adjacent to the shops was a small park. Several children swung on swings. A gazebo filled with an old-timers band played music, while a sea of white hair sitting in lawn chairs filled the audience. Talon rolled down the window to match my own. The air smelled sweet; a mixture of fresh flowers and fried dough.
“Is this it?” she asked.
“We’re not staying right in town. Almost there, though. Let’s stop at the grocery store first, okay?”
I drove around the block and pulled into the Kroger I’d passed. Talon took her headphones off. She looked like she was taking in the town. “I’m going to wait for you out front.” I wanted to argue. I didn't want Talon to be by herself. I wanted to always have eyes on her, but reminded myself that we were safe here, and no one knew us. She’d be fine. I had to trust that.
I kept my head down as I moved through the aisles. I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. I grabbed eggs, milk and the cheap cereal that comes in a bag on the bottom shelf. I bought pasta and sauce, a bag of apples, peanut butter and jelly and finally a loaf of bread. It’s not a lot. But it was ours. I checked out, barely looking at the kid who told me my total. I wanted to get back to Talon. I knew she was alright. I knew this, but still, fear nagged at me.
I walked outside and didn’t see her right away. My heart began to pound in my chest. I turned my head from side to side, the panic already starting to settle in. She was there, behind the soda machine, talking to a little kid who was on the automatic coin-operated car.
“Do you have another quarter?” He asked her. I heard her laugh, and watched her dig into her pocket for a quarter, then placed it into the machine, making the red car start. The boy laughed and Talon grinned.
“Talon,” I called out. She looked happy, carefree, almost like the thirteen-year-old she was. She acted beyond her years sometimes, and I forgot that she was still a kid. I liked this look on her. I wanted more of it. Yes, maybe Wakeman won’t be that bad at all.
The drive to the cottage was longer than I anticipated. It didn’t help that I’d made a few wrong turns on these damn winding roads. Thick trees lined the streets, and eventually we saw cottages around a large lake. I passed a Welcome to Lake Green sign that needed updating evidenced by the paint peeling from a few of the letters.
Lake Green was picturesque, even though you could see some of the cottages were newer than others. If I squinted, I could see a party happening on the other side of the lake. There were jet skiers out and a few small boats. It was late in the day, and the sun was no longer shining high on the water. The water had a green glow to it, and I quickly realized that its name wasn’t rocket science. The trees gave a shadow on the lake. It was the perfect time of day when you could see the clouds reflecting in the water.
“It’s pretty,” Talon said leaning her head on her arm that was hanging halfway out the window.
“Well, I’m glad, because for the price I’m getting this cottage for, I know it won’t be pretty inside, but at least we’ll have a good view.”
“You think it will be that bad?”
“Hope, not honey, but at least it’ll be safe.” At the mention of our safety, Talon pulled herself upright. I stopped the car. and heard it sputter a few times before I turned the key shutting it off. We were lucky we made it here. I was parked in front of a cottage where I was meeting Sue. I emailed back and forth with her a few times from a secret email account, and she was expecting me a week ago, so I was hoping that everything was still available. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she told me it was no longer an option.
Her cottage was freshly painted, and a small rocker sat on the porch. Small white flowers filled the beds surrounding the house, and it was apparent she took care of her home.
“Stay in the car,” I told Talon.
She nodded, then squeezed my hand. She knew I was nervous. Everything rested on this place being it for us. If she no longer had the cottage, I wasn’t really sure what I’d do. I’d figure it out because I was a mom and I had no other choice. But my options were limited.
I knocked and waited. A minute passed, and I was growing nervous that she wasn’t home. “Hold on,” I heard a raspy female voice call out. Another minute passed, and the door opened to a woman who looked like she had lived the life. She was wearing jeans and a tight black T-shirt that hugged her ample curves. Her skin was tanned and weathered, and a cigarette hung out of her mouth.
“Can I help you?” she asked flinching when she noticed the yellowing bruise on my face. Her eyes were assessing, and I didn’t particularly like what she saw, but I didn’t let it deter me.
I sucked in a breath, straightened my shoulders, and answered, “I emailed you a few weeks ago about the cottage for rent? My name’s Marie.”
She squinted her eyes, “Was expecting you a week ago.”
“I was a little detained,” I moved my hand towards the bruises on my face. No use in denying the obvious.
“He know you’re here? I don't want no trouble around here.”
“God willing, he’ll never find me... or my daughter.” Her eyes left mine, and I watched as they land on Talon.
“My first husband, Frank, real mean son of a bitch,” Sue made this statement without elaborating. There were no further words needed. She looked at me, her eyes hard. “Give it to you for a hundred a week. I normally want a month's payment upfront, but I'm figuring you need to get some work.”
She wasn't wrong. I needed to work. I needed money. I didn't even have a month’s pay, but I was going to plead and beg, and she made it easy for me. Even though Sue was a hard woman, I was grateful for her kindness.
“Thank you.” I fiddled with my purse strap, a nervous habit I formed since I met Drake. I had lots of things I thought of like that – life before Drake and life after. Before Drake, I laughed. Before Drake I loved. After Drake, I hurt. I wondered if it would always feel like that. Maybe there would be an ‘after’ after Drake? I could only hope for Talon’s sake.
“WELL, THIS IS IT. AIN’T much honey. Know it’s filthy too. But it’s cheap and the water works, electricity too. I got a unit two streets up from here that has a little furniture. It’s the third one on the left after you go around the curve. It sits next to the blue cottage with the doves on the mailbox. You can swap out any furniture in there, but don’t leave it a dump. There are a washer and dryer in here too. I checked last week when I thought you were coming. It’s working, and there is a small amount of Tide I brought up from my place. The dishwasher is crap. TV too but it works, I think.”
She handed me t
he keys to both. Talon slammed the car door and approached us. She wore sunglasses that hide half of her face, and her long blonde hair made her look way older than thirteen. She didn’t say anything to Sue, but followed me into the cottage as Sue left us to it, leaving me with a bucket and some cleaning supplies. The cottages here usually rented out during summer months for nine hundred a month. I had emailed Sue asking her if there was one that wasn't up to par and if I might be able to work something out. In truth, she wasn't the first place I’d asked. I got plenty of ‘no’s’, but thought it couldn't hurt to ask. I couldn't believe it when I heard from her.
“Yuck,” Talon wiped her finger on the end table coated in dust. “This place is disgusting.”
I glared at her because I was frustrated. She’d complained so much in the last twelve hours. I reminded myself that she was sad and confused. She had to leave her friends behind and the only life she had ever known.
“I’ll make it perfect, baby. You’ll see. After I’ve cleaned, it’ll be good as new.”
“If you say so. The only thing I think that can salvage this place is a bulldozer.” I ignored her comment,
“Why don’t you go get the groceries and our bags?” She huffed out a breath and did as I asked. In her temporary absence, I took a second to look around. The couch was old. Its plaid pattern was worn with the inside cushion peeking out in several places. There was a coffee table that had been pushed against the wall. With further inspection, I saw a leg was broken. The kitchen, with its outdated Formica countertops, was filthy. A layer of dirt and grime seemed to cover everything. The dishwasher was hanging open. I pushed it closed and noticed that it didn't latch. There were a few dishes in the cupboard, and some silverware in a drawer, as well. It was all mismatched, but at least there was something. The kitchen was open to the living room, and there was a bathroom to the left. I knew this because the door was slightly ajar. I took a glance. The toilet and shower stall were stained a rusty red. I tried the faucet, and it sputtered. It was dirty at first but quickly cleared. I left the bathroom and opened the first door across the hall to a bedroom. The dresser was broken, but the bed was a queen. The blankets smelled moldy, but overall it didn't seem too bad. The next bedroom was smaller, with chipped paint and no dresser. The bed was a twin, with an old wooden frame. I felt the mattress. It was lumpy, definitely not as nice as the queen. Talon made her appearance in the doorway. She sighed when she took a look at the room.
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