“You can have the other one. It’s bigger, and the bed is better. I’ll start washing the linens.” She nodded then walked away. I heard her slam some cupboards, and I imagined her putting away our feeble groceries.
I rid both beds of bedding and threw them into the wash, then filled a bucket and started cleaning. I started on Talon’s room. I wanted it to be nice for her, despite her shitty attitude. I knew I couldn’t blame her for it. Underneath it all, she was a scared teenager, but I wished she would make it a little easier for me. I needed something to be easier. Lord knows my teenage daughter was not going to be that.
It was dark outside by the time I had done two loads of laundry, swept the floors, and dusted in Talon’s room. I was exhausted. I kissed her goodnight on her forehead, as she looked around her with disgust. I left without a word, not having it in me to plead with her to make the most of it. I went to my new room and quickly laid down in the small lumpy twin-sized bed. I should’ve felt relief. I was free. I stared into the darkness. My body hadn't caught up to the fact that he wasn't here and couldn’t hurt us.
I couldn’t seem to shut off my thoughts as I replayed the events that led me to here. I used to be attracted to Drake. I loved everything about him. He was always possessive. In the beginning, I thought it was hot. The alpha attitude was a turn on. It made me feel wanted and desired. I’d even get a secret thrill out of it when he’d kick some guy’s ass whose eyes lingered on me for too long. Later, we’d have sex, and it would always be more intense with his dominating nature. But the game began to change, and rules were never explained. He was no longer angry at a man if his eyes lingered. He began to direct his anger at me.
For years, we fought. Drake would get drunk, storm out of the house, and left me wondering what the hell happened to the man I fell in love with. Then I found out I was pregnant, and life went back to normal. When Talon was born, I saw glimpses of the man I fell in love with. He’d cuddle with us in bed. We’d have our perfect baby in between us, and he’d tell me how much he loved us. He’d rain kisses all over sweet Talon and whisper promises about our future. Our love grew strong again, and I quickly let go of any of the bad feelings from years past, that was until that night he struck me. It was the first of many.
Through the years, there were moments when he was sweet with me, and I’d hang on to those just to be able to stand the day to day. Underneath it all, I hated him. I plastered a smile on my face for Talon. I let him touch me when he wanted and did my best never to make him angry. In his twisted way, he thought he loved me. I began to learn his love was more of an obsession.
When Talon was four, I found out I had the clap. I was furious that he brought that home to me. When I told him, not only did he blame me for it, even though I never left the house, I ended up with a broken arm and dislocated jaw. They had to wire my jaw shut letting me only drink through a straw. Drake kept Talon from me for two months. Talon didn’t see my bruises because that’s how Drake wanted it. Slowly, I began to lose that spark. I was a ghost—a shell of my former self. Drake rarely came to me for sex. I knew he had girlfriends. I didn't even mind, as long as he didn't bring anything home to me, I didn't care what he did. The more he stayed away, the better.
I hated Drake. I thought about killing him. I dreamt about it, but I knew I could never do that to Talon. She loved her daddy fiercely. She thought I was weak and pathetic. She saw me as a pushover. She didn’t realize that if I spoke up, I would be beaten and I wouldn’t see her.
When Talon was twelve, a few of Drake’s friends began to make comments about how Talon dressed and that she was looking mighty fine these days. Drake, for the first time in Talon’s life, began to scream at her for what she wore. She was defiant, a product of the spoiled daddy’s girl Drake raised her to be. When he’d yell, she’d yell back, and I began to worry that it was only a matter of time until she learned who her daddy really was. I knew I had to get her away from him.
I’d suffered long enough under his thumb, and if I didn't get her away from him soon , she’d be next. Over the next year, I began to take singles from Drake when he was passed out drunk; never enough that he would notice – just one or two at a time. I bought gift cards for twenty dollars at a time when I grocery shopped. I joined a church group and used their computer to begin searching for an inexpensive place to live. The pastor assured me when we were ready he would have a car for us. Drake wasn't happy about me joining the church, so he would periodically show up to check on me. My friends at Christ United knew what kind of man Drake was. You could only hide your bruises for so long before it became a part of your skin, the marks it left were deep long after the color faded. They would warn me if he so much as stepped foot into the parking lot.
Honestly, my relationship with God had been shaky at best, but the help they gave me without me doing much of anything for them made me see God in a whole new light. I had a sense of hope that made me feel brazen – which was what brought me to the final beating. Talon asleep in her room. Drake’s bloodshot eyes. Disheveled hair.
Chapter Six
Marie
“Hello!” Sue called from the doorway of the cottage. “I brought you some painting supplies.”
I peeked my head from the refrigerator that I’d been bleaching and scrubbing vigorously and saw Sue holding a couple of gallons of paint, a few buckets, along with several rollers, and drop cloths. She had on a ratty t-shirt and jeans, and I could tell she had also been doing her fair share of cleaning. It had been three days since we moved in. Three days for me to do nothing but clean. Between hauling different pieces of furniture from this cottage and the other one, my body ached all over. My ribs still burned, but the bruise on my face had faded enough that I wasn’t hiding from my reflection in the mirror any longer.
“Thanks,” I said as I moved to her to inspect what she’d brought. I was careful and deliberate with my movements. I didn't want her to see how much pain my body still held. I was afraid she’d think I was incapable of fixing up the cottage and that was the deal we made. I would fix this place up while I lived here at a much-discounted rate. I bumped into the couch. Just a small bump, but it shot pain into my ribs, and I outwardly flinched. I immediately looked at Sue to see if she noticed. Unfortunately, the small widening of her eyes told me she did.
“Girl,” Sue said, which was funny, because I was far from a girl. I was damn near pushing forty. “You’re hurt, and you’re letting me push paint on you? There’s no rush in painting. In fact, I’m taking it with me. I want you to heal up before taking on something like painting. I push people into work, but I’m no slave driver.” She reached into her purse. I wondered how in the world she carried so much at once.
She set down a bottle of Advil on the coffee table that Talon carried over from the “spare” cottage. “Take it easy until those ribs heal up, okay?” She coughed the last part out then dug into her purse, grabbed a cigarette and lighter, turned with all her paint gear in hand, and lit it as soon as her head was out the door. A trail of smoke followed in her wake.
I took her advice, popping four Advil, and laid on the dusty couch. Talon was in her room, drawing and listening to music. I looked around. It really wasn't so bad. The walls were dirty and needed paint, but you could finally see the white Formica on the kitchen counters after hours of scrubbing.
The wood on the cupboards was another story. They were scratched up and old. No amount of cleaning would make them beautiful. I thought that I would try to paint those as well, but I would need to sand them first. I’d also need a job or two if we were going to survive here. I mentally tallied the list of what needed to be done, when my eyes grew heavy, and I fell fast asleep.
I woke up in my bed, my new bed where I slept alone without Drake. It was dark outside. I wasn’t sure what woke me. My senses were on high alert. The room was comfortable, but it changed. I studied it for a second, thinking how lovely it was that we had nice things in it.
I opened Talon’s door just a crack and saw
the rise and fall of her chest as she slept surrounded by a faint glow of moonlight. Her curtains billowed out from a warm breeze. The unique smell of the lake mixed with a thick woodsy scent carried over to me, and I thought about how happy we’d been. I left her room and moved to the living room.
My heart hammered in my chest. Something felt off. I looked around, and there in the shadows sat Drake. His black boot was kicked up on the table. His jeans were a pair he usually wore. They were baggy with a small tear at the knee. Not that I could see them I just knew. He was wearing a long-sleeved Henley covered with his black leather vest. One of his arms were draped over the back of the couch while his other arm was raised with his hand to his lips taking a carefree drag from his cigarette.
His eyes stalked me. I stood motionless watching him, feeling like I stumbled upon a wild animal and any sudden movements could mean the end of me. He didn’t flick his ash. It got longer and longer and yet he didn’t flick it.
We stared at each other. Me, a fearful deer caught in his headlights. Him, a predator waiting to strike. Another puff. Another moment longer—and then he spoke, his voice, cold and calculating, it was the version of Drake that was more sober than I was used too.
“You took Talon. She’s mine, and you took her.” It wasn’t an accusation, more like a condemnation. “You remember what I said. I told you I’d kill you. Now, I’ve come to keep my promise.”
He carefully put his cigarette out, taking his boot off the coffee table and stomping it out on the hardwood floors. Fear paralyzed me, my feet glued to their spot.
“Please,” I whispered and saw the shiny silver handgun raised and aimed directly at me. I turned to run, but it was too late. There was a bang, then... nothing.”
I awoke with a start, clasping at my throat, feeling like I couldn't breathe. I was panting and sweating. My heart was hammering in my chest.
“Mom! Mom! Breathe!” Talon was at my side. “You’re okay. We’re here in the cottage. You’re safe.” Talon reassured me.
I breathed in and out until finally my breathing settled and I was sucking in lungfuls of air that didn’t feel like they were suffocating me.
I didn't feel rested. I felt on edge.
Talon watched me cautiously. “What was that? Are you okay?”
I shook my head pushing images of Drake out of my mind. “Nothing, Baby. Just a bad dream.”
“You cried out. I was scared.” I pulled Talon to me, her head against my chest. She laid beside me on the old sofa. I rubbed along her hairline, both taking and giving comfort.
“I’m sorry I scared you. It will get better. I’ll find a way to make it better,” I whispered promises that I prayed I could keep. She was happy. She had her friends and social life. I had ripped it away, so that we could escape and I felt like I needed to be strong for her. She might not yet understand the amount of abuse I’d endured, but I couldn't have her looking at me like she needed to save me.
The following morning, I decided that I was going to take Sue’s advice and give my bruised ribs another day to heal. I was afraid to leave Talon here by herself, but she assured me that she’d be fine. I had to remind myself again and again that Drake had no idea where we were and that I’d be fine.
“Relax, Mom. I’ll just take a walk around, do a little exploring. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, I really can't blame you. It’s beautiful out there.” And it was. It was like being in a beautiful park. There were a ton of trees. Pine, oak, maple, you name it, it felt like it was here. The lake was large and filled with people fishing, families laughing, and boats being paddled. It was as picturesque as it could be. It was all that, and yet I was still afraid for my baby to walk around.
“You be careful.”
“Jeez, Mom, it’s not like some big bad biker is going to snatch me up or something.” I froze. That was precisely what I was afraid of. I stared at Talon fearing precisely that. “Mom, I’ll be fine.”
“And you know what we talked about. You can not under any circumstance contact your friends. You understand the importance, right?”
“Yes, yes. We’ve been over this. I know, I have to give up everything.” Her chin wobbled, and I knew I’d struck a nerve.
“Talon, I...”
She cut me off as she wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye. “It’s fine. I’ll see you later, okay?” She quickly exited the cottage. The screen door slammed behind her. I had to remind myself again and again how hard it must be at thirteen to start all over again.
I got in the old car, which luckily started without a problem. I was fortunate enough that Mary, one of the ladies at the church, was able to get this car from her nephew, with the help of some other parishioners, for a steal.
I rolled down the windows and drove into town. It was hot, and the air had this sticky, sweet smell to it. I pulled into a space in front of a bar called Benny’s that we’d passed on the way in. I noticed that it was only past ten. Shit, I hadn’t even considered it was too early. I parked anyway, and decided I’d check out what time it opened. I got to the door and read the hours. I had until eleven.
Taking a peek through the windows, it looked clean enough. A man was polishing down the bar. I decided to give it a try even though they were closed and knocked on the window. The man looked up. He had white hair and a white beard. His hair was not white in the frail old man way, more like he went gray early. He unlocked the door for me and said, “What can I help you with?” I noticed the creases around his eyes as he smiled. There was something about him that immediately put me at ease.
“Hi, I’m Marie. I’m new in town, and I was wondering if you’re hiring?”
“C’mon in.” He opened the door wide gesturing for me to follow. I took in the bar. The bar itself was curved in a U shape. There was a door on one side that by my guess lead to a kitchen. There were high top tables around the bar and an open area with booths and a spacious back that I would imagine bands played at. A Budweiser sign and a Miller sign hung on the walls waiting for the dangling silver strings to be pulled to illuminate them. A newer jukebox sat next to a Golden Tee arcade game. The floors were a dark rich colored wood. There were plenty of scratches etched on them, but they were clean. All in all, Benny’s was the perfect kind of hole in the wall in the middle of nowhere. He walked behind the bar with a slight limp in his gait.
“Take a seat,” he motioned to a spot at the bar. I sat down on the barstool, and it was apparent that my ribs weren’t fully healed because it was harder than it should’ve been for me to lift myself up and swivel. At five foot three, these things always made me feel on the shorter side.
“You tended bar before? Wait tables?”
“I’ve done both for most of my life.”
He studied me while continuing to polish the bar. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-eight.”
“You got family here? Most people don't end up in Wakeman unless they know someone here.”
“Nope, no ties. I found an ad for the cottages on the lake, and it looked like the perfect place to start over.”
“Drugs?”
“No, nothing like that. I got an ex.”
“Don’t they all.”
“He’s a mean S.O.B.”
“I know a thing or two about those too.”
“Mean sons of bitches, or exes?”
He laughed, but it wasn't a funny ha ha laugh, he laughed, shaking his head knowingly. Without answering the question, he said, “Name’s Jack,”
He spent the next twenty minutes quizzing me on all kinds of things, like, “What goes into a Manhattan?” or “How do you make a buttery nipple?”
By the time I left, we were friendly with each other. Jack said he’d start me a few days a week to see if I had what it takes. He didn’t even blanch when I asked him if he minded paying me under the table. It was like he was expecting it. Feeling confident about the job opportunity, even though it was only a few days a week, I was smiling as I said goodbye to Jack, and to
ld him I would see him tomorrow for the lunch crowd.
It was sunny out and the T-shirt and jeans I was wearing seemed to stick to my skin, but it didn't bother me much. I was walking to my car. No one knew me. No one could hurt me here. It was a fresh start.
I got into the piece of shit car, put the keys in the ignition and right as I was about to turn the ignition, I heard a very familiar sound. Motorcycles. It wasn’t Drake, I told myself. It wasn’t him. He had no idea where I was. It couldn't be. Multiple pipes cut the wind. I counted the bikes; one, two, five, seven, nine. Nine bikes began backing into spots specifically made, now that I was paying attention, for motorcycles.
I slunk down into my seat. They were wearing a patch. Not the same type of patch as Drake’s, but it was there. My heart was hammering in my chest. I stayed low in my seat, not wanting to be noticed. I just needed to wait until they parked so I could leave. I briefly considered grabbing Talon and running, but that was stupid. Bikers would be anywhere I went. As long as there was a road, there’d be a man on two wheels.
I felt panic start to swell deep within my chest. It’s not him. You’re okay. You’re okay. I repeated this mantra until that deep ache in my chest started to recede. I stayed low in my seat waiting for them to park.
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