Stronger Than This

by Abby Mccarthy

  “No, but I didn't make it in time.”

  “That was him. Not you.”

  I nodded to her, “Do ye want to go in and see her? I think it’ll be good for her to hear ye, but I have to warn ye, she doesn't look good, and I won’t blame ye if ye want to wait until she awakes.”

  “I’ll go.” Talon stood, and Zeke squeezed her hand.

  “Are you sure, Pretty Bird? You don't have to,” Zeke said.

  “I do. She needs me.” Zeke nodded and let go of her hand, and I was glad she had him.

  We walked up to the nurse's station, and I introduced Talon to Nurse Lindsey, who gave both of us sympathetic looks. We rewashed our hands and entered the CCU. Talon gasped and rushed to her mom’s bedside.

  “Oh, Mommy,” she cried, and my heart ached. Talon seemed younger than ever before.

  “Be strong for her, Tal,” I coaxed. “Talk to her.”

  Talon began telling her about how she was picked up at school, and how the police released her into her dad’s custody, which meant his goons. She told her mother that they were idiots that duct taped her hands together, and that she had to stay in the car for a long time without going to the bathroom, but she was able to get away. She told her about the kind woman who helped her. I sat silently taking it all in from Talon’s perspective.

  She was brave like her mother. Fearless in so many ways, but still a child in so many others. I could see her young love with Zeke. I was glad that my talk with her on the four-wheeler had helped, and she was willing to give him another chance, but I was also pleased that she stood her ground and demanded to be treated right.

  After Talon had talked for some time, Nurse Lindsey returned and told us she needed to check Marie’s dressing, and that we should get something to eat. We walked out to Jules and Zeke.

  “Everything alright?” Jules asked.

  “They’re changing her bandage. Has Tal eaten?”

  “I can't eat,” she said, overhearing us.

  “Try.”

  “Can you eat?”

  No, I really couldn’t. Score one for Tal. I nodded my head, letting her know I understood exactly where she was coming from.

  “Mickey, can I use your phone?”

  “Of course. Who do ye need to call?”

  “I haven't talked to my best friend since we moved, but I’d really like her here.”

  I handed her my phone, and wondered how much she had given up, because of her piece of shit old man. She thanked me, and took my phone.

  “You should eat, man. At least let me get you some clothes. You’re a mess.” I looked down at myself for the first time and noticed the bloodied shirt I still wore. I must’ve looked frightening. “Yeah, okay,” I nodded.

  “I got an extra shirt in my saddle bag. I’ll go get it and some food,” Ash said leaving us.

  I paced the room until he came back, and then on autopilot, I borrowed a pair of scrub bottoms, found a shower, and washed away the blood.

  Her blood.

  My sweet angel’s.

  “DADDY,” MAURA LET GO of Corbin’s hand once she saw me, and ran to me with open arms. I buried my head in her hair, and held on. It was just Maura and me for so long, and it wasn't that long ago that she found herself in a similar situation with her husband. He woke up. He’s proof that Marie can, too. He was standing in front of me, breathing. It would be okay, right?

  I sat down and explained what had happened to Maura and Corbin. Before long, Daws, Aubrey, Jenny, Jarrod and Tiny showed up. They must’ve caught a flight.

  Marie was getting a CT, when Talon’s friend Erin showed up. It was clear she was a club kid, which surprised me. She seemed older than Talon. My guess was by a few years, but I doubted she was older than sixteen. She had her hair braided like she was on a bike, wore a Harley Tee and motorcycle boots. They hugged like they hadn’t seen each other in years, which I guess in a teenager’s world, they hadn’t.

  Talon sat back down next to me, and I felt protective.

  “So, what happened?” Erin asked, crouching in front of Talon. There was a bond there, but I wasn’t sure what to make of her. I could’ve offered my seat up to Erin. It would’ve been the right thing to do, but I needed to stay close. I was afraid that this would be hard for Talon.

  “My dad shot my mom,” Talon stated, matter of factly, but I could see the tremble in her hands.

  “That’s fucked up, Talon,” Erin whispered. I reached out and squeezed Tal’s hand, offering her support.

  “Where’s Drake, then? Jail?”

  I wondered if she was part of his club, and where her loyalties lay. She was a kid, but I was skeptical. Maybe that’s what being a dad is? Maybe being a father is fearing the worst and making sure your girls are protected. That was the thing, wasn't it? If I’d been honest with myself, I’d been seeing Talon as mine for a while now. It was easy, natural.

  Talon looked at me while answering her friends question like she needed me to know where her loyalties were, “Rotting in hell,” she said bitterly.

  Erin gasped, “Drake’s gone? Oh, my God. I wonder what’s going to happen with everyone. Oh, my God. This is crazy.”

  “Yep.” Talon was curt with her friend.

  “Talon, he’s your dad. I know this is fucked up, but he’s your dad. Are you okay?”

  “You don’t know, Erin. The things he did to my mom,” she shook her head, “you don't know. Yeah, I’m glad he’s dead.”

  I closed my eyes briefly and wondered if she’d look at me like the man who killed her dad, or the man who saved her mom. Erin plopped on her butt, and sat in front of Talon. “Do you need anything?”

  “You being here is good.”

  “Do you want me to call more of your friends? I know I don't talk to a lot of the same girls as you, but I could get a hold of them.”

  Talon shook her head. “It’s been so long. I’m out of the loop. Fill me in. How’s life been?”

  Erin went on and on about who was dating whom and what this girl said about that girl. Hearing her drone on made my guard go down. She was just a girl. I zoned out for some of that, but then zeroed in again, when I heard Erin ask, “Who’s he?” she nodded towards Zeke. He hadn’t left Talon’s side and but gave them space, kind of like what I was doing.

  “This is Zeke. He’s my...”

  “Boyfriend,” Zeke cut Talon off. “I’m her boyfriend. Don't let her tell you differently, either.”

  Talon shot Zeke a look, and her cheeks reddened. I was listening intently. Talon was my responsibility. She was my family. I wasn't going to ignore the fact that she was still young, and that Zeke was a horny lad.

  “He’s hot. How’d you meet?”

  “Mickey’s like family to me,” Zeke said proudly.

  “Who’s Mickey?”

  “He’s practically her new daddy.”

  “Zeke, I can talk for myself!” I thought about how much I wouldn't mind Talon thinking of me as her dad when Marie is better, and we can all get on with our life.

  “Mickey is my mom’s boyfriend. He’s good people.” Erin looked at me, and it was like she was just now noticing my patch for the first time. I watched as her eyes moved from me to my brothers and their wives. She looked at each man, and then for the briefest second, she stopped on Tiny. It was slight, but she was young, and her features couldn't hide the fact that she recognized him. There was a momentary look of shock, and then she masked her features.

  “Jules, a minute?” I stood placing my hand on Talon’s shoulder, “I’ll be just a few, but if she comes back and I’m not here, ye sit with her, alright?” Talon nodded in agreement.

  “Maura, you got Tal?”

  “Of course.”

  I needed to make sure Talon’s back was always covered.

  I walked towards the chapel with Jules close behind. “What is it?” he asked, once we were sure we were alone.

  “I think I know who our mole is. My gut is telling me I’m right.”

  Jules’ face hardened. “W
ho?”

  “Talon’s friend, Erin, recognized Tiny.” Jules looked like I had slapped him.

  “You sure? He’s been with us for a long time. Longer than me. Longer than you.”

  “You question, Erin. Maybe I’m wrong, but my gut...”

  “I know, brother,” Jules said.

  My gut was rarely wrong.

  “I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  Of that, I had no doubt. Jules wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done. “I need to get back.”

  “Go, I’ll handle it.” Marie was being rolled back to CCU as we walked back to the nurse's station.

  “I’m going to go sit with her. Will you see if Maura can get Talon to eat?”

  “Yeah. You should eat something, too.” I nodded. I’d eat, not yet though. I needed some good news first.

  Two days later I’d hoped, when she squeezed my hand, I’d hoped that I’d have that news. She woke up, but it wasn’t the news I prayed for; she wasn't okay.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Marie

  “Marie?” Who was this man staring at me? Who was Marie? Was it me? He was looking at me like he knew me. He was attractive. Salt and pepper hair at his temples, a small beard, a dimple in his left cheek. His eyes—those eyes looked so sad. They were red-rimmed as if he’d been crying. That made no sense. How could he be crying? He didn’t seem like the type of man who would cry. No, based off of the motorcycle vest he wore, he appeared rugged and belonged on a motorcycle.

  My hand was in his, and he was stroking it back and forth. Why was he touching me? I didn’t know him. I swiftly moved my hand away, jerking it from his grasp. He looked startled.

  I looked around. Where was I? I didn't know this place. There were white walls, a window, a door, a machine next to me beeped. A hospital? I looked down at my hand the man was holding and saw an IV attached to me. What was going on? I was scared. I tried to use my voice, and a scratchy chirp came out. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Who are you?”

  He sucked in a breath, “It’s me love, Mickey.” His eyes begged me to know him, but I didn’t. I had no clue who he was. That scared me even more.

  “I... I don’t know you.” I stumbled over my words, and watched as Mickey grabbed his chest like I’d struck him. My chest felt tight and began to rise and fall rapidly. “I’m sorry,” I told him, hating the new look on his face, but feeling incredibly afraid. I gulped huge lungfuls of air; my fear felt like it was suffocating me.

  “Breathe, Marie. I’m here. Everything is going to be alright. We’ll figure this out. Breathe, love. Breathe. Yer in the hospital. Yer okay, safe.”

  I watched as he pressed a button and the nurse came in. “Oh, you’re up. Hi, I’m your nurse, Lindsey. You have a lot of people worried about you.”

  I felt my hand tremble, but Mickey grabbed it, and stroked his thumb back and forth over the pad.

  “She said she doesn't know me,” he told the nurse. The nurse flashed a light in my eyes. I tried to sit up, but my body hurt when I moved.

  “I’m going to call the doctor. I’ll be back.”

  “Is everything, okay? Why doesn't she know me?” he asked the nurse again.

  “It’s too early to say; but she’s awake, and that’s more than we had an hour ago.”

  “How long have I been here?” I asked once the nurse had left the room.

  “It’s been a few days. You were shot.” I started to panic again.

  “I made it so the man who hurt ye can't do that ever again.” He almost seemed menacing for a moment, but instead of feeling afraid of him, I felt comforted; yet had no idea who he was. Who I was? I was confused. The doctor came into the room. He had white hair and a long white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. He was a tad monotone when he said, “Glad to see you are awake. I’m Doctor Orlic. I’m the neurosurgeon on staff. Do you know your name?”

  “Marie?” I answered with a question.

  “I said it to her a few times,” Mickey told the doctor.

  “How about the year?”

  I looked up thinking, but couldn't come up with an answer.

  “How about the President?”

  I racked my brain. Did I? Did I know who the President was? “Reagan? No, that’s not right.” I began to feel frustrated and tears formed in my eyes.

  “It’s okay. You’ve had an injury to your brain. I’d like to test your motor function.”

  I spent the next several minutes lifting legs, wiggling toes, and squeezing fingers.

  “Those are good, Marie. The brain is a tricky thing. Sometimes, memory loss can be a short-term thing. Sometimes, it can take years to recover, and sometimes you might permanently lose chunks of your memory depending on what part of the brain was damaged.”

  “Will she know me? Know Talon?” Mickey asked the doctor.

  “It’s hard to say. Talon’s young, and it may feel very difficult for her, if her mother doesn't know her. I’m going to have a social worker come down and help. We’ll get an occupational therapist in here, and since she is awake and her vitals look good, we will most likely move her from CCU to a Progressive Unit. Depending on how she does, we may need to place her in a nursing home.”

  “No way. She’ll not be away from me.”

  “Sir, you’re not her husband. You don't have any say.”

  Mickey and the doctor argued, but I was stuck on something the doctor said. He said I had a daughter. I searched my memory and couldn't come up with much. How could I forget my daughter? How could this be happening?

  I released Mickey’s hold on my hand, and reached up and touched the bandage around my head. As I moved, I felt dizzy and then a bout of nausea hit me.

  “I’m gonna be sick,” I said just as the doctor handed me a bin. I didn't have much to throw up, but I felt nauseous anyway, so it was more like I dry heaved.

  The doctor called the nurse in, and they pushed some anti-nausea medicine into my IV. I felt my eyes get heavy as if my bout of nausea had sucked any energy from me. I remember feeling Mickey kiss me on my head, and tell me he loved me. It was strange, I didn't know him, but when he touched me, there was something familiar about him.

  When I awoke, a beautiful teenage girl with long, blonde, straight hair and big blue, red-rimmed eyes sat beside me. Mickey stood against the wall observing, and I got the impression that he was trying to be there for both of us.

  Talon, that’s what he said her name was, I tried it out saying it out loud, “Talon.”

  “It’s me, Mom. Do you recognize me? Do you know me? They said you had no memory, but you know me? Don't you?” She began to cry, and I reached out my hand and placed it on the side of her face.

  “They told me your name. I want to remember you.”

  I felt tears sting my eyes and a pang in my chest. Even if I didn't have memories of her, it was like my heart knew her, because it squeezed painfully in my chest.

  “Talon, it’s okay. It might take time. We have to focus on the fact that she’s alive.” Mickey placed his hands on Talon’s shoulders. I didn’t know the man, but the way he supported my daughter also made my chest squeeze tight with emotion.

  “He’s right. It’s okay, Mom. Even if you never remember how it was. You’re here. You’re alive. I love you, and that’s what matters.”

  Talon stayed next to me, and cried for a little while. There was a knock on the door, and a striking brunette poked her head in.

  “Can I come in?” Mickey gave a nod, and she entered the room. “Hi, Marie. I’m Maura, Mickey’s daughter.”

  I looked at her and then at Mickey and could see the similarities, “You’re not mine too, are you?” That thought of forgetting another daughter scared the hell out of me. She laughed, “No, definitely not and you’re not old enough to be my mom.”

  Right, I had no idea how old I was.

  "But I’d much rather you think that I was your daughter than what you thought the first time I met you.”

  I was curious, and she had a way
about her that made me feel lighter making the air in the room also feel a little less heavy.

  “Who did you think I was?”

  “You thought I was Mickey’s wife.”

  “I did?”

  “She did?” Talon and I asked at the same time.

  Maura smiled, “You did. And you were jealous.”

  I looked at Mickey, and gave him a small grin. He was handsome. He caught my smile, and then said to Talon, “Look at that. She’s in there.”

  I liked his praise but found myself yawning.

  “Are ye tired, love?”

  I just woke up and didn't want to sleep, but I was tired. I gave him a subtle nod.

  “Maura, why don’t you take Talon to the hotel? Maybe she can shower and get some rest?”

  “Of course.”

  “I don't know. I’m not sure I should leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. Take care of yourself,” I reassured Talon. Telling her it was okay for her to go seemed to lift a weight off of her shoulders. I didn't remember being a mom, but at the same time, it felt natural to ease her fears.

  Maura bent low and hugged me. “It’s good to see you awake. The girls are going to want to say hi to you too, but I figure we’ll wait until you’re up to it.”

  I nodded, even though I had no idea who the girls were. I watched as she kissed her dad on the cheek and waited for Talon.

  Talon bent forward and kissed me. It was strange getting affection from people that you can’t recall, but knew loved you.

  “Are you going to leave, too?” I asked Mickey, after Talon and Maura left.

  “Do ye want me to?”

  “I don't know,” I answered honestly.

  “Alright, love. I’m going to stay, but I’m going to tell ye a story.”

  I yawned. A story sounded nice.

  “Once upon a time, there was a woman who married an evil man. He hurt her again and again, but she was strong. The fiercest woman. One night, after taking a bad beating, she took her daughter and ran away to a new place far away from the evil husband. She found herself building a life. She got a job, made a home, and met a man. A man who loved her with abandon. See, she did not want to tell him the details about her husband. Maybe she thought she was protecting him? He didn't know, but he tried to protect her. Only, he didn't know that the bad man was also a man from his past; a man who was dangerous and who was trying to take out people in his club by poisoning them with drugs. When the husband showed up, he made the man think that the woman he so desperately loved was betraying him, and the bad man took the fierce woman away.”