Stronger Than This

by Abby Mccarthy

  “She can stay, as long as she’s up for it.”

  “You know what? On second thought, why don’t I just see if she wants to stay overnight. You can see if the real thing lives up to the memory.”

  I thought about it, biting my lip, “Okay.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll call Talon.” I took out my phone that Mickey had given me, and searched Talon’s name and hit send.

  “Hey, Mom. What’s up?” Talon answered on the first ring.

  “Hey, Tal. Jenny has a hair appointment today, and she wondered if you could stay the night, tonight?”

  “You called me Tal, mom.”

  “So?” She was acting strangely.

  “You haven’t called me that since before.”

  “Oh. Is it okay?”

  “More than okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  She disconnected, and I couldn't help but clutch the phone to my chest. I was grateful I had her. She made me so happy. After everything had calmed down and I heard how she escaped my ex’s idiots, I was beyond proud of her. Tears had run down my cheeks when I’d called the lovely woman who helped her, thanking her and letting her know that if she was ever in Pennsylvania that we would love to see her.

  I couldn't see myself ever going down south again. Jenny watched me, smiling.

  “She’s the best. Have fun tonight.” I hugged her good-bye and watched as Aubrey got off of the back of Daws's bike. I walked past them, and waved as I climbed into Mickey’s truck. We sold my car. Mickey said he wanted me to drive something safer for the winter, but I knew that he felt like it might bring back a bad memory for me if I drove the car I think he was also grateful that I didn't remember all of the bad things.

  He had told me I’d been raped, but he did it under duress. He didn't want to. It took my counselor's prodding for him to explain to me that he had heard a recording of it. Since I didn't remember it, it felt surreal to me; but Mickey had heard it, and I hurt for him.

  It had been two days, since Mickey used his fingers on me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking about the images of us together that have continued to play out in my mind.

  Every single night that we went to bed and just kissed, had started to slowly drive me mad. Somewhere along the line, my feelings for Mickey had grown exponentially. From the moment I’d opened my eyes in the hospital, he'd been there.

  I’d come to learn so many things about him. He was patient and kind, and sexy.

  Man, was he sexy!

  We had plans later, and I was extremely excited for them. I was beyond ready to take us to the next level; and truth be told, even before I remembered us together, I had wanted him.

  Mickey was cleaning the kitchen, when I walked in.

  Yes, my man cleaned. I was a lucky woman.

  “Hi,” I greeted and was met with a smile, as he put a dish in the dishwasher and closed it.

  “Did ye have a good day?” he asked.

  “Yeah, it was good. I just left the shelter. Tal's going to stay the night at Jenny’s. She has a hair appointment. How was your day?”

  “I’m working on a Shovelhead. So, it was a good day.”

  On the drive home, I’d thought about how I would tell Mickey I was ready. I’d pictured myself doing many things to let him know. Maybe after we ate dinner, I could bring him to our room and just let things progress; but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like that wasn't me, and it wasn't quite right. So I decided, right then and there, to be open and honest about exactly what I wanted. I mean, why waste time, right?

  I set my purse down on the couch, took off my shoes, and decided to hell with plans.

  “I was thinking.”

  “Yeah, about what.” Mickey sat beside me. His nearness only intensified my need for him.

  “I’ve been thinking about what I remembered.”

  “That so, love?”

  “Been thinking I’ve been missing something, too. Actually, I’ve thought of little else.”

  Mickey swung my legs from the ground and onto his lap where he took off my socks and started to rub my feet and then slid his hands up into my jeans and massaged my calves.

  “I don't want to wait anymore, Mickey. If anything, this whole ordeal has taught us how precious our time is, and I don't want another day to go by where you aren’t inside of me.”

  “Christ, I fecking love ye.” Mickey removed his hands from my legs, promptly stood and threw me over his shoulder.

  I laughed the entire way to our bedroom. He laid me down on the bed. The black cotton sheets were soft against my skin.

  “I’ve waited so long to hear ye tell me ye want me. I want ye so fecking much. Sinking my fingers into yer tight pussy was the best fecking tease.” I lifted my head to Mickey’s who was leaning over me, and I kissed him. It was hard and deep and filled with so much longing. I felt his kiss everywhere. I felt it in my pussy as it clenched telling me I wanted more, and I felt it in my toes as they curled. I lifted my knees so that Mickey’s body was between my legs, then I circled my feet around his thighs wanting to feel his length against me. He was already so hard and large. Our kiss broke, and I whimpered, lifted my hips to feel him.

  “Take off yer clothes, love. I want to see ye.” He moved away from me as I discarded my shirt then reached behind me unclasping my bra.

  “I love yer breasts.”

  “You going to join me, and take yours off, too?”

  I lifted my hips and watched Mickey's eyes darken as I pulled down my jeans and underwear. There was no shyness on my part. There was a familiarity that made me feel brazen. Mickey pulled his shirt off, stood from the bed and undid his jeans. I watched as his cock sprang free and I couldn't help but lick my lips as his hand moved down the long pierced shaft. Holy shit.

  “The first time I fecked ye, we didn't make it in here. At first. I fecked ye right against the wall. Yer back was to me, and I pushed into ye. Yer cunt swallowed me. It was so good.”

  His words made me shiver as his fingers reached out and tweaked my nipple. I closed my eyes, and the briefest flash of him fucking me against the wall flashed through my head. When I opened my eyes, I stared at him.

  “I see it.” Mickey’s head bent down, and he pulled my nipple into his mouth biting it gently.

  “Ye love yer breasts being played with.”

  I moaned. “I do.”

  “Ye’d let me feck them.”

  “I still would.”

  He slid over me away from my breasts. My heart was beating so fast as his hand slid between my legs, and he licked the shell of my neck.

  “God, yer wet. That first night, I fucked yer mouth while I ate you.” I closed my eyes again. I couldn't remember it, but I could picture it. I could imagine him sliding in my throat.

  “Yes,” I said as Mickey pumped his finger in and out of me. He added another and I could feel him stretching me, making sure I was ready. I stroked his cock, and he moaned into my hair.

  “I pushed inside of ye again, after that. Ye were warm and sweet, and felt like heaven.”

  Mickey’s fingers left me as I again closed my eyes and this time real images flashed through my head of him sliding in and out of me, and me calling out his name.

  “God, yes, Mickey! I see it. I see you fucking me. I need you.”

  Mickey moved on top of me and the barbell on his cock pressed against my opening. Taking his dick in his hand, he rubbed it up and down against my opening.

  “Come inside, honey,” I whispered spreading my legs. In a hard thrust, Mickey pushed deep inside of me. I felt fabulously full. Then, it was all moans, bodies slapping hard against each other, and a frenzied rush of emotions. A mixture of sexual images from past and present ran through my mind.

  My body was his.

  It had always been his.

  It was like coming home.

  I was alive with the feel of him.

  I moaned out loudly as he fl
ipped us over and I began to ride him. He reached up, cupping my breasts.

  “Love watching yer tits bounce, while ye ride me. It’s so good.” Mickey soared up thrusting deep into my core. God, it was fabulous.

  “Yes. Like that.”

  He bent and pulled my nipple into his mouth then used his teeth and tugged it sharply. I moaned again, as he pushed up again.

  “Love your cock,” I told him. He paused and pulled off of my breast then stared at me while he was deeply seated inside of me.

  “I love ye. Ye know that, don’t ye? I think I loved ye since the moment I laid eyes on ye. Here with ye, it’s where I was meant to be.”

  My eyes grew soft, and I slowly rocked my hips.

  “I might not remember our entire start, but I think my heart remembered you, even if my mind didn’t. From the moment I woke up, you’ve been everything to me, and so I think I loved you from the moment I first saw you, too.”

  Mickey’s lips slammed hard against mine. “Say it again, love” he said after our kiss ended.

  “I love you.”

  Mickey went wild, flipping me back over again and thoroughly fucking me. It was so intense that an orgasm hit me fast and hard. My eyes seemed to roll in the back of my head, and I hung onto Mickey as he continued to ride the wave with me. It wasn't long before Mickey found his own release as he whispered how much he loved me. We were lying in bed after our second time that evening. My head was on Mickey’s chest, and he was stroking my arm.

  I was happy, so I shared. “Happy, honey.”

  “Me too, Marie.”

  “I had flashes of us together,” I admitted, wanting him to know that I had remembered bits and pieces.

  Mickey propped himself up on his elbow and stared at me. “I love that ye remembered us together. Sometimes, I want ye to remember everything. Sometimes, I hate that ye don't remember every part of Talon growing up, but sometimes I’m glad, too. I loved ye before, but I love ye even more, now. Ye carried this weight around with ye from everything ye’d been through, and it’s like it’s lifted. This version of ye is maybe who ye were always meant to be but without everything that had been done to ye.”

  My heart squeezed. “I understand that. I’ve been getting a lot of glimpses and pieces of memories of Talon growing up, and as much as I wish I remembered falling in love with you the first time, maybe I’m blessed to have gotten to do it all over again. I get what you’re saying about not carrying the bad around, it’s not here with me. I hear the women at the shelter talk, and I feel lucky that I don't remember, and that I have you.”

  “You’ll have me for the rest of yer life.”

  “Yeah, Mickey. I think I will.” I sighed falling back into his side.

  “God, I fecking love ye,” Mickey whispered.

  I fell asleep in his arms that night, and it was different than any other night. I’d felt whole in a way I couldn’t have fathomed.

  In his arms, I knew I was stronger than anything that had happened to me.

  I was stronger than my demons.

  I was different, but I was still the same.

  I was in love with Mickey, and I knew that my daughter and I would be happy, memory or not, because I knew that with my strength came the power to love, and I loved.

  I was blessed.

  I was sated.

  And I spent the rest of my life in Mickey’s arms; exactly where I was meant to be.

  The End

  Acknowledgments

  I wish I could say books were easy to write; that in a few days, a manuscript is thought up, fingers start typing, and a week later you have a book. That would be pretty amazing. But it takes a lot of time and a lot of people. It takes time from my family, so for all the times I’ve been caught up, thank you, Connor, Kayla, Brooklyn, Maddie, and Kevin. Thank you, Louisa and Chrissy for beta reading. Thank you, Katie and Melissa, my beautiful sisters. Thank you, Nicole Reid for all of your hard work. Thank you, Hang Le. You always make the most beautiful covers. You are such an artist. Thank you to my fellow peers for leading by example; there are so many of you I’m blessed to know. Thank you to all of the bloggers who continue to put their time and energy into the blogging world. Thank you, Emily Smith-Kidman. Your continued support makes a world of difference. Cheryl, Chrissy, Renee, and Lisa, your support is always beyond appreciated. Blushing Babes, Dawn, Tera, Jade, Kerry, Steph, Sandy, Christina, Lou, and Nic your friendship means the world. Jessica and Shana, you two are my hearts. No matter how much time passes, you always get me like no other; I’m forever grateful that you are in my life. My girl, Misty, thank you for always offering to help with my babes, so that I can write. I don’t take you up on it until the end, but that support is everything!

  Dear Reader

  Hello! Thank you for picking up this novel and giving it a shot. I know there seem to be a ton of new releases all of the time, so I am honored that you chose to spend time reading mine! I would be grateful if you could support me, by leaving a review on the retailer you purchased this from. If you enjoyed this book, all of my books feature strong heroines who have to overcome a significant struggle, please consider purchasing other books from me.

  A special bonus

  Check out Hurt You

  A stand alone novel in The Wrecked Series featuring MICKEY!!!

  Prologue

  I hit the intercom that hangs on the wall of every room in this godforsaken house.

  “Yes, Mrs. Valentino. What can I do for you?” Maude, one of the maids my husband hand-picked for employment, replies through the small box on the wall.

  “I’d like a bottle of white; chilled.”

  “What year?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Chardonnay, Pinot.”

  I cut Maude off, stopping her because this could go on forever. “Maude, I don't care. Just bring me something, will you?”

  “Yes dear,” she finally says. Minutes later there is a knock on the door.

  “Come in,” I command. She doesn’t look at me. They never do. My husband likes it that way. I can only imagine what an interview with him must be like. ‘How are you at imagining people don’t exist?’ he would ask, coming off intimidating.

  Maude pours a glass and begins to walk out of the room with the bottle.

  “Leave it. In fact, I’m getting into the tub in a few minutes. Why don’t you bring me another bottle, so it’s here when I finish this one off.”

  I walk past her, grab the glass and the bottle, and then head into my master bath locking the door behind me.

  I take a sip and the dry wine coats my tongue. She went with the Chardonnay. I turn the hot water on and the tub begins to fill. The house is quiet except for the water hitting the tub. I take another sip, then I take a gulp.

  I drop my robe and stare at my naked body in the mirror. Who is this woman staring back at me? I’m not sure I even know. My hair is freshly dyed, black with red undertones. It nearly touches my ass. My lashes will last me another two weeks, but they do their job making my eyes look less hollow. My body is what shows the biggest change. I used to be curvy and sexy. My breasts that pushed a D cup are now smaller, closer to a small C. I used to have hips that I loved to sway. Now, my bones jut out and my thighs are gone. There are a lot of things I miss. My body is just one of them.

  I submerge myself into the hot water, keep my glass of wine in my hand and the bottle close. The water is hot, singeing my skin pink. I finish my glass and decide to drink it straight from the bottle. I never used to be a fancy girl.

  My eyes close, and it’s like I can see him. This is the only place I really can. I remember it all so clearly, and I wish I had a different choice to make. Life doesn't always give you easy choices. You just have to do the best you can. Right now, I’m choosing to close my eyes and live in the past, if only for a while. Maybe here, I can remember what it was like when he touched me.

  Chapter 1

  Past

  It was a break-up like many other break-ups. It ende
d with me crushing his heart, breaking a few things, and then walking away. I always had to walk away, no matter how much they wanted me to stay. Drew was a nice one, too. He was an amazing lover; the things he could do with his tongue. But then, he had to go and do it. He had to fall in love with me. I was pissed. I don’t want them to love me. Loving me can get them hurt. Drew, sweet Drew. He didn’t understand why I didn’t love him back and that’s why when he grabbed me, begging me to stay, I lost it. I was ticked. Not particularly at him, but at my whole situation. I threw things and broke things until he called me a crazy bitch, and then I left. Anger was so much easier than love.

  High on adrenaline from my fight with Drew, I decided to grab a beer and pulled into the first bar I saw. I’d never been into this bar before, but a sign reading Benny’s over the door and a bunch of motorcycles parked out front gave me the impression that it was the type of place I could have fun at. The type of placed I needed.

  Walking into the bar, I noticed a bunch of bikers with a logo on the back of their vest; The Devil’s Crusaders. Even though, I was raised in Little Italy; a neighborhood in Wakeman, I’ve always known who The Devil’s Crusaders are. Heck, I don’t think you could live in a hundred mile radius of Wakeman and not know who they are.

  I saw a girl sitting at the bar. She was pretty, brown hair, fair skin and she had a fierce laugh that told me she knew how to live. Something the older bartender must’ve said had her in stitches. I also noticed that she was ignoring all the guys around her. Maybe she knew something I didn’t? I decided the empty seat next to her was as good as any.

  “Jack, bring me another shot!” the girl shouted.

  A man with white hair and a white beard set a shot down in front of her. I momentarily wondered if he dressed up as Santa. “What are you drinking?” he asked me.

  “Get me whatever she’s drinking, it looks like I’m having the same kind of night.”

  The girl smiled at me, “Oh, I doubt you can handle what I’m drinking.”