Love's Little Instruction Book

by Mary Gorman

  “I’m not,” he told her honestly. He still had his arm around her, reaching across her front. He noticed that she had kept her arm over his as she had rolled to face him, so that her arm still held his against her. She moved her hand to cover the back of his and laced her fingers between his. His eyes shot to the shadowy form of her face and he searched from some clue as to what she was thinking there. “Did you sleep well?”

  “Mmm,” she murmured, nodding. “Amazing what a fourteen-hour work day can do for one’s sleeping habits. You?”

  He nodded. “Today won’t be as bad,” he told her, trying to discreetly pull his hips away from her without seeming obvious about it. “Just twelve hours or so.”

  “I’m glad that it’s you who was here with me for this,” she told him, still whispering. “Thank you for staying on.”

  “I like being with you,” he whispered back.

  “I like being with you, too,” she told him. Lifting her head up off the pillow, she kissed his lips softly, then pulled back and looked up into his face in the darkness. She stroked his arm as it lay across her. Dave kept very, very still, thinking that she was sending him a message, but afraid to act on it, in case he was wrong. Then, Denise put all doubt to rest by asking softly. “Do you believe in casual sex?”

  He caught his breath. Was this a trick question? Here he was, fully aroused with the woman of his dreams in his arms. Hell, yes! he wanted to scream at her. But he hesitated. This was Denise. This was important. Too important to alter their relationship just for what would probably be the most mind-blowing sexual experience of his whole life. Casual sex? No. Not with her. Sex with her could never be “casual.”

  “No,” he whispered at last as he peered down at her. “Sex should never be casual. It’s too important. There have to be hearts involved.”

  Denise hesitated. “So you wouldn’t want to make love with me?” she asked.

  He chuckled without humor. “Sweetheart, I want to make love to you. God! You’re probably the most attractive woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, and lying here next to you has got me about as horny as I’ve ever been in my life, but you’re Denise. And you’re important to me. I don’t want to do anything stupid to jeopardize our friendship. I don’t want to disappoint you or hurt you ever, but I also have to make sure that I don’t get hurt. And if we did what I think you’re suggesting and it didn’t work out … ” He shook his head. “Darlin’, there are hearts involved here, and one of them is mine.”

  • • •

  Denise stayed very still for a long moment, digesting what he was saying. Some of what she was suggesting was just to satisfy a physical urge. It had been a long time since she had been intimate with anyone this way, not since her divorce, and she wanted that kind of physical pleasure and intimacy again, to feel desirable and wanted, and sated. But she also wanted to feel safe. Not like a sex trophy or a slut. She felt safe with Dave. She knew that he wouldn’t hurt her, and she sensed that it was her self that he was interested in, not just because of her face or her celebrity. He seemed like a perfect choice as a lover. Except that he was right, hearts should be involved, and not just his.

  Denise had been so sure that he would be a willing sexual partner, but he was right — their relationship was too important to alter just for a brief moment of physical satisfaction. And he was right about the rest, too, damn him. Hearts should be involved. They both deserved no less. But did she love him? Of course she did. Maybe not in the obsessive, passionate, Hollywood kind of way, but she truly cared about this wonderful, sensitive, funny Irish-Italian guy. But she didn’t want to be “in love” — when you gave your heart like that, you risked getting hurt in a way that you never quite got over. Being in love was to look at the other person and see no flaws, and to feel a high that didn’t last. It wasn’t what she wanted with Dave. She wanted to take care of him, to return all of the kindness and steadfastness that he had shown her ever since they had met. “I’m not ‘in love’ with you,” she said at long last, “but I do love you. Is that enough?”

  • • •

  Dave’s mind reeled. What the hell did that mean? He sure as hell was in love with her. He was in love, in like, in lust, in heat … Still, she had done it. She had admitted that she loved him. That should be enough, shouldn’t it?

  He drew in a long breath. “I don’t want to get hurt,” he told her.

  “Me either.”

  He blew out that same breath. “I love you, too.”

  She smiled in the darkness and gave his hand a squeeze. “That can be enough for now then,” she relented. “Without the sex.”

  Without the sex? A bazillion quarts of testosterone surged through him, protesting this latest shift in circumstances. Still, Dave managed to keep his voice calm and even. “Sex should be a sign of trust between a man and a woman. Can we trust each other to continue caring about each other in the same way even if we introduce a physical aspect to the relationship?”

  “I trust you, Dave,” she said.

  “I trust you, too,” he whispered, pushing himself up on his elbow. “With all my heart.”

  He leaned down then, to place a long, slow, lingering kiss on her lips as she reached for him. Gently, sweetly, he brushed his lips against hers again and again. Her lips were soft and slightly parted, and he shuddered to feel her warm breath against his lips. He pulled back and opened his eyes to look down at her in the shadows, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. This was a moment he had always dreamed of, but never really believed would happen. He couldn’t believe that this was finally the moment that Denise would be his.

  “You’re sure?” he asked.

  Denise nodded. “Come here, lover.” He could hear the smile in her voice. Her beautiful, sexy, come-hither voice.

  He covered the top half of her body with his own and kissed her again, then nuzzled against her neck until she tilted her head back, giving him access to her long, elegant throat. He felt his whiskers brush against her tender skin and winced. “I should have shaved,” he apologized.

  “It’s all right,” she told him, cradling him in her arms.

  “Oh, God!” he moaned suddenly.

  “What is it?”

  He let his forehead fall against her shoulder. “I don’t have a condom.” He looked up at her. “Are you on the pill?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “I stopped wearing the birth control patch after the divorce.”

  He let his head fall back to her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  She turned her head and kissed the top of his head, then reached up with one hand and gently stroked his curls. “It’s all right,” she told him.

  He raised his head. “I’ll take care of you,” he told her. “We just can’t … ”

  She reached up and pressed her fingers to his lips. “It’s okay,” she promised him. “I have a condom.”

  He froze. “You do?”

  She got up and went to her overnight bag, pulled out her wallet and withdrew three conjoined foil packets of condoms. She pulled one off, then got back into the bed and handed it to him.

  “I love you,” he sighed. “You have got to be the greatest woman I’ve ever known.”

  She laughed softly. “Mother always said, ‘Don’t leave home without it.’ Shall I put one on for you?”

  He hesitated just for a moment, stunned. “Oh, baby, yes.”

  She opened the small foil packet by tearing it with her teeth and slipped the small circle of latex out, then reached for him, stroking his upper arm as he sat facing her. “I’m glad it’s you,” she told him softly. Then, keeping the rolled condom in her hand, she reached for the hem of his T-shirt. He held his breath as she pulled it up and off him, then blessed the darkness that kept hidden that which he had tried so hard to conceal that day on the beach. She reached for his waistband, then, tugging at first to urge him onto his
knees, the slipping the material down over his buttocks and thighs. With her hands on his shoulders, she pushed him back down and he stretched out his legs, so that she could quickly remove the impeding garment, sliding it down his legs, over his feet and dropping it onto the floor. Then she hesitated.

  “I haven’t done this in a long time,” she told him shyly.

  He understood. “Am I the first since … ”

  “Since Jason, yes.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, I’m honored.”

  “I want to do this,” she told him. “I do! It’s just … ”

  “You feel vulnerable?” he asked quietly. She nodded.

  He picked up her empty hand and kissed it. “You’re safe with me. I won’t hurt you. Ever.”

  “Pretty silly, huh?” she asked him. “You’re the one sitting here naked and yet I’m the one who’s vulnerable.”

  He kissed her hand again, then set her palm upon his most intimate part, which throbbed and pulsed beneath her hand. “No matter what happens next,” he told her, “I will still love and respect you afterwards. It’s not about perfection or how well either one of us does it, but it’s about two good friends sharing themselves and helping each other to feel good. All right?”

  She nodded in the darkness, and he reached for the hem of her T-shirt. She released him and he pulled it over her head, his hands just skimming her rib cage and the sides of her breasts as he did so. Then without stopping to survey what lay beneath, he grasped the elastic waist of her sweat pants and skimmed them down her legs, neatly hooking her panties with his thumbs as he did so to render her completely, elegantly nude.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, trying to make her out in the shadows given off by the light they had left on in the bathroom.

  She bent her head and said nothing. He reached for her, slipping his hand under her chin to force her head up, then leaned over to place a very tender, gentle kiss upon her lips. She put her hands on his shoulders for balance and leaned in to kiss him back. His heart swelled as he cradled her face between his hands. This was it. Finally it. He understood what she was feeling. He was thrilled and nervous and vulnerable too, but he wouldn’t have traded this moment for the world.

  At last he pulled away from her. He nodded at the condom still in her hand. “Do you want me to put that on myself?” he offered quietly.

  She shook her head. “No. No, I want to do this for you.”

  “You’re sure?” he asked.

  She rested her forehead against his chin and nodded. “Yeah.”

  He kept himself very, very still as she reached for him, drawing in a sharp breath as she touched him with her long, cool fingers. He winced a little as the feel of her fingers was replaced by the constricting feel of being surrounded by latex, but if it was the price of being intimate with Denise, then he would pay it, and gladly. “Is that all right?” she whispered, raising her face to his again.

  He kissed her forehead. “Perfect. Thank you.” Mindful of her handiwork, he stood up and turned back the blankets. “Come on, lover,” he told her. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

  With a smile as old as Eve, Denise climbed between the sheets and waited for her man to join her.

  He was as careful a lover as he knew how to be. No touch was wasted and no gesture lost. He kissed her throat, caressed her breasts, and generally worshipped every inch of her that he could reach. Denise was soft and warm and receptive, and Dave was on fire for her. She was ever better than anything he had ever imagined. It was like being a born-again virgin, discovering for the first time just how good making love could really be.

  And then, when he had loved her well, he found himself at the brink of heaven, poised just at the moment when the two of them would truly become one. He pulled his head back to look down at her, and she reached up to cradle his face. “Are you ready?” he asked her quietly.

  “Yeah.”

  “I love you,” he told her.

  “I love you too,” she told him, stroking the side of his face.

  He drew in a deep breath, bent his head to join his lips with hers, and drove himself home. Because she was taller than he was, he had to drive himself into her extra deeply in order to be able to look down into her face. “Are you all right?” he asked solicitously.

  “Uh huh,” she replied. “You?”

  “Hell, yes,” he told her, and she laughed. She slid her hands down his body, over his shoulders, along his back, to cup his buttocks. With gentle pressure, she guided him into motion. With a deep moan of pleasure, he let her set the rhythm of their joining. She was everything he’d imagined and more — hot, slick, sweet, and passionate. He could have come then and there, but instead he forced himself to hold back. More than anything else, he wanted to make this good for her. He shuddered and continued to follow her deep, gentle rhythm. “Tell me,” he whispered hoarsely as he kissed her throat. “Tell me how you want it. I want to make this perfect for you.”

  “What you’re doing now,” she told him breathlessly, “it’s good, but — ”

  “But what?” he panted. “Tell me. God, please — ”

  She nipped at his ear. “It’s been a long time for me, Dave, and I love — I love the way you’re tender like this, but, please — could you love me hard tonight?”

  He scraped her neck with his teeth. “I don’t know how long I can last if I do,” he admitted. “This feels so good, and I’m so close — ”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Just for a little. I’m close, too. Please?”

  He reached back to grab her hands from his butt and he pinned her wrists to the mattress on either side of her head. He kissed her lips once, a bruising, take-no-prisoners kiss, then buried his face against her throat and began to pound his hips against hers, giving her the driving, pulsing, hard loving that she’d asked for. He released one wrist and instead splayed his free hand over her breast, sinking his fingers deeply into her pliant flesh. Denise hissed and then moaned as she slipped her hand onto his back, pulling him as close as she could. He kept on, driving hard into her. It was the best thing he had ever felt, and he was right, it wasn’t long until he reached the point where he no longer thought, only felt. He melted into her, and never felt more peaceful or more alive in his life.

  He lay panting on top of her. He wanted to lift his head, to ask her if she was all right, to tell her again that he loved her, but it was all he could do just to lie there, listening to her heart pounding and wishing that he didn’t ever have to move again. Denise’s arms came up around his back, and her fingers toyed idly with his hair. “Wow,” she said softly.

  “Yeah,” he agreed without moving. “Wow.”

  “You okay?”

  He smiled against her skin. “Funny thing about that,” he told her. “This may well be the best I’ve ever felt in my entire life, and yet I can’t even manage to raise my head at the moment. Does that make any sense?”

  “Yeah,” she said heavily. “It does.”

  He sighed and then kissed her shoulder before gathering her up in his arms and rolling off of her, pulling her so that she rested under the crook of his arm, her head on his shoulder. “Thank you,” he told her softly.

  “Thank you,” she replied, snuggling into him. She ran her hand from his shoulder to his chest to his belly, rubbing it with a faint circular motion. Dave stiffened slightly under her hand.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wish that I could be better for you. Not fat, I mean.”

  She raised her head to peer down at him. “Shhh. It’s who you are that makes this special, not your body.”

  “Yeah, but … ” He trailed off helplessly.

  “Am I complaining?” she asked.

  “No, but you could have anyone, easy. Someone who was tall and buff — ”

  She was already shaking her head,
even before she cut him off. “First off, you’re not fat, you’re lush. Secondly, I like the way it feels to be lying naked against this body. Hard bodies aren’t always comfortable to lie against. But you … ” She drew in a long, sensual breath. “I love you, Dave. And I love the way your body feels against mine.”

  His eyes searched hers questioningly. “I know I’m not the best looking guy, either … ”

  She reached up to place her fingers over his lips. “Stop putting yourself down. Dave, you’re the one I want to be with.”

  “But you could have any man.”

  She nodded. “Yes. I could. And I chose you.”

  He drew in a long, ragged breath and blinked into her eyes. “Really?”

  “Really,” she promised, sliding her body up along his to place a kiss on his lips.

  And then she proved it to him once again.

  • • •

  Walking back to the station was a much different trip than going to the hotel had been. The snow had stopped and the winds had died down. Everything was clean and sparkling and new. Dave made a snowball and fired it at a No Parking sign, catching it on the corner. He challenged Denise to take the same shot, but hers flew well low of the sign. He laughed and kissed her, and told her that she needed to practice before the next season’s station softball games. She asked him if he’d help her and he promised that he would. Then he took her hand and they walked back to the station. It would be another day and a half before the roads were cleared and the WMTR staff was able to return to work, but for Dave and Denise “normal” would never be the same again.

  Chapter Fourteen: Interlude

  Winter gave way to spring, and for Dave and Denise, life was very good, indeed.

  Although Dave never really believed that he would ever be in a real relationship with Denise, now that it had happened, he found that it was even better than he’d dreamed. She was smart, sassy, sexy, and beautiful as hell, and she wanted to spend her time with him. What could possibly be better that that?