Second Chances at the Log Fire Cabin

by Catherine Ferguson

  Her eyes turn steely. ‘Jackson can fuck off as well.’

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘I said, Jackson can take a running jump. He’s as big a bastard as those bloody financial executives who’ve decided readership has slumped since I took over!’

  I swallow hard. ‘Why exactly is Jackson an – erm – bastard?’ Oh God, maybe he’s done what he said he would, then. Broken up with Sophie so he can be with me.

  A torrent of emotion rushes through me.

  ‘I think he might have dumped her,’ murmurs Clemmy in my ear, placing a big mug of black coffee in front of us – just as Sophie’s wailing starts up again, reaching a crescendo that almost rattles the windows.

  I stare at Clemmy, aghast, and Sophie blows her nose noisily on a piece of kitchen towel Clemmy provides.

  I feel shocked to the core. I guess I never expected this to happen. For all Jackson’s protestations about wanting to get back with me, deep down I never thought he’d actually do the deed and break it off with Sophie.

  Maybe we always were right for each other, Jackson and I, and my hasty proposal only derailed us temporarily. I’ve always wondered where we’d be now if I hadn’t been so stupidly drunk that night and ruined everything. Perhaps we’d be right here, with Jackson in love with me. Wanting to be with only me …

  ‘Oh, Christ, bloody Malta!’ Sophie flings her arms in the air and sends a vase of flowers crashing to the floor. She briefly registers the sound of something crashing, turning her head vaguely in that direction, but doesn’t seem to realise she caused it, and flumps back on the counter.

  I gaze at her now less-than-perfect hair, with strands escaping all over, and can’t help feeling sorry for her. It makes me feel slightly less guilty that she’s clearly more bothered about the job crisis than Jackson telling her they’re over.

  Clemmy scrambles off the stool and starts picking up pieces of pottery and I rush to help her.

  ‘Careful. You’ll spoil your dress,’ I tell her.

  ‘And I’m so hungry!’ wails Sophie. ‘I could eat a whole loaf of bread made into toast and spread so thickly with butter it would give me a muffin top just looking at it on the plate.’

  ‘Shall I make some toast?’ Clemmy looks at me and I nod.

  Clemmy sees to the toast. Then Alex comes into the kitchen to ask if everything’s all right. He helps me clear the broken pottery into the bin. At one point, our hands touch and we both leap away as if we’ve had an electric shock. I glance up at him and the intense look in his eyes makes my heart race.

  ‘And apart from everything else shit that’s happened,’ shrieks Sophie, ‘I’m a lonely bloody singleton again because all men are bastards!’

  ‘It would probably be best if Sophie crashed out here tonight,’ murmurs Alex.

  I nod, feeling instantly better now that he’s taking charge. ‘She can have the room I’ve been sleeping in. I’ll be okay on the sofa once everyone’s gone back to the hotel.’ I nod in the direction of the living room, wondering how Jackson is feeling, hearing Sophie so upset and knowing he’s the cause of it.

  I feel bad enough, knowing I’m the reason he’s dumped her. So he must feel a thousand times worse.

  I think longingly of Flo and the flat. Suddenly, I have an urge to run for the hills and escape all of the drama. Except Flo is in New York, of course. The strength of this feeling of wanting to get away puzzles me because now I know that Jackson is free to be with me, why wouldn’t I want to stay?

  I guess my head is too muddled to think logically right now. I could really do with some space to be on my own and work out what I really want. But, however much I might want to flee, I have to stay.

  Poppy needs me now, more than ever. I feel so guilty for having told Jed about the baby, even though I only did it because I knew deep down that it was absolutely right that he should know. But with Poppy in hospital, I owe it to her to make sure the contract with Sylvia is fulfilled. Even if I have to work day and night to do it.

  One thing’s for certain; Jackson might be free now, but there’s no way we’ll be getting back together straight away. We’ll need to take some breathing space and make sure we don’t rush things. Perhaps after everything has gone back to normal after Christmas, we’ll arrange to meet and decide if it’s what we want. There’s absolutely no hurry …

  But, deep down, I know I’m only stalling for time. There’s a cold feeling deep down inside that I’m trying to ignore. I’ve been trying to ignore it ever since the night of the skating contest. But I know I have to face up to it.

  The big question that’s taunting me is: Jackson may be free to be with me. But do I really want to be with him?

  ‘Roxy?’

  I turn and Jackson is standing in the doorway, beckoning me. I glance anxiously at Sophie, who’s quietened down and is sipping her coffee with Clemmy’s encouragement.

  If Sophie sees Jackson, I have a feeling the other vase on the breakfast bar might meet a similar fate to its twin – except it wouldn’t be an accident this time. So I quickly slip out before she realises he’s there.

  ‘How is she?’ he asks, looking worried.

  ‘Not great. It doesn’t help that she’s so drunk, but I think she’s completely devastated that your relationship is over. We think she should stay here tonight. Sleep in my room.’

  His face lights up. ‘Really? Oh well, you can come and sleep in the hotel. In my room.’

  I stare at him. ‘No, of course I can’t.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because … it wouldn’t be right. You’ve just broken up with Sophie and she’s in there crying her eyes out. Could you really, in all conscience, have me spend the night with you, knowing how that would make Sophie feel when she finds out? Because obviously, she would find out.’

  He sighs again. ‘Okay. So where are you sleeping tonight?’

  I shrug, feeling bemused. ‘The sofa? Or on cushions in the study? Anywhere. It doesn’t really matter.’

  ‘Right. Well, I think I’ll head back to the hotel now with Ryan and Clemmy.’

  ‘Oh. Okay.’

  ‘Sophie’s mum lives near here. I think she’s coming to collect her.’

  ‘What, now?’

  ‘Well, no, I presume in the morning.’ He shrugs. ‘I’m not sure.’

  I stare at him, unable to fathom his cool attitude to poor Sophie’s emotional trauma. He doesn’t seem to be feeling much guilt over dumping her just a few days before Christmas.

  Perhaps he’s just putting on a manly front, not wanting to show his feelings?

  Sophie gives a loud wail.

  ‘I expect you feel really bad that Sophie’s feeling so wretched,’ I say. ‘Especially since it’s only three days till Christmas.’

  He shrugs. ‘These things happen. Relationships end and you move on. That’s life. She’ll be fine in a day or two.’ He smiles at me. ‘You worry too much about people.’

  ‘Do I?’

  ‘Yes. You’re a real softie, which is one of the things I love about you.’ He moves closer and pulls me towards him and I realise he’s actually going to kiss me. I can’t believe the callousness of the man. He’s happy to kiss me with Sophie breaking her heart on the other side of that door?

  Somewhere in the distance, I’m aware of a noise. But it’s only when someone clears their throat that I realise it was the kitchen door opening.

  I squirm away from Jackson and turn around guiltily.

  It’s not Sophie.

  But even if it was, I couldn’t feel any worse than I do now.

  It’s Alex standing there. And the disgust on his face is clear for all to see.

  He shakes his head and walks out of the cabin.

  Chapter 25

  I wake up next morning on the living room sofa and my first thought is Alex’s face when he saw Jackson and I in what he must have thought was a romantic embrace.

  Then my mind flashes to Poppy.

  Oh God, I hope she’s all right.

 
I didn’t hear them come back from the hospital last night. But maybe I slept through it. Alex seems to think I did the right thing, calling Jed from the hospital.

  I wish I could be so sure.

  ‘Morning, Roxy!’ Ruby bursts in. ‘Jed just called to say that Poppy’s bleeding has stopped. Isn’t that great?’

  I breathe a sigh of relief. ‘It certainly is. So are they coming back?’

  Ruby shakes her head. ‘The doctors want to keep her in hospital for another night just to make sure she’s okay.’ Her face lights up. ‘Ooh, it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow!’

  ‘It is, indeed.’

  ‘I can’t believe we’ve got all this snow, just in time for the Big Day. There’s a lot more arriving apparently.’

  ‘We might get snowed in.’ I grin at her. ‘Have you been waiting outside for me to wake up?’

  ‘No. Just good timing, I suppose.’ She gives a huge yawn and collapses back onto the end of the sofa, narrowly missing my feet. ‘I had a horrible nightmare last night. I was being chased through a field by lots of savage-looking women with war paint on their faces. Then a bull was chasing them and they all ran away.’

  ‘Wow. What do you think it means?’ I grin at her.

  She turns and says gloomily, ‘I think it means I’m a bull in a bloody china shop, barging in without thinking and getting myself into loads of trouble in the process.’

  ‘Really? Gosh, you’ve given the dream a lot of thought. Usually I forget mine three seconds after I wake up.’

  She turns in her seat to face me, with her arm on the back of the sofa. ‘I feel really bad now about that stunt I pulled on Sophie, pretending they sent the Grinch instead of Holly Hepburn.’

  ‘Audrey Hepburn.’

  ‘I thought she was called Holly?’

  ‘Holly Golightly was the character she played in the movie.’

  ‘So was Holly Golightly a really famous actress?’

  ‘No, she …’ I laugh. ‘Never mind. What do you plan on doing about Sophie?’

  ‘I’ve apologised to her.’

  ‘That was nice of you. Poor Sophie’s already feeling crap because Jackson dumped her.’

  Ruby stares at me. ‘No, he didn’t.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He didn’t dump her. She dumped him because he refused to go and live in Malta with her when she takes up this new job.’

  ‘Oh.’ I frown, thinking back to the previous night. I could have sworn Jackson didn’t contradict me when I accused him of ending it with Sophie. Why on earth didn’t he tell me what really happened? ‘Ruby, are you sure about this?’

  ‘Absolutely. Jackson told me he wasn’t bothered because he’s gone off Sophie anyway.’

  I laugh incredulously. It obviously suited Jackson’s purpose to have me believe he’d finished with Sophie just so he could be with me! When, actually, it was Sophie who had given him his marching orders!

  Just what sort of a snake is my ex? I really thought the sun shone out of him but I’m beginning to think I never really knew the real Jackson at all. It was all just a sham. And he’s probably ladled the same superficially charming half-truths on Sophie that he did on me!

  ‘Why are you laughing?’ asks Ruby.

  I shake my head. ‘I’m laughing at how stupid I’ve been.’

  But actually, I feel like crying.

  All this time I’ve been feeling cut up over Jackson, it’s now becoming horribly clear to me that I was just one of his many playthings. And if Sophie hadn’t pipped him to the post, I feel sure she would have been next in line to be ditched from his life in favour of the next pretty girl that turned up.

  ‘Sophie’s just gone,’ says Ruby. ‘Her mum picked her up and they left.’

  ‘Sophie’s gone?’

  Ruby nods. ‘The mother was horrible. She was ordering poor Sophie about like she was twelve years old. Sophie told me she used to make her get on the scales every day from when she was five years old to make sure she never went over her ideal weight.’

  We look at each other in horror.

  ‘Isn’t that sad?’ says Ruby.

  ‘It certainly is.’ I gaze at Ruby in dismay. After all the horrible things I’ve said about Sophie, all I can feel right now is sympathy for her. ‘Imagine having a mother who’d do that …’

  ‘Are you okay? You look weird,’ says Ruby.

  ‘I was just thinking about Jackson. It seems leaving one relationship behind and moving on immediately with someone else is something he’s rather good at …’

  ‘Really? Who’s he moving on with, then?’

  ‘Oh, no one,’ I say hurriedly. ‘I was just thinking aloud.’

  Ruby frowns. ‘Yeah, I do that all the time. Thinking aloud. Mum’s always saying I should think before I speak.’

  ‘Mums are usually right.’

  She nods grudgingly. ‘I’m going to turn down the volume from now on. Be more considerate to my fellow men. And women. I mean, you never know what stuff they’ve gone through, do you? Like Sophie.’

  ‘That’s very true, Ruby.’

  ‘I’m going to be much more tolerant of people from now on.’

  I grin at her. ‘Good luck with that.’

  ‘By the way, you shouldn’t be ashamed of them.’

  ‘Ashamed of what?’

  ‘Your scars. I saw you trying to hide them when I came into your room the other day.’ She groans. ‘Without waiting to be asked to come in, of course.’ She raises her eyes to the ceiling at her own rudeness. ‘Sorry!’

  ‘That’s all right.’ My heart has started to race. And my mouth is so dry, I can barely get the words out.

  ‘Actually, I’ve got some imperfections of my own. Look.’ She whips up her pyjama top and shows me a large strawberry birthmark that covers the left side of her abdomen.

  She grins. ‘I call it my safari stamp because, if you look, it’s sort of shaped like Africa. And I’ve always wanted to go on safari. The kids at school thought it was hilarious, especially in the changing rooms, but I realised early on that if I laughed first, it took away their pleasure. So I made a point of showing everyone, as if I was proud of it, and then they sort of forgot all about it. It’s part of me. And if people don’t like it, they can lump it.’ She turns and says matter-of-factly, ‘Did you get burned? Is that what your scars are from?’

  I swallow. ‘I did get burned, yes.’

  ‘How? Do you mind me asking?’

  I shake my head, although I do mind. I mind very much.

  It’s just that hearing Ruby talk so matter-of-factly about something that could easily have made her shy and self-conscious makes me think that with her, at least, I can be honest. So I tell her about the night of the accident and how I ran back into the fire to find Gus and she listens with her mouth slightly open, not saying a word until I’ve finished.

  ‘Wow. You were so brave.’ She frowns. ‘But was Gus all right?’

  I smile. ‘Yes, he was. The little tinker lived a good long life after that, thank goodness.’

  ‘That’s a relief.’ Her brow clears. ‘Right, breakfast time. I’m starving,’ she says, before dashing out.

  ‘See you later, Ruby.’

  I don’t get straight up. Instead, I lie back on the sofa for a moment, thinking how wonderful it is that Poppy and the baby are likely to be fine after all, and about my conversation with Ruby. She has a very wise head on her shoulders, that girl. I feel quite emotional imagining her being laughed at in the changing rooms but being brave enough to show everyone the birthmark. Kids can be so cruel but Ruby triumphed!

  I feel quite immature by comparison. The very opposite of brave.

  It’s part of me, she said. And if people don’t like it, they can lump it!

  I’ve never thought of it that way, which is quite unbelievable, really. I suppose I’ve never had that innate confidence in myself that Ruby seems to have. Even at such a young age, she never apologises for being who she is. Well, except when she’s deciding not to be
a bull in a china shop any more.

  I should own my scars. Like Ruby owns her birthmark. Instead of trying always to pretend they’re not there and the accident never happened. It strikes me that if I adopted Ruby’s attitude, I’d have the confidence to reveal my scars to absolutely anyone.

  And if certain people don’t like them – they can lump it …

  Chapter 26

  I walk purposefully along the road to the hotel with my head held high.

  I feel strong and sort of triumphant, although at the same time, my heart is in my mouth. I’m going to do this, though. I’m determined to push through my fears.

  Entering the hotel, I walk straight up to reception and ask the girl behind the desk if she can call Jackson’s room and let him know I’m here. My heart is beating like crazy. Oh God, please let Jackson be in his room! Please, please, please …

  The receptionist smiles and says, ‘Certainly, Madam.’ Then she checks on her system, which seems to take forever. Not that I’m anxious or anything. Then she very calmly picks up the phone and presses some buttons, smiling serenely at me, with no idea of the psyching-up session that’s currently going on within me.

  I feel like I’m at the foot of Ben Nevis, raring to go, and desperate to get to the top before the weather turns and I chicken out!

  ‘How do you like the Christmas tree?’ she asks me, as she waits for Jackson to answer. ‘It went up this morning.’

  ‘Christmas tree?’ I didn’t even notice a tree when I came in.

  She points behind me and, when I turn, standing just a couple of feet away is the biggest, most sparkly, in-your-face Christmas tree I’ve ever seen in my life. It actually fills almost the entire reception area. How I could have walked past such a gigantic display of festive celebration without seeing it, I have literally no idea.

  I guess I must have been preoccupied …

  ‘He says could you just go up to his room,’ the receptionist says. ‘Number thirteen. Second floor.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I start towards the stairs.