by Garza, Amber
My cell phone startles me. I grab it from the coffee table.
Where r u? What’s going on?
So much for appeasing Billie with my last text. I guess I should just tell her the truth. At home. Asher’s here.
Ok. Have fun.
I giggle at the conclusion she just jumped to, although it’s better than her knowing the truth. The door to the bathroom pops open, and I hear Asher’s feet shuffle on the carpet. When I whirl around to face him, my mouth drops as if it’s come unhinged.
Asher laughs. “What’s wrong, Ives.”
My mouth opens and closes like I’m a fish out of water as I take in Asher wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Moisture beads glisten in his hair and drip onto his shoulders. Hard as I try I can’t tear my eyes away from his tanned chest, taut with muscles. “Where are your clothes?”
“They’re all dirty.” Asher winks.
I throw my arms up. “Well, you’re gonna have to wear them. I don’t have any guy clothes, and it will take too long to wash yours.”
Asher gives me an amused look that causes my skin to prickle. “Fine. I’ll put mine back on. I actually just wondered if you could help me clean off this head wound. I can’t reach it.” He holds out a washcloth and bends his chin down.
I glare at him. “And you couldn’t have gotten dressed first?”
“No, I couldn’t.” His tone is sarcastic, and I want to smack the silly grin off his face.
“Fine.” I sigh, moving toward him. I snatch the washcloth from his fingers and then look at his head. The scent of shampoo wafts from his hair, and it smells like me. It feels weird to have the smell coming from him. Having him here in my apartment half dressed and using my shower seems so natural, like it’s the way things should be. Emotion bubbles inside of me, and I fear that it will spill out like that beer I dropped the other night. Only I’m scared of what will happen if I let it. So I quickly swipe the rag in his hair and then take a step back.
“It’s fine. It’s only a tiny cut.”
Asher grabs my arm before I can walk away. “Thank you.”
I nod, afraid to speak. I’m acutely aware of the fact that he’s standing too close and is only wearing a towel. Studying his face, I realize that he really is okay. The damage isn’t as bad now that he’s cleaned up. Sure, his eye is swollen and an ugly bruise is forming on his cheek, but for some reason it just adds to his rugged charm. My gaze lands on his lips, which still look perfect, and I find myself wanting to kiss him. Shaking away the thought, I yank my arm away and walk back to the couch.
“Have it your way, Ives. I’ll go get dressed.” He chuckles as he retreats back into the bathroom.
What is wrong with me? Why was I thinking about kissing him?
I mean, sure I’ve thought about it before dozens of times, but not now. I can’t think like that now. There’s too much at stake.
“This better?” His rich voice speaks from over my shoulder.
I glance behind me, taking in his gym shorts and t-shirt. “Much.”
He moves toward the couch and sits directly next to me. His thighs are so close they touch mine, but I don’t move away. I stay still like a statue, and I sort of feel like one right now. I’m trying to feel as numb as possible, fearful of my own thoughts and emotions. When I peer over at his face, I wince. "Let me grab you some ice. Your face is starting to swell."
I head into the kitchen and pull an ice pack out of the freezer. Clutching it in my hand, I walk back toward Asher, my hand numbing from the cold. I sit next to him and hold the pack out. "Here you go."
He flashes me one of his lopsided smiles, but keeps his hands pinned to his sides. "I'm injured. Do you think you could help me out?"
I almost laugh out loud, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction, so I just narrow my eyes. "You didn't hurt your hands."
He just pouts, and looks up at me with puppy dog eyes.
"Fine." I take a deep breath and lean forward, pressing the ice pack to his swollen face. He rests his back against the couch. I feel warmth on my leg and glance down to see that he's placed his hand on my thigh. My heart starts beating erratically. I clear my throat. “So, I thought you and Cole were friends again? Was he with that group?” I didn’t remember seeing him, but I was mostly focused in on Michael.
“No, Cole’s a good guy. He’s been trying to talk Michael out of it for weeks.”
“Good." I keep the ice pack pressed to Asher's face, and try not to think about how close he is to me or the fact that he's touching my leg. "I’m glad that you have at least one friend on your side.”
“Hey, I have more than just one friend.” He reaches out and grabs my hand, the one not holding the ice pack. His large hand engulfs my small one and his thumb circles my palm, sending chills skittering up my arm. “Ives, why did you come after me tonight?”
The question catches me off guard. “Because I was worried about you. When I heard what Michael said I knew I had to find you and make sure you were okay.”
“Why?”
I pause, wondering what he wants from me. And more importantly, what am I willing to share? “Because I care about you, Asher.”
Asher pushes the ice pack away from his face and searches my eyes as if looking for an answer in them. “I care about you too, Ives. I always have.” Then his gaze drops to the floor and his expression darkens. “I just don’t think it’s in the same way.”
“What do you mean?” My stomach clenches.
“I thought we had something, Ives.” He releases my hand and drops his palm from my leg. I feel cold without his touch.
“Asher, we’re friends. We’re best friends. You know that.”
“Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other.” He looks at me again, his face ravaged in a way I’ve never seen. “I trusted you completely, and you broke that. You lied to me, and look what’s happened.”
I bite my lip, taking in his cuts and bruises. My eyes fill with moisture, and I blink them back.
“I would do anything for you, Ives. I have done anything for you. Don’t you care?”
“Of course I care. That’s why I went after you. I just said.” My voice wavers betraying my feelings, and it angers me.
“But you still can’t tell me the truth, can you?” He fastens me with a challenging stare.
I want so badly to do what he’s asking. I feel like if I don’t I’ll lose him forever, but it’s just too much. “Asher, please listen to me. No one has ever meant as much to me as you have, and that’s the truth.”
“If that’s true, then tell me about that night. The whole story this time.”
“I have,” I say.
Asher shakes his head. “No, you haven’t. You see, I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately, and something just doesn’t ring true. You said that you fell, and it sort of made sense because I know you’re a risk taker. You were the only girl in our group who would go on the rope swing at the lake, or go rock jumping, or ride on my bike, but that’s because you’re an adrenaline junkie. You like the rush. But you’re not athletic.”
“Gee thanks,” I joke.
“You know what I mean. You don’t play a sport, you don’t like to run. And, despite what you say, you’re not a klutz.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, Tanya’s a klutz,” Asher corrects me.
“Okay, I see your point,” I concede, remembering the girl we went to high school with who was known for knocking stuff over and falling on a weekly basis.
"I’ve never seen you fall on accident, Ives. So, that’s why I know you didn’t injure yourself. Someone put those bruises on your body, and I need you to finally tell me who it was.”
I shake my head, my lips shaking. “Asher, please. I can’t.”
His eyes wither, and he puts his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this. You would think after tonight you would tell me. You owe me that much. I have sacrificed so much, and for what? I don’t even know.” He stands, and I reach for
him, panic making it hard to breathe.
“Asher, I want to tell you. I do. I’ve thought about it a million times.” A tear slips down my cheek, and I swipe it back swiftly with a trembling finger.
Asher sits, facing me. “Then do it.”
“Just give me some more time.”
“I’ve given you a year. I can’t do it anymore. Either you trust me or don’t, Ivy.” It’s the first time in years I’ve heard him use my name like that. No Ives or Poison Ivy, and it saddens me. “It’s that simple.”
I think of Grandpa’s words. Didn’t he tell me to simplify things? Could it be that easy? For a moment I roll the words around in my mind, imagining how they would sound if I ever uttered them out loud. If I ever tell anyone it will be Asher, but I just don’t think I’m ready today.
Asher gets up suddenly as if he can read my mind. “Well, thanks for helping tonight, Ivy.”
I jump up. “Asher, don’t go just yet.”
“Why? Do you have something you want to say?” He raises his eyebrows.
“No, it’s just that you’re gonna need a ride.”
“I can walk.” He turns away.
“I can’t let you walk.” I follow him. “Please, just let me give you a ride. This is ridiculous.”
“What’s ridiculous is that I’ve done nothing but care for you Ivy, and you still don’t trust me.”
The impact of his words cause me to stop in my tracks, as if they’ve built up an invisible wall between us. I allow him to walk out of the apartment. As I listen to his footsteps on the stairs outside, the tears start to fall. I know he’s right. He’s the most trustworthy person I know. Why can’t I just tell him? My fingers find my side where I’ve been bruised and beaten, my fingertips moving along my body like it’s reading Braille, remembering all the scars that are no longer visible. The words from my attacker ring through my ears, and then I know why I can’t tell. Because the words spoken were true, and they’re the reason no one can ever know.
12
Asher
“Man, what happened to you?” Cole says the minute I open the door to let him in.
“You sound just like my mom.” I wave him inside and close the door behind him. It’s late in the morning so Mom and Dad have already left for work, and Reece is still sleeping. I’ve surmised that noon is his preferred wake up time.
“Was it Michael?”
I nod, scratching the back of my neck.
“No way. What does he look like?” Cole takes a seat at my kitchen table, picks up an apple from the fruit basket in the center and takes a bite. It makes a loud snap, and juice sprays on his face. As he wipes it off I marvel at how things haven’t really changed over the years. Cole has always treated my house like it was his.
“He’s fine. I didn’t really fight back.” I take the seat across from him.
“What? The Asher I know never backs down from a fight.” Bits of apple spew out of his mouth as he speaks.
“That was before.” This morning when I was checking out the bruises I was actually surprised that Michael didn’t do more damage. Even at the time he seemed to be hitting a little half-heartedly. I remember the way the other guys were goading him. Only a couple of them seemed to want it to stop, and that was probably because they used to be my friends too. The others were guys I hardly know. A few minutes into the fight I felt that Michael was doing the whole thing more for show or obligation. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful.
Cole’s face grows serious, and my stomach knots. It’s never good when Cole gets that look. “You know, Cam never would’ve wanted this.”
I sigh. The last thing I want to do is talk anymore about Cam. I’m starting to wish I’d stayed in LA. At least there my past doesn’t haunt me every minute. “Why did you come over, Cole? I doubt it was to talk about my face and eat apples.”
“Yeah, I wanted to see if you want to go on a double date with Mercedes and me. Her friend Sydney can’t stop talking about you.” He wrinkles his nose. “But obviously we’ll have to wait a couple of days for your face to look normal.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“What do you say?”
“I don’t know, man. I’m not sure that Sydney’s my type.”
Cole leans his elbows on the table. “Not your type? She’s cute and she’s into you. What more do you want?”
I chuckle at his reasoning, and then shrug. My thoughts fly back to my conversation with Ivy the night before. I practically poured my heart out to her and she couldn’t do the same. Ivy knows how hard it is for me to share my feelings. She knows me so well, better than anyone. I curse myself for being so transparent with her last night. What good did it do?
Cole’s offer sure beats sitting around here getting the third degree from Mom or having odd conversations with Reece. Besides, it will be a good distraction from my feelings for Ivy. “Why not?”
“Cool.” Cole swings his leg out of the chair, gripping his half-eaten apple. “I’ll work it out and let you know.”
The minute Cole leaves Reece enters the kitchen.
“What’s up, dude?” he says. “Not getting into anymore fights, are you?”
I stand up. “Ha, ha, very funny.”
Reece huffs, reaching into the fridge. “Hey, I’m cool with it. Ever since you got back Mom has been leaving me alone.”
I feel bad for causing Mom so much grief. I haven’t meant to. I guess I just have more unfinished business here than I thought.
“So, you gonna tell me what really happened?” Reece closes the door to the fridge, drinking orange juice straight from the carton. He’s wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and his hair is sticking up all over the place.
“No, I’m not. I can’t even take you seriously right now.”
“Fine.” Reece discards the juice container on the counter. “I’ll go get dressed. Then will you tell me?”
“There’s nothing to tell.” I start to walk out of the kitchen.
“It was about Ivy, wasn’t it?”
I whirl around. “Just shut up, Reece. It’s none of your business.”
Reece cocks an eyebrow. “Dude, you look like you’re ready to blow. I’m right, aren’t I?”
Shaking my head, I hurry out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I wish everyone would just leave me alone about Ivy. How am I going to move on and get past her if everyone keeps bringing her up? When I get to my room, I close the door and sit on the edge of my bed. At first last night was just like old times. I was teasing Ivy and she was getting all flustered. I picture her face – her cheeks flushed, her lips parted – when I came out wearing nothing but a towel. I did it just to get under her skin, but it was fun to see her so flustered. It actually gave me some satisfaction, since she’s flustered me so much over the years.
I never should’ve pushed her to tell me her secret, only I thought for sure she’d tell. She seemed like she was ready to open up, and frankly that’s what I deserve from her. I opened up to her, and all she could do was say she cared about me. Lots of people care for things – their car, their dogs, their cats. I want her to do more than just care about me. I want her to finally let me in; to tear down those walls she hides behind. I want her to finally tell me the truth about that night. The fact that she can’t tell me hurts me more than I can express.
13
Ivy
“Are you ready?” Billie asks.
“Almost,” I call from the other side of my bedroom door. The truth is that I’ve been physically ready for awhile. I’m dressed, my hair is fixed, and my makeup’s done, but emotionally I’m not even close to being ready. Double dates are not my thing, and blind double dates are even less my thing.
“Brandon and Tyler are probably already at the restaurant. Come on,” Billie complains.
Letting out a frustrated groan, I throw the door open. “I don’t know why I let you talk me into this double date in the first place.”
“Because you need to get out and have a life,” Billie reminds me.
&nbs
p; Asher coming back to town has sure spun my world on its axis. Before he came back I was content to sit in the apartment every weekend while Billie went out. Then he came back and stirred up all these emotions in me. Now it’s been easier for Billie to convince me to get out. I think because when I’m home I can’t stop thinking about Asher. I need a distraction. Maybe this random guy, Tyler, will be that for me tonight.
The last time I saw Asher was the night he was attacked. I miss him so much it hurts, but I know I need to let him go. He’s right. Everything he said that night was true. If I can’t be honest with him, then I need to just let him move on.
“Where are they meeting us?” I ask, as I pick up my purse.
“Chicago Fire,” Billie responds.
“On Sutter Street?”
She nods, flinging the strap of her purse over her shoulder and walking toward the front door. As I follow her, I think about the last time I was on Sutter Street. I sure hope tonight ends differently than that night.
“I tried to pick somewhere different,” Billie explains, as we pound down the stairs. “I mean, the last thing I want to do is eat greasy, messy pizza on a date, but that’s where the boys really wanted to go.”
I was getting less excited about this by the minute. What kind of guy chooses a place his date doesn’t even want to go? Brandon doesn’t seem very appealing whenever Billie talks to me about him, but I will just keep my mouth shut. Knowing Billie’s track record, I’m sure he won’t last long.
The restaurant is busy as always, but Brandon and Tyler already have a table so I am grateful for that. I don’t feel like sitting for an hour waiting for the little pager to go off, signaling that our table’s ready. Tyler is actually pretty cute with short brown hair, green eyes and an inviting smile. He’s a little skinnier than I usually like, but I can overlook that if he’s nice enough. Smiling, I introduce myself and then slide into the booth next to him.
When our legs touch, I’m grateful that I chose to dress casually in jeans and a black top, unlike the other night at the party when I wore that dang dress. This way I feel more like myself, and I’m not worried about having my legs exposed.