Falling to Pieces

by Garza, Amber

  “Is anyone going to tell me what happened last night?” Billie asks, leaning her back against the counter. “Like who messed with your face, Ivy?”

  “You want some coffee Asher?” Ivy holds a cup toward me, ignoring her friend’s question.

  “No thanks. I should get going,” I say. “My mom is probably totally freaking out. Besides, I think you two have some things to discuss.”

  Ivy gives me a sharp look, but I just smile. I know it will be hard for her, but she needs to tell Billie about last night. I move toward Ivy and give her a quick peck before grabbing my cell and jacket and heading out the door. The air is crisp this morning, and I relish it knowing that soon the temperature will hit triple digits. I check my phone as I pound down the stairs and, just as I suspected, my mom has texted and called a handful of times. Before getting on my bike, I call her back.

  “Asher, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick,” Mom says breathlessly.

  “I’m an adult, Mom. If I want to stay out all night I can.”

  “Well, you can at least call or return my texts. I kept envisioning the worst case scenarios all night.”

  This makes me feel a little bad. Since I’ve been on my own this last year, it’s hard to get back into the routine of remembering to check in with my parents. “You’re right. Next time I’ll call.”

  “Who were you with?”

  “I was just out,” I respond, hoping she’ll just drop it.

  It’s silent for a moment and then quietly Mom says, “You were with her, weren’t you?”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call. It won’t happen again.” With that, I click off. I have no desire to get into a conversation with Mom about Ivy. For now I just want to remember how great it was to finally hold Ivy in my arms and kiss her the way I’ve wanted to for so long.

  The whole drive home I think about Ivy. I think about the way her skin felt, how great it was to kiss her, how sweet she tasted, and the way she looked at me with a vulnerability I’ve never seen in her before. When I pull into my driveway, Cole steps out of the house next door in his work clothes. He spots me and starts walking in my direction. I step off my bike and pull of my helmet.

  “Hey, you just getting in?” Cole wears a wicked grin. “It looks like you slept in your clothes, man.”

  I scratch the back of my neck, not wishing to spill the details of last night with him.

  Cole nudges me. “Don’t hold out on me. Who were you with last night?”

  Shaking my head I say, “It was nothing.”

  His eyes darken. “You were with Ivy, weren’t you?”

  I press my lips together.

  “You were?” His eyes widen. “I can’t believe this.”

  “She’s not what you think, Cole.”

  “A liar, you mean?”

  Anger flashes, and I fight to temper it. “You don’t know the whole story.”

  Cole turns his head slightly. “Do you?”

  “Now I do, yes.”

  Cole stares at me a minute like he’s deep in thought. “Does this mean you’re ready to see him? To make things right?”

  “Maybe.” The thought terrifies me, but I know I will have to at some point. What I want is to just hide out in Ivy’s bedroom, or maybe even run away with her. However, I know that’s not possible. If I want to have a future with Ivy, there are things we have to make right. As Cole walks toward his car, I realize that it’s going to be difficult to get my friends and family to accept this relationship, but I know I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work. I’ve never wanted anything more.

  21

  Ivy

  Asher is waiting for me at my car when I get off work. He’s leaning against the passenger side door with one leg bent, his foot resting on the tire. The t-shirt he has on clings to his muscles, and I find myself wanting to run my fingers along his chest. He smiles when I approach, revealing his heart-stopping dimples.

  “Reporting for duty, Mr. Bodyguard?” I tease.

  He steps forward, curling his hand around my neck and pulling my face to his. His lips crush mine with an intensity that makes me weak in the knees. I hook my fingers into his shirt as his hand massages the back of my head. He releases my mouth and rests his forehead against mine. “I was waiting all day for that.”

  My heart flips in my chest, but I keep my voice even. “Was it worth the wait?”

  “Definitely.” He practically growls as his lips cover mine again.

  After giving in to one more kiss, I shove him backwards. “Okay, back off, Tiger.” I look around at the other people in the parking lot glancing over at us. “We don’t need to give the whole town a show.” I’ve never been comfortable with PDA, but Asher has a way of making me lose myself.

  “I came by to help you pick up your car, but it looks like you already got it.” His eyes grow serious.

  “Billie took me to pick it up, but don’t worry. Mom wasn’t home, so nothing happened.”

  “Ives, please don’t go there without me again.”

  “I knew Mom wouldn’t be home. I was fine.”

  He touches my face. “Promise me, Ives.”

  Biting my lip, I nod. I’d agree to almost anything when he’s touching me. I can’t think straight once his skin touches mine. I’ve always known it would be like this with Asher. That’s the reason I held out for so long. I’m not sure my heart will be able to take losing him now that I’ve had a taste of what being with him is like.

  He grabs my hand. “Walk with me?”

  I am surprised by this. “Right now?”

  “Yeah, it’s a beautiful night. We can walk over to the bridge and take the trail down by the lake.” He brings his mouth to my ear. “Lots of bushes and trees to hide behind, you know, just in case we need a little privacy.”

  I shiver, a smile stretching across my face. “Okay. Let me just lock my purse in the car.” I open my car door, throw my purse in, and then lock it back up. I wish I could change out of my work clothes, but I guess they’ll have to do. To get a little more comfortable, I untuck my white cotton shirt.

  “Whoa, you didn’t tell me you were gonna undress. What kind of guy do you think I am?” Asher says with a joking smile.

  “Shut up.” I playfully punch him in the arm.

  “Ooh, feisty. I like it. Keep that fire.” He brushes his lips over my ears. “You’re gonna need it.”

  A chill races down my spine as Asher’s hand engulfs mine. We walk down the path to the lake together, and I’m grateful that I wear comfortable shoes to work at least. A young girl jogs past us, and two bikers speed by while we’re still on the trail. We veer from the trail and start walking on the dirt path. Leafy green trees shade us, and I hear the trickle of water in the background. Glancing up at the lake I see a splash of bright lemon yellow as a kayak glides across the surface. A couple of ducks quack, their white feathers bright against the blue backdrop. Asher and I have come to the lake often together, but only as friends. Never like this. Never with his hand tucked in mine, and never knowing that he would try to steal kisses. My heart flutters inside my chest, and I glance over at him, my gaze landing on his lips. As if sensing what I’m thinking, he squeezes my hand and draws me closer.

  “Here’s a rock if you want to sit down.” He sits down on the large tan colored boulder and draws me into his lap. His arms circle my waist and his chin rests on my shoulder. I stare out at the glossy lake, at the bright green trees and hills behind it, but my mind only registers how good it feels to be held. Asher’s fingers skim my neck as he sweeps my hair back. Then his lips lightly touch the inside of my neck, causing goosebumps to arise on my arm. Other guys have kissed me before, but my body has never reacted like it does with Asher.

  “Hmm, you smell so good.” He nuzzles his nose into my neck.

  “Like steak and potatoes?” I laugh, thinking about how the scent of the restaurant lingers long after I get off work.

  “No. Like flowers, the way you always do.”

  I smile. “
That’s good, because at first I thought maybe you were just hungry.”

  Asher nips my shoulder with his mouth. “I am hungry, but not for food.”

  I giggle, and my phone goes off in my pocket. When I glance down at it my stomach drops, and I frown.

  “What?” Asher says.

  “It’s Grandpa,” I say to him, and then I press the phone to my ear. “Hi, Grandpa.”

  “Hi, my pretty lady,” Grandpa says in his gruff voice. “I just wanted to make sure everything went okay when you brought my stuff to your mom’s. I never heard from you again.”

  “Oh, yeah, it was fine. I’ll be over again this weekend to help with the rest of it, okay?”

  “No problem. I just wanted to check in.”

  “Are you doing okay?” I ask, before he can hang up. My grandpa is not one for long phone chats. He always tries to get off as quickly as possible.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Good.” I smile, relieved. I’m not sure I can take anything happening to Grandpa right now.

  “You sound happier today,” Grandpa says.

  I glance back at Asher. “I am.”

  After hanging up, I shove my cell back into my pocket and lean against Asher’s chest. I can hear his heart beating erratically as his arms tighten around me. I run my fingers along his knuckles, tracing the lines in his flesh.

  He kisses my cheek. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

  I smile. “Oh, I have some idea.”

  “What did your grandpa want?” He asks.

  I stiffen when I notice that the teasing tone has shifted into a more serious one. “Just wanted to make sure I got his boxes to Mom’s okay.”

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  “No.” I shake my head adamantly. “He can never know, Asher.”

  “Don’t you think he has a right to? I mean, he’s going to be living with her. What if she hurts him too?”

  “She won’t.”

  “How can you be sure?”

  “Because he’s not me.” The words burn my throat and singe my tongue. “She only hurts me.”

  Asher gently cups my face and turns it toward him. “Why you?”

  I hesitate, not sure where to start. Moisture gathers in my eyes and emotion wells in my throat. “It wasn’t always like this. When I was little she would get mad at me, sometimes even spank me or slap me across the face. Every once in awhile she would call me a brat, or some other name, but dad would get upset with her if he heard. But then dad died, and things got really bad.”

  “Why?”

  I lower my gaze, unable to look into his eyes as I say it. “Because I killed him. I killed my father.”

  A montage of images flood my mind – blood dripping from dad’s head as his body floats in the water. Tendrils of bright red mingled with the foamy blue liquid, eventually turning everything a sickening reddish black.

  “What do you mean?” Asher narrows his eyes.

  I shake my head, pushing his arms off of me and sliding out of his lap. “See, this is why I never wanted to tell you. I never wanted you to look at me like this. The way my mom looks at me, like I’m a monster.”

  Asher stands, reaching for me, but I step away. “Ives, that’s not what I’m doing. I don’t think you’re a monster at all.”

  “Well, I am.” I turn away from him, wiping the tears that leak from my eyes. “After dad’s death, my mom married Frank, and then he came on to me.” I hug my arms around my body to shield myself from the memories. “He put his hands on me. And it was my fault. Mom said I was asking for it prancing around the house in skimpy little shorts and a tank top.”

  Asher’s hands clamp down on my shoulders, and I flinch. “No, you did not ask for it. He’s a grown man. He never should’ve touched you.”

  "I've always hated Frank, you know. It's weird. Even though my mom's the one who hurts me, I guess I sort of blame Frank. My mom never did this when my dad was alive. But Frank never tried to stop it. In fact, a lot of times he instigated it."

  "Man, I could kill that guy."

  “No, Asher, my mom’s right. It's all my fault. I can't blame Frank or anyone else. That’s why I’m not angry with my mom because I understand why she’s so upset with me,” I say in a quiet voice, slipping out of Asher’s grasp. “And it’s why you need to stay away from me. All I do is hurt people, Asher, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.”

  “I already have once.”

  He steps toward me. “What happened with Cam wasn’t your fault.”

  I spin away from him, walking briskly. “Yes, it was. I’m sorry Asher, but I have to go. You have to leave me alone.” I take off running. I run as fast as I can until I’m safely to my car. Asher cries out in protest behind me, but I block him out. Grabbing my keys out of my pocket, I shove them into the lock. Only when I’m safely down the road do I allow myself to finally cry.

  22

  Asher

  I race after Ivy, panic blooming in my chest. There’s no way I’m letting her walk out of my life again. She can’t push me away now. I won’t let her. She gets in her car and speeds off before I can stop her. I groan in frustration, and head toward my bike. We were getting so close too, and she was opening up to me. When I think about her mom and the damage she’s inflicted on Ivy, it angers me. How could she treat her own daughter like that? I plan to pay her a little visit to ensure it doesn’t happen again, but right now I have to get to Ivy.

  I have to make her talk to me before she shuts down so much I can never break back in. Getting on my bike, I head toward Ivy’s apartment. When I pull into the parking lot I see Ivy’s car in her space, and I’m grateful that she came back here. I hurry up the stairs, and knock on her door.

  Billie opens it, wearing an apologetic look that makes my stomach tumble to the floor. “She doesn’t want to see you, Asher.”

  I push past her. “I don’t care. I have to talk to her.”

  “Asher.” Her voice is stern, but I ignore it, making my way to Ivy’s room.

  The door is closed, but I don’t bother knocking. I just head inside. Ivy is sitting in the middle of her bed cross-legged, ripping a tissue apart. Her eyes are red, and her cheeks are wet. Traces of the bruises on her face are now becoming more visible as her makeup runs. I close the door behind me, and kneel in front of her.

  “I told Billie I wanted to be left alone,” she sniffles, running the torn tissue under her nose.

  “Ives, I won’t let you run away from me.” I swipe my thumb across her face, catching a stray tear.

  “What if you can’t stop me?” Her words cut to my heart.

  “Is that what you want, Ives? Do you really want me to go away and never come back?” It’s almost too much to bear.

  Her eyes rest on me for a moment, and I can’t breathe. Then she shakes her head slowly side to side. “No.”

  I frame her face with my hands. “Thank God, because I don’t think I can do that.”

  “Asher.” Her voice is laced with pain, and it breaks my heart.

  “Don’t say it,” I plead.

  She swallows hard. “I don’t want you to go away, but I think it would be best if you did.”

  “I said don’t say it,” I growl.

  She recoils at my words.

  “I’m not going to let you do this, Ives. What your mom has done to you is awful. It’s unforgiveable. But nothing she said is the truth. You’ve listened to it your whole life and you believe it, but it’s all lies.” With my hands that are still around her face, I draw her to me and softly kiss her lips. “You’re not who she says you are, and I’m not scared of you hurting me. What happened with Cam is something we can deal with.” She starts to open her mouth to speak, but I place a finger to her lips. “I’d leave if you wanted me to, Ives, but I won’t leave you out of some twisted desire to save me.”

  “You don’t know everything. You don’t know what I’m capable of.”

  “I know enough, and when you’
re ready you can tell me the rest, but Ives, if you shut down on me now that will hurt me. It will hurt me more than I can express. If you care about me at all you won’t ask me to leave you.”

  “I do care about you, Asher. You know that.”

  I smile. “Then we’re all good.”

  “But—”

  “No,” I interrupt her. “No buts.”

  She releases a tiny giggle that surprises me. “Never thought I’d hear the day that Asher said ‘no buts’. From what I hear, you’re kind of a butt guy.”

  I’m glad to have the banter back. “Who told you that?”

  “No one had to. I remember in high school you were always checking out girl’s butts.”

  “What you didn’t know was how often I was checking out yours.” I wink.

  “Oh really?”

  “Really.” I drop my hands to my sides and get off the floor. Then I plop down next to her on the bed.

  “What else were you checking out behind my back?” She smiles, wiping away the last traces of her tears. Mascara smears her face, but she still looks so beautiful to me.

  I snatch her hand off the bed and place it in my lap, circling my thumb in her palm. Her skin is so soft, and it feels like silk against my calloused fingers. “Do you really want to know?”

  She glances at me warily. “I’m not sure, do I?”

  Giving her a devilish grin, I lean over and gently bite her earlobe. She giggles and pulls away. “There’s nothing on you I haven’t checked out Ivy. Your body has been the subject of all my late night fantasies since freshman year, if you know what I mean.”

  “Eww.” She wrinkles her nose.

  “Too much information?” I ask.

  “Maybe a little.”

  I snake my arm around her waist and pull her to me until our shoulders touch. I loop my finger in the belt loop of her pants to hold her in place. “It’s true though. Since the first moment I saw you I’ve only wanted you, and no one else.”

  She gives me a disbelieving look. “But you’ve had lots of girlfriends, Asher.”

  “They couldn’t compare to you though.”