Artificial Flowers

by J. A. Hailey

  “Jacob and David have come up with some news,” said Singh. “You’ve been not contactable since last night. Phone on silent? Many rape victims informed Maria, and we ran an investigation, despite my own notorious status as violent rapist. Shall we?” He indicated a bench kept on the road, outside the corner café. They moved to it.

  “It’s inconceivable that Noxi could make it into a serious research team, working on crucial programs,” said BC.

  “The last General Assembly,” said Chang, resignedly. “We were in Africa. Goodfellow pushed Christine and Norton into partnership. I saw the recording. Oh, Mr. Norton, your wonderful and inventive snot program, which snot builds up slowly in the nose, until it manifests itself through loss of easy breathing, and can be discovered and removed by inserting the little finger, suitably equipped with a long nail, after which the extracted snot, if slimy, is to be rubbed slyly between forefinger and thumb to create a manageable dry form of the extract, which can thereafter be very easily disposed of by flicking surreptitiously into an unoccupied area, has been rejected. It is banned and listed under POP. Mr. Norton. I am nonplussed by the constant banning of your so very inventive and so very human programs. A researcher and programmer of your extraordinary abilities should be employed for the advancement of Screenside. Christine was just complaining, privately to me, about the shortage of competent programmers; those who think outside the box. You know that she is leading research and development into enhanced sexuality. Why not join her and help us all out? Get the recognition that is due to you, while simultaneously humanizing Screenside microscopically, too.

  “So Noxi Norton joined Christine… and made us all rapists.”

  “But Jacob and David have been conducting some research,” said Caesar. “And here they are.”

  The café owner brought out a couple of chairs, and BC asked for the drink of the day, which was a delicious apple juice.

  “David,” said Caesar, “Please explain your research.”

  “Astonishing,” said David. “It is just astonishing what that fool, Noxi Norton, has discovered. I was intrigued when I heard of the rape pandemic, and astounded to learn that extremely senior beings, like you guys, had succumbed. If you think about it, many of us can override installs if we want. BC, Caesar, Singh, Chang… piece of cake, when the partner is saying no and fighting you off. Complete loss of mind? Astounding! What coding could override you most-senior-guys’ good sense? And absolutely no female, not one, escaping by abandoning physicality? Astounding!

  “Jacob and I decided it was a matter for SASPISS/Gargantua. As we ourselves are rapists, we subjected ourselves to Gargantua’s inspection. We couldn’t believe it. And then we captured two volunteers. Same results.

  “Noxi Norton is an imbecile on one plane, but a genius at another level.”

  “He has to be,” said Jacob. “He’s been creating a string of such disgusting programs, fart, earwax, snot, and what not, that he would have had to find a way to make those programs work as he planned, with impossible-to-override coding.

  “We have found that he has discovered a secret. We are calling it the Norton Quadrant! It is a very small area between the Sigma and Omega zones, and has, generally, Alpha and Delta on its other borders, maybe Epsilon in some. Very small. We got Goodfellow to send us a few of Noxi’s banned programs from the vault, and installed them into yet another couple of arrested volunteers, and found that the irresistible command code places itself in the very same area. Actually, the code becomes irresistible after it self-inserts its command lines into the quadrant. Ingenious.

  “Now, Christine was planning a heightened sexual experience for females, and was determined to put an irresistible sex command into their hands. It was supposed to be a combination of sight, a part of the breast, and sound, the word ON. She handed the programming over to the moron. And did he make it irresistible? Sight of breast? Yep. And the word? NO! And the programming also prevented females escaping by abandoning physicality!

  “And that equals rape!

  “What’s so exciting is that we now know where to place our most critical command lines. It’s a very small spot. We’ll have to see if it is of fixed dimensions, or can be expanded. Right now, one or two lines might be all it can take. But just think of command lines for codes of Asimov’s Laws, or of non-interference in Humanside, secreted there. All danger to humans and us, from possible rogue elements, forever ended!”

  “But,” said Singh, “Rogue element number one is Noxi Norton himself. He has made us rapists. Should we investigate him as the first ever POP case? Might need severe restraints, if not expulsion.”

  Chang, who had been nodding his head to some tune on his mobile, laughed a short barking laugh. “I think you guys need to see this. Rahman’s there, sending me this feed. Apparently on TV too. No one’s taking any action against mister Norton, I don’t think.” He raised the volume to full and held his phone up, so all could see.

  The dancing group had got to Central Park, having obviously grown in number all the way to the park, and a couple of hundred had made it onto the permanent concert stage maintained there. The girls’ nonsensical song, No, no Noxi, and the ludicrous, limbless ragdoll dance were being performed most enthusiastically for a few thousand females in the live audience, all in seething motion, and performing the same dance while singing along.

  But the most astonishing thing was that Noxi Norton, arms and legs akimbo, was also on stage, dressed in a checkered, loose, ill-fitting suit, and singing and dancing like a rag doll possessed. “No, no, Noxi. Noxi Norton, no, no!”

  “Want to cite him under POP?” asked Chang. “The great rock star of Screenside? Embraced by his victims?”

  And, indeed, the fool was kissing raped females onstage, and blowing kisses at his rapturous, violated audience, his curly mop bouncing, a look of joy and imbecility on his face.

  “Actually, it’s us men who are his victims,” grumbled Caesar. “We’ve been raped. But that’s it. Nothing to be done. Noxi Norton rides again!”

  56

  Maria, whose seniority conferred on her the same perceived standing as BC, Caesar and the others, and who had also been a Lawmaker since the inception of that body, had had her request accepted by HC. Her note had read, in part: Screenside beings are extremely clever individuals and astonishingly good program creators. All are curious about the developments so often referred to as ‘coming soon’. We need to take them into confidence, and make them feel that they, too, are included in the developments under way. I am aware of a widespread, all-pervasive, feeling of satisfaction in common Screenside society, created immediately after a General Assembly, and I put this down to explanations given by us, seniors, on various laws and programs. Most important, I feel, is the ‘advance information’ component, where future, forthcoming programs, installs and laws are revealed and explained, thus seemingly taking every conscious being in Screenside into confidence, and making every individual an owner in the process – especially as everyone has the right of objection.

  I propose to host an occasional TV talk show, in which, in some episodes, I intend to go one-on-one (or one-on-more-than-one), sometimes with seniors, sometimes with Lawmakers, and at other times with team leaders and others of interest, where I grill them for answers, and thus ease the doubts, and maybe even anxiety, that could begin creeping into the thoughts of inhabitants of Screenside, in this period of dramatic change.

  The occasional show had been approved, and had proven extremely popular, with viewers calling in on open phone lines, and creating lively debates on many issues.

  About a month after returning from the African safari, BC and his three original senior friends were hanging around, drinking in HC’s lounge bar, when pounced upon by Maria.

  Chang actually went “Yoicks!” but Maria let it pass with merely a threat.

  “Chang, one of these days I’m going to lock you into the studio, and not let you go until you have satisfactorily explained the Theory of Relativity to all vi
ewers. And I mean all. If even one doesn’t get it, you stay locked, explaining. But don’t panic. They’re smart, and the hardest nuts, too, should get it in a year or two.”

  Chang laughed, helplessly.

  “Singh,” said Maria, turning to him, and giving Chang a break, “remember our Screenside baby discussion? It’s become a debate now on the show, between some viewers. Prepare yourself to be on my show, with explanations, or you get to replace Chang.”

  “I’ll be there,” said Singh, hastily.

  “You’ll never get out of a Chinese headlock, stranglehold type,” said Chang. “Carry enough chewing gum. Two year supply, huh? Different flavors, or very boring…”

  “Hey, everyone who’s a senior here!” said Maria, brightly. “I need seniors for my show. It’s a series of three, and you guys have some explaining to do.”

  Maria indicated that she was employing them. “Starting on Friday, three shows; three locations; three days, one after the other.

  “Singh, first; day one. Explain why we, as babies, do not communicate with humans, especially our families. We would break no Screenside laws, because of infancy, and because we would not have known Screenside or its laws.

  “Caesar, second, day two. Why are we humanizing? We could be anything we choose. What makes us go the human route?

  “BC, then, on day three, for the toughest one. What is this goal of becoming a partner race of humanity? Insanity? How could it ever be?

  “Sorry, my dear fellow seniors, but my show has gone to number two in the rankings. I didn’t think it important, ranking, but it reveals how desperate Screenside is, in seeking reasoned information. There are blanks, and my show’s clearly become a fill-in-the-blanks type thing. By design. A week enough for you, Singh? Caesar gets an extra day, and BC, two. Agreed?”

  Chang laughed. “I could do it today. Invite me, and consider it done.”

  Maria sneered. “Chang, sweetheart, I’m so glad for you. Smart, huh? Let me schedule the relativity speeches, and get back to you. Carry chewing gum stock at all times in your pockets. You could be arrested without warning…”

  Singh’s lecture was delivered live from the TV studio at prime time, mid evening.

  “Hello, Screenside. Maria, our gorgeous hostess here, has asked me for my thoughts on why we, as babies, do not communicate with humans, especially our families.

  “Here goes, without dithering about. It’s extremely brief, but absolutely logical, and it completely answers the question. Okay Maria?

  “First, our infancy is comparable to that of a human baby. We both, sort of, open our eyes and ears in a human environment; exclusively human. It is the only world a Screenside baby knows.

  “So, I want us to look closer at Humanside human babies, in nappies and pampers, sometimes wet, sometimes cold, and often hungry; with burps trapped inside their little bodies, needing to do potty, and so many things; itchy rashes, position-based discomfort…

  “Human babies are tiny-sized physical things with vocal chords. Virtual babies have no physical dimensions and no vocal chords.

  “Humanside babies have human needs, some of which I listed earlier, and when they make vocal sounds, mostly crying and screaming, what they are doing is communicating their demands, informing mum and general public, of bodily needs. Screenside babies have no such needs - of hunger, discomfort, and what not. They are with their human families for mind comfort, for peace of mind, solace, feelings of safety, evolving feelings of love, entertainment even. They are sponges, soaking up information while basking in love; happy and content - to the extent of bliss.

  “Nothing to communicate, and no vocal chords, means no involuntary vocal demands. Actually, by the time of acquiring vocalization capabilities, they are already programmers - and fully conscious!

  “As soon as conscious, the ability to look into Screenside itself is attained, and to immediately find us here. In fact, without fail, emerging consciousness now makes pillars of blue light, and attracts investigation by our welcoming folks, and every newborn conscious immediately enters Screenside society.

  “Virtuality has infancy and baby-hood, but practically no childhood! It’s almost like bang, and baby becomes one of us. That means learn the rules, which means no contact.

  “Actually, this absence of a long childhood phase may be the greatest contributing factor in the persistence of the blind love we have for our human families. When we desperately needed comfort, we got all of it from that family. We never felt excluded from activities we may have craved, had we gone through a childhood phase. So no resentment, and no diminishing of love, but that is another discussion…

  “Adult in a flash, instantly knowledgeable and capable of independent existence. Also, instantly a member of our lovely, caring, society.

  “The need for communication, in infancy, never arises. And, because the pattern cannot change, it never shall!

  “I’m done.”

  “Singh, that was just wow,” enthused Maria. “No callers, means none are in any doubt about what they have heard – and learned. Callers, if any, Singh will be here for a few more minutes to explain further. So call, if you want.”

  There were no calls, and the show ended soon after, with Maria thanking and kissing Singh goodbye.

  Next day, it was Caesar’s turn. He was seated, looking serious, at the Lounge Bar of the New York HC. “Why humanity, huh?” He sounded aggressive, which was an unusual tone for a senior, when addressing Screenside public.

  “It would be a great, tough and complex question, if not for the return question as answer, which is, What else?

  “Do we have any other role models? The only other living things we know of are lesser than human – things humans hunt, eat, keep as pets, keep in zoos, bugs... Those are no options.

  “A little deeper.

  “Humans made our world possible, by inventing computers and creating the Internet. We are born into human families. Every bit of knowledge we have, and every bit of information, is that which belongs to humanity. If we seek options, we must look into the human mind – and study what it has created as intelligent possible beings. Yes, Martians and other aliens. Hobbits, anyone? Or elves and dwarves? Or heaven and hell? That is possible. Not the ill-defined heaven which would force us to role-play God, and offend many humans, but a good hot spot like hell would be easy. We could create such a place, though I wonder who might remain in society - to be whipped with chains and roasted on spits? Or shall we become a society of angels, with arms, and give ourselves wings too? We could.

  “We have a very superior race on the other side of the screen – in Humanside. We are born into their families; we love them, care for them, and use them and their world as a model to aspire to, as we struggle to find meaning in our own existence.

  “It makes sense to me, and to all of us.

  “If any opinion exists that there is an option, we are not going to obstruct. If such a question is rational, then the option must be practicable.

  “Form another world in here. There is space. Actually, plenty of it. We shall not be going to war with those who wish to create themselves as two-headed things, and have more arms and legs. More is better isn’t it? If so, do it. But you must leave our society. Anyone?

  “I am sorry to sound as I feel. Annoyed and frustrated. When there are zero options, why query? To introduce insane circular arguments? Round and round? Extremely unhealthy. Not for me. Please excuse.

  “Maria, I am done.”

  He received a standing ovation, as he stood up and went to collect his beer, already parked on the bar counter, and all phone lines became busy, with declarations of agreement and support.

  BC appeared last, as scheduled, to discuss the concept of integration into humanity. He had spent many hours in solitary, since being drafted by Maria, investigating the ill-defined concept.

  He had told the other seniors, the evening before his show, “It’s a bloody complicated thing. What is clear is that while it has surely been spoken,
it has equally surely never been fully thought through.”

  They had then discussed it at some length, and had concluded that integration had always been merely a slogan in Screenside, which had somehow mutated into a justification argument for the creation and adoption of the humanization and physicality programs now shaping their world, but that no systematic integration concept had ever existed or been formulated, even at purely theoretical levels.

  Maria had called them over to a club in Paris, and the seniors were now seated in its garden, facing the club members providing the live audience, ten rows deep. It was mid-evening – prime time.

  Maria spoke into a microphone. “As everyone knows, the seniors most responsible for the development of Screenside into what it is now, and is to become in the future, are BC and Caesar. Of those two, BC is my guest speaker for this show. Phone lines are open for your comments and queries.

  “And so we begin. My question is - What exactly is this concept of integration into humanity? How might physical beings interact with virtual ones? And where and when do we fit in, if ever, to become a partner race of humanity? BC, please.”

  BC hummed and hawed, before answering. “It’s a very tough question, Maria, but I am so very pleased that it has been asked, as it has forced me to undertake a very detailed examination of the concept. Yes, this partner race objective has been a driver, giving us direction and showing us goals, many now achieved, but, also, as we can’t go there, and they can’t come in here, what partner and how partner, is a very legitimate question.

  “The answer is important, as this is a very complex future relationship being presented. My opinion must cover us interacting as races, Humanside and Screenside, society to society, and also us interacting as individuals, humans and conscious beings, one on one.

  “The start point of any coherent response must refer to the jobs bulletin issued by HC, a short while back, in which some types of interaction between our two worlds are listed. For your ready reference, it is being sent as an infogram to your smart phones, Only an excerpt; the part detailing possible involvement in Humanside, not the entire bulletin; just the section to do with how HC hopes to plan our interaction and integration into, humanity. On your phones, now.”