Surrender Your Heart

by Raven J. Spencer

  Help find Penny! The bold lettering says.

  Why can’t they just let it be? They are likely to cause the attention of the wrong people, which would leave me and Nick with another mess to clean up. The Café Vienna is on the way too, but I don’t go in. There’s work to do. The sooner I get it done, the sooner I can go back to what now feels more like home than my condo in the city. I can’t wait.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Penny

  I’m nowhere closer to understand my situation, my reactions to it, and…Carter Forbes. She saved my life and makes no mention of the fact that I betrayed her. Not completely intentionally. Hanks did terrify me, because of what he said, even more because he had a gun when he urged me to come with him. I did, though, betray her. I’m still not sure what that makes me, but Carter has enough faith for the both of us. She can’t seem to take her hands off me, and yes, I have to admit I’m more than okay with this kind of coping.

  It’s like magic between us, hot, undeniable, causing a warm rush to my core even at the memory…but she doesn’t plan on us having a real relationship, on equal footing, anytime soon.

  Instead, she left me here, which scares me more than I let on. I don’t even dare go to the pool. I tell Marlene I don’t feel so good. After Carter has left, I spend most of the day napping, evading the world.

  I don’t resent her—I can’t. This alternate reality is still damn exhausting, and the only time I can entirely leave those thoughts behind is when we’re naked together. Something’s not perfect with this picture, but we can work it out eventually, right? If not now, then after the year?

  I am half asleep once more, bolting upright in the bed—my own—when the door is carefully opened. Instantly, I hope Carter has returned, but it’s not her who walks in with an expression that hovers between sympathy and pity.

  “Ms. Elliot? We’re here to take you home,” Colette Grady says.

  Behind her, there are two men, colleagues of hers, and Marlene, looking terrified, in handcuffs. I can’t help it—I start to cry, and not from relief, because I know, this is the end of the life I’ve almost become accustomed to.

  * * * *

  “Give us a minute?” Grady says to the other cops, then she closes the door. The sound of it falling into the lock jolts me out of my overwhelmed state. I have to think. I have to be very careful about how to play it. This is not a life-threatening situation, but it has the potential to change the lives of various people forever—people I’ve grown to care about.

  “Please put on some clothes, then we’ll drive you to the airport. Everything else, we can take care of later.” When she speaks to me, her voice is soft, sympathetic. I don’t deserve or want any of that sympathy, not anymore. I have no use for it.

  “This is a misunderstanding. I don’t want to go anywhere, and you need to let Marlene go. She’s a cook and a housekeeper. She hasn’t done anything wrong.”

  “What about Carter? Has she done anything wrong?”

  I shake my head, taken aback by the disappointment and bitterness. I remember when Grady showed up out of the blue, and Carter tried to make me believe it was nothing. Obviously, there are some issues between them beyond the fact that she took money from Carter. Have the two of them been lovers before? The flash of jealousy is not much of a surprise to me. It’s not helpful at this moment either. I need to convince her.

  “No.”

  Grady walks closer to me, holding my gaze with the same kind expression—or maybe it’s pity.

  “I don’t know what you’ve been told, or what you think you know. You got it all wrong.” That sounds pretty good to me. My voice is firm and convincing—I think.

  “Ms. Elliot, we know that you’ve been taken from your apartment. We know about the shooting that took place on the island. You can tell us the truth. You’ll be safe.”

  “I’ve been told that before.” I get out of the bed and put on my robe, aware of her watching me cautiously. “A man showed me a false badge, said he was FBI, when in reality he was going to hand me over to a guy named Laydon. Why would I trust you?”

  I didn’t miss her flinch at my depiction of the events.

  “You are right to be careful,” she concedes. “This has gone much too far. Let’s get you home now, shall we?”

  “I’m taking a time-out for a year,” I insist. “Carter was nice enough to be my host in the meantime.”

  I can’t help it, I’m shaking. I might never see her again. My mind refuses to process this. I open the door to the giant walk-in closet, satisfied when Colette’s jaws drops slightly.

  “Look at all this? Does this look like I’m forced to be here? I’m a guest. I’m free to go whenever I like.”

  “Do you know that your parents have been looking for you? They’re worried. Your friends are too.” Then, Colette says something I didn’t expect, something that leaves me no choice. “If you really want to help Carter, you’ll come with me now. We’ll get all of this sorted out, and you’ll get a chance to tell everyone what really happened.”

  “Why can’t you tell everyone that I’m fine?” I have the feeling I’m fighting a loosing battle.

  Grady shakes her head. “I need you to work with me, Penny. Otherwise, this will be out of my hands soon.”

  She doesn’t leave, and so I have no choice but to get dressed in her presence—though I do entertain the thought of slamming the door of the closet in her face and hide in there until Carter returns. On the other hand…maybe Nick had a chance to tell her what’s going on here, and she knows not to come back to the house at the moment. If she could hide me for this long, there might be a chance she could be hiding from the police as well? I feel dizzy, sick with worry. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want her to get into trouble, and maybe Colette Grady is right—when my loved ones get a chance to see me, they will realize I’m not the victim of a crime. In fact, I got a nice tan from the time lounging by the pool. Only the band-aids still on my knees are an indication I did get hurt, but that is another story.

  If my side of that story helps Carter, I will do anything I can to make sure there isn’t another misunderstanding.

  God, I hope she knows I won’t betray her—not again. She promised she’d never get tired of me. Hopefully that will still be true when we see each other again. With a defiant gaze, I strip out of my PJs and choose a dress at random. It’s not the closet full of luxurious outfits I’m sad to leave behind, but I can’t dwell on my emotions now. I need to do this the right way.

  “You want to pack a few clothes?” she asks. I wonder if I heard a trace of irony.

  “No. I’ll be back soon, won’t I?”

  Another sigh.

  “Do I look traumatized to you? Yes, I was almost kidnapped, by that man working with Laydon. I hope you won’t give Carter any trouble for shooting at him. She saved my life!”

  “Unfortunately, the man you’re talking about has made some different claims, and he is ready to repeat them in court, so your testimony is important here.”

  “You believe him?” I ask, incredulously.

  She shakes her head. “No, not that it matters.”

  “Why not, aren’t you going to testify? Wait, shouldn’t I be here then?”

  “The trial will be on the mainland anyway, and given the circumstances, everyone will be fine with your testimony on camera. There might even be an extradition, but you don’t have to worry about that.”

  If I don’t why does she give me more to worry about with every word she says?

  “There’s your bad guy. I really hope you can put him away for a long time, but Carter…all she did was try to save me. You have to believe that.”

  “Like I said, we’ll figure it out. Come on. Time to go home.”

  * * * *

  When the small plane ascends into the sky, I stare in awe at the expanse of clear blue water, with patches of green, underneath us. How far away from home have I been? Now that we’re leaving the island, I still don’t know where I’ve been al
l this time, and I don’t dare ask, because that wouldn’t look good for my story, that I was a guest all along.

  I miss her badly already, but I’ll keep myself together, make sure I’ll contribute whatever to clear her name. Carter will come find me again, right?

  Colette asks the question I secretly wanted to ask her.

  “How did you two meet?”

  “Don’t you already know? She came to the café where I worked.” Despite the dire circumstances, I have to smile at the memory, the instant attraction, my own, somewhat naïve confusion about the enormous tip—and then I sit up straighter in my seat. This might help.

  “She gave me a tip of $1,000. I guess she liked what she saw…and we went from there. Look, Agent Grady, you don’t have to respect me. I want to make sure you know the truth, that’s all.”

  “Sounds like a lucky break, until Hanks got involved.”

  I hold her gaze, my heart beating loudly. I wish I could tell what she’s thinking, and if she believes me. “It was. We were still kind of recovering from it, and you and your folks barging in wasn’t helpful to anyone.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that.” This time, it’s impossible to ignore the sarcasm. I expect her to say more, but she picks up her coffee and takes a sip staring out of the window thoughtfully.

  “She has done nothing wrong,” I say, close to tears again. “I love her. Do you think I could love someone who decides one day she wants me and takes me from my life without even asking?”

  I don’t need an answer. She and I both know stranger things have happened.

  * * * *

  After hours in the air and two layovers, I’m exhausted, but still aware enough to get an idea of the geography. I’m not sure how to feel about how all of this started, but it doesn’t matter, and it’s not like I can talk about it to anyone. When I have a private moment, I will do some investigating on the internet. It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon.

  My parents, together with Haley and Lara, are waiting at the gate.

  My eyes well up, not because I thought I’d never see them again, I know Carter would have kept her promise. After the long trip I’m ready to crash from sheer exhaustion, but I’m aware of Grady studying me. I can’t give her the wrong impression.

  “It’s great to see you all,” say, after numerous close hugs, “but I want you to know I’m fine. There was a misunderstanding. I came with the agent here so we can clear it all up. Nothing happened to me.”

  I can see the confusion in everyone’s faces. “Mom, I called you, remember? I’m sorry, I should have told you about the vacation. I really needed a time-out, and I made my decision very quickly.”

  “That’s what your friend, Gaby, told us.” Dad looks doubtful. “There was nowhere we could reach her though, and that made us suspicious. Giving up your job and apartment, that’s not like you.”

  “Well…I couldn’t turn down that chance.”

  I turn to Haley who smiles at me uncertainly, hoping I’m not blushing too hard. I have no desire whatsoever to detail to anyone where exactly the benefits lay for me. The giant library, the closet, the incredible luxury in every corner of the house, it seems unreal now—but I do remember why I wanted to stay right there, with Carter.

  Much to her credit, Grady doesn’t mention all the things that actually did go wrong, and the bad things that almost happened, but there’s an awkward pause nonetheless.

  I know they’re all wondering how I could do something so against my usual habits, my personality—be this irresponsible, to drop everything so I could spend time with a woman I just met. Maybe they’re wondering whether I’m telling the truth, if I was so shaken by my experience that I can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy.

  “You can go home now,” Grady tells me. “We’ll be in touch for your statement.”

  Home—I’m not even sure where that is anymore. My apartment is not mine anymore. I look into the familiar faces, see their concern, their worry for me all this time. I guess the least I can do is spend some time with them, try to make them believe everything is fine—when it’s not.

  * * * *

  I am free. I can’t believe there was a time when I was frantically thinking about how to make this happen. I can’t believe the motivation vanished completely. I’m aware of everything that happened, and how. At night, I dream about it, waking up with my heart hammering, with an ache, a longing unfulfilled.

  I wish Carter would try to contact me, but I know she can’t, not now.

  I met with Grady to record my statement. She refused to tell me anything about the case, about Carter, but I did my own research on the internet—a branch of Forbes Inc. is under investigation. No arrest made though.

  My heart lurches when I read those lines, and I can barely breathe. This is good news. Of course I know Carter has expensive lawyers that will help her, but with the safe space she provided for me being breached twice, I’m not so sure what to believe anymore these days. I should try to reach my former landlord, see if there’s anything free in the building, pick up my classes again, find another job. Weeks pass by, and all those tasks seem too daunting as long as I don’t know about her, our fate, but I’m aware I can’t put them off forever.

  Slowly, I start to adjust to living in the outside world again, like everyone else. I have a purpose though. I wait until there’s no more mention of her anywhere in the news, until I can’t stand to live with the uncertainty any longer.

  One day, I take the bus and walk up to the building that houses the headquarters of her company, an impressive giant made from steel and glass. I don’t go in. I doubt she’s here, and even if she was, I wouldn’t even get to her floor.

  I never dream about the man who held a gun on me or that crazy jump from the balcony. With the geographic and emotional distance, and the bruises on my knees fading, the memory becomes sketchy.

  Carter invades my dreams, in detailed and specific ways. I can’t believe this is the end, that we should never have the chance at a real relationship, without one of us living behind locked doors.

  I’m not sure what to think about Grady either, why she’d taken those steps, and if I should be more grateful to her.

  I even go to book club. We are reading a book in this genre that has become so popular these days—guys sees girl and wants her, doesn’t give up until he has her, on his terms, of course. An erotic romance. Haley, Lara and the other two girls that are regulars have already met for Gone Girl and The Handmaid’s Tale, but they say we can go back there if I want to. Ryan has made a pitcher of a tropical cocktail, which inevitably reminds me of my adventure. On the bright side, being tipsy makes it easier to divert them from any questions, and, surprisingly, stay focused on the book at hand.

  “Men like that just don’t exist,” Bridget claims. “I’d like one of those, but then I’ll be forever single.”

  “They do exist, that’s exactly the problem,” I say. “Just to have somebody listen and watch romantic comedies with you, you’d indulge them in everything? That’s not right.”

  “Oh, come on,” she says, “it’s not like that kind of relationship doesn’t exist between women. As long as both are okay with it, why judge?”

  Her question raises more, uncomfortable ones.

  I blush at the memory of some of the games we enjoyed, and Carter had been right, the fantasy coming true was incredible. I loved everything we did, including playing with the blindfold and ties, and yes, even the gentle hair pulling. There’s a difference, right? There was no coercion, no blackmailing me into something, just soft seduction, persuasion…There must be a difference, or everything I’ve ever believed is at stake.

  “People can do whatever they want if they’re both okay with it, but she’s just saying that because she doesn’t want to loose him. He tricks her, isolates her into these things.”

  Haley looks thoughtful, Lara concerned.

  “Isn’t the one with the money always going to be the one in power?”
/>   “Maybe—but why does it always have to be the man? That’s gotten old a long time ago.”

  —and if it’s a woman, is it any better? Not in the way the book describes the relationship. I refuse to believe there’s anything romantic about scaring somebody into sleeping with them, then using their body against them. It’s not fair, and it’s the same old women-blaming scheme. It’s not at all what happened.

  I want her back, so much it hurts, but when it’s time, we will have to redefine some of the terms of our relationship. I still believe that could be possible—if only she’d come back for me.

  As time goes by, I learn that I won’t be able to completely pick up my studies before next year which is fine by me. I find another job as a waitress in a café, not as upscale as the Vienna, but it’ll do, and I’ll be able to save some for when I go back to university. I found a dorm room I’ll share with a friend of Haley’s who has decided to go back to school.

  I know I have to do these things if everything I told Carter is true, that I don’t want to live in a world where all responsibility is taken out of my hands forever. Going back to a daily structure makes me feel better about myself, even if I still hurt. I don’t even know if she’s still thinking about me the way I do about her, every day, with an intensity that borders on hallucination.

  No, love is not like it’s described in the novels, but it’s in no way less complicated.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Carter

  “Here I thought there’s a limit as to what you can do with all that money, and then my boss’ boss tells me to back off, that the case is closed now. Tell me why.”

  I pour two fingers of the cognac for me and Colette each, and set one of the glasses in front of her.

  “Would it really give you peace of mind if you knew? Both Hanks and Laydon are behind bars, and a dozen others if I understood correctly. Your career has gotten a big boost. You’re still not happy?” My tone is a bit sharp on the last words. I appreciate Colette cleaning up and ridding the world of men like that, who would and have sold women to the highest bidder, but she’s not entirely aware of the risk, of what was at stake when she took Penelope away from me before it was time.