The Haunted Onsen

by Phil Gabriel

“Let me guess,” I said, “you asked for help against the samurai. She refused, saying she would be rid of a bothersome samurai ghost or a bothersome magician. Either way, she wins.”

  “She didn’t use those exact words,” said Kitty-Sue. “There was more.”

  “Did she add anything that would help in this venture?”

  “No, boss,” she said.

  “Then let’s talk after this is over,” I said.

  Kitty-Sue took a deep breath, then said, “Yes, boss. You get ready for the samurai.”

  Gathering energy on a moving train is hard, but not impossible. My reserves were increasing at a trickle. While meditating, I gnawed at the problem of the ghost samurai. His damn ectoplasmic bow was a formidable long-range weapon. Without my .45 and magic bullets, he had more range than me. What did I have to negate that trick?

  Nothing. Speeding up would let me evade the arrows, but since the bastard had an inexhaustible supply, he would eventually wear me down. Could Princess block those arrows without sending the shocks through to me? Princess could survive the shocks; hell, she might enjoy them, but I would be incapacitated.

  I had to convince the samurai to pass on to the next world once I returned his armor. He had promised. Could I trust his promise? Hell, no. He was a rōnin who had betrayed his master. Lying to me wouldn’t even register to him as an issue.

  Could I beg Ashley for help? No, she had already stated that she would not—or could not—interfere in the eviction of the samurai. What good are supernaturally powerful girlfriends if they can’t help you exorcise a damn ghost?

  How about Ashley’s eggshell? That was an immensely powerful object, with more potential energy than an idle nuclear power plant. And just as tricky to extract energy from. It would take months of study to allow me to access that energy.

  Who else could I ask for help? The kitsune queen had already made her opinion known; she would be no help. The queen was the most powerful supernatural entity I knew in Japan.

  I thought briefly about asking Jorōgumo for help. Yes, that’s how desperate I was. Her previous incarnation had trapped me in her web and tried to drain me of life and magic. I had escaped only by the hair of my fake teeth. I shuddered at the price she would ask and put that thought aside.

  Could Koji-san and the other Ritualists help? It was their asses on the line, as well as mine. They were the equivalent of a Cub Scout troop when what I needed was Seal Team Six. Still, they could gather energy, feed it to me for the fight, and protect the civilians.

  Yes, that was the best of many bad options. As we pulled into the Hakone train station, my eyes snapped open. I said, “OK, Kitty-Sue, here’s my plan. We will ask Koji-san and the Ritualists to help. They can gather energy for me and protect the descendants of those who betrayed the samurai. With their help, we have a good chance to defeat the ghost.”

  Kitty-Sue looked at me with a serious expression, all traces of her joking nature gone. “Bad news about that plan, boss,” she said.

  She held up her iPad, and I saw entries on the Japanese version of Facebook. It looked like Koji-san was on fucking vacation in Hokkaido, as far away from Hakone as possible.

  31

  It’s a Trap; There’s Two of Us

  In the taxi on the way to the Hattori Hakone Onsen, my anger grew. Damn Koji and his worthless group of sycophants. I mulled over dark thoughts of revenge until I felt the sharp jab of Kitty-Sue’s elbow in my side. Looking over at her, I opened my mouth to rip into her. She pointed with her nose at the taxi’s GPS screen, which was flickering and flashing with random static. The car’s engine started coughing and sputtering.

  Shit. I was so angry that magic was leaking out and affecting anything electronic nearby. Under Kitty-Sue’s reproving look, I calmed my racing heart and lowered my emanations. The GPS screen cleared, and the car’s engine started running smoothly again.

  I nodded to her to let her know I appreciated her feedback. We pulled into the hotel, and in ten minutes, we were in the suite’s onsen. I was so fixated on our situation that I never noticed Kitty-Sue getting undressed and slipping into the water. It was then that I realized how serious this was. The day I can’t enjoy a peek at a beautiful woman is the day I give up. I noted she kept the jewel-studded collar out of the water, although it was a powerful magical artifact impervious to most forces.

  I slid gingerly into the hot, hot water. Although not as powerful as the haunted onsen, this onsen was very good. The volcanic flows that heated the water to near boiling also conducted magical energy from the center of the earth to the surface.

  On a nearby table, my iPhone was propped up, streaming a selection of music with Spotify. Right now, the selection was acoustic. The relaxing tunes spread through the room.

  I made a pillow of my small towel and leaned my head back to rest it on the edge of the pool. After a few deep breaths and a centering exercise, I was calmer. The trickle of magical energy increased, continuing my task to fill my reservoirs.

  Through lidded eyes, I watched Kitty-Sue as she watched me. Once she saw my face calm and breathing slow, so did hers.

  After fifteen minutes in the water, I was reaching my limit, both in heat and in magical absorption. Due to my interaction with Ashley, my reservoirs were much larger, but using ambient magic to fill them still took a long time.

  “So, boss,” said Kitty-Sue after several more minutes, “what’s our plan?”

  “We have to convince the samurai to pass on to the next world and give up on his dreams of vengeance,” I said. “Or destroy him,” I added.

  “Pass on?” she asked. “He’s an onryō. Their only purpose is vengeance. What if he doesn’t want to move on?”

  “Once he has his armor back,” I said, “with all that extra magical weaponry, nobody can force him through that door.”

  “So, don’t give him the damn armor,” said Kitty-Sue.

  “I already vowed to return his armor,” I said sourly. “Breaking that vow would have severe consequences.”

  “How severe?” she asked. “Losing your hocus-pocus severe? Losing an eye severe? Losing an arm severe?” She peered at me through half-lidded eyes. “You know I’d still like you without magic?” she said.

  Ignoring her reassurance, I said, “Worse than that, I’ll probably die. It would be worth it to eliminate the samurai, but even my dying can’t guarantee that.”

  “We face death every day,” said Kitty-Sue with a warrior’s determination.

  I reached over and traced the heart-shaped scar on her naked breast. “It’s not my life I’m worried about.” This damn link that tied her life to mine; if only I could break it.

  She took my hand in hers and brought my fingers to her lips for a kiss. “I like hopeless battles,” she said. “I don’t regret one minute of our time together.”

  “If only Akiko were here,” I said. “As a spirit, she could match the samurai trick for trick.”

  “She had to take her chance,” said Kitty-Sue. “She was going insane, losing contact with the real world.” Kitty-Sue wore an introspective look. “It was getting worse over the last few months.”

  “I hadn’t noticed,” I said.

  “She couldn’t even haunt her family,” said Kitty-Sue. “Her presence just made them more attractive to supernatural threats.”

  Kitty-Sue shook her head in exasperation. “I think the fact her family stopped talking about her was difficult for her. Nobody wants to know they are fading from their family’s memory.”

  “She has us as a family,” I said, then had a second thought. I had taught her magic, called her part of my family, and made love to her, but did she know how much she meant to us? I hadn’t even noticed she was in pain.

  “Although I haven’t been a good partner,” I said. I shuddered, despite the heat of the onsen. The damage an unhinged ghost magician like Akiko could cause would be devastating. I would hate to have to destroy her.

  “Well,” said Kitty-Sue, “she has a mortal form for now. That will
keep her grounded. Too bad she got stuck in Jane’s body.”

  “If the bastard John had decided to help,” I continued, “a fighter like him, wielding Princess, would have been more than a match for the samurai.”

  “So, you and Princess can’t match the samurai?” Kitty-Sue looked over at Princess leaning against the wall in her cane form. A zither-like riff, sounding remarkably like a snort, came from her.

  “Princess is powerful and very talented,” I said. “When we’re together, I’m the weak link.” Princess stayed quiet for a moment, then strummed agreement.

  Kitty-Sue shook her head violently. “Stop thinking about what you don’t have. No Akiko, no monkey-man, no big tank of hocus-pocus juice. Screw that. Concentrate on what you do have.”

  I felt my expression turn sour. “I have a sword, but not enough skill; I have a bag of tricks that won’t work on a ghost; I have a broken pistol and no more magic bullets; and I have a vow I can’t break.”

  The music changed suddenly, now playing the Imagine Dragons’ cover of “Stand By Me.” A cool breeze, with the faintest hint of the Aegean Sea, blew across my face, softer than a lover’s caress.

  “I have the support of the Muse of Music,” I said.

  “Your imaginary girlfriend,” scoffed Kitty-Sue. The music changed to “Imaginary Lover” by the Atlanta Rhythm Section.

  I stopped for a moment and caressed her face. “I have the best damned kitsune assassin in the world.”

  The music changed again, now playing “I Can See For Miles,” by The Who. I continued, “But the ghost will see you coming from a mile away.”

  I slumped back into the hot water, ignoring the increasing temperature. I was getting light-headed from the heat.

  “If only you could trick the bastard,” she said. “No kitsune believes in fighting fair.”

  “Neither do I. But I can’t lie to trick him,” I said.

  I watched Kitty-Sue through the steam, the vapors obscuring her features. I remembered Akiko and how her body had displaced the water when she entered the pool, leaving a body-shaped void. A void that someone else could fit into. An idle thought, or a subconscious hint?

  The music changed again, now playing a very old song, “Judy In Disguise,” by John Fred and His Playboy Band. Thanks, Euterpe, I thought.

  “Kitty-Sue,” I asked, “you remember shifting into Akiko’s form when she possessed you?”

  “Of course,” she said, raising an eyebrow, “during our threesomes.” She chuckled at happy memories, then continued, “I can imitate her exactly. But I can’t turn into a ghost, much less a ghost magician. In her form, all I have is my kitsune magic and physical skills.” A crystal blade suddenly appeared in her hand, glittering with magic. “I don’t know if these will affect a ghost.”

  She frowned, then said, “I wanted to find out, but Akiko would never let me experiment on her.”

  “But you do have a talent that neither Akiko nor I have,” I said.

  “What? she asked, brow furrowed in puzzlement.

  “You can lie.”

  We returned to our bedroom for the next phase. A night of preparation, spent crafting spells and discussing the imitation game.

  After my third attempt to correct Kitty-Sue’s recitation, she snapped. “This Rōnin doesn’t even know Akiko; he will never ask about her family. Stop filling my head with details I don’t need.”

  “I just want you to be ready,” I said.

  “I am ready,” she replied. “Any question he throws at me will be answered with a lie.” She took my hand. “And I’m a good liar. I can handle the questions.”

  “How good?” I asked. “This has to be perfect.”

  She walked over, took my hands in hers, looked deeply into my eyes with that hypnotic vixen gaze, and whispered in a heartfelt tone, “I love you.”

  I couldn’t breathe for a moment. Where had this declaration come from? Kitty-Sue hated the “L” word. I stuttered for a second, trying to prepare a response. “I-I-I lo—”

  She put a finger to my lips to stop me. “See how good a liar I am, boss,” she said with a grin. “Don’t worry about the lies, I’ve got that covered.”

  She dropped her hands and turned away, pacing as she thought. “How about this aura thing? Whenever I shifted to Akiko’s form before, you could always tell us apart by our auras. Will the samurai be able to do the same thing?”

  “I’ve got a spell that will camouflage your aura,” I said. “As long as you maintain her shape, nobody can tell you from Akiko. It would fool even me.”

  Kitty-Sue yawned and looked at her phone to check the time. It was after 2:00 a.m. I had tricks to push the need for sleep away, but Kitty-Sue needed to rest.

  “Why don’t you take a nap?” I said. “I’ll wrap up these spells and wake you when it’s time to go.”

  Instead of protesting, Kitty-Sue nodded and curled up on the bed.

  At 10:00 a.m. the next morning, we were dropped off by a taxi a short distance from the trail that led to haunted onsen. Kitty-Sue had shape-shifted into a perfect duplicate of Akiko. As the taxi pulled away, I pulled Princess and a scabbard from my satchel and strapped her on.

  Between one step and the next, Kitty-Sue’s outfit changed. Her blouse and skirt combo was gone. She was now wearing a Maiko costume consisting of a flower print kimono with wide sleeves, an elaborate obi wrapped tightly around her waist, and traditional wooden-bottom sandals. Her face was expertly made up with pure white makeup, ruby red lips, and mascara-lined eyes. Her kansashi hair ornaments tinkled slightly in the breeze. It was strange to hear anything, as the real Akiko was a silent ghost and Kitty-Sue was a stealthy assassin.

  “One more item,” I said, pulling out a red-framed pair of ectoplasmic glasses. I put them on her and said, “Now you’re perfect.”

  “Of course,” she replied in a perfect imitation of Akiko’s voice.

  I leaned closer and inhaled deeply with my eyes closed. “You even smell like her,” I said. Memories of Akiko flashed through my mind, triggered by her scent: Akiko studying her magical texts, pushing her glasses up on her cute nose; her charming laugh when I told her a joke; the wild look in her eyes when we made love.

  Kitty-Sue pushed me back, not ungently, and said, “I miss her, too.”

  To change the subject, I examined Kitty-Sue’s dress. There was something that didn’t seem right.

  “There’s something about your kimono that looks different,” I said. “When Akiko dresses in a kimono, she wraps it differently. Right-over-left, instead of left-over-right?”

  Kitty-Sue raised an immaculate eyebrow and said, “In Japan, the living wear their kimono left-over-right. When we bury our dead, the kimono is wrapped right-over-left. Ghosts always wear their kimonos as they were laid to rest. That’s why Akiko always wears her kimono that way.”

  “Oh,” I said. I had been her teacher for years and never noticed that detail. What other details had I missed? So much to learn, so little time. Did the immortals also feel the pressure of time?

  “And now your kimono is left-over-right because your powerful magician master managed to bring you back to life,” I said. That’s the story we had settled on. A story that could only be used due to Kitty-Sue’s shape-shifting and prevarication talents.

  “Are you sure you will be able to move in that outfit?” I asked as we neared the ward that circled the onsen. “You look like you’re wrapped up tighter than a Christmas gift.”

  “Yes,” she said, “that’s why Velcro was invented.”

  At the border of the ward, I took Princess in hand and willed her flames to appear. I drove her into the ground and urged our power to merge with the spells that protected the onsen, or protected the world from the inhabitant of the onsen.

  Kitty-Sue’s hand dropped to her thigh, and she rubbed it as if she had been stung by a bee. “Boss,” she asked, “what the hell was that?”

  “The ward was ready to fail,” I said. “Now I’ve merged my energy with the ancient ma
gic to bolster it. As long as I live, the ward will stand.”

  “You should warn a girl before you do something like that,” she said. “I felt that through the collar.”

  Looking at her kimono-clad leg, I said, “You’re wearing an Artifact of Power like a garter belt?”

  “Of course. Couldn’t wear it around my neck. It doesn’t go with this outfit, and I wasn’t going to leave it. It’s my most precious possession.” She paused for a moment. “Besides you, of course.”

  I willed Princess to calm her flames and slid her into my scabbard. I took Kitty-Sue’s hand, and we stepped over the border together. The quiet of the forest descended, all traces of external noise blocked, only the chirping of the insects and tweeting of the birds audible now. The air smelled incredibly clean.

  It was a good day.

  Inside the boundary of the onsen, I could feel no magical lines of force. The samurai guarded the energy jealously, not allowing anyone else to use it. I wouldn’t be able to recharge until the samurai was gone. I turned to internal resources, like a scuba diver putting on a regulator.

  Kitty-Sue walked on unconcerned. Kitsune magic didn’t have the same limitations as human magic. Her deadly skills were also unaffected by location.

  We reached the glade in front of the hot spring, the spot we had used for our picnic and bargaining session with the samurai.

  “Arashi Shichiro Takeda!” I called out. “I stand ready to complete our bargain.”

  32

  The Foresworn Samurai

  I stood for several minutes, but the samurai did not appear. Was he playing a waiting game? Hoping the wards would fade so he could escape and not face me?

  Kitty-Sue sniffed and turned her Akiko button nose directly to our left. “He’s over there, invisible to humans and magicians.”

  “But not to my talented apprentice,” I said. “Please translate what I say. Takeda-san, if you can hear me, I bring your armor and compel you to fulfill your end of the bargain.”