Undercover Lover

by Jerry Cole

  “Oh God,” Morgan replied, holding on to Jan’s hand as tightly as possible.

  “Ouch,” Jan said. Morgan let go of his hand and Jan shook it in the air. “Yeah, I can stop if you want me to.”

  “Believe it or not, the sound of your voice actually calms me down,” Morgan replied. “I would be freaking out if it wasn’t for you.”

  “Okay, but I just hope…”

  Morgan glared at him, so Jan continued. “So one day, he was doing whatever it is that he did in the elevator. I think he might have been cleaning it, but I don’t know, us kids never got many details. This is something I’ve managed to put together after many years because Mom would always just tell us that it was an accident, and she wouldn’t want to talk about it anymore.”

  “I’m not surprised,” Morgan said. “Whatever happened sounds—well, it doesn’t sound great.”

  “It wasn’t,” Jan said. “He was working in there and, suddenly, I don’t know, something happened. One of the things that holds the elevator up got loose or something. Trevor had put the key into the elevator to make it stop moving, but something released, or broke. In any case, the elevator stopped being held up in midair and gravity won. Trevor went down quickly, very quickly. Now, what you have to understand, so that you can picture this, is that Trevor wasn’t actually a big guy. He was small, and he worked on his feet a lot, so he was thin, too. The elevator was going down fast but, I don’t know, I have a hard time believing it could have propelled him upward. If he had found a way to brace himself, that would have been one thing, but he didn’t. Something happened, and he got knocked out in there. The mirror, it was one of those, like, full-length ones and Trevor had shattered it by falling into it.”

  “That’s—”

  “Not all of it,” Jan said, holding his hand up. “That wasn’t how he died. God, I wish it was, because at least he wouldn’t have been in as much pain as I think he ended up being in. Anyway, so, the elevator got stuck. But it was the middle of the night, and the building had three elevators and, of course, stairs. No one really knew what had happened to Trevor for hours, so he spent a while knocked out. The elevator was stuck between the third and second floor for a long time.”

  “That sounds awful,” Morgan said. The plane had started taking off and now the only noise that Morgan could hear was the engines, which he thought would make him feel better, but in fact it was making him feel worse.

  He looked at Jan. Jan didn’t seem upset, if anything, he looked lost in thought. Still, Morgan felt bad that he had made him relive any sort of trauma purely to entertain him. “Shit,” he said. “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I didn’t mean to be a dick and…”

  “No, you’re fine,” Jan said. “You’re not being a dick. I told you I would get around to telling you this story and, honestly, I tell this story a lot more than you probably would think. Once people find out my stepfather died in a tragic elevator-related death, they tend to assume we weren’t close because he was my stepdad instead of my real dad. And they think it’s okay to ask me all the questions in the world about it.”

  “I’m sorry about that,” Morgan replied, reaching out to squeeze Jan’s shoulder.

  Jan smiled at him. “It’s okay, really. I usually don’t mind talking about it. The way Trevor died, it doesn’t change the fact that he died. So, whatever happened, the bottom line is he’s not here anymore. Anyway, if I feel like they’re being particularly rude, I usually make up a story. Like, a much more gruesome one. You don’t know how many times I’ve told this to people where Trevor ends up being cut in half, his legs dangling from the outside the elevator door while he’s screaming in pain.”

  “Jesus,” Morgan replied.

  “What? I need some fun to get through the days.”

  “I don’t know how I feel about your idea of fun,” Morgan said, smiling at him.

  “I was hoping you’d feel entertained,” Jan said, flashing him a grin.

  “A little,” Morgan replied. “Also a little concerned. So, what did actually happen?”

  “Nobody found him for a few days,” Jan said, looking away from him. His head was split open, he was bleeding and he wasn’t thinking clearly. He was… it wasn’t good. He tried to pry the doors open. He tried the alarm button on the elevator, but it didn’t work. Since he worked independently at the building, it was only when my mom called his boss asking him what the fuck had happened that they even sent someone to investigate. By the time someone arrived, it was too late.”

  “Hadn’t it only been a couple of days?”

  “It was when they first started looking for him,” Jan replied. “But they looked, well, everywhere. The police thought he had gone missing, and because he was on the night shift, he usually left work at a time where no one was around to see him. At least no one who knew him, anyway, so no one could provide the police with any information on where he was. They found him about seven days later and, of course, he was dead.”

  “No one noticed the elevator wasn’t running for seven days?”

  Jan shrugged. “They just thought it wasn’t important, I guess. A couple of people reported it, but the people at the building loved Trevor and they understood why the team had slacked while they were looking for him. Like I said, there were three elevators and it wasn’t like the building was that populated, so it wasn’t even that much of an inconvenience. It was only days later that his boss put it together. He called the fire department and, sure enough, Trevor was dead.”

  Morgan took a deep breath. The plane had stopped its ascent and now was leveling off, soaring up to twenty thousand feet in the sky, at least according to the captain. But now that all Morgan had to worry about was the noise that the plane made, he was more concerned about Jan’s well-being. He had learned, over time, that Jan and his brother both used humor to escape their dark circumstances, but it was obviously because what they were talking about hurt.

  Morgan grabbed Jan’s hand and brought it to his lips, pressing his lips against Jan’s warm skin and closing his eyes. “That sounds terrible,” he said. “I’m always here for you. If you ever want to talk about it.”

  Jan cocked his head. “Thank you. You’re not even going to ask how he died? After all that?”

  Morgan shook his head. “I figured you would tell me if you wanted me to know.”

  “Well, I may as well,” Jan replied. “I mean, I have to finish the story now. So, you can go about three weeks without food, but it turns out you can go only about seventy-two hours without drinking any water. He wasn’t in a desert or anything like that, so it wasn’t like his body was slowly consuming more water than it normally does. Anyway, I researched what dying from dehydration is like, and I wish that I hadn’t. Trevor’s death wasn’t quick, and it wasn’t easy. He was miserable where he was and, honestly, I don’t blame him at all for what he did.”

  “What he did?” Morgan asked.

  “He killed himself,” Jan replied. “With shards of the broken mirror. Slit his wrists open, vertically, not horizontally, hitting a major artery on his first try. He bled out, which makes you go to sleep. Overall, it’s a much nicer death than having your body fill up your bloodstream with the fluids in it.”

  Morgan stared at Jan. “What do you mean?”

  “Your organs need fluid to work,” Jan said. “Your body loses water and, as it does, it puts it into the bloodstream. Fun stuff.”

  “Yeah,” Morgan replied, his throat dry. “Fun stuff.”

  “Anyway,” Jan said. “Dehydration can cause hallucinations, among other things. But mostly, it’s painful. I think the moment that Trevor knew he was going to die he killed himself in the most efficient way possible. He was Catholic, so we had to do a whole thing for him, because, obviously, suicide is a mortal sin. I say obviously, I didn’t even know there was such a thing until my mother told me why she had to call the priest. The priest! As if we’d had one before. Suddenly, where Trevor had been going every Sunday morning without any of us made a lot of
sense.”

  “You didn’t know?”

  “There were a lot of things about Trevor that I didn’t know,” Jan replied. “Anyway, he got a Catholic burial and all that nice stuff. It was, actually, really nice.”

  “But you’re not afraid of elevators?” Morgan said with a chuckle. “And I’m afraid of closets.”

  Jan laughed with him. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s probably just because I wasn’t there to witness it. I mean, the last time I saw Trevor, he was as healthy as usual. He was nice and we talked for a bit about the weather. I think my only regret is that he asked me if I wanted to hang out soon and I told him I would get back to him.”

  “That doesn’t seem that bad.”

  “It doesn’t, except I was just so very excited to go meet this guy I set up a date with,” Jan replied. “It was terrible, he wasn’t even a good fuck and I could have…”

  “It’s not your fault,” Morgan said quietly. “I’m sure he didn’t blame you for that.”

  “I know,” Jan said. “I know that. I’m just…”

  Morgan wrapped his arm around Jan’s shoulders and held him close to him. “I’m sorry I made you think about that.”

  “It’s okay,” Jan said, nuzzling into his shoulder. “This is kind of nice. Telling you about it. I don’t know. It makes me feel lighter. I’m glad I did. And I’m glad I managed to make you feel better while I was talking to you about something that dark.”

  “You always can talk to me,” Morgan replied. “About anything. Ever. I love the sound of your voice, I find it really calming.”

  “Even when I get really descriptive and gruesome?”

  “Even when you get really descriptive and gruesome,” Morgan replied, smiling at him. “I appreciate you telling me when it’s real, too.”

  “Well, you deserve to know,” Jan said. “Because you’re my boyfriend.”

  He looked up at Morgan. Morgan couldn’t help but stare at him, the way his lips were parted and the way his eyes glimmered. Then Jan cleared his throat. “Um,” he said. “I mean, my partner.”

  “It’s okay, babe,” Morgan said. “You can call me your boyfriend, if that feels more natural. I’m just excited to be in your life.”

  Jan’s gaze darted toward Morgan’s eyes, and then back to his lips. His face inched closer to Morgan’s own. He kissed him softly, passionately, their lips only touching for the briefest of moments and sending a shiver down Morgan’s spine.

  “I’m glad you’re in my life, too,” he said quietly, settling his head back on Morgan’s shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever been with anyone who has made me so happy.”

  Morgan didn’t say anything. He just sat there, holding Jan’s hand and not thinking once about the fact that he was in a huge metal can in the middle of the sky. All he could think about was that Jan was there, right there, his eyes closed and his face pressed up against Morgan’s body and everything felt nice and safe.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  When Jan woke up from his unintentional nap, he realized, slowly and with a bit of horror that he had drooled all over Morgan’s nice olive-green shirt. Morgan was looking out the window at the cloudy sky, a look of wonder on his face. Jan moved away from him and wiped his chin clean, trying not to call attention to himself. Morgan turned to look at him and smiled. “Did you have a nice nap?”

  “Nope,” Jan replied instantly. “Wasn’t sleeping.”

  Morgan glanced at the wet patch on his shirt and then looked up at Jan again, flashing him a huge grin. “I can see that.”

  “I—ugh, sorry,” Jan said, shaking his head and trying to wipe the fabric of Morgan’s shirt with the end of his sleeve.

  It appeared that Morgan was trying his best not to laugh, which made Jan feel even more stupid. “It’s okay,” Morgan said. “You’re allowed to fall asleep on me whenever you want.”

  Jan narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t sleeping.”

  “Okay, babe,” Morgan said, smiling at him then looking back out the window of the plane. Jan sighed, hugging himself. Morgan turned his head back toward him. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” Jan replied. “Fine. Just a little cold. My coat is in my bag, which I had to check in, so…”

  “It’s okay,” Morgan said. He looked under his seat and pulled out the brown and black backpack he had brought on the plane with him. “I knew they wouldn’t provide a blanket, I looked into it, so I brought one.”

  Jan raised his eyebrows. “You brought a throw blanket?”

  Morgan nodded. “Yes.”

  “To a plane?” Jan added, trying his best not to smile. “I can’t decide if that’s super cute or just weird.”

  “I think I’d prefer it if you went with cute,” Morgan replied. “Though, I think you’ll probably have to get used to the weird part, too.”

  “Working on it,” Jan said. He watched Morgan take the blanket out of the backpack and helped him unfurl it.

  Then Morgan put it on Jan, as if it was just something he did all the time, and smiled at him triumphantly. “See? I knew there would be a use for it.”

  Jan took a deep breath. “Sometimes I worry that I don’t deserve you,” he said.

  “Well, you are a worrier,” Morgan replied. “I have noticed that about you.”

  “I am?” Jan said, cocking his head. “I never thought of myself as a worrier before.”

  Morgan exhaled heavily from his nose. “I think that’s because you don’t think about yourself that much, babe.”

  “That’s not true,” Jan said, his cheeks suddenly red. He wasn’t sure why, but he resented the accusation. “I think about myself all the time. I’m thinking about myself right now, and how comfortable I am in this blanket, for instance.”

  “But you’re not, are you?” Morgan said. “You’re thinking about whether I am cold, too.”

  Jan licked his lower lip. “I didn’t say that.”

  “You may as well have said it, babe,” Morgan replied. “And I’m not. Feel free to keep the blanket to yourself, okay?”

  “Okay,” Jan replied. “But I wasn’t—”

  “You’re adorable,” Morgan said, interrupting him with a kiss on the nose.

  Jan sighed deeply. His hand searched for Morgan’s and grabbed it, their fingers interlocking.

  Morgan furrowed his brow. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” Jan said. Then he slumped forward. “I don’t know. I think I’m a little bit nervous about meeting your parents, to be honest. And I’m—I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel like you don’t know me enough to want to do all these things with me. Wanting me to move a toothbrush into your place, wanting to keep stuff over at mine. Wanting to help me with my job. I just feel like, and I know this is so stupid, because you get to make your own choices, the moment that you find out who I really am, you’re going to run away from me. And I—”

  Morgan’s entire face seemed to become more somber. “What do you mean? I already know who you are.”

  “I know that,” Jan said. “Well, kind of. There’s still a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

  “Yet,” Morgan replied, stroking his cheek. “We’re going to be together for a long time, right?”

  “Yes,” Jan said quickly, almost before Morgan was finished with his question. “That’s what I want.”

  “It’s what I want, too,” Morgan said. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes were shining. “I expect that we’ll take a long time to get to know each other. That’s normal, Jan.”

  “I know that,” Jan said. “I think the whole spy thing has affected how anxious I am.”

  Morgan looked at him as he bit his lower lip. “To be honest, I kind of think the whole spy thing is pretty sexy.”

  “You don’t understand,” Jan said. “I’m playing for the other team.”

  “Keep talking,” Morgan said. “Your word play makes me hot.”

  “Stop it,” Jan replied, chuckling. “I’m serious.”

  Morgan nodded.
“Yeah, I can tell.”

  Jan sighed. “I’m really worried about this. What if your parents meet me and suddenly you decide that you don’t like me as much as you thought you did?”

  “Because my parents like you?” Morgan said. “My daddy issues aren’t that intense, Jan.”

  “I know, I have enough daddy issues for both of us,” Jan said, looking around them. The plane was practically empty. There was a couple in the front, watching something on a laptop together, and a woman traveling alone with a sleeping mask over her eyes and her head tilted back. “I’m sorry. I’ll shut up now.”

  Morgan kissed him on the mouth after he was done following his gaze. This wasn’t a sweet kiss, like the ones before, it was a deep passionate one that demanded that Jan kiss him back. By the time Morgan moved away from him, breaking off the kiss, Jan already was breathing shallowly.

  “What are you doing?” Jan murmured in between sharp breaths.

  “I’m showing you what I’m talking about,” Morgan said. “You’re beautiful and amazing. I’m so very lucky to have you.”

  Jan shook his head. “You’re just saying that.”

  “I’m not,” Morgan said. He moved his hand to Jan’s crotch. Jan couldn’t help himself, he was already hard, the sound of Morgan’s voice making him feel helpless against his own desire for Morgan. “You know I’m not.”

  Jan swallowed, closing his eyes and trying to control his breathing. Jan felt Morgan undo his button, then work on his zipper. Jan moved his hips up slightly and moved his jeans down his legs to give Morgan better access to his hardened dick. Morgan’s gaze held his own while he did this, only sneaking a glance down to Jan’s crotch for a split second. Slowly, he tugged at the fabric on Jan’s boxers, only lightly touching his erection through the fabric of Jan’s underwear. Once Jan had started to bite on the inside of his mouth and his eyes were closed, trying his best to not moan, Morgan stuck his hand down the front of Jan’s boxers. Jan helped him along by grabbing his boxers and sliding them down his legs, too. Once his erection had sprung free, Morgan wrapped his long fingers around Jan’s cock.