Painted Over

by Sofi Keren

  “Ria, what are you doing?”

  “I’m kissing you.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  “True. And that may be giving me the guts to kiss you, but it’s not why I’m kissing you,” Ria said firmly. “I’m kissing you because I’ve always wanted to, but I was afraid to do it.”

  Paige got up and started neatening the room.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You know when I get stressed or upset I clean. Well this… It makes me want to clean the whole house.”

  “Stop,” Ria said. “Come back.”

  “No. Ria, I’ve seen you hook up with so many girls. I know you got awesome news today and you went out to celebrate, and you want to celebrate more, but I don’t want to be one of your girls.”

  Ria got up from the couch and walked over to Paige. She seemed soberer with every step.

  “Paige, please stop. Look at me.”

  She looked up, afraid that if she met Ria’s eyes she would cry. Ria put her hands on Paige’s arms and looked into her face.

  “I love you.”

  Paige felt like she couldn’t breathe, let alone speak.

  “Ria, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “Yes I do. I think I’ve loved you ever since we met in the cafeteria in third grade. And every day since then. But we were such good friends that I was afraid if I reached for anything more I would ruin it. I’d rather have you as my friend than lose you. But I don’t want to hide it anymore. I can’t go live millions of miles away without letting you know. I love you so much, Paige. I love you.”

  Tears streamed down Paige’s cheeks. She bit her lip and closed her eyes.

  “I love you too,” she whispered. Years of hidden emotions burst out of her chest. “I saw you date girl after girl, but you’d always move on and never see them again. I didn’t want that. So I just told myself I was happy being your friend. I mostly believed it. But damn it, Ria, I love you too.”

  Paige pushed Ria against the wall. Ria leaned into her embrace, her body giving way just enough. She ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of Paige’s neck and tugged. The temperature in the room seemed to rise. Oh my god. This is really happening.

  She ran her hands under Ria’s button-down shirt and the tank top underneath, feeling her skin warm beneath her fingers. They stared into each other’s eyes and something new was there, something hidden that was finally released. It was as though the tension that had built for years could no longer be ignored. They both knew where this was going.

  Paige led Ria past the kitchen, down the narrow hall and into her bedroom.

  “I’ve never been in here before,” Ria said, as Paige kicked the bedroom door shut behind them.

  “Let me show you around then.”

  Paige cupped her hand against Ria’s cheek and Ria bit her palm. “Fuck,” she sighed.

  “Yeah.”

  Pressed up against the post at the end of the bed, Ria kissed her neck and breathed against her ear. “God, Paige, I want you.”

  Paige reached under Ria’s shirts and lifted them up and over her head. She gave her a slight push and they collapsed on the mattress. She sat up, looking down at Ria, taking it all in. She bent and traced the contours of Ria’s stomach with her tongue.

  Then all at once, she was on her back, Ria smiling down at her with a mischievous look. She tugged off Paige’s top and easily slipped a hand underneath her, releasing the clasp of her bra with one quick motion.

  “Nice technique,” Paige said.

  “Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

  “Big words. I hope you can back them up.”

  Ria quickly undid the button on Paige’s jeans and tried to pull them off, but they were stuck.

  “Stupid skinny jeans.”

  “Need some help?”

  “If you wouldn’t mind.”

  Paige sat up and tugged the ankles of her jeans free and slid out of them.

  “But,” Paige said, “I insist we match.”

  Ria quickly shed the rest of her own clothes. “Fair is fair.” Paige couldn’t help but admire her athletic body and the ease with which she moved. Ria helped Paige out of her remaining clothing. Then she slid a leg in between Paige’s and Paige let out a sound, louder than she’d meant to. Her body ached with want.

  They moved against one another, hips shifting as they fit together like puzzle pieces. Ria reached between Paige’s legs and gave a smug smile at what she found.

  “Oh. Well then. I think you must like me.”

  “Do you think so?”

  Ria pushed further, sliding her fingers home, eliciting a gasp. “I think so.”

  Paige gripped Ria’s hips tightly, digging in her fingernails, not caring if she would leave marks behind. She surrendered herself to the warmth and the pulsating color as it built upon itself until the lightning shot through her. She cried out, not caring at all what the neighbors might think.

  Ria pulled her tight against her as she felt the aftershocks, kissing the side of her face.

  “Well, that was a surprise,” she murmured, shifting to face Ria.

  Ria pretended to look at her watch. “Well,” she said with a mock smirk. “I guess it’s getting late. If we’re done, I should probably get going.”

  “We are very much not done.” She quickly flipped Ria onto her back.

  Paige slid her fingers between Ria’s thighs and felt her stomach flip at the thought that it was her that made Ria so wet there, that she wanted her that much. Ria arched her back in response. Paige kissed her, hard, and led a trail of kisses from lips to breasts to stomach, and then further. She paused, looked up at Ria.

  “Yes?”

  “Absolutely yes,” Ria replied.

  She bit the inside of Ria’s thighs, rocking her hand, and then she was there, her tongue finding its home. She could feel the pressure building, felt Ria tighten underneath her until she was shouting and it was music to her ears.

  “Fuck, Paige,” Ria growled as the pressure finally eased. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for that.”

  They lay against each other, skin on skin, under the thin cotton sheets. Light from the street lamps came in through the blinds, streaking the room in alternating stripes.

  Paige let out a deep breath.

  “Is that a good sigh?” Ria asked.

  “What do you think?”

  “I think it’s good.”

  “Why the hell,” Paige said, “did we wait so long to do that?”

  “Clearly we are idiots. We could have been doing that the whole time.”

  “And now you’re running off to France, and leaving me here all alone. I’ll have to eat French toast and French fries and watch movies with Juliette Binoche so I can imagine I’m there with you.”

  “You know…” Ria said, shifting against her. “You could come.”

  “To France?”

  “Why not? Don’t all artists want to paint in France?”

  “Of course. We all want to wear berets and climb the Eiffel Tower and carry baguettes in our purses.”

  Ria gave her a light push. “I’m serious. Why not?”

  Paige considered it for a second. She really couldn’t think of a good reason why not. They were graduating, and she hadn’t made any decisions yet about what to do next.

  “Then… okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Why not. Let’s go to France and make out along the Seine.”

  “That’s the spirit. Let’s go.”

  “I think you mean allons-y.”

  “See? That semester of French may actually come in handy.”

  “Do you really mean it?” Paige watched Ria’s expression.

  Ria smiled broadly. “Hell yes.”

  “Then I’m in.”

  Paige laid her head on Ria’s chest and breathed in the scent of her. And before she even realized it, she was asleep.

  She awoke to the sound of cars honking outside. She squinted against t
he sun pouring in through her window. It must be at least ten o’clock, she thought. Rolling over, she realized she was the only one in the bed.

  “Ria?” she called out. No reply.

  Maybe she’s in the bathroom. She yawned and stretched out in her tangled sheets. Her clothes lay haphazardly on the floor next to the bed. She smiled as the night came back to her and waited for Ria to come back to bed.

  After a few minutes she realized she didn’t hear any noises from inside the apartment. And all Ria’s clothes were gone.

  Sitting upright in bed, she had a terrible thought.

  No, she wouldn’t do that to me. But she was already starting to worry.

  She threw on a T-shirt and sweatpants and padded out into the living room. Ria’s jacket was gone.

  Maybe she just went out for coffee, but Paige looked around and there was no note. She grabbed her phone, but there were no messages waiting.

  She took a deep breath and willed herself not to panic, but she was already starting to assume the worst.

  “You idiot,” she said aloud. “What did you do?”

  Ria wouldn’t do that. Not to her. She wouldn’t use her as one of her one-night stands. Surely she was better than that.

  What had she been thinking? She should have told Ria she was drunk, put her to bed on the couch, told her they would talk once she was fully sober. But she’d wanted so badly to believe everything Ria said. It was what she’d always wanted her to say.

  “Fuck. Me.”

  She wasn’t going to cry. No. She was going to shower, and then she was going to find Ria. Maybe she was getting it all wrong. Maybe Ria had to be somewhere early, and she hadn’t wanted to wake her up. She just hadn’t thought to leave a note behind. She shouldn’t automatically assume Ria had done a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.” And now I’m going to sneak out before you wake up and think we’re in a relationship.

  An hour later she was showered and dressed and sitting at her kitchen table. Still no message from Ria. She hadn’t returned with coffee or called to say hey good morning. Paige tried to talk herself down, but she knew she needed to talk to Ria now.

  Moments later she was riding her bike quickly down the street toward the house Ria shared with three of her teammates. The door was unlocked when she got there, and Paige could hear voices inside. Impatiently, she opened the door and let herself in, like she had a thousand other times. Ria sat on the couch with her roommate, Sarah, and Sarah’s boyfriend, playing some sort of war video game. They were shooting frantically and yelling insults at each other.

  “Hey Paige!” Sarah said, noticing her in the doorway.

  “Hey,” she replied, trying to sound casual.

  Ria looked up and smiled, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

  “Ria, do you have a minute?” she asked. She didn’t want to talk about this with anyone else around.

  “Yeah, sure. Hey Dan, take over for me for a minute?” Ria handed over her controller and walked behind Paige to the kitchen.

  Once they were out of earshot, Paige turned to her.

  “Ria, what the hell?”

  Ria looked at her quizzically. “What?” Paige willed her to speak, but Ria just shrugged.

  “What do you mean, what? You know.”

  “Ohhh,” Ria said. “Yeah, I’m so sorry. I was so drunk when I came over last night. Man, I totally blacked out. I hope I didn’t ruin your night.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Paige, are you mad at me?”

  “Are you actually trying to tell me you don’t remember anything about coming over last night?”

  “I know Tori dropped me off, but everything else is kind of a blur. I think I kind of overdid it.”

  She thought she was going to cry. Ria was obviously lying. She knew her well enough to know that. But she didn’t have any idea why. Even if she really didn’t remember, she would have woken up in Paige’s bed and noticed the distinct lack of clothing. She would have put two and two together. The only conclusion was that Ria regretted it and wanted to pretend it never happened.

  Paige stood there, hoping Ria would laugh and say she was just joking. Maybe have some excuse that she could choose to believe.

  “I should probably get back to the game,” Ria said. “Dan is going to get me killed.”

  “Right. We couldn’t have that.”

  Ria paused for a moment, as though she was going to say something else.

  Please. Please, say something.

  A look passed across Ria’s face and then it was gone. She smiled and gave Paige a quick kiss on the head before she turned and walked out of the room.

  Paige managed to make it out of the house and around the corner before she broke down into tears.

  That was the last time they’d talked, before Paige had dragged her bike into the shop a few days ago. She’d refused to pretend that nothing had happened, that Ria hadn’t just ripped up their entire friendship and thrown it in the trash for a stupid one-night stand.

  She couldn’t forgive Ria for fooling her, for making her feel like it was safe to tell her all the secret things she’d kept to herself for years and then immediately turning and running away. Maybe it had been too much for her. Paige had wondered a lot of things, but she couldn’t bring herself to confront Ria again. It was enough to know that Ria was a liar, or a coward, or both. They couldn’t pretend anymore, so Paige just let it go away. She ignored Ria’s texts until they stopped. Ria probably knew why because she seemed to give up a little too easily. The school year ended and Paige went off to the MFA program at UCLA. California seemed a suitable distance away from home. She didn’t want to be there anymore, even though Ria was off in Europe surely having all kinds of new adventures. She didn’t want to go to all the places they used to hang out, or to family gatherings at the Worths.

  It wasn’t just that she was angry at what Ria had done. It was that Ria had taken her best friend away, the one person who she should have been able to talk about this with. And Paige hated how much she missed her best friend.

  Could they be friends again now? Had enough time passed that she could finally forgive her? What does forgiveness mean?

  She finished sketching the flowers around the fountain and still didn’t have any real answers. She’d missed Ria so much. She’d needed her so many times in their silent years, when her dad had his accident and she thought he wouldn’t make it, when she’d decided to drop out of the MFA program to come home and take care of him for a while, when he’d fallen in love with one of his nurses and married her. Ria should have been there for all of that. And maybe it was Paige’s own pride that kept her from making a call. Her silence had sent the message, loud and clear.

  Deep inside, she knew that if Ria had just explained, just apologized, that she could have moved past it. It was too late to ask for that now, too much time had passed. So she had to decide if they could really be friends again, without that. She’d felt the lack of her so many times. And they could be friends—as long as they didn’t cross that line again. With Elena here they wouldn’t be tempted. Paige did not do complicated when it came to relationships.

  Maybe she’d give it a little while, let their friendship have a little room to breathe, and then see how it went. She didn’t have to force everything back into place right away.

  As if on cue, her phone buzzed next to her. Text message. Ria. Of course.

  Chapter Eight

  She thought about not reading the text. She even managed to hold off for an impressive five minutes, adding some more shading to her drawing of the fountain. Then she couldn’t help herself and unlocked the screen to read it.

  Sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk much today but so glad you came! I didn’t know Elena was coming so I was surprised. You should meet her! I think you would like each other. Want to go out for drinks with us tomorrow?

  That was the last thing she wanted. She wasn’t sure why the thought bugged her so much. She’d never heard anything bad about Elena. I
f Ria was happy, she should be happy. It was just that she was excited at the chance to have her friendship back. It would be fine. Eventually.

  But she still didn’t want to do drinks tomorrow. Luckily, she had a good excuse.

  I’m supposed to go up to Chicago tomorrow to meet with someone about the mural project. I’m so sorry! Otherwise I would love to go. It was half true.

  The dots appeared on her phone immediately.

  Oh how perfect! Elena hasn’t seen Chicago before and I haven’t had the chance to explore the city much in years. How would you feel about us driving up with you tomorrow? It’s such a long, boring drive by yourself. I promise not to sing “Bohemian Rhapsody.” At least, not more than a couple times at full volume. What do you say?

  “Damn it,” Paige said to herself. There was no easy way out of this, not that she could see.

  She quickly pulled up a text string from Brandon and started typing.

  What are you doing tomorrow? Want to take a road trip up to Chicago with me, Ria, and her Spanish, maybe ex-girlfriend?

  The reply was immediate. Hell yeah. Me and three women who I have absolutely zero chance with? Of course I’m in.

  At least she would have him as a buffer, if nothing else. And once they got to the city, she could go off to her meeting and let Brandon handle the rest. It would be fine. Totally fine.

  Chapter Nine

  Three and a half hours. That’s how long it would take to drive from Indianapolis to Chicago, depending on traffic, speed and bathroom stops. She hoped she could make it that long without throwing herself out the window from awkwardness.

  Ria had offered up her family’s car for the trip. Paige would have protested, but she honestly wasn’t sure if her own car would make it up and back all in one piece. She might be doing okay these days as an artist, but between making student loan payments and trying to save some money, she still had little extra to spend.

  The Audi A4 was technically Mila and Henry’s. Ria’s own car was back at her house in Seattle, a place Paige could barely even imagine. What did Ria’s life look like there? How had she decorated the house? Why even have a house when she traveled so much? And would she keep it now that she was interviewing for coaching gigs in other states? She might have asked those questions, but Elena’s presence held her back.