by Jay, Libby
Fraser pulled away and smiled. “Thanks girls,” he said, taking my hand and walking me from the ladies room, just as security walked in.
“You can’t be in here,” the man said.
“We’re leaving,” Fraser said.
“Miss,” the security guard held onto my arm. “Are you okay?”
I looked up at him and smiled. “Yes, I just need to go home.”
He looked back between Fraser and I before letting go of my arm. “Very well.”
Fraser phoned Mitchell to tell him we’d be ready to be picked up at the front doors in ten minutes.
“What does Mitchell do while he’s waiting for you?” I asked.
“He reads, he loves to read murder mysteries.”
“Oh.” He didn’t strike me as the reading type. I’d half expected Fraser to tell me he does push ups for hours on end.
When we got to the front of the building, a swarm of people waited at the doors, cameras at the ready.
“Great,” Fraser sighed, pulling out his phone again. “Where are you?” he said. “We’re approaching now…no just be ready for a quick getaway.”
Fraser put his arm around me, pulling me in close to him. “Keep your head down,” he said before the doors opened and a barrage of flashing lights hit us.
I trusted Fraser to lead me to the car, my hair down around my face; all I could see were feet. I heard people calling my name but Fraser kept a tight hold on me, encouraging me to keep my eyes down.
I saw the car come into view and Fraser opened the door, ushering me into the back of the car. As soon as Fraser closed the door behind him, Mitchell drove off.
“Sorry Fraser, security wouldn’t help out,” Mitchell said as he looked at Fraser in the rear view mirror.
“It’s okay,” Fraser said, running his hands through his hair. “Are you okay?” he asked me.
“I’m fine.” I moved across the seat and sat next to him, resting my head on his shoulder as we drove back to his apartment.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror in my underwear. I wasn’t fat. I wasn’t even beefy. I had a perfectly toned body most women would die for. I knew that. But I needed to make sure I wasn’t delusional. Taking a deep breath in, I stepped out of Fraser’s bathroom and stood before him.
He lay on his bed, watching a late night movie. His eyes moved to me and they widened, his mouth fell open and he froze, remote in hand, staring at me. A strangled sound came from his mouth and he lowered his gaze to my legs and then back up to my face, stopping at my chest for a moment.
I smiled. That was all the confirmation I needed. I turned around and went back into the bathroom, showering quickly and returning minutes later wearing my pyjama shorts and singlet. I hopped onto the bed next to him.
“What was that all about?” he asked.
“Me, just needing to be sure.”
“Sure of what?”
“That I’m not beefy.” I moved closer to him, crossing my legs in front of him.
Fraser smiled. “You’re not beefy, you’re my Piglet.”
He moved up onto his knees, crawled the short distance to me and kissed me. I grabbed onto his t-shirt and pulled him down onto me as I lowered myself down onto the bed. His lips didn’t leave mine for the next hour, unless he was kissing my neck or chest or shoulders. Our hands moved over each other’s bodies, but we remained clothed. Fraser didn’t attempt to take it any further than that.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms, a deep contented sleep. Well, it was for me, anyway.
Chapter Ten
I woke up alone on Sunday morning. When I rolled over and saw the time on the bedside clock, I gasped. It was after ten. I never slept that late. But then I had had a jam packed day the day before so I was entitled to a bit of a sleep in.
After a quick visit to the bathroom I wondered out to Fraser’s living area.
“Good morning,” I said when I saw him sitting at the kitchen bench. He was drinking coffee and reading the paper. He was still wearing his boxers and t-shirt.
“Good morning,” he said, patting the empty place next to him, beckoning me to sit with him.
“Sorry I slept so late,” I said as I sat on the cool stool.
“I only got up fifteen minutes ago.” He leant across and kissed me. “Mum and Dad want to have lunch with us today.” He rolled his eyes, “And then I’d like to get a massage.”
“Oh a massage would be heavenly.”
“Then I thought a quiet night in, take out, movie in bed.” He narrowed his eyes at me.
I smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. “See, there’s nothing inappropriate about kissing while eating.”
“Yeah except my thoughts have moved passed kissing you.” He laughed before kissing me again.
“Well,” I said quietly, “I…” I cleared my throat as I felt heat rising to my cheeks. Fraser continued to laugh as I tried to clear my head of images of moving past kissing.
“Feeling a bit flushed are you Piglet?”
“No…I…” I stood up from my seat, needing to be away from Fraser. “I’m going for a run.”
“Good I’ll run with you.”
I turned and looked at him. “Do you have to?”
“Yes, I want to run with you.”
I sighed. “Fine, but you have to wear a shirt.”
“Why, I never…”
“Just,” I interrupted him. “Wear a shirt, okay?” I said taking a deep breath.
Fraser threw his head back and laughed. “Fine, I’ll wear a shirt.”
*****
I clipped my hair back off my face and took a deep breath. I was nervous to have lunch with Fraser’s parents after what had happened the day before. I hadn’t told Fraser that I’d overheard part of their conversation. I pulled on a red skirt and white shirt and made my way out to the lounge room. Fraser was on the phone.
“No, listen, it’ll have to wait until tomorrow, I’m busy today…it’s Sunday, I’m having a day off, okay?” He hung up. Business Fraser, I took a deep breath.
He turned around and smiled when he saw me. “That was quick,” he said, referring to my short shower time.
“Yeah,” I said shrugging my shoulder. “Natural beauty, you know.”
“I don’t actually, it takes me hours of make up and hair stylists to look like this.”
“It’s not worth it,” I said biting my lip. He narrowed his eyes at me again, instantly causing my cheeks to heat.
He smiled. “Are you ready to go?”
“I am. But I need to ask you something before we go? Is your dad angry at me?”
Fraser’s eyes widened. “Are you serious? My dad loves you.”
“But he was angry yesterday.”
“Yeah, at me. Not you. He’s not angry at you.”
I had to tell him. “I overheard your dad and you talking yesterday. Not all of it, just the bit where your dad said that women say and do anything for money and…”
Fraser held up his hand. “Em, he wasn’t angry at you. He was angry at me.”
“But he thinks I’m only after your money.”
“I know, he doesn’t realise you want my body too,” Fraser smirked.
I sighed. “Fraser I’m being serious.”
“Don’t be serious. Dad’s not angry at you, he won’t even be angry at me anymore.” Fraser came to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “My parents adore you.” Fraser kissed me. “Trust me?”
“I do trust you.”
“Good, then let’s go enjoy our lunch.”
Fraser was right, Mr. Lewis wasn’t angry at me. After greeting me with a hug and kiss he leant into my ear and apologised if he made me uncomfortable. “I’m happy to see you and Fraser getting along so well. Although it would’ve been nice to hear it from Fraser, not our publicist.”
“Sorry, but it kind of just happened.”
“Yes well these things do just happen, don’t they?”
I frowned unsure of what his comment meant but then smile
d.
Lunch was pleasant and relaxing as we sat in the sun of the small cafe’s courtyard. Fraser and Mr. Lewis started talking business.
From in my handbag I heard my phone beep so I excused myself and headed toward the bathroom. The text message was from Kat with a photo attachment. The photo had been taken from the newspaper and was another picture of Fraser and I kissing at the harbour. Her text read:
We’re just friends, he’s a good friend, I like him as a friend. LIAR!! Just remember your promise to me. I’m first bridesmaid at the wedding.
I thought about quickly calling her but knew I’d be caught up on the phone forever so I quickly texted her that I’d call her tomorrow, once Fraser was at work so we could talk.
Mrs. Lewis came into the bathroom. ”Is everything okay, Emily? You look a bit pale this morning.”
“I’m fine, just a bit tired. Fraser took me out all day yesterday.” I took a deep breath in. I needed to tell her. They needed to know my feelings for Fraser were real. “Mrs. Lewis. I love Fraser.”
She smiled at me sympathetically. “Of course you do.”
“I mean, he’s so nice and funny and he’s been such a great friend to me. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but I did.”
She shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with falling in love. But he doesn’t love you, does he?”
I looked down. “No he doesn’t. He told me he doesn’t.”
“Emily, my boys are tough nuts to crack when it comes to their emotions. I blame myself for that. I never encouraged them to talk about their feelings. I doubt they even know what they’re feeling half the time, unless it’s the feeling of losing or making money, of course.” I smiled and looked up at her. ”Don’t be surprised if he never falls in love with you. You have to take what you can get. He likes you, Emily. He cares about you. That might be all the reassurance you get.”
I nodded my head. “Love was never part of the deal. I know that. And I’m happy just being with him. I hope that I can make him as happy as he makes me.”
Mrs. Lewis kissed each of my cheeks. “You’re a sweet girl Emily. And I do think you make Fraser happy. But you need to remember, Fraser is first and foremost a business man. Everything else comes second place to that.” She patted my shoulder before heading out of the bathroom, leaving me feeling hopeful but at the same time completely without hope.
*****
While Fraser showered before bed I sent a quick text to Kat. I missed her and wanted to see her.
Can we catch up tomorrow? Lunch?
I’m free all day. Let’s do brunch and manicures and pedicures. I’ll
come by your apartment at 10ish.
Sounds awesome. XO
I rested my head against Fraser’s shoulder as we settled in to watch a movie. It was some awful science fiction/horror and I wondered why on earth anyone involved in this production thought it was a good idea. But then there we were watching it, supporting it.
I became vaguely aware of Fraser’s hands at my hip and his fingers gently moved against the bare skin between my singlet and shorts. The touch made my body tingle but in the instant he moved to kiss me I burst into tears.
Mrs. Fraser’s words had echoed through my head all day. He may never love me. If he would never love me, I’d end up heartbroken and it was too much sorrow to bear.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Fraser asked as he moved away, keeping his arm around me.
I shook my head.
“Is the movie really that bad?”
I sobbed a laugh and shook my head again.
“Tell me what’s wrong?”
I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want him to feel guilt over his own feelings, or lack thereof. He had been honest with me. I knew how he felt and I’d given the go ahead to further our relationship. I’d have to deal with the feelings I experienced. It wasn’t his burden.
I tried to smile up at him. “I think I’m just really tired,” I said, wiping my eyes.
Fraser reached for the remote and turned the movie off. The room shrouded in darkness, he took me in his arms and lay me down, holding me close to him.
“Are you sure you’re only tired?” he whispered. “Be honest.”
That damn word, I should’ve really thought Fraser’s presents through a bit more.
“It’s been a big weekend, that’s all. I’m tired.” That wasn’t a complete lie. It had been a big weekend, physically and emotionally. And I was tired. Physically and emotionally tired.
Fraser tightened his hold on me, kissing the top of my head. “But you had a good time, didn’t you?”
“It was amazing, thank you so much.” I pressed my lips to his chest. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to top this one. Everyone weekend will seem dull in comparison. You should’ve paced yourself.”
“I’ll top it,” he said shifting so I could get closer to him. His fingers found my skin between my singlet and shorts again. My body tingled anew. “Go to sleep,” he whispered. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”
I sighed and relaxed into him. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
A strange feeling came over me as I drifted to sleep in the arms of the man I loved. The arms of the man who may never love me back. I felt regret, not for myself but for Fraser. It was easy for me, I got to be with the man I loved. But Fraser didn’t love me. He was forced to spend the next fifteen years with someone he may never love. That would be hard. And in the end he may even resent me. So I’d have to do whatever I could to make sure he didn’t resent me. I vowed to myself to do whatever I could do to make him happy.
I’d give him my happiness.
*****
One day with Kat and I was back to my usual self, no stresses, no worries. Carefree Emily.
We sat at a busy cafe eating our afternoon tea of cake. Our nails shaped and painted, we both took care not to scratch our nail art.
“So, Christmas this year? Kat asked.
“I’m doing Christmas with the Lewis’.”
Kat screwed up her face. The Lewis’ didn’t do a traditional Christmas. They volunteered at a homeless shelter for the day and any gifts to them were to be made in a monetary donation to the shelter.
“Can you imagine how rich they’d be if they didn’t give away their money all the time,” Kat said. “They should take a page out of my family’s book.”
I laughed. “They can afford to be generous.”
“Hey so can I, but you don’t see me being generous.”
“You’re generous,” I said.
“Only when I want to be and to whom I choose. That is why I’m paying for your cake.”
I laughed. “I’m so indebted to you.”
“So are you accompanying Fraser to the Gala this year?”
I frowned as I put a piece of cake into my mouth. I hadn’t thought about that. Every New Years Eve Mrs. Lewis held a big fund raising gala for one of her charities, it supported medical research into miscarriages and still births. I knew Fraser would be going; he went every year.
I shook my head. “He hasn’t asked me,” I said.
“He’s probably been busy. And you guys have only just got together so he’ll probably ask.”
“Hmm. What are you doing for New Years?” I asked.
“Going to the Lewis’ gala. My family get invited every year. Costs a fortune but it’s worth it. Mrs. Lewis really knows how to throw a party.”
*****
It was five days before Christmas. I was in Melbourne with Mum and Fraser was in New York on business; he’d flown there straight from Sydney. He had wanted me to go with him, but I’d still not organised a passport for myself, so while Mum and Aunty Bree did some Christmas shopping, John and I got my photo taken for my passport application.
John figured while I was at it, he may as well apply for a passport too, although he had no plans to travel.
“So when will Mr. Money Bags be back?” John asked me.
John and Fraser had a love hate
relationship and I knew it was all
John’s doing. He hated that Fraser was “controlling” my life and my decisions. He hated that I wasn’t going to uni with him, although I almost convinced him to take a year off with me. But he said there was no point; I’d be off with Fraser all the time anyway. He was jealous that Fraser took so much of my time.
“Fraser will be back in two days,” I answered.
“So I have two days to get sick of you before you’ll be off again.”
“No, you have one and a half days. Mum wants to have girl time with me tomorrow.”
John shook his head.
“I hardly see my mum anymore,” I defended.
“You hardly see me either.”
“Oh John, I see you enough.” I nudged him with my elbow.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head. “I don’t see you enough.”
From: Fraser Lewis
To: Emily Watkins
Sent: Wednesday 19th December, 2018 23:35
RE: Should I be worried?
Att: photo.jpg
Jeez, I leave you for two days and you run off with another man!!
I opened the attached files. The three photos were of John and I, walking through the mall, John with his arm around me, and kissing my head. The headline read, ‘Emily’s New Lover’ and made suggestions that while Fraser was away, I was home alone and turning to another man for comfort.
From: Emily Watkins
To: Fraser Lewis
Sent: Thursday 20th December, 2018 16:25
RE: Yuck!!
First of all, ewww.
Secondly, EWWW!!
Thirdly, I’m from Victoria not Tasmania therefore I do not participate in inbreeding of any description. And I always thought the photographers were after you, it would seem they find me just as interesting. If you can call getting your passport photo taken with your cousin interesting.
Emily
XX
P.S I thought you didn’t want me looking at gossip?
He never replied, what with the time difference, he’d be asleep.
Christmas Eve, Mum asked me to have dinner with her, since I wouldn’t be spending Christmas Day with her. I had asked her to volunteer at the shelter with me but she chose to spend the day with John and Aunty Bree, who also declined my invitation.