I Do, Maybe: A Novella

by Jay, Libby

  Oliver and Claire arrived looking spectacular and not long after, Ryan, Susan, Chris and Charlotte. Charlotte looked pale and went to sit immediately at her seat.

  “Is Charlotte okay?” I asked as Chris kissed my cheek.

  “She’s not feeling well,” he answered, shaking hands with his brother. “Have you seen Mum?”

  “No,” Fraser answered, taking a mouthful of his drink.

  “The opening speaker has come down with laryngitis. She’s in a bit of a spot.”

  Fraser shrugged. “I’d help out but I’ve had no experience with the subject matter.”

  “What’s the subject matter?” I asked.

  “Mum usually finds someone to tell their experience of losing a baby, how they overcame it…” He shrugged. “That sort of thing.”

  David came to my mind. This could be my chance to talk about him. I looked around the room. Could I really stand up in front of this room of strangers and tell them…

  “There’s Mum,” Chris said, looking toward the main door.

  I turned my eyes to where Chris and Fraser were looking. Mrs. Lewis looked every bit as elegant as you would expect, but she was frowning, obviously flustered.

  She looked over to us. ”I have no opening speaker,” she said as she approached her sons. “What am I going to do?”

  “You talk Mum, you’ve had experience…” Chris started.

  “No, no I can’t be opening speaker at my own event. Oh, what am I going to do?”

  “Mrs. Lewis,” I said quietly. “How long does the opening speech have to be?”

  “I’d take a thirty second speech at this stage Emily.”

  “I…I can talk. I mean,” I looked up nervously at Fraser. “I haven’t had my own, obviously, but I know someone who has. I could relate their experience.”

  “Would you?” Mrs. Lewis grabbed my arm and started to walk me away from our small group. “Could you do that?”

  “Yes, it’ll be a bit longer than thirty seconds, but, yes I can do it.”

  “Oh Emily, you’re a life saver.”

  “Mum,” Chris called out, walking to us. Fraser followed him. “How will she be introduced? As Fraser’s girlfriend? Sounds a bit…” He screwed up his mouth.

  Mrs. Lewis looked around the room. She pulled a ring from her hand and slid it onto my left ring finger. “We’ll introduce you as Fraser’s fiancé. You two are doing everything back to front anyway. Congratulations.”

  Fraser laughed. “Dad is going to love this.”

  “Go give him the heads up,” Mrs. Lewis said as she pulled me toward the back of the room. “Tell me about this friend of yours,” she said eagerly.

  So I did.

  The MC introduced me and I slowly made my way to the stage. I took a deep breath and looked down to where the Lewis’ sat. Or more precisely, Fraser. If I kept my eyes fixed on him, I could get through this. I smiled and began to speak.

  “Approximately nineteen years ago, a young woman found out she was pregnant. She was ecstatic. She and her husband had been trying for years to get pregnant and finally they had succeeded. When people asked her whether she preferred a boy or a girl, she said it didn’t matter. She used to say, ‘It could have two heads and I’ll still love it.’

  “At her twenty week scan, she was told news that both terrified and excited her at the same time. The ultrasound technician was picking up two heartbeats. Two strong healthy heartbeats. She was expecting twins. So the work began, buying two of everything. While they knew one of the babies would be a boy, they didn’t know the sex of the second smaller baby.

  “Six weeks before her due date, this tired mother-to-be went into labour. Her husband grabbed her hospital bag and they made the trip to the hospital.

  “Five hours later, she delivered a baby boy, who they had decided to name David. David didn’t cry when he was born. He was a silent baby. His time of death was called five minutes after his delivery.

  “This mother refused to hold her angel baby. The father briefly held him but quickly handed the baby back to the nurse when his wife started having contractions again.

  “Six minutes later, the second baby was born. A little girl who they named Emily.”

  My eyes had been on Fraser the entire time. He had looked up at me occasionally, but when he heard me say my own name, he looked up at me quickly, his eyes wide. His eyes didn’t leave mine.

  “I never knew my older twin brother. Until tonight, I’ve never spoken of him. We, we’ve never spoken about him. I celebrate my birthday alone every year, but every year, for the last nine years, I make the same silent wish. Every year, I wish my brother was here with me.

  “Let’s not forget our angel babies. They may not have ever been in our arms, but they should remain eternally in our hearts.”

  I looked around the room. Some people were smiling, some looked down at the empty space in front of them. The majority were wiping tears from their eyes.

  I smiled finally and walked from the stage. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.

  “Emily,” I heard Fraser say at the same time his arms wrapped around me. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t I know that?”

  “You mean Dad didn’t put that in my portfolio?” I smiled to ease Fraser’s worry. “No one knows. Mum and Dad never talk about him. It’s like he never existed. They don’t even have a photo of him.”

  Fraser pulled away and looked down at me. “How did you find out about him?”

  “It was just before my tenth birthday. I saw my birth certificate. David is listed on it as a deceased sibling. I asked Mum what it meant. That’s when Mum told me.”

  “So does this mean that twins run in your family?”

  “Yep, my grandmother was a twin, my mum was a twin, I was a twin.”

  “Could we have twins?”

  “It’s very likely.”

  “Twins,” Fraser laughed as he took me in his arms again. “What a nightmare.”

  Fraser was first to kiss me at midnight, followed by all three of his brothers and Mr. Lewis. Kats father found me and planted a solid kiss right on the lips followed by her two brothers. I was all kissed out by the time I found my way back to Fraser. With hugs and a plethora of Happy New Years, Fraser took me to the dance floor and with Kat at our side we danced until the early hours of the morning.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I woke up New Years Day feeling Fraser’s fingers lightly stroking my arm, my bruised arm, which was stretched across his chest. When my eyes opened and met his he smiled a small smile.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you Piglet.”

  “I know.” I moved in closer to him and rested my head on his chest. “Please don’t apologise anymore, you’re more than forgiven.” I kissed his chest.

  “I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I want you to call your mum today. You need to talk to her.”

  “I know,” I said quietly.

  “It’s a New Year, time for new starts.”

  I nodded against his chest. “Okay.”

  “And then, considering we’re engaged, we should probably get you your own engagement ring.”

  My head shot up to look at him. “Really, you’re asking me to marry you?”

  “Yeah, I know it’s not very romantic, Mum kinda ruined it, but I want to marry you.”

  “You do?” I smiled up at him.

  “I do.” He kissed me. I kissed him back. I smiled down at him like an idiot, giddy with the love I felt for him. Then it hit me. He still hadn’t said he loved me. My smile slowly vanished, I felt my eyebrows burrow and I bit my bottom lip.

  “What’s wrong,” Fraser asked.

  “Nothing,” I said, moving away from him. “I should get up, get ready to go.”

  “Piglet, tell me what’s wrong.”

  “No.” I walked around the bed, completely unashamed that I was naked and went into the bathroom. I thought about locking the door, but we never locked the bathroom door.

  I was shampooing my hair when Fra
ser walked in wearing a pair of boxers. He didn’t join me in the shower as he usually did; he leant against the vanity and watched me.

  I rinsed my hair clean and rubbed conditioner through the ends. I lathered up my shower sponge with gel and rubbed my entire body over.

  It was when I was rinsing that I finally burst open.

  “You know what? I wouldn’t love me either. I mean, what’s to love? I’m short and I’m emotional and I have these strong shoulders and I have this ridiculous hair that I can do absolutely nothing with except wear it long and I’m dull and uninteresting. I don’t fuss around with make-up and I’m just a plain and boring girl who you feel obliged to marry. So I don’t blame you for not loving me. In fact, I never want you to love me. Don’t fall in love with me Fraser. I never want to hear you say you love me.” I turned the water off. “Not for as long as we know each other.” I stepped out of the shower and took a towel from the cupboard. “I couldn’t bear to hear you say it, it’d make me feel sick.” I wrapped the towel around me before I took a second to wrap my hair. I picked up my toothbrush and smothered it in toothpaste and vigorously brushed my teeth.

  Fraser smiled at me. “You forgot the bit about having small feet and hands. You have tiny hands.”

  I grunted and nodded my head.

  “And then there’s that sarcastic sense of humour. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”

  I nodded again.

  “And you forgot to mention how much of a tight arse you are, you hate spending my money.”

  I nodded again before I spat into the sink. I rinsed and wiped my mouth with my towel.

  “And how you always make time for everyone and you never just let me have you all to myself.” He walked toward me and stood behind me. He looked at me in the mirrors reflection. “And how courteous and considerate you are.” He kissed my wet shoulder. “And how beautiful you are.” He kissed my neck as he wrapped his arms around my middle.

  “And how ridiculous you look with a towel on your head.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh because it was true. I did look ridiculous with a towel on my head; I was too petite to be able to pull it off the way Hollywood actresses did.

  “All those things Em, they’re the things I love about you the most.”

  “But you still don’t love me.” My tone was matter of fact through my lingering smile.

  “I love being with you. Please, just give me more time.”

  I nodded my head. “Tempus,” I whispered.

  He smiled at me and kissed my shoulder again before pulling the towel from my body.

  “Fraser,” I whined.

  “You’re so beautiful.” He kissed across the back of my neck to my other shoulder. “Let’s not start the new year angry. Let me make love to you…” He kissed back across to my other shoulder. “With the towel on your head.”

  “Fraser!” I turned around and slapped his chest.

  “Come on, it’s such a turn on,” he laughed.

  “Shut up.” I tried to walk away from him but he pulled me in close to him.

  “Fraser I’m all wet.”

  “Good, it’ll be easier to move over your amazing body.” He held me as he kissed me, slowly walking me back to the bed.

  “I’m not ready to say the words yet Emily, but I can tell you in other ways.” He lowered me onto the bed. “Please let me make love to you.”

  I looked up into his eyes. “Always.”

  *****

  I sat on the lounge in Fraser’s house living room and looked out at the water. I listened as Mums home phone rang down the phone.

  “Hello,” she finally answered.

  “Mum, it’s me.”

  “Emily.” Her voice was cool. “I thought you might ring today.”

  “I wanted to apologise, Mum. Can I come see you?”

  “Terry is here.”

  The sound of his name made my stomach turn. “Do you want to meet somewhere for coffee?”

  “Are you going to be wearing your engagement ring?”

  “What? No. Why did you say that?”

  “You and Fraser are engaged aren’t you?”

  “Not officially, I…” I stood up and went to Fraser’s office. He was sitting at his desk. When I walked in he looked up at me. “Mum, is there something you want to say?” I sat down on Fraser’s lap and opened a new tab on the Internet. I searched ‘Fraser Lewis Engagement’.

  “Can you imagine what it feels like to have Bree’s sister ring me to congratulate me on my daughter’s engagement?”

  The search result showed a few entertainment sites announcing our engagement.

  “Mum, it’s a misunderstanding. We’re not actually engaged. Mrs. Lewis only said that because I gave a little speech and she…”

  “Oh yes. Your speech. Talking about your dead brother, making me out to be a horrible mother who refused to acknowledge her son…”

  “Mum, no…”

  “You said I wouldn’t hold him. You said I wouldn’t talk about him.”

  I raised my voice. “You didn’t talk about him, Mum. We never talked about him. What I said was true. And I never said it to accuse you, I said it because I needed to talk about it.”

  “You should’ve come to me,” she raised her voice in return. “You should’ve talked to me.”

  “When Mum? When I was sent away, or when you were too busy lying to me to about Dad or when you were sleeping with Terry?”

  I heard a banging through the phone before the line went dead.

  I screamed and threw my phone across the room. Then I buried my head into Fraser’s shoulder and cried. “Why is this stuff in the news? It only happened last night. Who would’ve gone to the media with this stuff?”

  “We think it’s Charlotte. We’re not sure though.”

  I pulled away and looked at Fraser. “That’s what the reporter said.”

  “Which reporter?”

  “The reporter from the other day. In the park. He said he’d been speaking to a friend of Charlotte’s.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

  “I don’t know,” I said quietly.

  Fraser reached forward for his phone. “I gotta talk to Chris, can I have a minute?”

  “Okay.” I slid off his lap and made my way to the kitchen.

  I was stacking the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when Fraser came into the kitchen. “I gotta go to Mum and Dad’s. I’ll drop you at your mum’s house on the way.”

  “I’m not going to Mums.”

  “Yes you are.”

  “No I’m not. She hung up on me Fraser. She doesn’t want to see me.”

  “Yes she does.”

  “No she doesn’t.”

  “Em, what do I do every time you’re giving me the silent treatment?”

  “You stalk me like a psychopath until I talk to you.”

  “Yeah, because I don’t want to lose you. And I know you don’t want to lose me either.” He came toward me. “You can’t lose your mum, Piglet. You need each other.” He kissed me quickly. “So I’ll drop you at her house and you can stalk her until she talks to you.”

  Terry opened the front door, which made my blood boil.

  “Hello Terry,” I said. “Happy new year.” I tried not to roll my eyes.

  “Happy new year Emily. Your mum’s pretty upset.”

  “Yeah, so am I.” I stood at the door waiting for him to invite me in. Eventually he stepped back and let me past.

  Mum was in the kitchen drinking coffee. She looked up when I entered but she didn’t say anything. Neither did I. I went about making myself a coffee and sat down opposite her at the table.

  After a few minutes mum spoke. “You’re not wearing your ring.”

  “We’re not engaged,” I answered.

  “There were pictures of you wearing an engagement ring.”

  “It was Mrs. Lewis’.” I went on to explain the full story. “Do you really think I’d get engaged and not tell you? You’re the only person who�
��d share my happiness.” Tears came to my eyes. “And I’m sorry I spoke about David. I am. I didn’t mean for it to be malicious. I was just clearing my head and chest. You never spoke of him.”

  “I know,” Mum whispered. “It was too painful.” Tears fell from her eyes.

  “Oh Mum.” I went to her side and held her. “I’m so sorry.”

  We talked for a long time. Mum told me about how it felt to lose David. How she regretted never holding him or taking a picture of him. Then how it all seemed to happen again when I was moved to Sydney. She cried for days and days, she told me. But Dad kept telling her it was for the best.

  “I never wanted you to go. I didn’t want to keep his illness from you. But he didn’t want to upset you.” She managed a smile. “I loved him, I still do, but I’ll never forgive him for sending you away from me when he did.”

  “I’m back now Mum. We can see each other every day. I can even stay here a few nights a week, if you want me to.”

  “I’d really love that.”

  “And I’m sorry for what I said about you and Terry. It’s none of my business.”

  “It is your business. And I’d like for you to get to know Terry, he’s a lovely man.”

  I screwed up my face.

  “Emily, I’m not going to marry him. I never will. He knows that. And I don’t expect you to like him. But I’d like for you to be nice to him, for my sake.”

  I nodded my head.

  “Now tell me all about how things with you and Fraser are going?”

  A legitimate smile came to my face. “Things with Fraser and I are really good.”

  *****

  The jewellery store closed at 5 P.M. and Fraser and I were to be there at 5:30 for our private shopping session. It never ceased to amaze me that you could make an appointment to shop in a store alone.

  We were offered wine and then taken to a glass cabinet which displayed engagement rings. They were stunning, all of them.

  “Take your pick, Piglet,” Fraser whispered into my ear.

  I looked down at the rings ranging in size and price. Simple and elegant, extravagant and beautiful, diamonds and sapphires.