Wizard in a Witchy World

by Jamie McFarlane

  "I will, Mrs. Willoughby, and thank you," I said and excused myself.

  Forty minutes into hanging the plastic sheeting, a workman's pickup truck drove in and a middle-aged man hopped out. He had bright red hair and a good start on a potbelly.

  "Felix Slade?" he asked when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

  "I am," I said walking down to him.

  "My wife, Kelli, asked me to take a look at your door. Said you'd had trouble with the storm."

  "Right. Sure did. I wasn't expecting you so soon," I said.

  "Things are slow today and she wanted me to come over right away," he said. "That it?" He nodded up the stairs.

  "Sure is." I wanted to look around to see if there was another empty doorway, but I thought that might be rude.

  "I’m assuming you want it done right? By that, I mean you want to match the style of the rest of the house?” he asked as he followed me back up the stairs.

  "Aren’t all doors pretty much the same?"

  "Nah, these old houses have a style all to themselves. I might be able to fix the old door, though," he said.

  "I don't think so. It was pretty damaged." I held the plastic sheeting aside so he could get in.

  It only took one glance on his part. "What in the world? Did you take a lightning strike or something?"

  "Something like that," I said.

  "Crazy storm. I'll just need to take some measurements. Looks like I'll be able to fix the jamb alright, though. It’ll be an easy repair," he said.

  "When do you think you can get a new door?"

  "There are a few places close by that collect and sell old doors. I’ll head over there right now. If I get lucky, I'll find one and be back in an hour. So … you know Kelli from the store, then?"

  It's not like I'm much of a mind reader, but I do get feelings from people. Some are more closed off than others. Andy, not so much. He was insecure and wanted to make sure I wasn't a threat to his marriage.

  "Bookstore. We share the same interests." I gestured to my stacks of books. It was an easy guess that a witch would have piles of books. "Not sure how it came up, but I mentioned the storm damage and she thought of you. She never mentioned her store, though. Where'd you say she works?" I applied a small amount of mental pressure, not wanting him to become distracted.

  "Twisted Tallow. She's the day manager," Andy said. "It's one of those … you know … specialty stores."

  I smiled. I did know what he was talking about, but I'd had a hard day and couldn't let the opportunity pass. I whispered back, "Sex toys?"

  "Nooo," Andy answered, scandalized. "Witchcraft, Voodoo, that sort of thing."

  "Ohhh," I said, feigning sudden understanding. "That must be interesting."

  "Bunch of hocus pocus if you ask me," he said. "Anyway, I've got what I need. I’ll find a door, even if I have to cut one down a bit."

  "Sounds good, Andy. Feel free to finish it up even if I'm not here." I watched his retreat down the stairs.

  Back in the apartment, I pulled a beer from the refrigerator. It fizzed up and I had to hold it over the sink. After wiping it down, I sat on the couch, fully intending to close my eyes. The sound of the forgotten envelope folding in my pocket reminded me of its presence and I pulled it out.

  Dear Mr. Slade,

  Please let this letter serve as notification to you that you are hereby required to register with the Greater Leotown Witches' Council within sixty days of your arrival in Leotown, or by the end of the second lunar cycle, whichever comes later. You may complete your registration by dropping by our offices at 1100 Jackson Street between the hours of 12:00pm and 4:00pm weekdays.

  Sincerely,

  Magister Liise Straightrod, Esq.

  As soon as my eyes finished reading her name, the paper turned to ash in my hands. It was a good thing I had a strong memory.

  Well crap. I'd been in Leotown for forty-five days. We were two days from a full moon, which gave me roughly two weeks to the end of my second lunar cycle. I shook my head. I wasn't ready to deal with a Witches' Council and really didn't have the first clue as to what sort of power they might have in the region.

  My initial instinct was to pack my stuff into the back of my truck and move on. In less than two days, I'd been attacked by a lycan and a coven of witches, been at the scene of a murder and held by the police, had my apartment inspected and my door blown in and now a Witches' Council wanted to know all about me. It wasn't a great start to my new life. I just knew I was going to look back to this moment and kick myself for passing up the smart choice. The thing was, I'd seen the future and Red needed my help.

  ***

  I pulled to a stop in the parking lot of the recreation area that ran for several miles along the river. To the west was Leotown and to the east was miles of undeveloped forest that eventually gave way to a farmer's fields.

  Perhaps the most valuable skill Judy Babcock taught me was how to harvest spell components. The simple enchantment, lutum ubertatis, caused significant plants and wildlife to become illuminated in the moon's wan light. As a rule, Judy and crew avoided the actual full moon, not because it was a bad time to harvest, but because of the off-chance of an encounter with lycan. They also preferred to gather in the nude, but I'd found I could successfully skip that part.

  Clipping the truck keys into the pocket of my favorite leather backpack, I swung it over my shoulder while loping through the thick grass. The only reagent I needed for the harvesting spell was good old-fashion mud, the stickier the better. I'd found the best results occurred when I gathered it from a moving natural water source.

  At the tree-line next to the parking lot, I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dark. It was a new forest for me and I listened with interest, immersing myself in its particular chorus. The cicadas had quieted down, but the frogs were in full voice. I even heard a few hoots from a friendly owl. I stood motionless for longer than was necessary, caught up in the enjoyment of being wrapped in nature's embrace. I hated to break the rhythm by moving.

  Finally, I set out. I had a basic idea where the river was and carefully made my way toward it. There was probably a path from the parking lot that would lead to the river's edge, but I preferred to engage nature on her terms and allowed the forest to guide me. So sue me, I'm a tree hugger.

  The sound of the river was unmistakable as I joined with a small game trail. Stealth wasn’t my strong suit and I knew I'd already scared off all of the animals which would ordinarily use the trail. The moon's reflection on the river's surface filtering through the thinning trees was my first strong indication that I'd arrived. I pulled off my shoes and socks and set them down on the bank next to my pack. I hated wet socks, but didn't mind mud between my toes.

  I slipped and slid down the bank, grabbing exposed roots and digging my toes into the cold mud. At the bottom, I turned and looked across the river to the blinking lights of Leotown. What a great night.

  I reached into the water and drug my closed fingers through the loose mud, shaking out excess water. I calmed my mind and closed my eyes, swirling mud from brow to chin on both sides, chanting lutum ubertatis over and over again. I pulled a pocket knife from my belt and sliced into my finger, drawing blood and mixing it with the mud on my face. As the enchantment activated, power surged through the muddy bank, tingling as it traveled through my body, finally exiting through my eyes.

  The river bank lit up in a display of spectacular colors; the trees glowing with a blue hue, their leaves a lighter shade, each different plant species a slightly different color. This forest was as rich an environment as I'd ever seen, I wished Judy was here to share it with me. A mother raccoon and her babies had slipped down to the water's edge and were quietly sifting through the washed-up debris.

  "Hello, Mrs. Raccoon," I said. She looked up, startled to see me so close to her family. While under the effect of the lutum ubertatis, I gained a small amount of dominion over lesser beasts. Since I needed nail clippings, it felt like a perfect opportunity. "Wo
uld you mind if I trimmed your nails? I promise to go easy on you, with no harm to your kits."

  She had little choice, but I hoped my words would comfort her, if only by my tone of voice. As she lay down next to me on the bank, her children regarded me, no doubt their mother's behavior confusing. I'd harvested plenty of nails from small animals and went to work, quickly clipping the ends of her nails into a small plastic pouch. Once gathered, I reached up to the top of the bank and pulled an apple from my pack, cutting slices from it and leaving them next to her. Judy had been insistent that to take something created a moral imbalance unless we left something of greater value. Personally, I just liked the idea that her kits would eat well because we'd crossed paths.

  I clambered up the bank, dropped the bag of nail clippings into my pack and pulled my socks and shoes on, smiling. Only twenty minutes in and I'd already found a raccoon. Roots, herbs and vines all glowed in front of me on the game trail. By bringing to mind the items I needed, the visual clutter faded away.

  It was after four thirty in the morning when I finally finished, the sun still hours from making its presence known. My pack was full and I'd even partially filled the emergency pillow case I'd brought along. I was whistling when I exited the trees on the north side of the parking lot. The lutum ubertatis was fading as I stepped onto the mown grass.

  My first indication of another presence was the ticking of a cooling engine. I'd been parked for too long for it to be my Ford and was able to just make out the top of another vehicle on the far side of my truck. I was a difficult person to spook, but this was trouble.

  I decided on the direct approach. I didn’t want to make more out of the situation than necessary, quickly stepping over the chain that hung between low posts, separating gravel from grass. Before I could jump in the passenger side and leave, a large, human form rounded the front of my truck. With ten feet separating us, I pulled up short, the darkness still obscuring details. The air hung heavily with a musty scent.

  "I'll have you move away from my truck. I've no quarrel with you," I said.

  The form grew in front of me, cloth ripping. It was female - definitely female - of a species I didn't recognize. I knew this because she had taken several steps forward, pulled a ruined shirt from her torso and discarded it on the ground. Seven feet tall, heavily muscled and strange gray skin. Her brow was heavy and her ears were long and pointed. She was both terrifying and beautiful. "This area is claimed. You have no right to these woods," she growled at me.

  I'd be dishonest if I didn't mention that I was very aware of the fact that she stood naked from the waist up. I'd witnessed plenty of nudity, but for some reason it never got old and she was fascinating.

  "Shit, you're amazing. What are you?" I asked.

  She looked back at me with a small tilt of her head. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to figure out if I was messing with her.

  "You're trespassing," she said. The word trespassing coming out something more like 'threshepashing.' The small tusks inside her mouth made it difficult for her to form words.

  "These woods are the public lands of Chamber's County recreation area," I said. "What's your claim?"

  "Not my claim. You just have no right," she said.

  "I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot here. I'm Felix Slade and I'm new to the area. I intended no offense," I said.

  "I know you, Slade," she said derisively. "You've offended."

  "How's this going to go?" I asked.

  "I'm going to kick your ass. I'll not break anything. Don’t resist or it goes worse," she said, definitely struggling to talk.

  "Yeah, so that's not going to work for me," was what I was going to say, but I got out 'Yeah, so…' and she was on me. Man, was she quick on the draw. I only had time to swing my pillowcase into her face and try to twist away. Not my most elegant moment, as she batted the case out of the way with one hand and with the other she made hard contact with the side of my face.

  Her first hit dropped me to my knees, which she expected, because she quickly followed up with a knee to the chest, flipping me over.

  "Scutum," I roared, lying on my back. An invisible shield popped up between us and she flailed as she came in contact with it, lunging to finish me off while I was on my back. The unexpected barrier confused her sufficiently to cause her to stumble and trip.

  I pulled my feet beneath me and stood up at about the same time she rolled back to her own feet.

  "If I have to go offensive, you won't like it," I said.

  She growled. "You have no idea the shit you've stepped in."

  "I’m not afraid of you and I'm certainly not going to stand here while you hand me a beating," I said.

  "Not me you need to be afraid of," she said, taking another swing in my direction. I redirected the shield to deflect her.

  "Deep shit," she said. "Take your beating."

  I crouched down, keeping my shield at the ready and pulled a length of a blackberry bramble vine from the pillowcase. There was maybe a minute left on my shield spell and I needed to do something to avoid getting overly aggressive with her. I fumbled with the vine, allowing the thorns to puncture my skin, and dropped it on the ground.

  "You should stop this," I said, standing up. She'd pulled a long knife out and it was taking more and more of my concentration to keep the shield between me and her attacks.

  "Rhamno," I incanted.

  The power channeling through me from the ground responded. I'd made a connection with this land and it recognized my call. I dropped the shield and twisted my hand, directing the sprouting blackberry bramble to wrap itself around the creature's legs.

  Her immediate response was escape, which was both expected and the worst thing she could do. The magic of the bramble spell used her struggling to establish an even stronger hold.

  I grabbed my pillowcase from the ground and turned toward the truck.

  "It will only get worse if you run," she said, her lisp made more pronounced by her struggles.

  She'd just summed up most of my relationships with women.

  The bramble spell wouldn't hold her long, so I hurried. My high from a great night of gathering was completely ruined by the encounter. Before leaving, I looked on the other side of the truck and found an older, albeit well-maintained Jeep. I memorized the license plate, although the vehicle was fairly unique looking with its tall antennae and camo-patterned paint.

  Witches… lycan… and now I strongly suspected I’d just been attacked by a troll. I was starting to wonder if it was just me or if Leotown was simply lousy with supernaturals. The bottom line was, I needed more protection on my apartment.

  For a wizard, protection spells come in a variety of flavors. Today, I needed physical protection. Turns out that's not too difficult. It's basically the same enchantment as the shield spell I'd released from my pinky ring. It requires some modification to allow friendlies to pass, but I could lay one down in forty-five minutes or so.

  I rolled to a stop in front of the garage and pushed my way into the lab. The sun was just coming up and I laid my treasures out on the table. As much as I wanted to get the protection spell in place, I needed to protect my plants first. If I didn't cast a freshness spell on the herbs, tubers and mushrooms, they wouldn't last more than a week. I spread everything out in thin layers, taking up all of the open counter and table space. It had been a fantastic haul.

  Under the granite counter was a book filled with my common lab spells and first was the freshness spell. Lavender, salt, magnesium silicate (talcum powder) and a few more components were dropped into my copper cauldron and gently warmed. A drop of blood when thoroughly mixed and the magic word, conservare, chanted until the potion turned transparent, was all it took. I poured the contents of my cauldron into a plastic household sprayer and spritzed everything.

  The next task was to work on the physical protection enchantment. Nettles, thorns and poison oak were the hero components for this enchantment. Paraffin or clay
was used as a binder, but that was about it. I mixed an extra big batch and set it with several drops of blood. If I haven't recently mentioned it, I'd like to reiterate how much I am not a fan of that part of the enchantment process.

  Five hours after I left the woods, I finally finished painting the enchanted paraffin on the last opening of my apartment. Andy had been as good as his word and found a door to replace my sheeting. If he hadn’t been so quick with the repair, I would have had to get much more creative in protecting the entrance. I glanced at the clock. My timing couldn’t be better. There was just enough time to get a shower and clean my cauldron before meeting Gabriella for coffee.

  METRIC CRAP TON

  I wasn’t sure what to expect from a place named Howling Hounds, but was pleasantly surprised to discover a clean, upscale coffee shop. I was fifteen minutes early, so I ordered coffee and a piece of pumpkin bread. It was then I discovered they had a shortage of open tables.

  If I hadn't been meeting Red, I would have left. I was stuck needing that table, so I did what any self-respecting wizard would. I looked around, found my target and planted a suggestion that perhaps they'd left their windows down and it was about to rain. If it had been a sunny day outside, I'd have picked something else, but with the recent rain and cloudy sky it worked flawlessly. The older woman interrupted her daughter mid-sentence and hastily escorting her out of the shop.

  "That wasn't very nice," Red said from behind me as I set my pumpkin bread on the table.

  I was taken aback by Red's appearance. I'd known she was attractive when I'd first seen her at the bakery, but today she was dressed in a narrow black skirt and blood-red blouse. Her long black hair was pulled back in a tight bun. In short, she had transformed from witch to business woman and she was gorgeous.

  "Uh, right," I said. "Did you get your coffee?"

  She smiled. She might have had some idea of her effect on men.

  "I'll be right back." When she went to the counter, I did my best not to watch her walk away.