by Hart, Alana
“Luke!” I hear Madison.
“Call the cops!” I shout, before I feel the guy's foot at the back of my legs, felling me. I roll away, but he slams into me again with his boot.
I'm fucking mad myself now, too. With pain. I strike out with my fists, my elbows, my feet, connecting with that guy’s face, his gut, anywhere I can reach.
He retaliates. I taste blood but I don't care. I see red. I hardly feel it. I'm pounding and kicking him. I don't know when to stop. I'm going to kill the fucker. Before he kills me. Because if he kills me, he's going to get Madison too.
CHAPTER 41
MADISON
I can't see what's happening outside. It’s dark. I hear the crunch of glass, the thuds, the anger as they tear into each other. I have to call the police, but my legs are rooted to the spot.
I hear Luke yell in pain and rage. I have to do something. I have to find my phone but I can't breathe. I can’t do anything.
Brad is going to kill Luke and then me. I know it. I force my legs to move and I grab my phone and dial 911, but before I can speak, I hear Luke yell again in pain, and I’m sure Brad has got the upper hand. Everything goes black.
CHAPTER 42
LUKE
Fuck knows what would have happened to Madison if I hadn't been there in Sandy Cove and seen the lights that night.
I can handle myself in a fight, but that guy was out to kill, crazy on drugs, too, I think. Just as well adrenaline kicked in to save my ass because the cops only arrived after I'd knocked out that lunatic. It turned out the woman Madison used to babysit for, Jill, called them. I found Madison crumpled in a heap, out stone cold.
After we finish giving our statements, a detective drops us back at the beach house.
Madison was interviewed a lot longer than me. She seems calmer now, but I'm not. What the fuck was that all about? I nearly died out there on the deck and I don't know anything. The police told me the guy's name was Brad and all she's told me is that she knew him at college. I know there's more to it than that, but I can't force her to talk. She's still in shock. She just keeps gripping my hand in the car as if she doesn't want to let it go and says nothing. I'm sure she'll tell me once we're alone.
“Hold me,” she says when we go inside and the car pulls away. “Just hold me.”
So I do. I hold her, and then I pull the dust sheet off the couch and sit down on that and pull her to me.
“Tell me what that was all about.” I need to know.
“Not now,” she says. “Soon. I don't want to talk about it now.”
She sits on my lap and kisses my neck as I hold her. With all this going on, she wants to play now of all times?
I want to insist she talks to me, but her lips are persuading me I can wait until she's ready to talk and maybe that’s what her game is —to put me off asking.
I kiss her mouth slowly, without too much pressure. I'm not sure what I'm dealing with here, with Madison in this state. But she kisses me right back so firmly, it's as if she wants to obliterate everything that's happened over the past few hours, maybe the past few years. I don't know.
It's very late, but sleep seems like the last thing on her mind. The way she's holding me and kissing me, it feels like she's drowning, and I'm a lifeline she's clinging to. I want to do what’s right for her, but this doesn’t feel right at all.
“You're okay now,” I say. “It's okay,” because I don’t know what else to say.
“I'm okay with you,” and I think she means “but not with anyone else.”
She touches my cheek. “Your poor face.”
It’s not only my face that’s sore, but I’ll live with the bruises. What I can’t live with is not knowing why I have them, why that guy was trying to get in. But I don’t think she’s going to tell me tonight.
“You want some sleep?” I ask.
“Sleep with me,” she says. “Come to bed with me. I don't want you to leave me.”
The big bed in her old room is bare. She gets a sheet and throws it over the mattress.
“Just hold me,” she says. “I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted.”
“Me too.” I smile at her. I don't want our first time back together to be like this, hardly able to keep our eyes open, with this fucking mystery, whatever it is, hanging over us.
She takes off her jeans and gets in the bed, and I do the same, holding her in my arms under the comforter that was lying over a chair.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep, despite being dog tired. All the events of the past day and the questions I have are buzzing through my mind. I guess I'll just watch over Madison as she sleeps right there next to me in bed for the first time ever. But I don't think I last five minutes before my eyes close.
***
And I don't wake up until hours later. It's still dark, the comforter has been thrown off us both, and Madison is screaming.
CHAPTER 43
MADISON
In my nightmares, the nightmares I often had in the beginning, less often lately, hands are holding me down and I can't get up. I try and I try and I can't get up. I flail my arms and legs about but those hands are too fast for me. They grab me and hold me down again. It's better if I wake up at that point. Or things get much, much worse.
I hear myself screaming. I wake up in panic. I don't know where I am. It's dark. And there's someone beside me. I scream again.
“Madison, it's okay. You're safe. It's only me. Luke. You're safe.”
I'm hyperventilating.
“It's okay,” he says. “Breathe slowly. You'll be okay if you breathe slowly.”
I calm down and my breath slows.
He holds me and rubs my back.
“Bad dream?” he says.
“Yes.”
He kisses the top of my head.
“You have those a lot?”
“Not lately.”
“But before? You had them a lot before?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Yes, but not yet. When I'm ready.”
“When you're ready? Don't you think I should know what's making you have nightmares, why some guy I don't know tried to kill me?”
“Yes, but I can't...go there yet. I'm sorry.”
“You know I'll keep asking?”
“Yes, I know, but let's just try and sleep a bit longer.”
“Your t-shirt is soaking. You want to change it?” he asks.
I get another from my bag at the bottom of the bed, and I tell Luke to turn around. It looks like he's about to say something, but then he seems resigned and turns his head so I can get changed.
I know he must be wondering what is going on with me kissing him so hard, asking him to share my bed and then treating him like we had never seen each other naked a million times in the past.
But I can't explain what is going on yet. I need a lot of courage for that. If he says the wrong thing, I know it will hurt me a thousand times more than Brad and his friend ever did.
CHAPTER 44
LUKE
This is so fucked up. She's treating me like I'm her brother or something. But I know there's something making her like that. I know she thinks of me as more than that from the way she kisses me and her response when I kiss her. I need to know everything, but I'll have to wait. I hold her in my arms under the comforter. She’s quiet now. Eventually, we sleep.
***
When I wake up, the sun is streaming through the curtains and onto Madison lying by my side. If things were normal, I'd be fucking the hell out of her as soon as she woke up, but things aren't normal at all, and I know I have to tread carefully.
She opens her eyes and looks at me and smiles.
“I'm pleased I didn't make you scream this time,” I say.
“No, not this time. I've been lying there waiting for you to wake, thinking how we used to be. You used to make me scream in a completely different way.”
Oh, the old flirty Madison! She's alive and well.
She pauses a moment. “I might like all of you right now,” and she looks at me shyly from under her lashes and runs her hand over my stomach under my t-shirt. My cock responds, hard and ready. It never knows when to hold back.
“Oh!” she looks at the bulge in my boxers. “He didn't need telling twice.”
I laugh, and take her into my arms and kiss her gently on the lips. She feels so soft against me, so fragile, like a little bird. I want to protect her.
“Are you sure?” I ask. “After the fright you had yesterday...”
“I couldn't be more certain,” but she seems more hesitant than her words imply.
“We can wait if you like. No rush.”
“Tell that to him.” She looks at the bulge below and then at me. “No, I don’t want to wait.”
I kiss her gently on the lips, and I’m still wary, not sure what is going on. But she looks at me and pulls off her own t-shirt and undoes her bra. She's shaking a little, but she does it, baring herself to me.
“I missed you. I really missed you,” I say, smiling, because I have, though most of the time I didn’t know what or who was missing from my life. I gather her up in my arms and kiss the freckles on her nose. Her breasts are soft against me.
“What did you miss?”
“I missed everything about you, and this...” I take one plump nipple in mouth and suck. “And this one as well.” I suck on the other. Her breath hitches. Her cheeks are flushed. But she laughs.
“And I've missed this too.” She pulls off my t-shirt and runs her hands over me, kissing her way down my stomach. “And this.” She pulls out my cock and strokes the hard length of me from the base to the tip. She licks the head gently, soft tentative licks that are nearly my undoing, and she kisses me with barely a touch of her lips there.
“Have you missed my fingers?” I ask as I pull the leg of her panties gently to one side and tease her soft folds, and she pants a little. “And my tongue licking you right here.” She arches her hips to meet my mouth. She's wet and I can tell she's excited, but sometimes she used to come just like that. Maybe I'm losing my touch.
I lick and lick and take her little bud between my lips and suck, and she can't seem to help it, she comes then with a little squeal of delight. At least I think it's delight, but when I reach up to pull down her panties, she freezes and grabs hold of my hands, as if I hadn't just had my mouth all over her and watched her orgasm.
“What's wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing.” She pulls off her own panties and lies back as if to say carry on.
As if I could now. The mood is spoiled. I'm frustrated but it feels like there's more to this.
“Madison, what's going on?”
“Just do it already,” she urges.
“No, not like this.”
“Please, Luke. I need you to. Please.”
She pulls me to her, her soft body against mine, and my cock doesn't need much persuasion, no matter what doubts are running through my head.
I grab a condom from the wallet in my jeans at the side of the bed, thinking at any moment, she's going to change her mind.
“You sure?” I say.
“Yes, I'm sure. I want you.”
I enter her. Fuck! She's tight.
Her eyes are closed.
“Harder,” she says. “Fuck me harder.”
She pushes her hips up to meet my thrusts as I plunge in and out of her, her eyes still tightly closed, and eventually I come, and it's just like it used to be.
Except who am I kidding? It's not like it used to be. It's not like that at all.
I hold her. I don't know what to think.
“Thank you,” she says.
Thank you?
CHAPTER 45
MADISON
I had to get that over with. That first time. I knew I did. I didn't think I'd come at all but I did. Luke's mouth and tongue made me forget everything but myself. But Luke must know I'm not the same. I hope we can get that back. I really do. It wasn't the best, but it was still good, and it's going to get better. I'm going to make things better.
“Sorry there's no breakfast,” I say, sitting up. “Not even coffee. Best I can do is a glass of water.”
“I know an Italian restaurant that does a great breakfast.” He smiles.
“I'm not sure I'm ready to meet your family.”
“They've been waiting for years. I never took anyone home.”
“Let's visit them then. A little bit later, if you can wait. I have other plans for you now.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“What kind of plans?”
“This kind.”
***
I straddle him, and he sits up to hold me. I’ve got to focus on Luke and block everything else out. I know I can do it if I try. I look into his eyes and kiss him slowly on the mouth. He kisses me back, passionately, deeply, and I respond, losing myself in that kiss, desire for him running through my body with surprising strength. I can do this!
My nipples are hard against his bare chest. I can feel his cock already rigid against me. I look into his beautiful brown eyes and raise myself up and down, rubbing my core, now slippery with desire against his hard length. He groans, and I go faster, working my body against him, excitement building higher and higher until I impale myself on him, and I feel him deep inside my body, filling and stretching me. His hips rise to meet mine.
“No condom,” he warns. “I don't have a condom on.”
I don't care. I don’t want to stop. I ride him faster and faster, ramming my body against his, feeling every inch of him against my inner walls as I rise and fall, his cock sliding in and out, massaging me deep inside until I crash over the edge and come.
We roll over, and he puts on a condom then. He has more sense than me. And he enters me, and it's good, so good. He grabs my hands and holds them above my head, as he rams into me. Just like he used to. I squirm under him and laugh. This is good. I trust him. We can be so good together like this.
“You could drive a man wild with your body, rubbing yourself up and down on me like that. My little cock tease,” he says, smiling.
Cock tease? I freeze at his words. I'm pinned down under him. I can't move. He has my hands. I panic. I struggle out from under him, and he lets me go, shocked at my reaction. I grab my clothes. I have to get out of there. Outside where the light is bright and I'm...safe. I thought I was okay, but I'm not. It's useless. The slightest thing brings it all back. It's never going to work. Not with Luke. Not with anyone.
Luke has thrown on his clothes and followed me out. It's okay out here on the beach. I'm okay. There are people around even this early. But I can't look at him. I know he's going to tell me it's over. A guy like him could have anyone. He doesn't need me. I'm so messed up, so broken. Maybe I can never be fixed. My heart is still thudding. I dread what he is going to say.
He looks at me. I see nothing but concern in his face. “Hey, Madison. Are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
CHAPTER 46
MADISON
I know I have to talk to him, but I'm afraid.
“Come here,” he says and holds me and smooths my hair and kisses me on the top of my head. “You can talk to me. You know you can.”
I don't say anything.
“Something happened to you? Was it that guy last night? You just don't want to tell me? Is that it?”
I nod. It's as much as I can do, and then the tears come. In floods. I can't help them.
“Shit! I'm sorry Madison, I didn't mean to make you cry.”
He holds me, and I cling onto him, and he kisses my hair again. I know I have to tell him now before he thinks I've gone crazy. Maybe I have, but at least there's a reason for it.
“That guy,” I manage to say, “from
last night, when I was at college…he and his friend...they...” I can't go any further.
He freezes. I'm terrified he'll reject me. He'll think it was my fault like Chelsea said people would think, but I know I owe him the truth. We can’t go on like this.
“Did those men hurt you?”
“Yes, they hurt me, but I got over that quickly.” I hear another sharp intake of breath from Luke, but he rubs my back, trying to soothe me, I think.
“They hurt me but there were no lasting effects of that. The damage they did to me was more mental than physical. I couldn't stay at college. I didn't feel safe. I avoided those guys, but they were still around. I was still frightened of them, frightened of everyone, even my own shadow. I had nightmares. I still do sometimes, like the one last night, but even more vivid back then. I couldn't stay there.”
“Oh Madison. I knew something happened. I wasn't there for you when you needed me.” He kisses my hair again. He's so gentle. I don't think I repulse him. Not yet. But he doesn't know everything yet.
“And he came looking for you again yesterday?”
“Yes, I was just starting to feel better, that I could get over it at last. I was looking forward to going out to dinner with you. But I saw him when I was on a buying trip with Michelle on Thursday. He said....he said....he wanted to relive old times...he said he'd see me around.”
“And then he showed up at your house before I arrived?”
“Yes. And he must have followed me here to the beach when I fled.”
“Shit, Madison. Why didn't you tell me what happened at college?”
“I couldn't. I only just met you again. I didn't know he was going to turn up again. I'd have told you eventually. But I wanted a chance to get over it first, to forget it ever happened.”