by Kyle, Celia
“Aw, lovely, don’t cry. I’ll do better, I promise.”
She hiccupped and sniffled, rubbing her face against his chest and nuzzling him. She wouldn’t care if he were coated in shit, she needed to touch him.
“Lovely.” She repeated the endearment.
“Hmm?” Grayson rested his chin atop her head.
“You’ve never said that before.”
He winced, body twitching. “Sorry.”
“Why?” She pulled away from him. “Why would you be sorry? I mean, an endearment isn’t some requirement between mates, but…”
“I…” He breathed deep. “I didn’t want to assume or pressure you in any way. I know I pushed about you moving in here.”
“I like being in here.” She couldn’t imagine sleeping anywhere else. It was difficult, her cat apologizing for her behavior in one whine and then begging for Grayson in another. But she wouldn’t move out for anything.
“But I didn’t… I don’t know what he called you. I didn’t want to bring up any bad memories. I didn’t want to assume you’d be okay with me suddenly tossing words like that around.”
Honor traced his strong, square jaw with her fingertips, even more tears coming forward. “Am I ever not going to be a mess? Are you ever going to be able to not walk on eggshells? I want you to call me whatever you want.”
“Lovely.” He said the word with a sigh.
“Yeah.” She smiled wide. His lovely.
He leaned down, his lips hovering over hers. It was the closest he’d come to asking for something beyond a hug or holding hands, and she was more than eager.
Pressing up to her tiptoes, she closed the remaining distance between their mouths. One soft brush turned into two, turned into a slow, lazy kiss. She lapped at his mouth and he did the same until she finally opened for him. His tongue softly slipped into her, as if afraid she’d panic at any moment. But she wouldn’t, not for something like a kiss. More… She may have a problem with more.
Honor pulled back enough to nip his lower lip, pulling a soft moan from him. And then she went back for more of his sweet, drugging mouth. His taste had the cat purring and whining with need.
Grayson hardened against her hip, telling her without words there definitely wasn’t anything small about him. There was no doubt he was bigger than…
Honor’s heart skipped a beat, a tendril of fear worming its way into her mind, and her mate immediately tore his lips from hers.
“I’m sorry. Fuck.” He spat the word and cradled the back of her head, holding her against him. “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was scare you. You think I would have learned my lesson after our first kiss.” He took a deep breath and released it slowly, surrounding her with his scent.
“Lesson?” She placed her hands on his shoulders and nudged him, pushing until he released her. She stared up at him, cocking her head to the side in question. “What do you mean? I loved our first kiss, Grayson. It was…” She shook her head. “It was perfect.”
He cupped her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. “No, I scared you. Just like now. I scented your fear, lovely.”
Honor cursed herself and Angus all over again. “It wasn’t you, Grayson.” She stroked his skin, enjoying the difference between the smooth flesh beneath her palms and the rough texture of his fingertips. “I’m still messed up in here.” She tapped her forehead. “Sometimes my thoughts get away from me. Sometimes they go back there for a second and I panic and get scared, but it’s not you. Never you.”
Hope shone in his gaze and not for the first time, she regretted the hoops her mate had to jump through to be close to her. Damn her pride, damn her past, damn her fear.
“I want to believe you.” His voice was hoarse, strained.
“I want you to believe me, too.”
The whole situation, the emotional dance between them, had to change, had to move forward before they could truly mate, before she could be happy. She knew what needed to be done, recognized the leap she’d have to take.
For now, she’d ease his attention away from her fucked up head and on to something he enjoyed. “Tell me about your bike. Did you get the thingy cleaned out?”
Grayson smiled at her, the expression not reaching his eyes, but he allowed her to change the subject. “Yeah, I went ahead and…”
Honor listened with half an ear while she prodded her cat. There was something that needed to be done, but it couldn’t be accomplished without the beast’s cooperation.
Its full cooperation.
And quite a few women in the pride.
* * *
Grayson kept an eye on the pride house, only pretending to tinker with his cycle. He was supposed to be giving the thing a tune-up, but he hadn’t been able to focus on the job. Not when female after female entered the pride house while also ordering every male to keep their furry butts outside. By order of the Prima, they were banished, Alex included.
When he’d raised his eyebrow at the Prime, he’d shrugged. “Some things aren’t worth fighting over and I like my nuts right where they are.”
“You know she’ll be fine.” Ricker’s voice had him jumping and he dropped his wrench.
“The fuck, man?”
“You’re worrying about her. You don’t need to. She’s strong as hell even though she’s all of five foot nothing.” The tiger settled on a nearby stool. “Talked to Stone.”
“And?”
A rolling growl came from Ricker and then the male silenced it with a deep breath. “Angus is still on the loose. The Prime is gone as well, so the council has secured the pride.”
Rage tore into Grayson. He wanted Angus, wanted that piece of shit Prime. “What are they doing with the pride?”
“Evaluation. Incarceration. Death eventually.” Ricker shrugged. “The usual.”
“The cubs?” He knew there had to be cubs abused by others, Honor had spoken of them often enough.
The tiger took a deep, calming breath. “You’re not gonna like the answer.”
Grayson straightened, all thoughts of the bike and the women blowing away in the wind. “What’s going on?”
“Stone’s gonna ask Alex for sanctuary for some of them. The ones who are younger. The teens are going to the council for additional psych help and evaluation, but with Ridgeville’s track record for helping others plus our handful of Sensitives…”
Grayson bit back his immediate denial. Stone’s thoughts were true. They had Maddy, Elise, and Millie plus the Mastin sisters. The sisters weren’t as strong as the others due to Alistair’s long-term treatment, but they could still help young cubs. “When’s he gonna ask?”
Ricker’s attention shifted from him to the other end of the garage, to Alex standing alone with a cell phone pressed to his ear. “Now. He only told me so I could let you know. He didn’t want you and Honor to be blindsided.”
“Thanks.” He nodded his appreciation, and he too focused on the Prime.
It didn’t take long for his leader’s gaze to land on him, for the male’s stare to bore into him. He knew what the Prime wanted. Alex ached to help the cubs. In some ways, he had a soft heart and was a pushover. In others, he’d rip the head off someone without a blink. Angus was one such person and now Stone wanted Ridgeville to welcome the cubs of Honor’s tormentors into their homes, their lives.
The indecision was written across his leader’s features. In Grayson’s heart, he knew the answer. Knew it and hated it. But he nodded to Alex nonetheless. The male controlled the pride, but Alex would have said no at his request. No matter what, Grayson couldn’t do that to the cubs.
Now, he had to ensure his mate could survive their arrival. She’d grown so much in the last five weeks and yet… she was still so broken.
When the women arrived en masse, Sensitives included, he hoped she was asking for help. That she was finally accepting there were things she couldn’t do alone, some things even he couldn’t do for her.
The crunch of gravel and the low rumble of an engin
e announced someone’s arrival. The car rolled to a stop and he finally recognized its passengers. Dismissing Ricker without a thought, he pushed to his feet and slowly made his way to the vehicle.
Honor’s father unfolded from the front seat while her mother quickly hopped from the passenger side. The back door opened and her sister Emma rapidly appeared as well.
“Mr. Mauer, Mrs. Mauer.” He nodded to his mate’s parents, shaking her father’s hand. “Hey, Emma.”
He wanted to know what they were doing, why they’d suddenly shown up when Honor didn’t want them anywhere near her. He’d been slowly urging her to contact them, but she feared their anger at not finishing school and she was still unable to repeat the events to anyone else.
“Jeannie and Larry. We told you that, Grayson.” He nodded at Mrs. Mauer’s—Jeannie’s—words. “Maya called and said…”
Ah, meddling Maya.
“Sure, sure. The men were kicked out of the house.” He looked to Larry.
“She told us that, too. Just”—the big man coughed and Grayson ignored the shining of his eyes—“Just Jeannie and Emma for now.”
“She’s afraid of most males, Larry. Not just you. It’s good she called, that she wants you guys here.” He did his best to reassure Honor’s father. The male was massive, bigger than even Brute, but he seemed as emotional as his eldest daughter.
“Right, right.” Larry pushed the car’s door closed. “Smells like you’re working on that bike of yours and Alex mentioned a couple of the cars could use a tune-up or two.”
As a retired mechanic, the man was always willing to get his hands dirty. Plus, like Grayson, it’d give them something to occupy their time.
“Yup.” He waved to Jeannie and Emma. “We’ll be in the garage. Yell for us if we’re needed.”
Grayson turned, anxious to get back to work, to tear his mind away from Honor secluded with the females and the impending arrival of the London cubs. Emma, however, wasn’t about to let him go yet.
Her small body collided with his, her arms wrapping around his waist as she buried her face against his chest. “Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing her back.”
Grayson rubbed her back, fighting his own tears as Emma’s slid over his skin. “I love her, Emma.” He looked up to find an equally tearful Jeannie focused on him.
It struck him that after five weeks of coaxing the real Honor from her protective shell, he truly had fallen in love with her. Not the Honor of before, when she had a smart mouth and an ego the size of Texas, but this Honor. The Honor that had lived a lifetime in four and a half months and was still finding herself on the other side.
“I love her.”
* * *
The thump of the front door announced yet another person’s arrival. Or rather, two persons. Her mother and sister.
Maya made the call for her, inviting her mom and sis to the pride house to see her. Now, Honor shook with nerves, hand trembling as she reached for her glass of water.
“Here, if you’re going to freak out on us, we at least won’t have to clean up a big mess.” Maddy was quick to ease it from her grip and place a different glass before her. One that was plastic with a screw-on cap and a large straw.
“Thanks,” she murmured, gaze intent on the archway that led to the hallway.
The soft patter of bare feet on tile (Maya was very anti-shoes in the house) reached her a moment before the women were framed in the entry. Her mom looked so much older, as if she’d aged years since she’d last seen her in December rather than a handful of months.
Emotions rained down on her, assaulting her with sharp jabs and dull punches.
She pushed to her feet, slowly rising and easing from the couch. With hesitant steps, she moved toward her family. They came, but would they hate her? Be angry at her?
She wouldn’t have blamed them for the emotions. One or the other or both. She’d hidden in the pride house for over a month, refusing contact with just about everyone. And now she’d called, requesting their presence without explanation. Not that the Prima’s summoning needed a reason, but still…
“Mom.” Honor didn’t know what else to say. No, wait, she did. The simplest two words in the English language yet the most difficult to push past her lips. “I’m sorry.”
With a sob, her mom raced to her and suddenly she was enveloped in the familiar embrace, the familiar scent of her perfume and natural aroma surrounding her in a comforting hug. She clung to the woman who’d given birth to her, who’d cared for her year after year. The first cry led to another and to another until she couldn’t tell her sobs from her mother’s. And still they cleaved to one another.
Another set of arms joined their embrace, her younger sister’s scent immediately following the touch, and she added Emma to the hug. Tears rained: hers, Emma’s, her mother’s. One after another fell and still she clung to the two women. This was her family, her support, and she’d pushed them out of her life because of fear. It all seemed so stupid now, so unimportant. They loved her, the pride loved her. There had been no reason to hide.
But fear wasn’t exactly a rational emotion, was it?
No. No, it wasn’t.
Honor wasn’t sure how long their embrace lasted, how long they’d hugged one another as she repeated apology after apology. Each whispered word was lower than the last, her voice growing hoarser with each one.
“We love you, hush now. Hush…” Her mother stroked her head, fingers combing through her hair. Honor knew her other hand did the same to Emma. “My girls… No more tears. We’ve had enough, haven’t we?”
Honor sobbed out a laugh. That was her mother. Enough was enough, time to move on. It was how she’d raised Honor’s older brother with his hair-trigger temper. She’d never been afraid of emotion, but she hadn’t tolerated them overflowing and controlling her world.
“Yeah.” Honor sniffled. “We have.” She eased from the embrace, gently grasping her mom’s and Emma’s hands. She led them into the living room and toward one of the couches. “Come sit. Maddy—” She swallowed back her growing fear. Fear of reliving the past and of revealing the truth to yet another person. “Maddy’s going to help me and I wanted you all here.”
“What about Grayson?” Her mom’s voice was low, but it echoed through the room like a shot.
Honor squeezed her eyes shut. “He-he knows I need him, but I can’t move forward without help. I love him, more than life, I love him. But I have to do this without him. I don’t want him to experience more. At least, not yet. What I shared with him was enough for now. Just for now.”
She’d tell him the rest later. Soon. Getting out the first bit of her story while it was still jagged and painful was hard enough. It’d be easier after her sessions with Maddy. Honor had a feeling this would be the first of many.
She settled between her mom and sister.
Her mother squeezed her hand. “And you don’t want Elise…”
Honor had this conversation with her friend and sister-in-law. She even repeated something similar to Millie when she sat down with the Sensitives. “I wouldn’t show this to anyone if I didn’t need help and I know…” She shook her head. “I won’t put them through this. It’s too like what they experienced with Alistair.”
Her mother sobbed then, her arm around Honor’s shoulder. “My baby…”
She rested her head against her mother’s shoulder. “I’m here. I’m alive.”
“It got that close?” Emma’s voice was soft and clogged with tears.
“It was what it was.” She took a deep breath. “And see, it won’t be quite so raw. Maddy?”
Her friend settled on the coffee table and held out her hands. They’d discussed this. They would hold hands for this first session, giving them a deeper connection. It allowed the Sensitive to assert more control if the cat truly resisted her help.
They’d also discussed Bianca and the fact that Honor tore through the woman’s attempts to control her.
“That won’t happen. Tru
st in my abilities. If you can’t do that, trust in me. I won’t let you down.”
Honor stared into Maddy’s eyes, doing her best to open her mind to the lioness. The pressure of her mother’s arm around her waist, her sister’s head against her arm, the hands gripping her shoulders… They all grounded her.
She fought to relax, fought to believe and trust in the Sensitive across from her.
Honor wanted to live, to create a future with Grayson and her pride. In order to do that, she needed to allow Maddy to kill some of her past. Or, at least, beat it into submission.
“I’m ready.”
Maddy smiled at her, amber eyes glowing. “Yeah, you are.”
The lioness’s eyes slowly closed and Honor allowed hers to do the same. She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax. Her friend wouldn’t hurt her and opening herself in this way was for the best. She couldn’t move forward until the past was banished from the forefront of her mind.
A light tendril, a ghostly presence, crept into Honor’s mind. Familiar, yet different, it floated beyond recent memories and eased deeper into her thoughts. It drifted this way and that, and she knew what Maddy sought. Terror crept forward, its dark cloud rolling through her with a deep rumble. It fought Maddy, attempted to drown her, but the Sensitive was stronger than Honor’s fear.
The lioness banished the dread with a blanket of calm and Honor sighed, welcoming the absence of fright. So many weeks, months and months, of terror and it was suddenly blunted by Maddy’s joyous presence.
Then Maddy was there, her ethereal body lingering near the dark corner where her experiences with Angus lurked. She’d tucked them away, tied them with steel shackles and chain. The soft wisps of the Sensitive’s power stroked the writhing bundle of the past and Maddy’s grip on her fingers tightened, squeezing hard.
“A week, Honor?” Maddy sobbed, causing Honor to open her eyes. She met the woman’s gaze, noting the tears that overflowed her amber orbs. “Dear God, how did you survive?”