by Kyle, Celia
Because of Grayson. Because every time I wanted to give up, I remembered him. And I fought to live.
73
“Look, life isn’t easy. Your goals, yeah, they’re gonna be hard to reach. Just make sure it’s worth all the blood and tears in the end. You know, their blood and their tears. I sure as hell hope you’re not the one on the losing end of the fight. I’d have to take your ninja card away.” — Maya O’Connell, Prima of the Ridgeville Pride and woman who may, or may not, be on ninja card probation. Hide behind Alex one time…
The gathering of the females and their mates ended with a barbeque. Ricker and Brute were responsible for the meat. They managed to haul back a couple of deer, chests puffed out and cocky smiles on their faces.
Grayson watched them with envy, but his place was with Honor, watching over her even if half the pride surrounded her.
Her scent drifted to him on the breeze, the concentration telling him she was near. He wanted to reach out for her, tug her close and sink into her touch. He also didn’t want to scare her. So, he remained as he was, leaning against the fence, sipping his beer, and watching their friends chat, smile, and laugh.
“You could have gone with them,” she murmured as she ducked between the wide-spaced, horizontal slats.
“And leave you? Let all these men drool after my mate?” He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
Honor sidled up to him, the heat of her body reaching him, but she didn’t ease close enough to touch. “I’m pretty sure the mated men won’t be looking at me.” She nudged him, her shoulder pushing against his bicep. “Besides, there’s only one male I want drooling after me.” She leaned even closer and rubbed her cheek along his arm, painting him with her scent. “I wonder who that is.”
Recognizing her teasing, he mock growled. “I’ll tell you who it better be.”
She smiled against him, the expression wide, and he sensed nothing but happiness and joy coming from her. “You. No one else.”
She nipped him, her blunted teeth grasping a bit of his shirt-covered flesh and biting. It didn’t hurt. Hell, it was only a hint of pressure, but it went right to his dick.
Loathing filled him as his cock hardened, thickened and twitched in his jeans. Damn, the last thing he needed was to get a hard-on at a party while surrounded by their friends and her family.
“Honor…” He let a hint of warning enter his tone. He lusted after his mate, but he didn’t feel like he had the right. He hated himself a little for becoming aroused after she’d been through so much. She released him and propped her chin against him, tilted her head back. He turned his attention to her upturned face. “It’s not nice to tease.”
“I’m only teasing a little.”
“Even a little is a lot to the cat.” Grayson turned to face her, propping his hip on the fence.
He cupped her cheek, loving the smoothness of her skin beneath his palm. At night, while she slept peacefully, he allowed himself the pleasure of touching her. Just her face, nothing else. He never wanted to crack the slowly building trust between them. But he also couldn’t deny his beast.
Each night, they lay side-by-side, fingers twined as they fell asleep. Every morning he woke with a rock hard dick and a snuggly Honor in his arms, her head on his shoulder. She was a warm, heavy weight against him and he allowed himself a small moment of pleasure before he snuck from bed. He didn’t want to scare her even if she was the one who turned to him.
“I’m sorry I’m so messed up.” Her regret was palpable, living and breathing in the space surrounding them.
“There’s no reason to be sorry. Others? Yes. You? Never, lovely.”
Honor nuzzled his palm, her eyes drifting closed. “You know Maya called everyone here.”
He nodded, but then he realized she couldn’t see him. “Yes. You women are a secretive bunch and kicked us all to the curb.” His teasing had the effect he’d been hunting and she smiled which had him smiling. “I’m glad you had your parents come out.”
“Me too.” She opened her eyes and placed her hand over his. “They want us to come over for dinner when we’re ready.”
He knew that really meant when she was ready. “Of course, whenever you want.”
Honor nibbled her lower lip and he couldn’t help but react, reaching out and rubbing her chin and tugging it from between her teeth. “No biting something so important. I can’t have kisses if you gnaw your lip off. Chew on one of the twins’ toys if you need something to nosh on.”
She gripped his hand and turned her head, nipping the pad of his thumb. “Like you.”
Grayson closed his eyes and prayed for strength. He also prayed his jeans wouldn’t strangle his dick. “Honor…”
She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s no reason to be sorry.” He was quick to reassure her.
“There is.” She released him and stepped closer, wrapping her arms around his waist. He had no doubt she felt the full length of his cock. “I’m acting like nothing’s wrong anymore and it’s not like it’s not still wrong, but…” She sighed and tilted her head back, propping it on his chest. “I talked to Maddy.”
He brushed her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear while he slid an arm around her waist. “I’m glad.”
“Well, talking is an exaggeration. She took a peek in my head and…” She hesitated.
“You don’t have to tell me. You know that.” Whatever went on in her head could stay there if it made her more comfortable. The last thing he wanted was to push her away with his demand for more.
“No, I do. She, well, she didn’t make me all better, but I’m better than before.”
Which explained the affection, the nipping, the lighter heart and teasing. “Good. The last thing I ever want is you to keep hurting.”
Honor pressed her cheek against his chest with a sigh, sinking into his embrace. “I know. I’m going to keep working with her. She said she can’t…” Another hesitation, but he didn’t rush her. “She can’t make it go away, but she can smooth the rough edges. I’ll be a good mate to you soon.”
He smiled ruefully and rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I have a good mate now.”
She shook her head. “No, I can’t… Not everything… But…”
He gripped her waist with his other arm, squeezing her in a gentle hug. “I have everything I need, Honor. Right here, right now. Anything we do behind closed doors is our business and no one else’s.”
She sighed and gave him her weight. He took it gladly, glorying in holding her so close. Even though it didn’t go further than an embrace, he was overjoyed with this much. His mate, his lioness, touched him of her own volition. This wasn’t a subconscious act, but deliberate. His cat purred with pleasure, just as thrilled with their female.
“I know, I just want to have a normal mating.”
“Normal is subjective. Do you want to be Maya’s kind of normal? Neal and Carly’s? What about Brute?”
Honor shuddered. “We never speak of Brute and mating. Ever. It’s almost as bad as thinking about my parents.” She feigned vomiting. “No way.” She leaned against him even more until he knew she’d topple over if he moved. “I want our kind of normal. Right now, what we’ve got, it’s not the normal I dreamed of.”
“We’ll get there. You know we will.”
“Do I?” Her voice was so soft, so hopeful and broken at the same time.
“Of course. We’ve waited six years, lovely. Another few months won’t hurt anything.”
She was quiet for a moment and he simply held her. He knew she liked to roll things through her mind, look at them from different angles before she spoke. It was something he’d learned from her in the recent weeks. Before she’d run off to college, she’d been quick to blurt out her first thoughts and damn the consequences. Now… now her words were deliberate with a strong conviction behind them.
Grayson let his attention wander around the gathering and he smiled at the cubs playing near the house. W
ith Angus still lurking as a threat, the little ones were allowed to be outside, but they had to stay close. Alex was firm on that and no amount of whining from the twins or batting of those little bunny eyes by Cora, Neal and Carly’s kit, did anything to sway him. Hell, Brute’s fox pup, Katie, and Deuce’s little squirrel Zoey tried. Things got interesting when Ricker’s tiger cub, Brody, tried challenging Alex for pride leadership. One flash of four-inch fangs by the Prime and that’d been the end of that.
So, the little ones romped, switching from four paws to two feet and back again. No matter the amount of roughhousing, they were all careful of little Cora to the point where she acted as a mini-dictator. Big, bad predator children and they all took direction from an itty-bitty bunny.
“You smell happy.” Honor’s words were muffled by his shirt.
“I am happy. I have my mate. I have my friends and my pride. I’m the luckiest lion there is, lovely.”
“Even if your mate is…”
“Say broken and I’m going to think about spanking you.”
“You wouldn’t.” The fresh scent of her joy bowled over him.
“Maybe not today, but you never know when…” He let the threat hang over her and not a hint of fear entered the air.
Larry caught his eye and gave him a small smile, tipping his beer in their direction as he wrapped his arm around Jeannie. The woman’s eyes were once again filled with tears as she mouthed “thank you.”
He wasn’t sure he was worth the thanks, didn’t think he really deserved them, but he wouldn’t reject Honor’s parents. He nodded in return and then leaned down, dropping a kiss on the top of his mate’s head.
“And maybe someday I’ll be ready for that.” She wiggled against him and the move had his cock growing even firmer. When she gasped, he had no doubt she felt the evidence of his arousal.
“Honor, I’m sorr—”
She moved against him again and he moaned. “I told you Maddy worked with me.”
“I know, but, lovely, that was one afternoon and you went through so much.” He wouldn’t be that guy. The one who pushed and prodded to get what he desired. His mate deserved better than that type of male.
“I’m not telling you to bust out your fangs in front of my family.” He didn’t have to see her roll her eyes to know she had. “I’m just saying… don’t hide from me. You know…” Another one of her familiar pauses. “No matter what you scented when we kissed, it wasn’t you. I can’t help having flashbacks here and there, but Maddy said they should be less now. Grayson, I’ve never been afraid of you.” She eased back, allowing him to look into her eyes, gauge the truth in her statement. “Never. Not even when you roared at me and called me an immature brat.”
“You were an immature brat,” he pointed out.
Honor narrowed her eyes.
“What?” He shrugged. “You know you were.”
“I was sixteen.”
“There ya go.”
Another glare. “The point is. No matter what happens between us,” she blushed, “sexually, it’s not about you. It’s the past haunting me.” She took a deep breath and he sensed her worry. That spurred the cat into action, his animal whining at her discomfort, and he rubbed the smooth line of her back. “So when we start doing, you know, stuff, and I freak out, you need to give me a minute. Don’t assume it’s about you. Don’t pull away from me.”
Grayson stared into her eyes, trying to read her. This was a version of his mate that wasn’t familiar. She was more open, words seeming to pour from her mouth rather than staying locked inside. “I won’t pull away, but no means no, Honor. I’ll stop, I won’t push, but you gotta talk to me.”
“I will.” Her voice was soft and hope shined in her gaze. She wanted this, wanted him. He had no doubt. He just hoped she didn’t regret it.
Honor pulled away and glanced over her shoulder for a moment before focusing on him once again. “Come say hi to everyone with me?”
“I don’t wanna do anything but be with you.”
* * *
Honor felt another crack in her soul heal, another bit of evidence of her past smoothed. Maddy was right, as soon as she allowed a tiny part of herself to recover from Angus’s treatment, the rest would slowly fall into place. The Sensitive said she was simply a channel for Honor’s healing. She was a raging river that ran over boulders until they were rounded rocks. Maddy couldn’t make things disappear, couldn’t steal the memories and destroy them, but she could blunt their effect.
And she’d done it. One afternoon, a handful of gentle treatments, and she was able to joke with her mate. The hard evidence of his arousal didn’t scare her. It worried her, but no more than any other virgin in the world. Inexperience made her wary of what would eventually pass between her and Grayson.
But true fear? No, it didn’t have a stranglehold on her any longer.
I don’t wanna do anything but be with you.
“Honor?” Grayson’s deep voice rolled over her, called to her lioness and the animal responded with a questioning trill.
That was another effect of Maddy’s touch. The bridge between her and the cat was reinforced. She still didn’t trust the animal, worried it’d try to steal her control again, but the Sensitive assured her the relationship would be rebuilt.
The Gaian Moon was next week. She was slowly running out of time. The cat continued to be reserved, but Honor sensed its desire to submit to Grayson.
“Honor?”
She shook her head. “Sorry, I was daydreaming. Let’s go.” She twined her fingers with his and tugged him toward the first group that included her parents, sister, brother, and his mate. Brute’s little pup Katie bounded over, her small fox form streaking forward until she slid to a stop beside her father.
In a handful of seconds Katie went from fox to adorable little girl. Honor’s brother immediately whipped a sundress over her head, grumbling about his baby girl being naked around boys.
“We’re shifters, Brute.” Honor laughed, he glared and snarled at her, and then her mother whacked him on the back of his head.
Normal. So freaking normal.
Honor encouraged Grayson to wrap his arm around her shoulders, keeping hold on his hand as she snuggled into his side. He stiffened and then relaxed when she nuzzled him and it made her feel like crap. She’d done that to him, made him fear her reactions to his touch, and now she’d have to fix it. Starting now, today, tonight.
Well, only a little bit tonight.
“We can be shifters and not naked all the time.” Her massive brother narrowed his eyes at Katie. “How many times have I told you to shift behind a tree?”
Katie sighed and dropped her head back to stare at the sky. “Daaad,” she huffed. “There’s no trees ’cause East and West kept trying to cut them down with their claws, ’member?”
Honor did remember that one. Hardly two years old and they were digging into the wood. If they weren’t climbing them, they were trying to be lumberjacks.
“I’ll give you a ’member,” Brute grumbled.
“Mom,” Katie whined.
Elise patted Brute’s chest. “You need to get used to it eventually, honey.”
That had her massive brother glaring at everyone and grumbling about nudist prides and moving to a seriously religiously devout pride across the country where women were separate from men and always covered head to toe. Including, somehow, when they shifted.
A laugh burst from her chest and a smile split her lips while joy filled her heart.
Attention swung to her and she even saw tears in her dad’s eyes.
“Aw, Daddy.” She released Grayson’s hand and approached her father, easily hugging him tight.
“Missed you, Honor-girl.” Her dad’s gruff voice hitched.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
He coughed. “No reason to be. Got ya back. That’s all that matters.” He lowered his head, and his voice. “Got a good mate there, Honor-girl. We like him. Good male, stronger lion. He’s gonna take good
care of you.”
A weight she hadn’t known she carried lifted from her shoulders. “Yeah, he is.” She pulled free of her dad’s embrace and glanced over her shoulder. She knew Grayson heard her father. Even as quiet as Daddy tried to be, they were shifters. “Yeah, he really is.”
“I’ll gut him if he’s mean to you.” Brute was the perfect example of subtlety.
Honor glared at her brother. “He won’t, but if he is and you try, he’ll wipe the floor with your mangy ass—” She stuttered and glanced at Katie, the little girl hugging her father’s leg. “Assumer.”
“That makes no sense.” Brute grinned.
“I’m working with what I got,” she snapped.
“Were you gonna say ‘ass,’ Aunt Honor?” The pup’s voice was filled with innocence. “Because I heard that one before. The Prima told the Prime to get his ass to the—”
Alex’s roar shook the entire yard and she realized the Prime stood a handful of feet from their spot. It looked like he was on his way to join their small group, but now he had another destination in mind. “Maya!”
“What?” the Prima yelled in response as she pushed her way through the crowd. “I didn’t do anything today! At all. I was almost good, even.”
The Prime’s growl vibrated through the air and then he was stomping toward the Prima, murder filling his gaze. Instead of running, or appearing scared, she looked excited. In no time Maya was over Alex’s shoulder and she was waving goodbye to everyone.
“Feel free to stay as long as you like and don’t bother us unless the sky is falling!” The Prima’s words echoed through the yard as she disappeared into the pride house.
The move reminded her of her graduation, of being dragged into the woods. If only… If only it’d been different. Though, looking at Grayson of today, she knew she never would’ve been truly happy had they mated all those years ago. They were different people now. In some ways better, in other ways worse, but now they were ready.