The thought of him and Liv together has me wanting to bash my head against the steering wheel. How he could leave her behind is beyond me; he’s a fucking idiot. But whether I like it or not, he’s decided to come back and try to take back what isn’t his anymore. I can’t let him do that; every fiber of who I am knows I can’t just give in. I know Liv, though. I saw the scraps of a woman he left behind. She might not fall at his feet and praise the Lord he’s back, but she won’t stop him from stepping back into her life at some point.
Because of Rose.
Christ, especially after she grew up not knowing a thing about the guy who had a hand in creating her. And can I really stop her? No. I might be selfish in wanting to keep them both to myself, but I know deep down that even I’m not so selfish as to keep a child from her biological father.
Sure, when I first found out that Liv was pregnant, I was shocked as fuck. I mean I wasn’t only insanely attracted to her—I can’t even describe it really—but something about her just called to something within me. Sunk its hooks in and wouldn’t let go. But I stepped back, fully intending to back off and stay out of something that wasn’t my business. And that might’ve worked if it weren’t for one thing. It was too damn late, and I couldn’t get her out of my fucking head. I never dreamed I’d be lucky enough for her to let me inside her broken heart. I just knew I needed her in my life however she’d allow that to happen. And when Rose arrived? God, it was surreal. That immediate, overwhelming love I felt as soon as I first set my eyes on her was as if she were my very own. I honestly don’t think I can live without either of them.
I flick my turn signal on to turn onto their street. I never usually show up after I’ve pulled an all-nighter, but I’ve subconsciously ended up here anyway.
The sun is just starting to crawl above the horizon as I park my truck on the street. I close my door quietly, trying not to disturb the sleeping neighborhood. Walking in the door, I turn the lock, put my keys down on the counter, and stalk down the hallway to Liv’s room. Stripping out of my clothes, I take my glasses off, climb in on the other side of the bed, and just watch her sleep as my head spins in circles of anxiety.
Her dark lashes rest peacefully above her slightly sculpted cheekbones. Her perfect mouth blows out puffs of air while she’s lost in a world far away from this one. At least I think she is until those green eyes are open and staring straight at me.
“Hey,” she whispers, her voice husky with sleep.
I smile. “Sorry, go back to sleep.”
“It’s okay; I only got up once with Rose a few hours ago. What are you doing here?”
“It just kind of happened. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s just that you usually go home after working all night. You okay?” She looks as if she’s just remembered why I might be showing up in her bed at five a.m. in the morning.
Her curious gaze softens as she moves to my chest. Kissing my throat, she whispers, “It’ll be okay.”
I blow out a huge breath, wrapping my arm around her and rubbing my hand over the smooth skin of her back under her shirt.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because … I’ve got you.”
We lay in silence for a few minutes.
“Fuck, I feel like a dick. I should be the one reassuring you. Making sure you’re okay.”
She laughs lightly, the sound causing my cock to harden.
“You’ve done that for me already, Sebastian. And I’ll get through this, especially with you by my side.”
My gut churns as I think about what’s to come. What he’s going to try to take from me. I know I’m not jumping to conclusions. A man knows when something necessary to his survival is suddenly threatened.
“I can’t ever lose you, Liv.” I breathe into her hair. “But fuck if I know how to deal with this. He’s …” I swallow. “Her dad.”
She raises her head. “Okay, enough.” She presses her lips to mine. “No sense in worrying about what-ifs when we can do that in a few hours after the sun’s high in the sky.” Her voice lowers to a husky whisper. “I’d much rather do something else right now, anyway.” Her hand trails a path over my stomach down to my briefs, where my cock is already hard and waiting. Then she’s disappearing under the covers, pulling my boxer briefs down my legs. Her soft hand wraps around my length, followed by her mouth. My eyes drift closed at the feel of her warm, wet lips and tongue as she starts sucking, taking as much of me into her mouth as she can. I groan and push the covers back to watch her in the early morning light that’s starting to filter through the cracks of her curtains.
Yeah, maybe worrying can wait a few more hours.
I pull her up my body, gripping the hem of her shirt and tugging it over her head. Her brown hair tumbles down to half cover those beautiful tits. My hands cup them, thumbs rubbing softly over the stiff peaks of her nipples as she gazes down at me. I watch as her green eyes cloud over with lust and her breathing picks up. Fuck me; I love that I put that look there.
One of my hands drifts down to rub her through her panties. “Off,” I whisper. She complies, rolling off me a little to drag them down her long legs and flick them to the floor. I pull her back over my waiting cock, a shiver racing down my spine as she starts to rub herself over me.
I can’t take it anymore, and luckily, I don’t have to. Liv aligns herself and slowly sinks down, working me slowly inside her tight, warm heat.
I sit up, needing some semblance of control. I grab her head and bring her lips to mine as my other arm wraps tight around her waist. My tongue desperately seeks hers as I help move her over me. She moans into my mouth, causing another shiver to tingle up my spine and my balls to tighten.
She pulls away. “Seb, it’s … it’s too much.”
Yet she doesn’t stop riding me.
“Want to stop?” I smirk.
Her eyes widen. “No, shit, don’t stop.”
I keep her held tight to my chest, rocking up into her. I move her hair to kiss my way up the side her neck, nipping and sucking as I go until I reach her ear. “The thought of him near you, touching you, trying to take back what he threw away. Trying to take what’s mine … It’s driving me insane. I just want to fucking crawl underneath your skin and erase every part of him,” I rasp.
She pauses her movements, grabbing the sides of my face to meet her burning gaze. “You already have; it’s only you,” she breathes.
I stare into her eyes, eyes that beg me to believe her. And I do. I just pray to God it stays that way. I take her lips in a brutal kiss before flipping her onto her back and pounding into her like a man possessed. Hell, maybe I am; it sure as fuck feels like it. This need to make sure she knows exactly who she belongs to now has me taking her harder than I ever have before. She doesn’t complain—fuck, no. Her pussy begins to clamp down on my cock within minutes as her cries increase in volume. I smother them with my mouth, grabbing one of her still quivering legs to spread her wider and allow me deeper inside. Pounding into her relentlessly as my vision clouds over with the force of my impending orgasm.
“Fuck, yes.” My balls draw up tight; my thrusts start to slow as she rakes her nails up and down my back, and I release every last drop of me inside her. Marking her as mine like an animal trying to ward off potential threats.
She’s soon laying on my chest, drifting off to sleep with my fingers weaving through her hair. And despite feeling better now, with her in my arms, I know I won’t be able to ignore what happened yesterday, and the determination that emanated from every inch of that fucker.
“Yes, I know, Mom. Shit, look …” I pause and wait for her to finish tearing me a new asshole.
“I mean honestly, I almost thought you’d developed a split personality. You’re clearly not the same man I raised. Do you think she’ll even let you near that baby girl after everything you’ve done?”
“Wasn’t that the point of you sending me those pictures? To get me to come back?” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying
to keep my cool.
“Well, yes. But they were a last resort. I didn’t think they’d even have any effect on you, not after what you’d already done. Plus, I sent them two weeks ago,” she huffs into my ear.
I stroll over to the coffee machine in my mom’s kitchen, thanking my lucky stars that she’s in England and not giving me the third degree in person. Fuck knows I deserve it, but that doesn’t mean I want it, though. Hearing it over the phone is bad enough.
I flick it on and grab a mug. “Look, I had some shit to figure out before I could just bail. Okay? And I’m back, aren’t I? I know what I did and all that I haven’t done. So save it, yeah? Just …” I blow out a breath and pour the coffee into my mug. “Just give me some time and ease up. Please.”
She’s quiet, which isn’t always good when it comes to my mom. I put the coffee pot back and lean back against the bench. Waiting.
“If you think for one second that you deserve for anyone to go easy on you after abandoning your pregnant girlfriend, you’ve got another thing coming, my boy. Good grief, you’re making my hair turn gray by the second.” She sighs. “I’ll talk to you later.” She then hangs up before I can even say a damn word.
I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen for a moment before putting it on the counter and taking a sip of my coffee. She’s right about one thing, though; I can’t expect anyone to go easy on me, and I don’t. But fuck, I just need five minutes. Five minutes to sort out this fucked-up plan I had and come up with a new one. Lord knows I need one after coming home to find what I did.
Jesus, she can’t seriously have moved on from what we had.
I run a hand through my hair and close my eyes, trying not to let the rage take hold again. I don’t know what I expected, though, when I left my beautiful, amazing, pregnant girl behind like I did. I guess I wasn’t thinking. Just acting. And by the time it all caught up with me, really sunk its filthy ass teeth into my dipshit brain, it was too late. I’d already been gone for two months. Two months in a new town, a new job, and hell, even new women. A new job that I justified leaving town for because of the money that working as an on-site foreman would provide. Money for a family I wanted no part of and that I acted as though didn’t exist. It was easier that way—until now, at least. I ignored calls, emails, Facebook. Shit, I even stopped replying to Beau’s texts, and we’ve been best friends for years. My life consisted of working, drinking, fucking, and sleeping … basically anything that would help me ignore everything that reminded me of what I left behind and what a huge fucked-up asshole I was.
“Yo!” The shouting followed by banging at the front door jerks me mercilessly from my thoughts. “Open up, dickhead. I know you’re back.”
Speaking of … I walk down the hallway and swing the door open, only to be greeted by a right hook to the cheek.
“Fuck! What the hell?” I hunch over and rub my cheek, the very same one that’s still trying to heal from that asshole’s assault yesterday.
Beau slams the door behind him before laying it on thick. “You had that coming, and you know it, you fucking idiot,” he seethes. “What the fuck were you thinking, leaving her here like that? And with a fucking baby? I mean, are you certifiably insane?”
Righting myself, I turn for the kitchen, nabbing a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and a dish towel before answering him.
“Hello to you too, asshole.” I glare at him before conceding. “I wasn’t thinking. I was just fucking feeling, feeling like I didn’t want a kid, wasn’t ready for it. I was scared shitless, all right? And I … I took it too far.” I take a seat on a kitchen stool as he stands with his arms folded, leaning against the entryway.
I bring the peas up to my cheek. “It was too late, Beau,” I say quietly and duck my head. “I’d been gone for two months before it even started to sink in. Two fucking months.” I shake my head. “I didn’t deserve to come back here, not to them. Not after the shit I’d already done in that two months.” I swallow, trying not to cry like a bitch because of something that’s my god damn fault anyway.
“Shit, Z.” I look up to see Beau scrub his palms down his face.
“What the hell are you going to do?” He looks hesitant for a minute before continuing, “You know, she’s …”
I put up my other hand, not needing to hear it. “I know. Had the pleasure of finding that out yesterday when I went straight to her house.”
“So you know it’s pretty serious between them, right? You can’t just waltz back into town and fuck shit up for them. He’s a good guy; he’s been there for her, through almost everything—especially with Rose.”
My jaw clenches so hard I think I’m gonna crack a tooth. “Don’t,” I snarl. “I don’t wanna hear a damn thing about him.”
“Even if he took care of your baby? The one that you didn’t want. The guy’s practically the only father she has.” He stabs a finger at me. “Don’t fuck that up. That shit’s not fair. Not for her or for him. He stepped up after your balls shriveled up, turning you into a whining bitch who threw the most epic tantrum I’ve ever seen from a grown man. So you’d better deal with that.” His face is resolute; no fucks given about how what he’s saying might affect me. I glare at him then look away. He’s right—I know he is—but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna admit it. No, thanks. I’ve fucked up, but I want back what’s rightfully mine. And I don’t care who I trample on or what I have to do to make that happen.
He repeats his earlier question. “So what are you gonna do? What are you even hoping to accomplish now anyway, after being gone so long?”
Sighing, I place the peas on the counter and stare at them for a beat.
“I want them back, Beau. I came back for them.” I shrug and look over at him. “So whatever I have to.”
He stares at me, his jaw clenching before cursing under his breath. “Dude, seriously?” He laughs sardonically. “You know what? Whatever, man. You’re clearly gonna do shit your own special way again. Even if it fucks everything up for you … again.” He turns and flips me off over his shoulder as he walks down the hallway toward the door. “If you decide to man up, you know where to find me. Later, dick.”
“Whatever,” I scoff at the same time the front door slams closed, the sound taking all my false bravado with it. My shoulders slump as I place my elbows on the counter and bury my head in my hands.
“Hello?” I place the phone between my shoulder and ear as I pick up a grumpy Rose. Cradling her to my chest, I rock her which, thankfully helps her settle.
“Liv!” Millie all but screams. “What in the fresh hell is going on? Apparently, the whole town’s up in arms over the news of fucking Zeke returning, which I’ll get to in a minute. Hang on.” I wait as she snaps at someone in the background. “This is an emergency, okay? Give me a freaking break, sheesh.” I hear a door closing on her end of the line as I go take a seat on the couch, letting Rose lie on my legs and gaze up at me.
“Okay, back. Why haven’t you called me? I had to find out from overhearing three different random conversations. One at The Shed and two as I was getting to work. Dude!” she hisses. “So not cool. If I could reach through the phone and nipple cripple you, I’d totally have done it by now.”
A laugh escapes before I quickly sober. “It only just happened yesterday. I’ve barely even had time to process it myself. He and Seb got into it as soon as he showed up at my door.” I sit back and place my hand on Rose’s belly as I stare up at the ceiling, looking for answers and guidance from the off-white paint.
“No way,” she breathes. “They got into a fight?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Who threw the first punch?”
“Mil, focus, not important.”
She scoffs. “I beg to differ. I bet it was Seb. No, wait … it was Zeke, wasn’t it?” I can practically hear her drumming her fingers together with excitement.
“It was Seb,” I concede then go ahead and tell her all that happened, keeping my voice down on account of Seb be
ing asleep in the bedroom.
“Oh, my God, Liv!” she whispers. “This is insane and what a dick. The fucker won’t know what hit him when I set my eyes on him for the first time in almost a freaking year.”
“Mil, come on,” I groan. “What the hell am I going to do?”
“Wait, you don’t still have feelings for the jerk, do you?”
If only it were that simple.
“No.” I sigh. “I mean … I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
She’s quiet before hissing at me, “You don’t think so? You don’t fucking think so? What in the hell is wrong with you, Liv? He’s a grade-a asshole who kicked your six-year relationship and pregnant ass to the curb before skipping town.”
She won’t understand, and I don’t know how to explain. What Zeke and I had, it was a first for me. He was my whole world. To have him uproot that world by leaving has left scars buried deep. And now that he’s back, it’s clear I’ll probably always care about him more than I should. Though it pales in comparison to how I feel about Seb.
“You have nothing to worry about, Mil. Zeke is, was a huge part of my life for such a long time. You know that.” I pat Rose’s tummy when she starts to get too fidgety. “I can’t just switch that off. He’ll always mean something to me. But you and I both know I’ve moved on, and I’m happy. I’m not about to throw that away. I may be naïve at times, but I’m not that stupid.”
She hums. “I get that, I really do. But just … really think about how this is all going to work. I mean Zeke is a hotheaded fucker, you know that. I doubt he’s going to just let you and Seb carry on playing happy family while he watches from the sidelines.”
I try to swallow down my confusion. After Seb had left for work last night, I tossed and turned until I finally fell into a restless sleep. Not believing all that had happened earlier that day—that Zeke’s really back in Ivy Falls. Anxiety plagues me as I try in vain to work out exactly what it is I’m supposed to do about it. I have no idea how this might all pan out, so I’ve settled on trying to take it one day at a time for now. I can’t and won’t keep Rose from Zeke if he wants to be a part of her life. But he’s going to have to learn there’s no going back for us, and I hope he’ll accept that.
Erase (The Expiration Duet Book 2) Page 2