She’s got a point there, so why can’t I just let go of this feeling of betrayal?
“I don’t know, Wilma …” I sigh. “I can’t risk him doing something like that again. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
She just glares at me.
“What?” I ask
“Because one would assume you’re handling not being with him at all so spectacularly well.” She smirks.
It’s my turn to glare at her. She’s right, again, and damn it, I kind of hate it.
I huff. “Can we change the subject?”
She reluctantly humors me, and we discuss work and what they’ll need from me when I start working from home next week followed by Ken’s new obsession with NASA before saying our goodbyes and exiting into the late April sunshine.
I wave at Wilma as she climbs into Ken’s Range Rover and adjust my bag over my shoulder. I turn to start the walk back to Linda’s house only to smack right into a warm chest. Arms wrap around me to steady me on my feet.
“I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, man.” Seb’s deep baritone rumbles over my head. I look up into his eyes and gulp. Of course. Of course, I run right into him now. After Wilma’s words have left me in a state of confusion that has my resolve unraveling until it’s just a mere wisp of a thread. I feel it there, just waiting for me to let go, to let it snap and break loose so that I can take what I want, what my heart and soul keeping crying out for. Him.
“Seb …” I try to take a step back, but his arms only tighten.
“Don’t, just … come with me.” He grabs my hand and tugs me along until we’re entering the door outside Mariel’s bakery. I pause at the bottom of the stairs leading up to his apartment, hearing the door close behind me.
I tug my hand back when he turns around.
“What are we doing here? I have to go. I need to pick up Rose soon.”
He comes down the few steps he’d walked up until he’s standing right in front of me. He moves forward, crowding me until my back is against the wall at the bottom of the stairs.
“I don’t know. I just saw you there and knew I couldn’t walk away. I can’t walk away from you, from this any more than you can, Liv. Admit it.”
I start to tremble at the look in his brown eyes. Heat and yearning are reflected back at me. Caught up in feeling the heat emanating from his body, in everything he makes me feel, I grab his work shirt and yank him closer.
“I miss you,” I whisper.
That’s all he needs. His lips crash down on mine, and my bag slides down to the floor beneath us as I wrap my arms around him. I need him closer, all over me, inside me. I’m so utterly consumed by this need for him that heat gathers low in my stomach, and the ache between my thighs becomes painful.
I let out a moan as his tongue finds mine.
“I need you, please,” I rasp breathlessly against his lips.
He doesn’t hesitate. He lifts me and takes me upstairs. I wrap my legs around his waist and start unbuttoning his shirt as my lips stay fused to his. We stumble on the steps a few times before we make it to his bed. He lowers me to it as he strips out of his shirt and unzips his pants. Kicking his boots off, he watches as I yank my dress over my head and unclasp my bra.
His nostrils flare when I rise up to my knees to lower my panties slowly down my thighs. They’ve barely hit the bed beneath me when he abandons stripping and lunges for me, his lips going straight to mine as we stay on our knees in the center of his bed. I bite his lip and am rewarded with a curse as my nails run down the smooth ridges and indents of his chest and abs. I tuck my hand inside his boxers and wrap it around him, finding him hard as steel and heavy in my palm. I grip and squeeze gently, hearing his breath hitch in his throat as he ducks his head to my neck and palms my breasts. My head tilts back as he licks and sucks while his thumbs softly trace a path around the stiff peaks of my nipples until a hand leaves my breast to travel down my stomach, stopping between my legs. He raises his head to rest it against mine as he gently strokes a finger over my slit a few times. The air leaves my lungs as his eyes flare and his finger parts me, trailing up and down my wet flesh.
“Still mine,” he growls heatedly.
At a loss for words due to the gentle stroking of his finger, I just stare, utterly transfixed by sensation.
“Say it. Say you’re still mine.” He nudges his nose against mine.
I swallow, whispering the words that hold more truth than I’ve let myself believe. “Always … always yours.”
He groans again and takes my lips at the same time he inserts a finger. Sliding inside and torturing me slowly while his teeth sink into my bottom lip. I pant into his mouth. Needing more, needing everything I dared to think I could live without.
I feel myself creep closer to the edge with every thrust of his finger and gentle thumbing of my clit. I’m nearly there when he withdraws and lowers me to my back, causing me to whine and let go of the firm hold I had on his length.
He doesn’t bother removing his pants, just lowers his boxer briefs over his ass then drags my panties off and leaves them lying somewhere on the bed behind him.
He climbs on top of me. “Never again. I’ll never be so stupid again. I promise you.”
I don’t answer; I just grab his face to bring his mouth to mine. I stroke my tongue along his lips, drowning in the heady taste of him when I feel him aligned at my entrance, gently rocking forward. I suck in a breath and exhale shakily, wrapping my legs around him as he sinks deeper.
He tucks his head into my neck.
“Fucking hell.” He groans once he’s all the way in.
I try to lower my heart rate as I adjust to him stretching me so completely, the burn igniting to boiling point the longer we lie here. His arms are wrapped underneath my shoulders, his fingers tangled in my hair. My hands run up and down the smooth expanse of his broad back, feeling the muscles bunch under my touch. His breathing evens out, and he starts kissing my neck, murmuring, “I love you. I love you so fucking much that it physically hurts to be away from you.”
Tears sting my eyes. I can’t do this right now … I just need to feel him. “Fuck me, please.”
His head rears back, his arms flexing as he rises, and I watch his brows furrow as he gazes down at me. I avert my eyes to his bedside table, finding a picture of Rose and me sitting there against his lamp. I choke on a sob. Not able to comprehend how we could mean so much to this man, yet he still left us. I forgive him—I do. I just don’t know how to forget. This nagging pain in my chest and fear just won’t let me.
He turns my chin his way. “Liv, I’m sorry. So god damn sorry. But how long are you going to keep punishing me? Punishing yourself?”
I shake my head. “I know you are. But I just … I don’t know.”
He stares at me a beat then blows out a breath. “Maybe we shouldn’t …”
I let out a watery laugh. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it? Besides”—I meet his gaze—“I want this. I need it, and I know you do, too.”
He continues to stare down at me before relenting and lowering himself to his forearms, his face hovering just above mine. “I’ll make you believe one more time, beautiful. One more time is all you’re gonna need.”
He doesn’t wait for an answer, just takes my lips in a kiss that sends my heart pumping in an almost bruising rhythm. I whimper when he finally starts to slowly rock in and out of me.
I open my eyes, finding his on mine. “I love you. I love the shit out of you, Olive Sawyer.”
He kisses a tear that escapes as I answer him. “I love you, too.”
He buries himself to the hilt and starts grinding in a way that has me seeing stars. My eyes close again as I start to breathe heavily. “Seb …”
He chuckles against my lips. “Feel good?”
I nod. Oh, my fucking God, does it feel good. His pelvic bone is rubbing against my clit with just the right amount of friction.
He drags his cock out then slams back in to grind and rock agains
t me again then repeats the process over and over. Driving me fucking crazy with pleasure.
“Seb, I need to come,” I pant. He gets me so insanely close only to withdraw and start the process all over again.
“You will.” He kisses my chin. “Fuck, I’ve missed your tight pussy.”
“Seb!” I yell loudly as he thrusts speed up.
I’m getting delirious, dizzy, and drunk on this deliciously slow, repetitive build toward the edge of climax.
“Wanna come, beautiful?” He nips my earlobe before meeting my gaze.
“Yes,” I rasp. “Please.”
He grins, his chest heaving up and down, then groans as I score my nails down his back.
“Keep your eyes on me. I want to watch you fall apart on my cock,” he demands then speeds his pace up. Withdrawing slowly and slamming back into me until he loses himself and starts pounding fast and hard. I come with him sucking my tongue and lips while his hooded eyes watch me. I almost scream from the force of it, feeling my legs spasm violently around his waist before his thrusts start to slow. I watch as his dark eyes flare wide; he releases my mouth and then groans long and deep in his throat as he empties himself inside me.
Catching our breath, we simply just stare at each other for a while. This feels so right, so perfect. But I still don’t know whether I should trust this feeling or if I really am just overthinking it. So when he gets up and goes to the bathroom, I’m already dressed and waiting nervously for him when he comes back into the room.
The smile falls off his face when he sees me standing by his bedroom door.
“I really do need to get to Rose,” I say quietly, looking at his bare chest instead of his face.
He walks over to me and wraps me up in his arms. I can’t help it; I let myself sink into the embrace, needing another fix. I hate this. I just want to stay or take him with me wherever I go. I want him with me. Always. I just can’t quite get this fear to quiet enough to let the words out.
He kisses my hair. “Don’t run away from us. You’re wasting your time. I’ll only follow you … to the ends of the earth if I have to.”
He releases me, and I give him a weak smile before turning to the door. I’m almost there when he grabs my arm and spins me around, backing me up against the wall as his lips crash down on mine one more time. I willingly submit and take what I need, knowing it’ll never be enough. He releases them, and I open my eyes to see his close as he swallows.
“When will I see you again?” I hear his own fear, the uncertainty as he braces himself for my answer.
I honestly don’t know what to tell him. Do I tell him that he can see me whenever he wants? For the rest of our lives like I truly want to? Or do I admit to feeling unsure and scared out of my brain that he’ll hurt me once again?
But isn’t it already hurting enough?
I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to shut off my thoughts in order to escape his apartment with some ration of sanity.
I open them and say the only thing I can think of. “I don’t know. I’ll call you?”
He opens his eyes, and I’m mesmerized by the movement of his lashes as he stares down at me. I know it’s not what he wanted to hear, but it’s the best I can do right now.
He sighs then nods and steps back. I let my eyes rake over his half-naked form before ducking my head and walking out the door. I fix my hair as I walk down the stairs, grab my handbag from the bottom, and step out onto the street. Feeling like a thousand stares are piercing my vulnerable skin the whole way to Linda’s house.
“Mathews, we’ve got a call.” Simon’s voice forces me out of my thoughts. Whoever the fuck said that guys don’t daydream is lying because we absolutely do. After seeing Liv, all I can think about is the way she wrapped her legs around me and gave me everything she had.
Christ, I feel like a junkie who finally got a fix, only to discover that it’s not quite enough. I’ll never get enough.
“What are we in for this time?” I ask Simon as I approach him.
He laughs. “I’ll fill you in on the way.”
I fucking hate it when he says that because it usually means it’s Mr. Donaldson or some other poor schmuck who thinks the worst of a minuscule situation.
We head for the truck, and I jump up into the driver’s side while Simon gets into the passenger side. Once belted in, I notice Simon putting in the address to our destination on the GPS. Fuck.
“Seriously, that’s where we’re going?” I glare at him as if it’s his fault the location is less than favorable. I start the engine and begin to follow the map on the screen.
“Yup,” he replies and rubs his hands together.
“What’ve we got to look forward to?” God, it could be anything. We really have seen it all, but as soon as you start thinking that, something naturally comes along to remind us that no, no we haven’t—not yet.
“Ahh, the trials and tribulations in our line of work. The possibilities are endless. But don’t worry; you’re sex dungeon free today.”
I laugh at that; I told him about it a few months back.
He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. “So it appears we’ve got another guy with chest pains on our hands.”
Damn it. Well, at least it’s not Mr. Donaldson. That guy has given us the runaround so many times that our heads start to spin whenever we get a call out for this kind of thing.
“Okay, have we got any more details?” I say, continuing to keep my eyes on the road.
“Don’t think you’re gonna have to prepare too much for this one. You know we’re heading to a pretty rough neighborhood just on the outskirts of town. The only details I have are that it’s a thirty-two-year-old male complaining of bad chest pains,” Simon finishes and turns toward me. “I’m not aware of any other details yet, just that his wife called it in.”
“Okay, got it. Let’s hope it’s nothing too serious,” I murmur.
We continue to ride in silence, and I can’t stop my thoughts from swaying back to Liv. I wonder what she’s doing, if she’s thinking about what happened between us as much as I am, and if she’s ready to let me all the way back in again. God, I fucking hope so.
“Shit.” I glance over at the GPS. “Okay, looks like we’re about two minutes out. Seeing as we don’t have many details, I’ll quickly radio in when we get there,” I say, checking the traffic before skipping the lights.
Simon agrees with me, and then we’re soon pulling up to the small house.
He nods his head at me, and we simultaneously jump from the truck and move around to the rear and quickly open the doors to grab our gear.
“I’ll grab the gear,” Simon waves me off as he starts rummaging through the back of the ambulance to get exactly what we need.
I move to the front of the truck and grab the radio.
“EMT two four three, Mathews here,” I say clearly into the radio.
“Go ahead two four three,” the dispatcher says.
“Do we have any more details on the situation on Rowford Street?” I question and frown over at the house.
“No other details,” she states.
“Thanks. Two four three, out,” I confirm.
Placing the radio back down, I again jump from the truck and walk around the back. Simon is ready with our gear in hand. I roll the gurney from the back of the truck and slam the doors closed as Simon throws the gear on the mattress. I walk up the cracked concrete path with him on my heels with the gurney then knock hard on the door.
“EMT, open up,” I yell to make sure I’m heard.
Hearing yelling from inside, I assume they can’t hear us, so I grab the door knob and turn it, finding it unlocked. Opening the door a few inches, I yell out again, “EMT, now entering.”
I open the door wide for Simon to enter with the gurney and gear, and as he does, I yell out again. “EMT, can anyone hear me?”
“You fuckers be takin’ your time,” a woman says as she stands in the hallway. She’s possibly only in her early to mid-
thirties, but by the looks of it, some kind of addiction has taken her hostage. With a small, weak frame, thinning hair, and the track marks up her arm, that’s indication enough to know what we’re dealing with.
“Sorry, ma’am, got here as quickly as we could. Can you show us to the patient? Is he your husband?” I ask her sternly.
“Patient? My husband ain’t no fuckin’ patient of yours. He doesn’t deserve your treatment. He’s a fuckin’ cheatin’ asshole,” she screams at me. But funnily enough, she still points me in the direction of her husband. I go to step around her, needing to get to him, but she stiffens, stopping me dead in my tracks when she hears sirens in the distance.
“You call the fuckin’ cops on me?” She points at me accusingly. I take a small step back.
“No, ma’am, I’m sure they have other business to deal with.” I try to say with a calm voice.
“Get the fuck out of here and don’t fucking tell them what house it is.” She twists her hands in her greasy hair, looking panicked. “Just get the fuck out, NOW!” she screeches at me, and I don’t quite understand why the hell she thinks the police would be showing up here.
“Sorry, ma’am,” I say while trying to be as passive as possible. This chick seems like she’s about to flip her lid.
She begins pacing back and forth, mumbling incoherent words under her breath. She’s clearly distressed at the thought of the police showing up here.
Fucking hell. “Do you mind showing me to your husband please?” I ask again.
“I said GET OUT!” she screams in my face. I hear Simon begin to back up the gurney, attempting to exit through the door again. I turn to see him struggling, so I lift the other end, and we literally carry it outside to get out as soon as we can. Once we get out, we see two patrol cars pulling up. Continuing the walk back to the truck, I leave Simon with the gear and approach the officers.
“Hey officer, got a thirty-something woman who isn’t giving us access. She seems irrational and was paranoid when she heard the sirens, even after we assured her that we didn’t call you. Not sure where the patient is, she wouldn’t let us near him.” I pause, looking around at the other officers, “Okay. Why the hell has no one told us what the fuck is going on here?” I question Officer Stark as he writes on his notepad.
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