by Helen Lacey
“And you’ll regret it in the morning,” he said, cutting her off.
“So, I’ll regret it,” she said and shrugged. “I don’t care. Isn’t it obvious that’s exactly my point, Tanner—I don’t regret anything,” she said hotly. “Because I’ve never done anything to regret. I always take the easy road. I do the right thing. I keep out of trouble. I keep myself protected from really feeling anything.”
“Until Doug?”
“Including Doug,” she replied. “He was no risk. Because he was never here. And even when he was, he always seemed far away and distracted and so completely out of reach. So that made him safe for me, don’t you see? It made him easy to be with. My expectations were low and that’s all I got.”
“You loved him?”
“Yes,” she said, and felt so much heat and tension emanating from the man in front of her it was as if a fire had been lit in the room. “Maybe I did. Or maybe I thought I did. Or maybe there’s no such thing as love and there’s just this...” She stopped and moved in front of him. “Just crazy chemistry and attraction. Just sex.”
“Nothing’s that simple,” he said and swayed toward her.
“Then let’s make it simple,” she said and placed her palm on his chest. “Stay with me and make love to me tonight.”
He moaned as if the idea gave him pain, and for a second she thought he was going to turn away. But he didn’t. He reached for her and hauled her against his body, gently fisting a handful of her hair as he tilted her head back.
“And tomorrow?” he asked, his mouth hovering above hers. “What then?”
“I don’t want to think about tomorrow. Only now. Only how I want to be with you tonight, without ghosts or pretense between us.”
He nodded fractionally and kissed her with such intense passion she almost fainted. When he lifted his mouth from hers she was gasping for breath and so aroused her head was spinning. She pulled back and put space between them, taking in deep gulps of air, her mouth tingling from the heat and passion in his kiss.
She’d never been sexy. She’d never considered herself seductive in any shape or form. And she’d never openly offered herself to anyone in her life. But she’d never wanted a man the way she wanted Tanner, either.
“Cassie...I think—”
“Don’t think,” she said on a rasp of hot breath. “Don’t think about anything except this moment. I don’t care about tomorrow and I don’t care what this means. Because maybe it doesn’t mean anything...maybe it’s just about two people who want each other right now.” She walked toward the door and looked over her shoulder. “No ghosts,” she whispered and then walked down the hallway.
*
Tanner had imagined and dreamed about being with Cassie more times than he dared count. And in none of those dreams had he let himself believe she’d look at him with such burning, raw desire. She was so incredibly beautiful that he was literally lost for words. Watching her hips sway and the seductive turn of her shoulder as she invited him into her bed was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen in his life.
By the time he’d forced some life into his legs she had disappeared down the hallway. When he reached her bedroom door she was standing at the end of the bed, her eyes clearly saying she was waiting for him. A couple of lit candles flicked shadows on the walls, creating a mood of tempting intimacy.
“No ghosts,” she said again, as though she was confirming it one last time.
And Tanner knew there was no wall between them. In that moment, there was only the two of them, together, alone in her bedroom.
But knowing what was about to happen, he gathered his good sense for a second. “Cassie, I’m not exactly prepared for this.”
She immediately understood what he meant and walked around the bed. She opened the bedside drawer and extracted a small box. “I am,” she said, suddenly all brazen confidence. She dropped a condom on the pillow and moved back around the bed.
She was setting the pace and for the moment he didn’t mind one bit.
One hand clasped the top of the coat-style black dress she wore and she began to unclip the buttons with excruciating, seductive slowness. Mesmerized, Tanner stayed by the door and watched, wholly aroused as she popped one button, and then the next, and the next, until the dress was opened right down the front. She shrugged and slipped the garment off her shoulders and it dropped to the floor. The smoothness of her creamy skin was highlighted by the dark contrast of the black bra and briefs she wore, and Tanner clenched his fists to pump some blood back into his hands and heart before he passed out.
The dips and curves of her body were mesmerizing. Her full breasts rounded over the low-cut bra in pure temptation. She twisted her hands behind her back and unclipped her bra. Her breasts fell forward, rosy-tipped and beautiful, and he fought the urge to race forward and take her in a rush of heat and desire. He looked at her breasts and his palms burned with an aching need to touch her. Cassie gave a little smile, as if she knew exactly how enticing she was. She hooked her thumbs into her briefs and pushed them over her hips and past her knees and feet.
There was something ethereally beautiful about her and in all his life he’d never forget how she looked standing naked in front of him—like an entrancing mix of temptation and haunting vulnerability. He wanted to say something. He wanted to tell her how lovely she was and declare every ounce of feeling he had for her. But no words came out. He could only watch, enthralled and aroused, as she met his gaze and smiled.
“Let’s have a shower first,” she said and backed up until she reached the door of the en suite bathroom.
A shower? Tanner wasn’t sure he’d make it. He looked at her, wanting her in ways he hadn’t imagined he’d ever want anyone.
But he took about two seconds to ditch his clothes and join her.
She was backed up against the wall and water sluiced over her skin. He hauled her close, kissing her hungrily. She kissed him back and clung to his shoulders. The warm water created an erotic slide between them and he wondered vaguely how he’d ever shower again without imagining, without wanting Cassie pressed against him.
She said his name low in her throat and Tanner eased back. She looked up and smiled as she grabbed the soap, put a little space between them and slowly worked the bar over his chest in small circles into a foamy lather. Tanner dropped his arms to his sides and clenched his fists. He’d let her have her way for the moment. Besides, with all the blood rushing to one part of his body he actually wondered if he might really pass out. She toyed with his nipples for a second and smiled.
“You’re smiling?”
She met his gaze. “You make me smile. You make me...”
“What?” he prompted, then took the soap from her hand and dropped it back into the dish.
“Confident,” she admitted huskily. “Unafraid.”
“I’m glad. And you are those things, Cassie. You’re strong and beautiful and smart.”
She sighed, and the sound echoed through his chest. Then he kissed her, hotly, hungrily, taking her tongue in an erotic dance. She kissed him back. He kissed her again. Back and forth, taking and giving.
“Cassandra,” he muttered against her lips. “Let’s get out of here.”
She nodded and he switched off the water. They were out of the shower in seconds and dried off just as quickly. By the time they tumbled onto the bed Tanner had captured her mouth again and kissed her long and deep. She lay down and he moved to her side. He ran his fingertips over her hip and waist before gently grazing his knuckles against one erect nipple. She moaned and raised her mouth to his again, kissing him sweetly. Tanner cupped her breasts, first one, and then the other, before he replaced his hands with his mouth. Cassie arched back on the bed as he rolled his tongue across the tender flesh.
They kissed and touched, fuelling the heat swirling between them. Each stroke was hotter than the one before, each kiss deeper. Every sigh she gave made Tanner want to love her more, need her more, as if he needed air in his lungs.
Her hands were over his chest, his ribs and his waist. There was nothing shy about her touch. When she reached lower and touched him where he ached to be touched, Tanner thought he might pass out. He ran his hands along her skin, finding the place where she was wet and ready for him, and slowly caressed her, finding a gentle rhythm that made her moan encouragingly. Tanner watched her come apart in his arms and felt her pleasure across his skin and through his blood.
“Now,” she whispered breathlessly against his mouth and linked her leg through his. “Please.”
Tanner speedily retrieved the condom from the pillow. She took it and sheathed him quickly. And when finally he was inside her, looking down into her beautiful face, he could think only one thing.
I’m home...
*
Cassie knew making love with Tanner would be extraordinary. She knew his touch would drive her wild. But she hadn’t expected that his possession would consume her mind, her body and her heart. He rested his weight on his arms as they moved together and she was eased into a rhythm that created a heady sensation of narcotic pleasure that pulsed through her blood. With each smooth stroke she was drawn higher. With each kiss she was pushed toward the edge. She touched his shoulders, his arms, his back. She pressed her palms and fingers into his skin to get closer, to feel every inch of him against her. As their kisses grew more urgent, heat spread through her body like wildfire. Cassie felt Tanner tense above her and she instinctively wrapped her legs around him, drawing him closer, wanting him deeper, until they were both taken by a rush of white-hot, incandescent pleasure that left her breathless and more connected to him than she’d ever been to another person in her whole life.
When he rolled onto his back, drawing deep breaths into his lungs, Cassie felt the loss of his skin against hers as if she’d lost part of herself. He grabbed her hand and gently kissed her knuckles.
“Be back in a minute,” he said. He got up and disappeared into the bathroom.
Cassie stretched and sighed. She’d never made love with such passion. Never been so in tune with a lover that it was as though they had been together in another life. Somehow, he knew her. He knew where to touch, where to stroke, where to kiss with a kind of instinctual, soul-reaching intensity.
Is this love?
It didn’t feel like any kind of love she’d experienced before. Because there was a deep connection between them. They’d become friends and now lovers. And it had left her forever changed. When he returned she’d rolled onto her side and he slipped back onto the bed and lay beside her.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly.
She sighed and smiled. “Yes. I’m...good.”
His eyes darkened and he traced the back of his fingers over her shoulder and waist and then laid his hand on her hip. “That was...something.”
Cassie’s mouth curved with delight. She’d never had such a lovely compliment. “Yes, it was.” She ran her hand along his biceps and fingered the hard muscle. “You know, you have a remarkable body.”
Laughter rumbled in his chest. “You, too.” He moved his hand to her cheek and kissed her tenderly. “Your lips taste so good.”
She smiled against his mouth, and then trailed kisses down his neck and lingered at the base of his throat, where his pulse beat strongly. “You taste good, too,” she whispered and moved lower. “Like here,” she teased and moved lower again, sliding her lips down his chest. “And here.”
Tanner groaned as his arms came around her and he pulled her close. He grasped her chin, tilted her face back to meet his and kissed her deeply. They made love again, this time it was slow and languorous as he trailed his mouth down her body and then back up again. He kissed her breasts, her rib cage, her belly and lower still, sending her spinning into a vortex of pleasure so intense, so agonizingly intimate, she could barely draw breath into her lungs as she came apart in his arms.
“Does it hurt?” she asked much later as she lay against his chest and trailed a finger over the long scar on his left thigh.
“Sometimes,” he said as he grabbed her hand and laid it against his stomach.
“You could have been killed in that accident.”
“But I wasn’t,” he said and caressed her back. “I’m here. With you.”
She smiled against his chest. “I’m glad.” She sighed. “By the way, I kind of like you calling me Cassandra.”
Tanner chuckled softly. “Then I will,” he said and stroked her skin. “In moments like this one.”
She nodded and smiled at how intimate that sounded. “What time is it?”
He shifted a little to check the clock on the bedside table. “Just after ten.”
She stirred. “Oliver will wake up in about an hour for a feed. And I’m hungry.”
“Me, too,” he said and rolled her onto her back effortlessly as he kissed her. “Let’s go and eat some leftovers.”
She nodded. Once he released her Cassie slid off the mattress and grabbed her robe from the end of the bed. Tanner was sitting up, watching her.
“What?” she asked.
He shrugged and grinned. “Nothing. I like looking at you.”
Cassie smiled. “You mean you like looking at me naked?”
“Well...yeah. But I like looking at you in any way. I like watching you with Oliver. I like watching you sleep.” He grinned. “Even though you snore.”
She stopped tying the sash on her robe and laughed. “I do not.”
“You do,” he insisted, still grinning.
She popped her hands on her hips. “And when have you seen me sleep?”
“When you were sick,” he replied and pointed to the chair in the corner. “I sat there for a while.”
Cassie stilled. “That was you? I sensed someone was in the room. I thought it was Lauren.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t want to leave you alone in case you needed something.”
Cassie’s heart flipped over. “That was very sweet of you. You’ve done so much for me. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything in return.”
One dark brow came up and he glanced at the rumpled bedsheets. “No?”
Color spotted her cheeks. “Well, besides what we just did before. I’m not sure that counts.”
He laughed softly and sprang off the bed, coming around to take her in his arms. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said and drew her close as his hands slipped beneath the robe to caress her skin. “That counts... That definitely counts.”
And for the next half hour her only thoughts were of the man who’d possessed her body and captured her heart.
*
When Tanner rolled out of bed the following morning it was past seven. The sheets beside him were cool, so he figured Cassie must have been awake for some time. They’d been up a couple of times during the night to tend to a restless Oliver, before heading back to bed to make lazy love again before dawn broke.
He stood, stretched and grabbed the trousers and briefs he’d dumped at the end of the bed in such a hurry the night before. His leg ached and he pressed a hand to the fracture line. He really needed to get back to physical therapy when he returned to Cedar Creek.
But the mere thought of the idea made his chest hurt.
He zipped up the trousers and stretched his shoulders out a little more. He needed coffee and food. Cassie was in the kitchen when he walked through the door, feeding Oliver and laughing with her son. She looked up and smiled.
“Good morning,” she said.
It was a good morning. The best of his life. She looked so adorable in her soft pink robe with the baby in her lap, and as Tanner watched them a deep surge of unquestionable love washed over him. It was unlike any other feeling he’d ever known. And he knew he wanted them for his own. The woman he loved and the son she’d borne to another man. His brother’s family. The family Doug had intended to discard.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, still smiling.
Tanner returned the gesture. “How beautiful you look in the morning.”
He walked to the table and held out his hands to take the baby.
Once Oliver was settled in his arms she got up and poured coffee for them both.
“You’re so good with him,” she said, smiling as she brought the mugs to the table. “You really are a natural with babies. I was so unsure and awkward with him when I first brought him home. I’m a little envious.”
Tanner grinned as Oliver grabbed one of his fingers and held on. “He’s easy to love.”
“He’s going to miss you when you leave,” she said on a sigh, and the mood in the room altered immediately. “So am I.”
Tanner looked up and met her gaze, his insides aching. “I can’t stay, Cassie.”
She nodded. “I know. And I don’t mean to make you feel obligated to stay or anything like that. I’m just...” She stopped and patted her heart with her palm. “I’m just saying what’s in here.”
Tanner pushed back the swell of emotion rising in his throat. What was she really saying? That she had feelings for him? He knew that. Two people didn’t make love as they had and not have feelings for each other. But he wasn’t about to kid himself into thinking it meant she’d fallen in love with him. She’d loved Doug. She probably still did. But last night she’d been grieving and sad and needed someone. Probably anyone. And he’d been there for her. That’s all it was.
“I told you making love would complicate things.”
She shrugged a little. “And I told you I didn’t care. I still don’t. I’m glad we had last night. It was...lovely. And I’ll never regret it.”
He should have been pleased. But inside, he hurt all over. If she’d had regrets it would have been a whole lot easier to leave her as he knew he had to. He needed to return to South Dakota. But the very notion of leaving her and Oliver made his bones ache.
“Neither will I,” he said and knew it was a lie. Tanner did regret it. Because he knew it wouldn’t happen again. She wasn’t his to love. Or have.