by Helen Lacey
“Would you tell me about Leah?”
Leah? He hadn’t expected that. Tanner looked at her directly. “Why?”
“I’d like to know what happened...how two very different brothers could love the same woman.”
Oh...God. Tanner inwardly groaned. If she only knew.
“We met in high school and dated for a while.”
“You were serious about her?” Cassie asked. “You loved her?”
He shrugged. “I thought so at the time.”
“And then Doug came along?”
“Something like that,” he said, ignoring the jabs of unease crawling across his skin. “She fell for him and they had an affair.”
“Behind your back?”
“I wouldn’t have kept seeing her had I known,” he said drily. “When she found out she was pregnant she came clean and told me Doug was the father.”
Cassie’s face screwed up. “You must have been devastated.”
“Well, it wasn’t exactly a picnic. But I could see how upset and sorry she was. And eventually I got through it.”
“Is that when you started traveling? I remember Doug telling me how you took off when you were eighteen. He said you wanted to get away from Crystal Point. He said you hated the town and everything in it. But that’s not true,” she said, watching him over the rim of her mug. “It was him you wanted to get away from. And the memories.”
“I guess,” Tanner said, rocking Oliver gently. “Even though Doug didn’t live here, we’d always stay with Ruthie when we came back to town. I had plans to buy a place around here. Maybe a small cane farm or enough land to graze cattle. But the money was gone and Leah was gone, too...so I took off. I backpacked through Asia and then traveled through Europe for a while. When I was twenty Ruthie arranged for me to spend a summer on her brother-in-law’s horse ranch in Cedar Creek. And I’ve been there ever since. I worked at a few different ranches around the county, breaking and training horses, and saved enough to finally get my own place a couple of years back.”
Cassie’s eyes glistened. “So had things been different, you might have stayed here. You might have bought a place close by and been a part of this town. And we might have met before I—”
“Before you met Doug, you mean?” Tanner shrugged one shoulder. “But we did meet, remember? When we were thirteen.”
She nodded. “I know we did. I guess I was thinking about before Doug bought this house. When you came here that first time to visit Doug...did you remember me?”
“Yes.”
“We didn’t talk much that visit,” she said. “At the time I’d wondered if you thought I wasn’t right...you know...for your brother.”
Tanner met her gaze. “I only thought, how did he get so lucky.”
She smiled. “That’s sweet. But now that I know you I feel very foolish for believing him so unconditionally.”
“You trusted him. You had no reason not to.”
“I suppose. He was a complex man and I don’t think I ever really knew that until now.”
Tanner could see the sadness in her expression and lifted Oliver toward her. “He’s all that matters, right?”
She smiled and her eyes brightened. “Absolutely.”
“Let’s do something today,” he suggested. “I promised Ruthie I’d work with her colt this morning, but later we could go out...maybe have lunch in town?”
She nodded and accepted Oliver in her arms. “We might even persuade Ruthie to join us,” she said. “A family outing would be great.”
A family outing...
Doug’s family. And nothing would ever change that.
Chapter Eleven
“So, something’s clearly changed between the two of you. That girl can hardly keep her eyes off you today.”
Tanner strapped the girth tightly around the colt and ignored the comment. He’d made the mistake of bringing Cassie and Oliver to the Nevelson farm, allowing them to all be scrutinized by a very discerning and curious Ruthie.
“I reckon one more long reining session should do it,” he said and checked the bit and bridle. “Then he should be ready to back with the saddle and ride.”
Ruthie ducked through the fence. “Don’t think you’re getting away from me that easily.”
He stilled and looked at her. “No comment.”
She tutted. “Not like you to let that part of your anatomy do your thinking,” she said bluntly. “Just be careful.”
“I’m always careful,” he said and clicked the colt to step backward. It was the truth. When it came to love and sex Tanner had been cautious and careful his whole life. He’d never let himself get too close... He’d never lasted longer than a few months in any relationship.
“You’re in love with her,” Ruthie said so matter-of-factly that Tanner stopped what he was doing and faced her.
“That would be foolish.”
“Yes,” she agreed and nodded. “It would be. And you’ve never been a foolish man. Until now.” She crossed her bony arms and frowned. “Next thing I know you’ll be asking her to go back to South Dakota and marry you.”
Tanner’s body turned rigid. “No one’s business,” he said and quickly got back to the task. He wasn’t about to admit that the thought had crossed his mind more than once that morning. Being with Cassie and Oliver was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. For the first time in his life he was exactly where he wanted to be. And with whom he wanted. And as much as he knew the whole situation was a complicated mess, he didn’t want that to end.
“I like Cassie. She’s a sweet girl and was always too good for your brother. But he’ll always be between you,” Ruthie said, the ever frank voice of reason. “As much as you don’t want him to be. As much as you try to ignore it.”
Doug...
Most of his life Tanner had gone from loving, to hating, to resenting his brother. But he’d never envied Doug or wanted anything his brother had. Until the day he was introduced to Cassie. It had taken about two seconds to realize she was the same girl he’d kissed on the beach all those years before. Doug had told him she was compliant and uncomplicated and undemanding—exactly the kind of woman his brother was attracted to—one who wouldn’t challenge him or ask anything of Doug he wasn’t prepared to give. And Cassie, with her sweet demeanor and haunting vulnerability, was an easy target for his charming, often misguided brother.
But when she told Doug she was pregnant and wanted a commitment his brother had done exactly what Tanner would have expected...he’d retreated into his soldier shell and told her they’d discuss it when he returned from tour. All the while planning on abandoning her and the baby if she chose to continue with her pregnancy. Just as he had with Leah.
“I know what I’m doing,” he said and led the colt around the corral.
Ruthie followed, unperturbed by his brush-off. “I hope so. And remember, once you tell her how you feel there’s no taking it back.”
He was still thinking about Ruthie’s words half an hour later as he dumped the long-reining gear back to the small tack room at the end of the stables. Ruthie was right. There was no taking it back. Which was exactly why he hadn’t said it. He was in love with Cassie. He loved Cassie and Oliver and ached to make them his own. But he wasn’t in the market for a rejection. And while Cassie had hinted that she had feelings for him other than the attraction that had landed them in bed together, he couldn’t be sure.
“You know, there’s something sexy about watching a man work with a horse.”
He turned. Cassie stood in the narrow doorway. In jeans and a bright red shirt she looked so dazzling it stole his breath. “Have you been watching from the house?”
“I may have admired you from the kitchen window once or twice.” She stepped into the small room. “What were you and Ruthie talking about?” she asked and grinned. “Me?” She chuckled and the lovely sound hit him directly behind the ribs. “I think she’s onto us.”
“Yeah,” Tanner said and managed a tight smile as he shifte
d a couple of saddles onto a rack. “She doesn’t miss much.”
Cassie came closer and sat on a hay bale. “Everything okay?”
“Sure. Is Oliver asleep?”
“Yes. Ruthie’s watching him.” Her mouth curved. “So I thought I’d come and keep you company for a while. I was also thinking of turning over a new leaf...you know, like start trying new things.”
Tanner’s hands stilled on a saddle. “New things?” he queried.
“Well, I’ve never been on an airplane, so that’s something I’d like to do at some point. And I thought I might like to learn how to ride a horse,” she said and smiled suggestively. “If I can find someone to teach me.”
Tanner’s stomach was in knots. They both knew there wasn’t time for that. He was leaving in a week or so. But he smiled agreeably. “Ruthie’s got an old gelding down the back pasture that would do well enough.”
“Great,” she said and got to her feet. She came close and touched his arm. “We should probably get going if we’re to have our outing this afternoon.”
“Sure,” he said and grasped her hand. “I need to clean up first. Let me finish up here and I’ll meet you in the house.”
“Okay,” she said and stretched on her toes to kiss him.
Tanner wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss. They remained in the tack room for a few minutes, making out, kissing and touching as if they hadn’t a care in the world. When they finally pulled apart he was aroused and unable to hide the fact.
“Ah—Cassie, we’d better stop.”
She smiled, as though she knew exactly what she’d done to him. “See you soon,” she said and walked off.
By the time he returned to the house, showered and changed it was past one o’clock. Ruthie declined their invitation to join them and waved them off as they headed off down the driveway. Oliver was gurgling happily in his baby seat. Cassie was humming to an old song on the radio. In that moment he had everything he wanted.
*
The Mount Merry Animal Haven was half an hour outside of Bellandale and had always been one of Cassie’s favorite places as a child. She was delighted when Tanner suggested they visit. It had been a home and sanctuary for animals in need for decades and while the proprietors had changed hands, the peacefulness and serenity of the place had remained unchanged. With Oliver in his stroller and Tanner by her side, they walked around the farm in the afternoon sunshine and Cassie experienced something she’d long forgotten but always longed for.
Family...
As she had when her parents were alive. Or when her grandfather had taken her in and made a home for her. She’d buried her grandfather the day before and today could have been a sad, terrible day. But Tanner had made sure she wasn’t alone. He’d taken her to Ruthie’s and included her in his day. Being with him and Oliver took her mind off losing her grandfather and even if it was just for that moment, she’d treasure the memory forever.
After they visited the baby animal yard and patted an ornery mule whose name was Duke, they had lunch in the small teahouse on the property. For the next hour they chatted to the owners about the animals and laughed when they shared stories about the two ill-mannered llamas that had recently been re-homed with them.
Tanner was attentive and charming and so easy to be around that with each passing hour, she fell for him just that little bit more. Had she ever been so comfortable around anyone before? Had anyone ever made her feel so at ease and so happy in her own skin?
No. It was a startling realization. For the past few years she’d believed Doug was the kind of man she wanted. But she’d been so wrong. Even though Tanner was a little bossy and sometimes showed an arrogant streak, he possessed such elemental goodness that it was impossible to not be drawn toward him.
But he’s leaving...remember?
The idea of losing him from her life was heart-wrenching. He hadn’t spoken about his impending departure and she hadn’t raised the subject, either. Because her heart didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to lose him. Even though she knew it was inevitable. The house was for sale, she needed to find a new home and Tanner was going back to South Dakota.
Accept it...there’s no changing the inevitable.
Or was there?
All her life she’d accepted things. Without argument. Without resistance. Hadn’t she blindly accepted her mediocre relationship with Doug? As if it was all she deserved? His brief visits and lack of commitment should have sent warning bells screaming off in her head. But instead she’d simply acquiesced and accepted it. When she’d told him she was pregnant he’d fobbed her off and said they’d talk soon. On his terms. Not hers. Even when she knew she deserved better. But she wasn’t that woman anymore. Tanner had shown her that. He’d somehow given her the gumption she’d been lacking most of her life.
After lunch they had photographs taken with a bald parrot named George who wore a tiny crocheted jacket and nibbled on Cassie’s earlobe. Tanner bought Oliver a T-shirt from the gift shop and chatted to the elderly sales assistant behind the counter, who they quickly discovered was the aunt of the owner and volunteered in the shop on the weekends.
The older woman came around the counter and peered into the stroller. “He’s such a beautiful baby, such gorgeous big brown eyes,” she remarked and smiled. “You must feel very blessed.” She looked at Oliver again, then Tanner, and met Cassie’s gaze. “And goodness, doesn’t he look the spitting image of his daddy.”
For a second the silence was deafening. Cassie knew she should have corrected the other woman. But nothing came out. Tanner remained standing by the stroller, silent and unmoving. Of course it was a natural assumption. They were together. They had a baby with them. Anyone who didn’t know them would come to the same conclusion and think the baby was theirs. It shouldn’t have made her feel uncomfortable. But it did. She looked at Tanner and tried to read his expression. But his face was a handsome, impassive mask. Of course he wouldn’t want people to assume that another man’s child was his. Oliver was Doug’s son. One day, Tanner would have his own family. His own child. And Oliver would be the nephew he saw occasionally.
And I’ll be forgotten.
It hurt to think it. But she had to stop silly dreams from taking over. Tanner wanted his own family. Not his brother’s leftovers. They’d had the discussion a week earlier and he hadn’t denied it. And she didn’t blame him. She couldn’t. He probably regretted last night, too. He’d warned her how sex would complicate things and he was right on the money. She’d allowed her loneliness and her libido to take control.
They left around four o’clock and headed back to Crystal Point. Tanner was quiet on the drive home and with Oliver sleeping soundly in the backseat and the radio off, the only sound was the gentle hum of the engine.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Of course.”
She wasn’t entirely convinced. “It was a nice afternoon.”
“Yes,” he said and glanced over his shoulder to Oliver. “But I think we wore him out.”
“He’ll sleep well tonight,” she said and fought the urge to lay a hand on Tanner’s jeans-clad thigh. His touch was like tonic and she wanted to feel it again. She wanted to be swept away by his kiss and feel the ecstasy of his complete possession. She wanted him in her bed. She just wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted, too. “So...are you staying for dinner tonight?”
“Am I invited?” he asked, looking at the road ahead.
“Of course.”
He looked sideways for a moment. “Okay.”
There was an elephant in the room. Or more to the point, in the car. And Cassie figured out what it was quick smart.
“You don’t have to stay the night, Tanner,” she said and crossed her hands tightly in her lap. “I’m not going to jump you like I did last night, if that’s what’s on your mind.”
She saw a smile crease his mouth.
“You’re not?” he queried. “Too bad for me, then.”
He was
impossible to read and Cassie’s temperature rose a little. “So, you want to stay?” she asked, suddenly annoyed. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“Of course I want to stay,” he replied tensely.
“Could have fooled me,” she muttered and looked out the side window.
“What?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
He was staying. Great. She should have been happy. It’s what she wanted. Another night in his arms. Another night tasting his kisses and feeling the tenderness of his touch. But she was angry instead.
By the time he pulled the car into the driveway she was so annoyed her skin was hot all over. She grabbed Oliver’s bag and her tote and waited for Tanner to get the stroller from the car before she hiked up the path to the door and unlocked the house. Tanner followed behind her and met her in the nursery. She held out her arms and took the baby.
“Thank you. I’m going to get him bathed and fed.”
Mouse barked and Tanner nodded. “I’ll feed the dog.”
“Okay,” she said stiffly and waited for him to leave the room before she took another breath. She hugged Oliver close and felt some of her rage disappear. She loved her son with all her heart. And he was her only priority.
She bathed him, dressed him in his pajamas, then went to the kitchen and made up his bottle. Determined to avoid Tanner for the moment, she returned to the nursery to feed her son and stayed another half an hour until he drifted off to sleep.
By the time she was back in the kitchen it was nearly six o’clock. She grabbed the kettle to make tea and only stopped when she heard Tanner moving in the doorway.
“Is he asleep?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied, not looking at him. “Do you want tea? Coffee?”
“Coffee,” he said and came behind the counter. “But I’ll do it. You make lousy coffee.”
Cassie turned and glared at him. “I do not.”
“Oh, yeah, you do.”
She popped a tea bag in her mug and slid another mug along the counter. “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Since she was trapped in the kitchen and couldn’t get past without pressing close to him, Cassie stayed where she was. He made coffee as effortlessly as he did most things, which only amplified her irritation. She crossed her arms, raised her chin and stared at the ceiling.