Guarding Hearts (Living Again #3)

by L. L. Collins

  Ellis’ legs gave out on him, and he sunk to the floor, his head in his hand. “What the?”

  “Tell me they are wrong, El.”

  “This isn’t how I envisioned telling you,” Ellis said quietly. “And I’ll tell you everything, Devin. I promise. It’s been years in the making anyway. But please know this. I’m not illegally a cop. My records were expunged and I’m not that person anymore.”

  “I believe you,” Devin answered. “But you still may want to call and talk to Andrew. Unless he already knew this.”

  “He didn’t. No one does. I have to go, Dev. Thanks for telling me. I’ll be home soon.” Ellis stood up, looking back at the room where Sam was still talking. This was it. His worst fears had happened, and he had to get out of here. She would be better off without him.

  He walked out of the precinct without seeing anyone and headed down the street to a gas station. He had no idea where to go or what to do, but he knew he could never look her in the eyes again. If someone had found out that much about him from that long ago, the rest was going to be right behind it. He wondered if the few weeks he had had with her was worth the fallout of his life.

  Seeing a cab pull in, he walked over and slid in the backseat. “Airport please,” he said. He didn’t have any of his things, but it didn’t even matter. He knew where he had to go. The only place that had ever been home for him.

  The Florida sun beat down on him as he stood in the driveway. Ellis had sat all night in the airport, waiting for the flight that would bring him here. He wasn’t even sure that Carl was home, but he didn’t care if he had to sit there all day waiting for him.

  He walked to the front door and knocked. It opened almost immediately, and his knees collapsed with relief.

  “Ellis!” Carl stepped out and hugged him tightly. “What a surprise!”

  Ellis pulled his shades off and Carl’s smile immediately disappeared. “Son? Are you okay?”

  For the first time in ten years, Ellis dropped to his knees and started sobbing so hard, he couldn’t breathe. He could hear Carl saying something, lifting him, but he couldn’t understand him past his crying. He had no idea how long he cried, Carl sitting on the floor with him in his living room, rocking with him like he was a toddler needing a nap.

  “Ellis,” Carl’s voice reverberating through him. “Tell me what happened, son. I’m here.”

  Ellis put his head in his hands, embarrassed at what he had just done. “It’s over, Carl. It’s all going to come out. Everything I worked so hard to move past.”

  “Does this have to do with Samantha Kerrigan?”

  He nodded, the mention of her name so painful it felt like a knife had just been shoved in his heart. He had walked away from her without so much as a goodbye. She would never forgive him. And she shouldn’t.

  Ellis sat back against the couch and told Carl everything, from beginning to end. He sat and listened, as he always did. Carl never judged. Even when Ellis was a punk kid, he never told him what he thought he should do. He was always just there.

  “You’re in love with her,” Carl said once Ellis was finished.

  He shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

  Carl smiled. “If you say so, son. Now, let’s see. What’s the worst case scenario that could happen here?”

  “I could lose my job. You could get in trouble.”

  “First of all, what happened when you were a kid was perfectly legal. It happens all the time. I hired a lawyer to make sure that everything that was done was legit. There’s no reason for you to worry about that. I can understand you not wanting your entire past to come out, but there are worse things, Ellis.”

  “They’re going to find out about Mason,” Ellis said. “What if he sees it? I have no idea where he is, but you know that with worldwide coverage on Samantha, it could make his life hell if someone gets a hold of that story.”

  “Okay, I can see that would not be an ideal situation. Maybe they will leave you alone now that you aren’t with her anymore. You aren’t planning on going back, are you, son?”

  Ellis shook his head. “I can’t, Carl. She’s better off without me.”

  He gave him that look, the one that meant that he didn’t believe him but wasn’t going to say anything. “Come on, let me make you a sandwich. When was the last time you ate anything?”

  You might’ve won this round, but don’t you think that I’m finished. Don’t count me out just yet. We belong together, and no matter what it takes, I’m going to be with you. Soon.

  She collapsed on her bed, fresh tears taking over again. She swore that she couldn’t possibly have more tears to shed, but there they were. She hadn’t heard from him in two days. He was just gone.

  When she had come out of the interrogation room, she had scanned the room for him. She knew she had been a jerk the whole time they were there, but she wanted to talk to him, apologize. She knew what he was trying to do, and she wasn’t letting him. Not this time.

  But he had been gone. No one had seen him leave, but he certainly wasn’t anywhere around. She had begged her parents to find him, but all they had done was lead her to the car and drive her home. She didn’t think she had slept or eaten in that time, but it was all a blur.

  She remembered getting home and being carried to her room like the child they thought she was. She had called him countless times, left him voicemails and sent texts. Nothing. She wished she had Devin’s phone number. Not that it would be hard for her to get it, but she just hadn’t had the energy to find it. Ellis obviously didn’t want to talk to her.

  She hadn’t had the television on since she got home, either. She couldn’t bear to hear the stories about both of them. They had gone on the attack with Ellis, blaming him and his past for corrupting America’s Sweetheart. It made her sick. No wonder he didn’t want to talk to her. She had ruined his life.

  If she believed the stories she saw, Ellis had been in trouble when he was sixteen and had been in the Juvenile Detention Center until he was eighteen. They said he had sold drugs, assaulted a manager at a convenience store, robbery without a weapon, and stolen a car. She couldn’t picture Ellis doing any of those things, but then again, he didn’t know what she had done, either.

  He also had supposedly had a terrible home life, his mom dying from a drug overdose when he was seventeen and locked up. She wondered where his dad was, and if he had any siblings. She wished he would answer her calls so she could tell him how sorry she was for what she had done. If it wasn’t for her, his life wouldn’t be public knowledge. She hoped that he wasn’t in trouble with his boss.

  Her phone rang, and she jumped up, snatching it from the bedside table. Her stomach dropped as she saw Lacey’s name. “Hey.”

  “Sam,” she said. “I’m sorry. You’re waiting for him to call, right?”

  A sob escaped her throat. “He’s not calling, Lace. It’s over.”

  “I’m coming over,” she announced. “And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  “I’m not good company,” she said glumly, wiping a stray tear off her cheek. She walked over to the window and looked out at the beautiful Tennessee landscape.

  “That doesn’t matter. Are your parents home? Sean?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “Dad’s probably at the office or the label, trying to save my career, and Mom’s probably denying that anything is going on. I’m sure they have Sean here somewhere.”

  “Any news on Amelia?”

  Guilt hit her stomach like a ton of bricks. “I haven’t even asked. What kind of person am I? I’m so consumed by my own life I’m not even thinking about Brian’s wife.”

  “Stop beating yourself up,” Lacey said. “I’m bringing lunch over, so go take a shower and change your clothes.

  Sam laughed bitterly. “Ha. How’d you know?”

  “How’d I know what? That you were wallowing in self-pity? I know you, girl. No more of this. He isn’t worth it.”

  Tears filled her eyes again. “You’re so wrong,
Lace.”

  Sam walked out of her bedroom, dressed in a pair of white capris and a pink tank top. She felt human for the first time in a while. A new song was brewing in her head, and that put a smile on her face.

  Sean stood as she walked into the living room. “Hey, Sam! Are you feeling better?”

  She smiled back, the feeling foreign. “As good as I’m getting, Sean. How’s Amelia?”

  A look crossed his face and he looked away from her. “Dad said it’s confirmed. There’s no brain activity.”

  Sam gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. “Sean,” she cried. “I’m so sorry.” She hugged him, tears coursing her cheeks again. Amelia had been like an aunt to her ever since she had married Brian.

  Sean hugged her tightly, rubbing her back. “Thanks, Sam. Dad’s having a hard time making the decision to take her off life support. She didn’t have a living will or anything, so the decision is his.”

  “So she could live like that forever?”

  He nodded. “Yes, but Dad wouldn’t want that for her. I think he needs some time right now to come to terms with things, then he’ll let her go.”

  “He’s lost two wives now,” Sam observed. “It’s not fair.”

  “Just he and I left,” Sean said. “I need to go there, though. Your dad is arranging for one of the other team members to take over while I’m gone. I’ll only be a little while. I figured I could help Dad out with the arrangements over the next couple of days, since I’m sure he won’t be up to it.”

  “I want to see her,” Sam said. “She’s like my aunt, Sean. I can’t sit here while she dies. Even if she has no idea that I’m there, I need to say goodbye.”

  Sean nodded. “Okay, I’ll talk to your dad about the arrangements. He shouldn’t have a problem with you coming with me, and I’ll bring you home later.”

  “What’s the situation on the paparazzi?”

  He looked outside. “They are camped out at the gate, as they have been since we got here. The news stations are still talking about it, though not as much, and the gossip mags and internet sites are still all over it, but that’s to be expected. They love finding dirt on celebrities. I’m surprised they haven’t found Gage and started harassing him.”

  Sam’s eyes widened. She hadn’t thought of that. “Do you think they will? I mean, there are no stories out there about us, but…”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I think they will try to find anything they can on you now, so we have to be prepared. Have you been in contact with him at all?”

  “Not in years,” she said quietly, her stomach churning. They couldn’t find him. Not that he would want to rat her out, not at all, but she just couldn’t take the chance that they would find out the rest of the story. “Have you voiced this concern with my dad?”

  “He thought of it,” he admitted. “I’m not sure what he’s doing about it, though.”

  “Lacey in the h-ouse!” Sam heard, and grinned. Her best friend was here. She hadn’t seen in her in weeks, and she missed her terribly. She appeared in the living room, her arms full of bags.

  “Lacey!” Sean and Sam both said at the same time. Sean helped her with the bags as Sam hugged her. Lacey was a beautiful girl and she knew it. She had been approached to model, but she wasn’t interested. She was completely focused on her schooling and her goals and had no time for messing around with dating, much to the chagrin of the men of Nashville. Sean had wanted to date Lacey a few years ago, but she shot him down quickly, saying she was only his friend. Sam thought he still held a candle for her, but she couldn’t be sure.

  “I missed you so much,” Sam said, tears pricking her eyes again. She was an emotional disaster.

  “Me too,” Lacey said, her voice thick with tears. “I’m so glad that you’re okay, Sam. That shit was so crazy. Sometimes this life that you live is just too much for me to bear.”

  Sam pulled back. “I know. It’s the dream I’ve always wanted, but with it comes this insane stuff I don’t quite know how to handle. I mean, who knew a few months ago that I would need not just a bodyguard, but a team of them? That people would want my picture just going to the grocery store? It’s strange to me.”

  “Yeah, but think about how we grew up loving Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Brooks and Dunn, all them. If we would’ve seen them in a grocery store, we would’ve lost our minds, right? That’s how people think about you, Super Star Sam!”

  The girls laughed. “I don’t feel very super star right now.” Lacey unpacked the lunch she had brought and the three of them sat back and talked, making Sam feel the most normal than she had in quite a while.

  Sam stood next to the open casket of Amelia Culbertson, looking at the peaceful face of the woman who had brought Brian back from the brink of despair after losing his first wife to cancer. It had taken Brian almost a week to decide to let her go, and they had all been around her bed as she took her last breath. The worst part of it all was that they had no idea what happened to her, or who did it. The police had no leads at all, and since Amelia never regained consciousness, the case had gone cold. Brian was angry and resentful, for good reason. His wife was attacked in their home and he had no answers, and probably never would.

  Since her accident, he had put their house on the market, stating he wasn’t able to go back there and see her in every room. Sam understood that. It was hard enough for her to try to get over Ellis without having constant reminders of him everywhere. She knew once she went out again on tour in a few weeks, his presence would haunt her. She wasn’t sure if Sean was going to stay on or if Brian would come back, but she knew it wouldn’t be the same for her ever again.

  She wished he would contact her just once, to let her apologize, but she knew she’d probably never hear from him again. The paparazzi had even been outside of the funeral home, for goodness sake. They had snapped pictures of her walking arm and arm with Sean, and she knew that would probably end up being the next story, that she was now with another one of her bodyguards.

  Sean was attractive, tall and strong. But he was like her brother, and he would never compare to Ellis in her mind. Sean had never made a move on her or even seem like he wanted to, so she was thankful. Especially right now, when she felt like she would never love again. She had hoped that she would never feel this badly again after what happened with Gage, but it hurt just as much.

  The pastor indicated he was going to start the service, so they all made their way to the front row next to Brian. She covered his hand with hers and gave him a small smile. She couldn’t fathom losing not one, but two spouses in a lifetime. She wondered if he would ever be the same again.

  Brian didn’t speak at the service, and she didn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure she would be strong enough to do that. The pastor spoke about forgiveness, love, and peace. Sam listened, her heart sinking and tears threatening. Then she felt guilty because she wasn’t thinking about Brian or his wife. She was thinking about Ellis. She had to try to talk to him again, set things straight. She resolved to find Devin’s phone number and at least make one more attempt at setting things right. Even if he never wanted to be with her again, leaving things like this was eating her alive.

  After the service, they rode back to her house in silence. Her parents were hosting dinner for everyone after the funeral. Sam sat in the backseat, her phone in her hand. Before she lost the nerve, she pulled up the screen to text him. One more time. Her dad’s phone started ringing right as she hit the screen, and she wished that it was Ellis telling her dad he wasn’t staying away. She knew that wouldn’t happen.

  Ellis, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t take not talking to you, resolving this. Please call me. –Sam

  “Shit!” her dad shouted, making her jump. He slammed his phone down, and her stomach clenched. What now. She was afraid to ask. When he turned his eyes to her, she knew something else had happened.

  “What is it?” Her mom asked, voicing the words she couldn’t make herself say.

  “They’ve tracked down Ga
ge. Oh, and did you know that Ellis has a child?”

  Sam opened and closed her mouth. She thought she might throw up. “W-what?”

  Her dad’s eyes blazed. “Gage. They found him. He lives in Louisiana, he’s in grad school. They’ve been stalking him, asking him questions about if he was ever in a relationship with you.”

  “He’d never say anything,” Sam said quietly.

  “No, he hasn’t. But of course now I wonder what else they’re going to find out. Damn it, this is exactly what I never wanted to have happen.”

  “We can’t control it, Samuel,” her mom tried to smooth him over. “She’s in the public eye. They want to find dirt on everyone, that’s their job. It’s going to be okay.”

  “What if they find out?” He boomed. “Then what?”

  “I would say I’m the one that should be worried about that,” Sam said. “At this point, what does it matter? I’m not ashamed anymore of what happened. I did what I needed to do to take care of myself.” Her parents both looked at her like she had lost her mind.

  “You don’t think it matters? Well hell, you should be the one to come out and say it then before they find it out.”

  “Ellis has a child?” She couldn’t believe it. “Is it a boy or a girl? And how old?”

  “From what I’ve gathered, some woman came forward saying that she had a baby with Ellis when he was sixteen and that he was so screwed up, they terminated his parental rights.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “Why in the hell would someone do that to him? Get on television and crush him like that?”

  Her dad gave her a pointed look. “Because she sees it as a meal ticket. He was involved with you, so his name is gold now. From what I heard, she looks like a real piece of work.”

  “Does Ellis know?”

  “Know what? That the story is out? I’m sure he does. It’s reignited the fire about you guys in the news.”

  “I want to do a press conference,” she announced. Both of her parents’ eyes swung to her.