Insight

by Tina Engel

  I lifted one of the mugs and putting it to my mouth, I found that it was hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. I took a sip and pulling the mug away, knew that I had a whipped cream mustache, like I used to have as a child.

  Mom giggled as I licked my upper lip and then took the napkin that was laying on the tray and wiped off the rest. Rose smiled as she lifted the other mug and did the same.

  “This is great mom, thanks, and yes, I am fine. Rose and I are getting to know each other and I think she will be good for me.” I realized how that sounded, so continued, “Not that you and dad aren’t good for me, but having someone younger around may help me remember.”

  That still didn’t come out right and I stammered a bit before mom laughed and stopped me from making a bigger fool out of myself and said, “That’s okay, Emilee, I know how you meant it. Your dad and I think the same way. We feel like Rose was sent to us just at the right time.

  “We were feeling hopeless that you wouldn’t come back to us, and when Rose came, her positive attitude about you and just everything, really helped us to hang on. She kept telling us that you would wake up soon, she just knew it.”

  I looked at Rose and saw a twinkle in her eyes, as if there somewhere was a light that I saw, but she didn’t know was there.

  “And Brett and Lily?” I inquired, nonchalantly.

  Mom chuckled as she sat down on the other side of the bed. “Well”, she started, as Rose and I took another sip of the hot chocolate. “It was the funniest thing. They all showed up on the same day, at the same time.

  “Rose had answered our ad to rent the room across the hall, so we knew that she was coming on a certain day. But it was Brett who dropped her off.”

  I looked to Rose and she was grinning from ear to ear, and took over telling the story. “Yes, I got off the bus and was pulling my suitcase along the sidewalk, when it opened up, spilling my stuff everywhere. I was horrified, I might add.” Rose said.

  “Suddenly a moving van pulled up next to me and from around it came a man, Brett. He helped me gather up my things and asked where I was going. He offered me a ride and what a surprise when we realized that I was going to be living across the street from him.

  “Brett was renting the house across the street. He was so nice and it’s funny, I felt like I had met him at some time, somewhere, but just couldn’t remember where, and he said the same thing.”

  Mom cut in then, to continue this strange story, “Yes, Brett pulled up as I was outside getting the mail. They came over, Brett bringing Rose’s bag, and they both introduced themselves.

  “I was facing his moving truck and saw that he was towing a pickup truck, and there sitting up on a box in the back of the truck, was a cat. I commented that I saw he had a cat, and Brett and Rose both looked where I was looking.

  “No? Brett had said with a questioning tone, as the cat jumped down and came over to us. She brushed up against me and then headed to the porch and sat at the door as if waiting for me to let her in.”

  “And you did?” I asked, surprised. “Dad doesn’t like cats and especially in the house.” I said.

  Mom laughed and continued, “Well, we left her out on the porch overnight, giving her some water, and the next morning she was still here. I went to the store that day to get some cat food and well, funny thing, when I got back, your dad was sitting in his porch chair with the cat on his lap. She became his cat, so to speak, but Rose here, now that’s a different story.”

  We both looked at Rose as she wrinkled her nose. “She is trouble, I can tell. That cat just barged in like she owned the place, went right to your room and made herself at home. Just look at the end of your bed, all covered with her black hair and she constantly hisses at me whenever she walks by me.”

  Just then, up on the bed jumped Lily and she did just that, hissed at Rose as she came up to me. I put my mug down on the tray as Lily crawled into my lap and stared at me.

  I noticed then that she had a scar on her cheek, which her long whiskers covered slightly. She put her front paws up around my neck, and putting her face just under my hair, she rubbed her nose against my neck and started to purr.

  I looked at Rose; she had a disgusted look on her face and mom just smiled and laughed, saying, “Well, I think Lily is good for the family.”

  “Lily?” I asked, “Who named her?”

  “She has a name tag, and it says Lily. That’s all though, no address or phone number. We put an ad in the paper but no one has called, so I guess we are her family now.” Mom said with content in her voice.

  Mom continued then as she got up off the bed. “Time for me to think about dinner. Are you feeling up to coming downstairs, or do you want dinner in bed.”

  Rose spoke before I could answer, “Oh, can I help again, Katie?” and mom smiled and nodded her head, accepting the help.

  “Let me rest a bit and take a bath, then I’ll be down.” I answered with a smile, as mom and Rose headed out the door.

  Before Rose left, she turned and said, “Lily, you should leave her alone. Do you want me to take her out of your room, Emilee?”

  I smiled and told Rose that it was fine that Lily was here, and that I would be down in a bit. Rose didn’t seem too happy about it but shut the door quietly as I looked down at Lily. She had moved down and was sitting next to me then, just looking at me.

  “Well, Lily”, I said, “Do you know more than you are letting on? After all, you can’t talk in this form and I do believe that Rose has no memory of Terrafirma or…” and I stopped talking as Lily’s eyes widened just a bit, when I said Terrafirma.

  “You do know something, don’t you?” I asked.

  Lily went down to the foot of my bed then, and turning around a few times, and kneading the blanket, she curled up and shut her eyes.

  “Fine, Lily, be that way for now, but there is something going on and I’m going to find out what.” I said, then looking up at the ceiling, I said, “Grandmother, Varda, I know you are watching. You told me it was time to go home, but this wasn’t what I thought you meant. Why am I here and what am I supposed to do here?”

  I waited for a few minutes, not really expecting to hear a voice, my grandmother’s, to be exact, but then, I was hoping I would. I looked back at Lily and she was staring at me and then, letting out a quiet meow, she lay her head back down and shut her eyes.

  I got up, went over to the window, and looked over at the house that Brett was living in. I wondered, why they were here, why was I here? Brett and Rose had died and supposedly went to Nirvana, supposedly, but they were here.

  From around the side of the house, came Brett, carrying a tool box as he crossed the street to our house. He looked up at my window and seeing me, smiled, waved and then headed up the stairs and into the house.

  I decided that I would go soak in the tub before heading downstairs for conversation and food. The ache I felt in my heart was so great, seeing Brett, that wonderful, familiar smile on his face, and knowing that he didn’t know me. I wanted him to hold me, tell me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted him to tell me what I was supposed to do now, why I was back here in the human realm, back as Emilee Stevens, only I wasn’t her anymore. I was me, a fey princess, only to be locked away again, in a human body.

  As I crawled into the bathtub, the water was soothing as it covered my entire body. Just my head was exposed to the air. I could feel the water soaking into every pore, as if my body was drinking it in. I’m human though, I thought. Why would I feel this way? I wondered then if I could breathe underwater. Did I dare try?

  I slowly lowered my head down until I was completely submersed. Did I dare take a deep breathe, let the water fill my lungs? What would happen, would I be able to breathe or would I drowned?

  I heard her voice then, Varda, calm but demanding “Not now Emilee, stop being so stubborn and just let it be, let it all be. They need you!”

  I jolted up out of the water as I sucked in a gulp of air, but wasn’t quite out of the
water yet, so inhaled some water also. It burned as I coughed, choked and gagged, throwing up slightly.

  “Okay”, I said, after several minutes of thinking I was going to die. “I’m not in my fey body, I get it Grandmother, but what is going on?”

  Of course there was no answer, why would there be. She didn’t need to answer, for she stopped me from killing myself and I was where she wanted me, for the time being.

  I laid back down in the water and just let it take me, soak into me, soothe my very soul. My eyes were shut and I could see a rainbow just under my eyelids. I just let it be, didn’t try to figure it out, just let it be.

  I opened my eyes when a knock came at the door. It was Rose’s voice, asking if I was okay and that dinner would be ready soon.

  I reassured her that I was fine and would be out soon. As I lay there looking up at the ceiling, I noticed in the corner, a spider in a web. I watched it for a few minutes, and then decided, what the hell, talk to it.

  “Hello there.” I said, and chuckled to myself. “Are you Tiny?” I asked.

  The spider suddenly moved, coming down the wall and stopping just a few feet from the rim of the tub. I laid there motionless, hoping that it wasn’t thinking of taking a swim. I still wasn’t fond of spiders, even though I had befriended many hundreds, along with the Queen of all spiders, Queen Widow.

  When it didn’t move anymore, up or down, I continued, “Well maybe I can take that as a yes? Are you all here, in the human’s world, to watch over me?”

  The spider came down then and planted itself on the rim of the tub and just looked at me. I knew it was looking at me and I felt confident that it was Tiny.

  “Well if you are Tiny, I must inform you that my mother dislikes spiders a great deal, so it may be a good idea for you to flee this bathroom while you can, and head outdoors. You’ll be safe out there.” I said, with a hint of humor, in my voice.

  The spider did just that. It crawled up to the ceiling again, and there in the corner was a small hole into which it disappeared.

  “Alright then.” I said, as I stood and stepped out of the tub. “This is going to be very interesting. Who else is hanging around?” I wondered.

  I dressed and headed out of the bathroom. As I shut the door and turned to go into my room, I ran into Brett, as he was coming down the stairs which led to the attic room. He was carrying boards, and the boards came down first, which was what I almost ran into.

  When he saw me standing there, just inches from the boards, and I let out a small cry of shock when I dodged the wood, it surprised him too.

  “Are you alright, Emilee?” He started, “I didn’t see you. I didn’t hit you, did I?”

  Brett had the same look, the same fright on his face, which he would get when he was concerned. My whole body ached just then, it was Brett, somewhere in there, I just knew it.

  “No.” I said in a whisper, my voice didn’t seem to want to come out. I swallowed hard as I saw the concern on his face deepen.

  “I cleared my throat and said louder and with more confidence, pushing the pain down deep, away for now, “I’m fine, I’ve had lots of practice dodging things that come at me lately.” And I laughed slightly.

  Brett stood there with a dumfounded look, and I remembered that he had no idea what I was talking about, as far as he was concerned, I had been in a coma for months.

  “Really?” He commented, “In your dream world?”

  I chuckled at that statement and said, as I shook my head and gave a little smirk, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” And then under my breath, I mumbled, “But I wish you would.”

  “Well give it a try, you never know. I have seen and heard some of the oddest things in my life.” And then he got a queer look on his face and mumbled, which I heard, “I think.”

  We looked at each other then, for a few moments not quite knowing what to say, but Brett wasn’t unsure for long and said as he pointed up the attic stairwell, “Spiders.”

  I looked at him with confusion and he started to laugh.

  “Oh, there was some damage to the roof a while back, during a wind storm, just before you woke up. It caused a small hole. Spiders were getting in, and well, you know how much your mom hates spiders, so I repaired it from the inside, and will fix the outside tomorrow.” He said in a triumphant tone. “We don’t want those creepy crawly things in the house, as she says.” And he gave that comical smile that I so loved.

  Mom called up from the bottom of the stairs that it was dinner time and Brett being the gentleman that he was, held out his hand for me to go first.

  I pointed to the piece of wood he was carrying with an, are you sure, look on my face, and he gave me a quirky smile and pretended to swing it my way.

  “No worries, princess, you are in good hands, I’ll protect you.” He said, and then chuckled.

  I looked at him, I’m sure, with cautiousness on my face, “Princess?” I questioned.

  Brett chuckled and said, “Well, I do believe you are the princess of this castle, since your mom and dad are the king and queen of their home, are they not?” And he laughed a silly laugh, held out his hand again and I headed down the stairs.

  We had a nice dinner with Rose, Brett and Lily, all sitting in the dining room, Lily on my lap, which I found curious but didn’t fight it. It felt normal. Not the normal from human Emilee’s past, but from Princess Emilee’s past.

  Mom and dad seemed so happy that I was home and having so many other’s at the table. I remembered then that they had two other children, who had died in the beginning of their tiny lives, a boy Ragnar and girl, Eliza. Maybe Brett and Rose were filling a void in the house with their presence, and mom and dad were happy they were here.

  Rose and Brett would say odd things at times, things they would say as fey, and it would catch me off guard. Brett called me princess a few more times and my dad would laugh and inform him then in a gruff voice that he was right, I was his princess.

  Rose mumbled about Lily sitting on my lap, and that she should be outside. Called her a trouble maker and filthy, a few times too, but Lily just lay there on my lap ignoring her and just enjoyed being close.

  Chapter 26

  Be patient,

  When the time is right,

  It will be.

  The next few weeks went by quickly, nothing unusual, and I regained my strength one day at a time. I took walks through the woods behind the house, short ones at first, but with every day they grew longer.

  Mom wouldn’t let me go alone, Rose always accompanied me and Lily always tagged along. I asked a lot of questions of Rose about her past, but never got many answers. She came into town on the bus from the east coast, but when I inquired from where, she seemed to change the subject.

  I asked her about her family, and she informed me sadly that she had none, friends, just a few casual. When Rose did talk about the past, it was strange, she would have a queer look on her face, as if she was surprised to be remembering it.

  Rose and I became close friends, more like sisters and as for Lily, well, she was Lily. She might not talk to me but I always knew what she was thinking.

  Brett worked at the lumber yard there in Pineville, and in his spare time was always doing work on either his house or mom and dad’s. He came over for dinner every Wednesday and Sunday, even though mom invited him every day. Brett would tell her that he didn’t want to become a bother and he would give me a wink.

  I would walk next to my old house, or what was left of it, to get to the woods, and could see the hole that held the stairwell down to the basement, and wondered what I would find there if I entered.

  I tried to head in that direction several times, but Rose took my arm gently each time, and informed me that it wasn’t safe. Mom had given strict instructions not to enter, or let anyone else go down there. Brett had been down there a few times, helping Dad get some of my things that had survived the strange blast, but it wasn’t safe.

  I went out to the burnt tree trunk that on
ce housed the fey, Ian, just a few days after I came home. There lying next to the tree, was a seed. Remembering the seed that Albee had given me, I wondered if this could be it. I placed it in a groove that was on the top of the burnt out stump, and filled it in with some dirt. Maybe he would grow. I would go to the trunk and touch it daily as I headed out for my walk, inspecting it.

  As the weeks went on, my pull to go down in the basement increased, as did my need to go into the woods and sit by the stream with my feet soaking. Rose would talk to the plants and bugs, and at one time a spider on a tree caught her eye. She went over and let it crawl on her. I shivered at this and she giggled, that wonderful Rose giggle.

  Rose told me about the spider that was living in her bedroom, and I knew it was Tiny.

  “You had better not let mom find it in there or it will be a dead spider. She doesn’t like them in the house.” I said, with a bit of humor, but also concern.

  “Oh, I know and so does she. Tiny, that’s what I named her. Not sure why, but it just seemed to fit, even though she isn’t tiny at all.” Rose said with a grin, and continued, “Tiny seems to know when Katie is coming in, and she scurries up to the ceiling and hides behind the curtain.”

  That same day, as I lay down in the grassy area, a shadow came over me. I looked up, and watched an eagle, large and graceful, circle over the tree line and then land in a tree right over me. Oh, he was high up in the tree, but I could see him and he seemed to be watching me. After a while he flew away, but every day after that, he was there, as if waiting for me. It was Eagle, my Eagle, I just knew. They were all coming to me, waiting, watching, but why?

  One day when checking on the seed I had planted, there in the top of the burnt out stump, was life. A very tiny bud, sticking out of the dirt. I talked to it for a few minutes while waiting for Rose, and then every day after, I would talk to it as it seemed to grow rapidly.

  Every time I saw Brett, he took my breath away, and caused sweaty palms. At times when he would call me princess or give me that silly grin, I thought for just a moment that it was him, that he remembered who he really was, but then, nothing.