Promises to Keep

by Kathryn Shay

  Much to his surprise, Suzanna laughed. It eased some of the tension in Joe’s body. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as it had appeared. “I’ll bet your young Secret Service agent is embarrassed by all that.”

  “As well he should be.”

  “You’re upset.”

  “I am.”

  “Joe, the kid made a mistake. But it was a heartfelt one. He was worried about Kelsey.”

  Shifting the phone to his other ear, Joe said, “He worries about Kelsey too much.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I think he has feelings for her.” He waited. “A man’s feelings.”

  Suzanna drew in a breath. “I think she has feelings for him, too.”

  He didn’t like hearing that confirmed. He sat up straighter.

  “It’s one of the reasons I want to tell her you and Luke are undercover. Please, can’t we...”

  “No.”

  She hesitated, then said, “All right. I won’t push it now.”

  “This thing between them isn’t good, Suzanna. An agent can’t afford to get personally involved.”

  No response. He swung his legs off the bed.

  “We’re trained to stay focused. To stay detached.”

  Still no answer. He stood.

  “When we leave here, we can’t have contact with anyone.”

  Absolute silence on the other end. He began to pace.

  “No matter how much we want to.”

  Finally, she said, “I know all that, Joe. I accept it.”

  He dropped down onto the bed.

  After another significant pause, she said, “Take it easy on Luke. It’s not always possible to control your feelings about someone.”

  “No, but you can control what you do. How much time you spend with that person. How much time you think about her.”

  “Can you?”

  The conversation had gotten out of hand. He had to stop it. “I have to go.”

  “All right.”

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Sleep well, Joe.” When he didn’t hang up, she said, “And thanks for calling.”

  She hung up first. He stared at the receiver.

  Son of a bitch!

  Chapter Sixteen

  Suzanna went in to school early Monday morning to take care of some business, then left at ten to visit Kelsey. She cooked her young friend breakfast, straightened up the house, and was about to leave when Kelsey said from her nest of pillows on the couch, “Don’t go yet. I need to talk to you about something.”

  Taking one look at Kelsey’s drawn face and compressed lips, Suzanna crossed the room and sank onto the edge of the couch. The girl had been quiet all morning, and Suzanna had chalked it up to pain and the medication she was on. “What is it, sweetie?”

  Kelsey looked away, as if she was about to confess to high treason. “Something’s happening to me.”

  “Are you in too much pain? I’ll call the doctor.”

  “Not in my leg. In my head. My heart.” She scanned the room, her eyes suspiciously bright. Kelsey was tough, but sometimes teachers had uncharacteristic reactions when assaulted by a student. Symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress.

  “That’s not unusual after what you’ve been through. Are you afraid now?”

  “It’s not that. I’m pissed at Webster and could wring his neck, but I’m not wigging out about that.”

  “What are you wigging out about?”

  Nervously Kelsey bit her lip. “Remember when I told you a few weeks ago that Luke was acting out in class?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “And you said he had a crush on me?”

  “Uh-huh.” Suzanna’s stomach knotted. She was afraid she knew what was coming.

  I think he has feelings for her. A man’s feelings.

  I think she has feelings for him, too.

  “Suzanna, I have feelings for Luke, too.”

  Damn. She had to find some way to defuse this without tipping Kelsey off that the “boy” she was attracted to was a twenty-six-year-old man. She looked guilty. So guilty, Suzanna cringed. “He came over Saturday night,” Kelsey explained. “Then again Sunday morning. My father caught him here. And it hit me in the midst of Dad’s tirade that things aren’t exactly right with Luke.”

  “Reynolds tends to exaggerate everything, Kel.”

  “I know, and I have to deal with him, sometime, about that and a lot of things. But he wasn’t exaggerating about this. I do have inappropriate feelings for Luke. I have to admit it to myself.”

  “Sexual feelings?”

  “Well, male/female feelings, at least; I’m...attracted to him.” She closed her eyes, battling back tears. “I can’t believe that I’m saying this to you. Am I some kind of a pervert? Like that woman who slept with that elementary school boy? Had his kid?”

  Suzanna asked carefully, “Nothing’s happened between you and Luke, has it?”

  Kelsey shook her head. “But my feelings are wrong...”

  “No, sweetie. They aren’t.”

  “They feel wrong.”

  Damn, all Suzanna had to do was tell her the truth. Motherly instincts warred with the promises she’d made to Joe. Her pledges to the girl she loved like a daughter conflicted with her vows to a man she was coming to care for, too much.

  I want to tell Kelsey.

  No...I want your word, Suzanna.

  “Look, Kel, we can’t help the feelings we have.” She thought of Joe in Connecticut this weekend—in the hot tub, his hair sexily disheveled, the broad expanse of his sweat-soaked chest. “The only thing we have control over is what we do about them.”

  “Do you really believe that?” The little-girl hope in Kelsey’s voice cut Suzanna to the quick. God, she hated this deception.

  “Of course. These aren’t bad feelings. They’re just ones that are inappropriate to act on. I know you. You won’t let anything happen with Luke.” Please, don’t.

  “Are you saying this as the woman who was a mother to me, or as a principal?”

  “As both. I’d tell this to any young teacher in your position.” At least that was true. She brushed back Kelsey’s hair. “I love you as if you were my daughter, Kelsey. And I respect you as a teacher. I won’t let you feel guilty for emotions that are human. You’re a good person. You’ll do what’s right. You won’t let anything unethical happen between you and Luke.”

  Kelsey glanced away. “I know that.” She didn’t sound sure. “I just...I...”

  “What?”

  “Do you want to take him out of my classes?”

  Suzanna hesitated. What would Joe prefer? “Do you want me to?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, think about it. But my money’s on you. This will blow over.”

  Before Suzanna left, Kelsey grabbed her hand. “What would I do without you? You always have my best interests at heart. I can trust you to help me with everything, even something as sensitive as this.”

  Suzanna smiled weakly.

  “I love you, Suzanna. Thanks.”

  “I love you, too. Now stop worrying and get some rest.”

  o0o

  After much soul-searching, Suzanna decided to tell Joe about Kelsey’s confession. Though in some ways it felt like the worst kind of betrayal, she didn’t know how else to handle what she’d learned. And she hoped knowing this would make Joe see they needed to tell Kelsey right away that Luke was not one of her students.

  Instead, the situation made him furious. “Son of a bitch. I knew something like this would happen. That kid can’t control himself.” Gone was the tender, sensitive man of the weekend. Joe was every inch the agent this afternoon as he loomed over her desk. The very angry agent.

  He began to pace, which he did when he was frustrated.

  “Joe, they’re young, healthy people. It’s no shock that this would happen.”

  “Luke should have been more circumspect.”

  “I doubt he knows the meaning of the word.”


  Scowling, Joe stopped midstride. “He’s smart, Suzanna.”

  “I wasn’t insulting his intelligence. I meant his personality is such that he’s probably never learned to be careful about what he does.”

  Joe rubbed his arm. “You can say that again.”

  Slowly she rose from her desk, came around it, and leaned against the edge. “You must see now that we have to tell Kelsey who Luke really is. What you two are doing here.”

  Joe ran a hand through his hair. “No.”

  “No?”

  He stared down at her, his face hard. “I’ve made this clear before. No one else can know about our undercover work. It makes me more than nervous that Brenda Way is in on it. I won’t jeopardize this operation any further to spare somebody hurt feelings.”

  Suzanna felt her temper spike. “It’s more than hurt feelings. She’s questioning her whole moral makeup. She thinks she’s a pervert.”

  “You can change her mind about that. She idolizes you. She’ll listen to you.”

  “She’ll be devastated if she ever learns I’ve lied to her. Even more so now that’s she’s confided in me about her feelings. I know Kelsey. Where she’s come from. If she finds out who he is, that I knew who he was when she told me how she felt about him, it will look like an unconscionable breach of trust on my part that I didn’t tell her.” She swallowed hard. “I’m not sure it isn’t that, Joe.”

  “All the more reason not to tell her.”

  “Please, I think...”

  “No!” His voice had risen.

  She drew back, her eyes wide.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you.”

  Suzanna didn’t know what to say. Though she was coming to care for this man, there was so much she didn’t know about him.

  He glanced at his watch. “Get Ludzecky down here. We’ll tell him about this. Make him toe the line. He’s hardheaded sometimes, but he’s got a good heart.”

  Tears formed behind Suzanna’s eyelids. “Oh, no, Joe, we can’t tell Luke about her feelings. That would be an even bigger betrayal of Kelsey.”

  “It will protect her in the long run.”

  “Joe, please, don’t do this.”

  “I don’t have a choice!” he yelled. “Neither do you.” He turned his back to her. “Get Ludzecky.”

  After a long hesitation, Suzanna asked her secretary to call Luke down to her office.

  She and Joe were sipping coffee in a strained silence when Luke knocked on the door. She opened it and he said, “What’d I do this time, Mrs. Q.?”

  “Come on in, young man.” She was getting tired of playing this part. She wanted her school back, safe and sound.

  Once inside, Luke saw Joe. His eyes sharpened. Became wary. “What?”

  “We have to discuss something,” Joe said.

  “Is Kelsey all right?”

  Suzanna and Joe exchanged a look. Joe said, “She’s upset. About your visits this weekend.”

  Visibly the young man deflated. He faced Suzanna. “I’m sorry, Suzanna. I blew it.”

  She reached out and grasped his arm. “It’s not just that. I went to see her today.”

  Panic flashed in his eyes. Oh, God, he had it bad. “Is she all right?”

  “She’s upset. Really upset.”

  Disgustedly, he shook his head. “I shouldn’t have gone over there.” He faced Joe. “Do you want me off this case?”

  “No. But I want you to stay away from Kelsey.”

  Luke cocked his head, sensing something. “What’s going on? What else happened?”

  With a glass-cutting edge to his voice, Joe said, “Suzanna talked to Kelsey today. There’s something you should know.”

  Luke’s hands fisted. “You said she was all right.”

  “She is. Physically. Emotionally, she’s overwrought because she has feelings for one of her male students. You.”

  Suzanna’s stomach soured as she listened to Kelsey’s confidences being related so starkly. That she felt a little like Senator Joseph McCarthy with his underhanded tactics made her even more ill. How could she be doing this to Kelsey?

  And there was more. As Joe told Luke the story, a flash of pleasure lit the young agent’s face. It quickly turned to concern. The feelings were definitely mutual between the two, something Suzanna had suspected for a long time. Something that was bound to hurt them both, badly. “She must be hurting.”

  “She is. It’s...unfortunate.” Joe’s tone was softer than Suzanna expected it to be.

  Luke said, “Well, this clinches it. We have to tell her about the operation. I won’t let her think she’s some kind of lowlife.”

  Wearily, Joe shook his head. “No.”

  “Jesus Christ, Joe. You don’t mean that, not now. Not after what she told Suzanna.”

  “I mean it even more.”

  “She’ll carry this around all her life. She’ll—”

  “No.”

  Luke bristled visibly. “What if I tell her anyway?”

  Joe didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll have you tossed out of the Secret Service so fast your head will spin.”

  He shrugged. “Might not be so bad.”

  “I’ll bring you up on charges of insubordination.”

  “This isn’t the army. What’s the worst that can happen?”

  “Your family will end up ashamed of you.”

  Luke’s eyes flared. Suzanna watched, mesmerized, as he struggled to get himself under control. “That’s a low blow.” But one, nonetheless, that made Luke pause. Then, he looked to her for help. “At least take me out of Kelsey’s classes.”

  Joe answered. “No, we can’t do that, either. You need contact with Smurf, Ben, and Max.”

  “I’ve established contact already. I can keep it up without being in Kelsey’s classes.”

  “No, constant contact is necessary. You’ll stay in the classes.”

  “What about Kelsey?”

  “Stay the hell away from her.”

  Luke’s hands fisted and his face flushed. “You’re a coldhearted bastard, Stonehouse.”

  Suzanna’s gaze went to Joe. A muscle clenched in his jaw. She suspected he was coming to care for Luke like a son, and this disagreement hurt. “In these kinds of operations, Agent Ludzecky, you’ve got to be a bastard.”

  Luke glared at Joe. “You know, if you’re an example of what the Secret Service does to men, I’m not sure I want to stay in it.” Without a word, he opened the door and stalked out.

  Suzanna waited a moment, then got up, closed the door, and leaned heavily against the wood. In her heart, she wanted to help the man suffering before her. But her loyalties lay with Kelsey. “There’s not much you can do to keep me from telling her, Joe. You have no control over me.” Which wasn’t exactly true. He had emotional leverage that he could wield. Did he know that?

  His face blanked. He swallowed hard. She realized this was another blow to him, like Luke’s accusations. “You gave me your word you wouldn’t tell Kelsey.”

  “Joe, please reconsider.”

  “I can’t, Suzanna. Too many lives are at stake. If people keep finding out, it will compromise this operation and any future ones. Hundreds of students across the country could be affected. This isn’t just about Kelsey and Luke. She has to treat him like a kid to keep up the ruse.” He crossed to her and grasped her arms gently. His green eyes were hot with emotion. “Please, trust me on this. I know what I’m doing.”

  It stunned her to realize she did trust him. “All right. For now, at least. Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.”

  “I’ll talk to Luke again about keeping his distance. Alienating her, maybe.”

  “He’s tried that.”

  “He’ll have to try harder.”

  “I guess we all will.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing. Nothing at all.” Suddenly the weekend in Connecticut seemed light-years away.

  o0o

  On Monday night, Brenda sat across from Suzanna
in the bay window of Brenda’s kitchen, both of them staring out at the snow-dusted lawn that sprawled around her condo. The security lighting cast the backyard in an eerie glow. “Christ, you think it’s ever going to get warm?”

  Suzanna pushed her plate away. She’d only picked at the spicy lasagna Brenda had made for her before the school’s biweekly board meeting, which they regularly attended together. “No. It’s going to be like Noah’s Ark, only with snow.” She smiled as if she’d thought of something pleasant.

  Sipping her Chianti, Brenda watched her friend. “Hey, Suz, what’s going on with you? You’ve been preoccupied all night.”

  “I have?” Innocence personified, Suzanna daintily wiped her mouth with a napkin.

  “Yeah.” Brenda remembered the first time Suzanna slept with a guy. She didn’t tell Brenda about it right away, but looked all smirky and mysterious for days afterward. “Where’d you go last weekend, anyway? You never said.”

  “I took a little retreat out of town.” She shrugged, picked up her wineglass. “I needed to get away after that thing with Rush Webster.” She bit her lip. “He’s still missing. Nobody knows where he is.”

  Suzanna didn’t want to tell Brenda where she’d gone. Hmm. Brenda wondered why. “Are you worried?” she asked, twisting her glass in her hand. Light from the brass chandelier overhead sparkled in the ruby liquid.

  “No, Joe and Luke have kept pretty good tabs on me.”

  “The Men from U.N.C.L.E.” Brenda’s tone was dry. At Suzanna’s questioning look, Brenda rolled her eyes. “Don’t you ever watch the Nick at Nite channel? They have all the old TV shows on. That was a spy show.” She sighed. “It was Conrad’s favorite when it first came out.”

  “You miss him, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. He’s been dead seven years.”

  “Oh, Brend, I’m sorry. I never really made the connection with Conrad’s walking into that undercover sting and what’s going on in my school.”

  “No big deal.”

  Suzanna reached out and clasped Brenda’s hand. Not one for physical demonstrativeness, Brenda was tempted to pull back. But this kind of gesture was so natural for Suzanna, Brenda allowed the comfort. When she did, it felt good. “It is a big deal,” Suzanna said. “I know Conrad was like your father.”