by Anchee Min
Jasmine instructed the security guards to get Katherine up.
Katherine said she had an intense headache and refused to leave her bed.
Jim’s wife began to wail loudly.
The crowd was gossiping about what the yang-ren must have done to get Jim in bed with her.
Jasmine walked over to Lion Head, whose face was expressionless.
“What happened?” someone called out.
Jasmine began her report. “I saw a shadow duck into Katherine’s room when I got up to use the rest room. It was about five o’clock in the morning. I immediately thought, Could someone be trying to rape Katherine? I must do something to stop it. I followed the shadowy figure. When he stopped at Katherine’s door, I recognized that it was Jim. What was he doing here? At first I thought he might have come to give Katherine some aspirin to wake her from the alcohol. But I was shocked when I saw that he didn’t switch on the light after he was in the room. Comrades, Jim did not switch on the light. What was he doing in the dark? What could he be doing? Or should I say, what could they be doing? I realized at that moment that a crime was being committed. Jim has betrayed his wife and our Chinese morality.”
The crowd listened in concentration. Jasmine continued: “Jim has been a good comrade all his life until now. Never once had he cheated on his wife. But Katherine, a corrupt character, seduced him, lured him, and turned a good Chinese man into an adulterer. For this I felt deeply sorry for Jim. I felt an obligation to save our comrade from sliding too far. I decided to call the security guards and catch them in the act. It cannot be more obvious that Jim was used.”
The crowd buzzed. They began to talk about how selfish Katherine was. Jasmine looked excited. The public focus was where she wanted it. Lion Head walked away in silence. Jasmine waited for the crowd to heat up.
Her eyes searched the crowd. When finally they landed on me, she smiled. Such a vicious smile. I thought I would shoot her if I had a gun. But I tried not to show my disgust. I realized that punishing Katherine was her way of killing a hen to shock the monkeys. She was warning the rest of us not to step on her toes. Her misery allowed no happiness.
In this country, accusing someone of a “private life corruption” was the most effective way to denounce an enemy. “Private life” was a gray area—no facts need be stated. Many such arrests, punishments, and deaths took place during the Cultural Revolution, and even after Mao died, still it was the same. People hadn’t changed—would they ever?
I was too selfish to let Katherine be destroyed. Katherine was no longer living her own life. She was living mine too.
My feet were about to step forward. Little Bird’s voice was shouting in the back of my head, “Don’t get involved!” But I was beyond self-control. I stepped out of the crowd, climbed to the top of the stairs. Raising my voice, I said, “Jasmine, how do you know it was Katherine who seduced Jim? Why not the other way around? How can you even prove that they had physical contact? How do you know it was not just your imagination?”
Jim was in shock. I looked at him and said, “Jim, you can tell us what happened, can’t you?”
“But how can I make the Party believe me? Nobody will, nobody . . .” He shook his head and began sobbing. “How can I explain myself?”
“Give us the chance to believe you,” I said.
“Who are you to speak like this?” Jasmine yelled at me.
“In the name of the Workers’ Union, I ask that we let Jim speak,” I replied calmly.
Jim sobbed like a woman. “I didn’t do anything with the foreign devil,” he said.
The crowd whistled in disbelief. Jasmine jumped on him. “Then explain—why did you go to Katherine’s room? Furthermore, why did you not turn on the light? Why? Confess!” She was looking at me as she spoke.
Jim turned to me as if asking whether he should go on.
I nodded at him in encouragement.
Jim said in a small voice: “She . . . she was so drunk at the party last night, I wanted to bring her some medicine to keep her from vomiting. I got some pills from Jasmine and I told her that I was going to take some and give the rest to Katherine. I didn’t go last night because I was drunk myself until I woke up this morning. I went to her room to give . . . to give the medicine. I can’t explain why . . . I did not turn on the light. I don’t know . . . it felt good being in the dark and . . . and . . .”
“And what?!” shouted Jasmine.
Jim choked. His shame was dreadful.
I said, “We are human. Anybody can have a weak moment.”
Jasmine gave me a make-your-dog-stop-farting look.
She had no effect on me. I said to Jim, “Go on please. We should not be ashamed of the truth.”
“And . . . and . . . to be near her . . . just near her.” Jim spit out the words in exhaustion.
“Be near who?” Jasmine was furious.
Jim was too scared to repeat himself.
I repeated it for him. “To be near Katherine. Is that right, Jim? Near Katherine?”
Jim nodded and broke down crying.
“The man felt good being in the dark, near Katherine,” I continued. “He must have been momentarily spellbound. He must not have known what he was doing. He did not turn on the light, because he felt good staying in the dark. Logic betrayed him. His soul ran ahead of him. He was a shell, his heart had fled . . . What’s so incomprehensible about that?”
The crowd stared at Jim with their mouths half-open. Their eyes showed pity. Who would not feel good being in the dark near a goddess?
“But you are a married man,” Jasmine said. “According to Chinese law, adultery is a crime no matter what the circumstances.”
“I swear I did not do that,” Jim begged. “Besides, it was impossible. She was drunk. Go and take a look at her. Even if I meant to do it, she was in no condition herself.”
Jasmine laughed coldly. “How are we to know whether you are telling the truth? The rule is, if you can’t prove it, we can only assume. The fact is, I caught you in her room.” She raised Jim’s slipper in the air. “This is the proof. And everyone here is a witness.”
* * *
Jim was escorted to Mr. Han’s office to be interrogated. Jasmine’s version of the event was accepted as truth. Katherine was now a man stealer, a corrupt bourgeois character. She was ruined in Chinese eyes.
I stood before the crowd. “I believe that Katherine didn’t do anything with Jim.” Turning to Jasmine, I said, “This is not fair to the foreign devil. She’s drunk. She cannot defend herself.”
“So what are you going to do? Speak for her and prove her innocent?” Jasmine laughed.
“We must have evidence to prove she is guilty,” I insisted.
“I have the evidence.” Jasmine said each word emphatically.
“No. I’m talking about evidence of actual physical contact.”
“We don’t need that.”
“Yes, we do. You must support your accusation. Katherine is not a Chinese.”
The crowd mumbled. People began to argue among themselves. Finally Big Lee suggested that I, as chairman of the Workers’ Union, take Jim and Katherine to a nearby hospital to have a doctor do a test to see if the two had intercourse.
The crowd mumbled in agreement. I could see they felt good about having the power to determine the fate of another.
Jasmine thought for a while, then agreed. “If the doctor finds Jim’s sperm in her, Katherine will have no way to explain herself. Go do your duty, Comrade Chairman of the Workers’ Union.”
* * *
I walked into Katherine’s room. She was sitting on her bed. I asked her how she was doing. She said she still had a headache. The aspirins were not helping. I asked her if she knew what was happening. She said it was too ridiculous for her to care. She told me I looked funny because I was so serious.
I said we had to go outside to take a little walk.
“What for?”
I told her it was very important. Katherine said she didn�
�t feel like going out.
“We’re going. I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“Why?” she shouted. “There’s nothing wrong with me. I just had too much to drink, that’s all.”
I pulled her off the bed. “You must come with me. You must have a test to prove you are innocent.”
“What’s going on? Who is behind all this?”
“Remember, you are in China.”
Katherine refused to go; she said she looked awful. She was weak. I insisted, and finally she agreed to go but asked me for a few minutes to wash her face.
Jim was ready to go. Katherine finished combing her hair and we left. Jim and Katherine walked two steps ahead of me and the two security guards Jasmine sent along. The crowd parted to make way for us and watched us walk through the front door.
* * *
The road to the hospital was filled with garbage left from the morning market. It was only eight o’clock, but the food was all gone. Late shoppers wandered through the market with empty bamboo baskets.
Jim’s shame was so heavy his head hung in front of his chest. Katherine walked like a drunken sailor. I caught up to her and took her arm.
It felt ridiculous but it was a serious matter. I hated myself for being one of the Chinese crowd. I was ashamed of this land that produced evil personalities. Katherine asked what I was thinking, and I told her. I didn’t care if the guards heard me; I was too angry.
Katherine told me to stop it. She said she didn’t like to hear me say such things about China. She criticized me for being narrow-minded and untrusting.
“You can afford to be open-minded and trusting because you don’t live here.”
“But I do and I’m in trouble. Big Chinese trouble,” she said.
I laughed and the sound reminded me of Jasmine’s laugh.
Katherine asked me to tell her how this whole thing had started. There would be justice, she said.
“You’re about to have a test to see whether you had intercourse with a married man. Isn’t that a wonderful kind of justice?”
Katherine went silent. She shook her head.
We entered the hospital and I showed my work pass to a guard at the gate. Seeing that Katherine was a foreigner, he took us straight to the president’s office. He asked us to wait and went upstairs. The president came down in a white doctor’s gown. He was a tall, slim man and looked kind. I introduced myself and told him why we were there. He listened to me without expression. He gestured for us to sit down and politely asked Jim, “Did you use a condom?” while putting on rubber gloves.
Jim shook his head and said, “I didn’t do it.”
“Follow me, please,” the president said, taking Jim and Katherine to examination rooms.
I sat outside on the bench. My mind was numb.
* * *
The test came out negative. I held the hospital record and felt relief. Jim straightened his back and was a new person.
When Jasmine finished reading the record, she said she had things to do and left without another word.
Katherine rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and said she couldn’t believe what we did when she was drunk. She said she refused to remember what happened.
Jasmine reported the case to the school Party committee. The Party’s conclusion: If there was no wind, there would be no waves. The Party ordered Jim and Katherine to be careful, and to learn a useful lesson from the experience.
Little Bird told me that Jasmine was considering naming me as a reactionary. It didn’t surprise me. Jasmine was angry that I got Katherine off the hook. She had already criticized me in a public meeting. She hinted that I had misused my position as the chairman of the Workers’ Union to cover up wrongdoing.
I didn’t fight back because it was so close to graduation. Jasmine had power over everyone’s future. Her father could assign me to hell. My last hope was that the graduation committee would believe that I had acted responsibly instead of out of affection for the foreign devil.
I knew the chance of this was small. The committee might not even bother to confront me with their suspicions. No one would risk offending the Hans to defend me. Mr. Han could punish me without looking like he was giving expression to a personal grudge. This had always been the Party’s way.
Every moment I waited for the bomb to drop, and at last it did. My name was called at the graduation ceremony: I was reassigned to Elephant Fields, a wasteland.
There was no explanation. Mr. Han simply said it served the needs of the revolution. I took the assignment letter from him.
I didn’t allow myself to break down. I didn’t go home to tell my parents the bad news. I took the letter to Katherine. She had been instructed to move back to her hut. She had not been allowed to attend any of the meetings in which her students’ fates were decided.
Katherine was not in her hut. One of her neighbors, a local villager, said that she had gone to visit her daughter Little Rabbit at the orphanage.
I waited for Katherine anxiously. I didn’t know why I even waited. What could she do? In China the Party’s call was law. If I refused to go, I would be deported from my house to Elephant Fields. I tried not to picture Elephant Fields, but it was impossible. I left for home.
Jasmine was assigned to be a translator for a newly appointed army major. Lion Head was offered a teaching position at the school. Jim was to become a middle-school English teacher. Big Lee and Little Lee were to work for the army’s new technology department. Little Bird was to be a travel guide. Mr. Han was at his best when it came to punishment. He would make sure his victim was taken out with a clean shot.
My parents sighed when they learned the news at the dinner table. My brother didn’t say anything either. The family sat like pieces of stone until the food grew cold. The radio my neighbor kept on all day was playing an old opera song.
When I was young I said I was sad
Because I needed the inspiration to write a poem.
Now I am old
And have experienced too much sadness.
When my heart wants to express its feelings
I say, “Stop it, please stop it . . .”
My mother put down her chopsticks and began to sob silently. She got up and left the table. My father took out a bottle of liquor from under his bed. My brother got two cups from the kitchen cabinet and poured my father and himself drinks. I sat in my chair and felt nothing.
* * *
Katherine called me up when she got back and learned of my assignment. I went to her hut and she opened her arms to embrace me when she saw me approach. As she looked at me, tears came to her eyes. She went to pour me tea.
I couldn’t think. My nerves were paralyzed. She set the teacup in front of me and went to sit on her bed, placing her head in her palms.
“How’s Little Rabbit?” I asked.
“She’s fine. We’re ready to go, just two more weeks of waiting and she’ll be mine.”
“Is she . . .”
“Let’s talk about you.” Katherine got up. “I’m going to get Lion Head here. I have a feeling he might be able to help.”
I shook my head and said that Lion Head was a Buddha made of mud—when crossing a river, he had his own life to worry about. “He won’t talk to Mr. Han for me. At this point, he wouldn’t do a thing to displease Jasmine.”
“Give me a chance. Don’t you understand? We have nothing to lose now,” she said. “I just saw him at the library before I got back here. Let me go get him.”
I told Katherine that Lion Head wouldn’t be comfortable with me being present, so she suggested I hide in her bed, behind a curtain, when he came.
“Take a nap,” she said. “Let the curtain down. Remember to take your shoes in.”
Katherine took off on her bicycle in a navy blue wool sweater and black jeans. She rode like a young horse, full of energy and hope.
Katherine’s bed smelled like an exotic fragrance. Her blankets were very clean, neatly folded. I wrapped my shoes in my jacket and laid
them down carefully in the corner. I was tired. Her pillow was soft. When I moved it, a book fell out. It was The Good Earth. I tried to read. Before I hit page 2, I fell asleep.
* * *
I heard voices, whispers of a man and a woman.
“I know Zebra needs help but I need help too,” the man said. “I need to go to America. I don’t want to stay in China and be chewed up by that bitch.” It was Lion Head’s voice. I woke up but dared not move. Through the curtain I could see Katherine sitting by the table and Lion Head standing very close to her.
Katherine asked if there was no way he could talk to Mr. Han about reassigning me to a better place. “I’ll do anything I possibly can to help you in exchange for this favor,” she said.
Lion Head pulled up a chair and sat down next to Katherine. He reached out his hand, and, grabbing Katherine’s in his own, said, “Marry me, and I’ll help Zebra. I am sure I can help her.”
There was a long silence. Katherine did not seem to understand.
Lion Head repeated himself.
Katherine said, “Look, this is not a good time for jokes.”
Lion Head said he was not joking.
“Why are you making a fool of yourself?” she asked.
“I must secure my own survival first, then I can think about what I can do for you,” he replied.
I saw Lion Head’s real personality emerge. He was a Zen hypocrite. He had become the master of his own wisdom. He told Katherine that the perfection of Zen was simply to be human and live for one’s own needs.
“What are you talking about?” Katherine said.
Rubbing the corner of the table with his index finger, Lion Head said that he didn’t expect Katherine to make the sudden leap from common consciousness to “complete, unexcelled awakening.” One seeks and seeks, but cannot find. Then one gives up, and the answer comes by itself. Chinese philosophy encourages the intuitive approach in every pursuit, be it remembering a forgotten name or comprehending the deepest principles of Buddhism. Lion Head had now reached the point of pure clarity in his life. He had been thinking about going to the West for a long time. China was a market of butchers and meat. If one did not learn to be a butcher, one would end up chopped meat. This was the life of an average Chinese. And he, Lion Head, was not an average Chinese. He was born to live a freer life. No one could stop him. He would make it one way or another.