by Anchee Min
Lion Head claimed that he had been used by the Party and now he was learning to use the Party. He needed a fake marriage to get out of the country. If Katherine agreed to marry him, he would do what he could to meet her needs. He didn’t have to worry about Jasmine and Mr. Han getting upset, since his assignment had already been made—it would be too late for Mr. Han to change things even if he became suspicious of Lion Head’s motives. Once Lion Head accomplished his mission, he would slash Mr. Han’s face by telling him that he was going to marry another woman instead of his daughter. If Katherine refused to marry him, well, there was nothing he could do for her.
Katherine was shocked and confused. She was having a hard time convincing herself that Lion Head was not who she thought he was. Her American mind wrestled with her Chinese mind. After a long while, her voice choking a little, she said, “No deal, is that what you’re saying? No deal if I refuse to marry you?”
“Come on, Katherine.” Lion Head smiled slickly. “Don’t force me to disappoint you. After all, it’s just a fake marriage I’m asking from you. Just paperwork to get me out of the country. Nothing serious. We each get what we want. Nobody gets hurt.”
“You are asking too much and you know it,” she said.
“It’s not such a terrible thing, considering,” he said. “You’re in love with China. You and I even have a little history—don’t say it wasn’t fun. I adored you. I still do. It won’t cost you anything to marry me. The minute I set foot in America, we file for divorce. You wouldn’t be bothered for very long. You get your deal while I get mine.”
Katherine stood up and said in a plain voice: “I don’t use people and I don’t like to be used. I didn’t realize how well you’d learned to manipulate Chinese philosophy. In the spirit of open revolt against convention, you exploit Zen for your own destructive purposes. You, your ego, has become your moral center of gravity—it has nothing to do with the ‘spontaneous mind.’ You’re all about control . . .” Katherine stopped to catch her breath.
I sat behind the curtain, amazed.
Lion Head was amazed by her too, but he tried not to show it. “Katherine, I’m just telling you the naked truth. I’m being honest. I don’t dress myself up as a saint to fool you easily. I just want to make an honest deal with you.”
Katherine raised her arm and pointed to the door. “There is no deal. Get out, please.”
Lion Head got up and walked to the door. Then he turned around. “Katherine, please reconsider my proposal. Forget about the Chinese philosophy.”
Katherine shook her head.
“Don’t turn me into a mad dog,” he said.
Katherine remained silent.
Lion Head said that she was forcing him to take dangerous alternatives.
“What do you mean?” Katherine asked.
The school authority would be selecting one person to study abroad on a United Nations scholarship, he said. The sons and daughters of high Party officials were competing for the position. Mr. Han would make the final decision. Merit was not important. Whoever pleased him most would win. His daughter’s happiness was foremost in his heart. But Mr. Han could not choose Jasmine to go abroad because it would look too obvious; he was supposed to be the people’s servant, after all. So he would use the opportunity to pick someone who would benefit his family in the future.
“The angel of opportunity is about to land on my head,” Lion Head explained. “The chief has been hinting to me to prove my loyalty.”
Katherine widened her eyes.
Wearing a sad expression, Lion Head continued: “I have no choice if you don’t help me. I will have to get down on my knees in front of them. I will breathe in their farts and say it smells wonderful. Jasmine is a spoiled brat. She’s suffered a great deal of pain and humiliation in trying to get me to be her mate. But I believe her endurance is limited. She expects me to make a decision. If you don’t marry me, my only choice is to say yes to Jasmine.” He looked off at the rice paddies in the distance. “I’ll do anything to get out of this country, anything.”
“And then what? You’ll desert Jasmine?” asked Katherine.
Lion Head nodded.
“You really are selling yourself,” she said. “I am totally amazed. I guess the words ‘love’ and ‘compassion’ don’t exist in your dictionary.”
“Not anymore,” said Lion Head. “Once I sold my blood to get back to the city from the countryside. Now I’m selling my soul to have a life. What’s the difference? I will have a new life when I get to America. For that dream I am willing to sacrifice everything.”
“You think about it,” Katherine said slowly. “Zebra is your friend too.”
“Only if you marry me . . .” was Lion Head’s reply.
“Forget it. I’ll talk to Mr. Han myself,” Katherine said, her body trembling. “I’ll make him change his mind.”
Lion Head laughed coldly. “Go and learn your lesson. Get a real taste of the proletarian dictatorship. I wish you good luck!”
* * *
I told Katherine not to be foolish. She refused to listen. She said even if Mr. Han were a god, she could still talk to him.
“I’m just going to ask him to be reasonable,” she said.
I shook my head. “Your American way doesn’t work here.”
“It’s not the American way. It’s the human way. It should apply anywhere,” she said.
“Mr. Han doesn’t like you, can’t you see?”
“Why not? I’m not that important. He has no reason to dislike me.”
“Because of your influence over us. You have interfered with his power. Because of you we began to see ourselves as individuals. We began to realize that we didn’t need the Party to think for us. We could make decisions for ourselves. We began to question who this man who claimed to be the people’s servant really was. You endangered his empire. How could he not hate your guts?”
“But it’s your life that’s in danger, don’t you see?”
“My fate is unchangeable.”
“Never, never say that. I’m going to help you change it.” Katherine got down on her knees before me. She opened her arms to hug me. “Give it a shot, Zebra. It’s your future we’re fighting for. You must not give up.”
I rested my head on her shoulder and allowed myself to absorb her strength. I heard her heart pounding.
“What about you?” I said.
She lifted my chin to look at me.
“What about me?” she asked.
“If Mr. Han wants, he can label you a ‘troublemaker’ and kick you out of China.”
“He might do that. I can’t stop him.” Katherine nodded.
“I can’t let you risk your future—getting Little Rabbit and finishing your book.”
Katherine got off her knees and sat beside me. Taking my hand, she explained that her book was about the lives of Chinese women. By getting involved with my life, she would gain a true understanding of her subject. “And don’t worry about Little Rabbit. The adoption is a done deal. The orphanage issues me the official certificate within a week. There is nothing Mr. Han can do to harm me. After I get my daughter, I’ll decide whether to stay here or go home.”
* * *
I slept in Katherine’s hut that night. We talked until midnight. Katherine asked if I felt afraid. I said I did because Mr. Han was like the Ru-Lai Buddha who could make his hand grow as big as he wanted. He could cover my universe with his hand, and I was just a foolish monkey who thought his seven hundred thousand cartwheels had gotten him beyond the Buddha’s control, only to learn that the column he was urinating on was the Buddha’s index finger.
Katherine said that she had never felt so frustrated in her entire life. “Tonight I feel Chinese, truly Chinese.”
* * *
The next day Katherine went to the chief’s office. When she asked to see Mr. Han, she was rejected. The rat-faced secretary told her the chief was not in and was not accepting appointments. “His schedule is fully booked for the month.�
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A few days later she tried again. This time I went with her. I had never gone to a Party secretary’s office without being called first.
“Still too busy to see you,” said the secretary.
“That’s okay. We’ll wait,” Katherine said, and took a seat outside the door.
The secretary opened the door and slipped inside the chief’s office. Before the door closed again, we saw a tailor measuring the length of Mr. Han’s arm. We could overhear their conversation.
“How did it get in your belly?” asked the tailor.
“I don’t know,” Mr. Han replied. “I was eating a pork chop and it must have fallen out and slid down my throat.”
“Did it hurt?”
“No, not at all.”
“Then how did you know it was missing?”
“Well, after lunch I realized it was gone! I checked everywhere, I even had people look through the garbage. Not a ghost to be found. Then they told me if I swallowed it I’d better go see a doctor because gold can be very dangerous, maybe even fatal.”
“So you went for an X-ray?”
“You bet.”
“And? Was it there?”
“You bet. Right there by the belly button. I saw the picture myself. Damn it, it scared the shit out of me.”
“Where is it now? Is it out yet?”
“No, it disappeared! Damn it, like a spaceship. Radar isn’t good enough to find that thing.”
“Have you been checking your shit? Maybe it’s already out. Maybe you flushed it down the toilet. Wouldn’t that be a pity? It’s real gold, eh?”
“I’ve been checking my shit. In fact, I don’t shit in public rest rooms anymore . . . What?!”
We could hear the murmur of the rat-faced secretary.
“Bring her in,” Mr. Han said.
The secretary opened the door to the office and waved us inside.
“What’s the matter, Miss Katherine?” Mr. Han asked in a warm tone.
Katherine stepped forward and said she would not waste Mr. Han’s precious time, she only had one question.
Mr. Han looked at us and told us to sit down. He said that although he was terribly busy he would try to answer her question.
“Why did you reassign Zebra to Elephant Fields? You know there is no need of her skills there.”
Mr. Han turned around slowly so the tailor could measure his other arm. He was being fitted for a western suit. “Is that all you have to ask me?”
“Yes.”
“This should not be a question,” Mr. Han said. “As a Chinese, Zebra understands what it means to listen to the Party’s call. You do understand, don’t you?” He turned to me. His smile was chilly.
I found myself unable to speak.
“Besides,” Mr. Han continued, “it was not my decision alone. It’s the Party committee’s decision. You see? It is our tradition that individual need yields to the need of the group.”
“But, Chief,” Katherine said in a gentle voice. “You and I both know what we’re talking about here. You are the person in charge. Zebra’s future is in your hands. We both know that your daughter doesn’t like Zebra and doesn’t like the fact that she’s friends with me, and that’s all right. But as a leader you are expected to play fair. Sending Zebra to Elephant Fields is not fair.”
Mr. Han’s eyebrows knotted. He flicked off the tailor with his fingers and turned to face Katherine. He smiled strangely and said slowly, “I can forgive you, Miss Katherine, if you make a fool of yourself, because you are an American, but I will not forgive you if you are here to cause student unrest.”
“You’re right—I am an American, but I’m a human being first,” Katherine protested. “I am involved in this case. I don’t like seeing my student punished just because she did something to protect me.”
Mr. Han expelled a long laugh. Katherine, the tailor, and I stood like walls. The laughter stopped suddenly and Mr. Han said: “You have been brainwashed by the western propaganda machine. You have such a misconception of what I do as Party secretary. I am Jasmine’s father, but don’t forget that I am the people’s servant first. In assigning Zebra to Elephant Fields, there were no personal feelings involved at all. She has to go there because her country needs her.”
Katherine tried to stay composed. Taking a breath, she said, “Mr. Han, would you mind if I made our conversation today public?”
“Miss Katherine, I was good enough to make time for your unannounced visit today. Now it sounds as though you are threatening me, and with what, I don’t quite understand.”
“I can drop the matter entirely if you withdraw Zebra’s assignment. If not, I’m afraid I will have to bring it up with the western press and the American diplomatic community.”
Mr. Han raised his left arm again and the tailor approached with a sleeve made of muslin. He started to pin the fabric along the length of Mr. Han’s arm.
Mr. Han closed his eyes, his chin tilted up.
Katherine glanced at me secretly.
The tailor bent to work on Mr. Han’s pants.
A smile came back to Mr. Han’s face as he reopened his eyes. He said, “The Party welcomes your criticism any time, Miss Katherine. It is my job to work for you.”
“Does that mean you’ll withdraw Zebra’s assignment?” Katherine wouldn’t release her grip.
Mr. Han cleared his throat. Taking out a handkerchief, he blew his nose and laughed again. “I will see if the graduation committee will review the situation.”
“When will we know the result?” asked Katherine.
“As soon as we come to one.”
“When might that be?”
“You have been in China long enough to know one can’t drink hot tea in a hurry.”
“I just want your word.”
“Let’s say two weeks from now.”
“To withdraw Zebra’s assignment from Elephant Fields, right?”
“Ouch!” Mr. Han kicked the tailor angrily for pricking him with a pin.
The tailor apologized repeatedly.
“May I count on your words, Chief?” Katherine asked.
“You will hear from me two weeks from today.”
* * *
I smelled evil in the air. I told Katherine so on our way out of Mr. Han’s office. Katherine made jokes about my nervousness. I insisted she pay attention to the coming danger. She said living in constant fear was a Chinese illness. Mr. Han had a vicious beam in his eyes when he said his last words, I told her. Katherine laughed and threw a Chinese saying back at me: “Once one was bitten by a snake, for ten years one would be afraid of ropes.”
On Sunday, to take my mind off things, Katherine suggested that we go to the orphanage to take Little Rabbit out for a picnic. We got on the train. For the next four hours I listened to American songs on Katherine’s Walkman, trying not to think. Katherine read The Good Earth.
Little Rabbit opened her arms when she saw Katherine coming. The two screamed happily at each other. Little Rabbit had begun to make sounds and actually talk a little bit. Katherine was obsessed with the idea of making Little Rabbit talk.
Katherine murmured to Little Rabbit that all her papers were ready and she would be allowed to leave the orphanage very soon. Little Rabbit did not understand what Katherine was saying; she was just terribly excited about seeing Katherine. She curled herself in Katherine’s arms and buried her head in her chest. She started to call Katherine Mama. Katherine picked up Little Rabbit and the two of them waltzed. Katherine was in tears.
We had dinner at a noodle shop. After dinner Katherine and I took Little Rabbit back to the orphanage. Little Rabbit was promised that she would be picked up in a few days for good.
When Katherine and I got back to the city and said good night to each other, it was already eleven. The night was filled with the sound of wind. It reminded me of a phrase in an ancient poem: “Before the mountain storm arrives, the wind blows its dragon breath through the windows of a tower.”
Back at the dormi
tory, I still felt cold even after I put on all the blankets. It was dawn when I finally drifted into sleep.
* * *
Jim woke me. He looked like a mental patient when I opened the door to receive him. His clothes were mismatched. He asked if he could have a quick talk with me out in the hall. I put on some clothes and stepped outside.
Light was just beginning to brighten the hallway. I asked what was the matter.
“There is . . . a typhoon coming!” he said.
I looked out a window onto the quiet campus. “What typhoon?”
“No, not like this. It’s . . .” Using gestures, he made me understand that the government had instructed the police to make a mass arrest of suspected criminals.
It was the usual way the Party demonstrated its power.
“Why are you so nervous about that?” I asked.
Jim looked around to make sure no one was there listening. Then he told me. Katherine was on the government’s list to be arrested.
* * *
I was convinced Mr. Han had plotted the whole thing. He wanted to see Katherine thrown out of China.
I asked Jim how he knew about the list. He said he had a friend who worked for police intelligence. Jim used to confide his fascination with Katherine to him. I asked why he risked his life to reveal a government secret to me.
“I’m still crazy about that foreign devil,” he said. “And I feel guilty about the trouble I caused her. I did this for myself.”
“What time are they making the arrests?” I asked.
Jim said he was not sure.
I asked Jim if I had his permission to tell Katherine to run off.
“You will do that without my yes or no, I believe.” He stared at me and said in a calm voice, “But you and I did not see each other this morning. When you see her though, please shake her hand for me. Tell her I salute her.”
* * *
I got on my bike and rode as fast as I could to Katherine’s hut. Twenty minutes later I was there. A crowd of people stood in front of the hut. I had never seen so many people in these parts. Everyone was quiet. I couldn’t tell who were undercover police. I laid my bike on the side of the road and made my way toward the hut. People in front of me blocked my way. They didn’t turn their heads when I said excuse me. They had their hands locked together like chains. More people were coming up the road. Among them were some of my schoolmates. News of the arrest had already spread.