The Highlander Who Loved Me (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 4)

by Allie Palomino

  “Doona be sorry, lass. Never be forced to endure something ye doona want.”

  She sighed and looked away, eyes moist.

  “I want to. I just canna.”

  He moved so that he was in her line of sight.

  “Give yerself more time, lass.”

  She nodded quietly and once he felt she had calmed herself, he continued.

  “Now close yer eyes and wherever ye think I’m standing, I want ye to stab with the dagger.”

  Katie recoiled and shook her head. “Nay, James. ‘Tis dangerous!”

  Another slight grin tugged at his lips, a rarity, she’d been told, yet he’d done so a few times in the last several moments with her.

  James Menzies was as strong, hard, and unyielding as a great oak tree, and about as serious and dangerous as a sword wound through the stomach.

  “Doona ye know who stands before ye, lass?”

  And as arrogant as the handsomest of men, which she believed him both to be.

  “D’ye? Trust. Ye must trust that I have the agility to move from yer daggered hand, just as I must trust not only in my ability to move quickly, but in yer lack of skill in wielding a weapon.”

  Katie laughed. “Aye. ‘Tis true.”

  He clapped his hands together. “Let us begin. Close yer eyes, and I want ye to listen to my movements. Calm and measure yer breaths and begin.”

  “Should I tell ye when I will strike?”

  “Nay. Surprise me.”

  “If ye’re sure?”

  He nodded. “Most definitely.”

  Katie hesitantly closed her eyes. After a few seconds, her hand arced and he tilted to the side. He reached down, grabbed a few rocks, and began tossing them around her. Wherever the rocks landed, she turned and stabbed the air. After ten attempts, he called a halt.

  “Stop. Now open yer eyes.”

  She opened her eyes, fixing her eyes left, but slowly turned her attention to James. A smile stretched her lips.

  “Ye didna move from there, did ye?”

  He shook his head.

  “Trust. When ye first closed yer eyes, ye did so hesitantly as if ye feared something would happen. When ye first stabbed, ye hesitated again. Ye didna trust my ability to avoid yer blade. As yer uncertainty grew, yer movements grew sluggish. Trust, Katie. ‘Tis the most difficult skill to acquire.”

  Katie nodded in understanding.

  “Ye werena truly listening. I threw rocks.”

  Her eyes widened and she looked down, seeing the several rocks surrounding them.

  “Ye will learn to discern the sounds of movements from living beings in contrast to falling leaves or thrown rocks, and the like.”

  “Living beings?”

  “Aye. People and animals.”

  “You can discern the difference?”

  He nodded. “Aye. ‘Tis quite difficult to confuse once ye know the difference.”

  She smiled at him as she studied him.

  “I want to know how to do so. I want to learn how to defend myself. I never again want to be vulnerable and at the mercy of hateful, evil men.”

  He took a step forward but she did not move back this time. “Men?”

  Katie looked away from him and when her gaze returned to his, he sensed she did not wish to discuss anything having to do with that day.

  He’d allow this to pass, but he would eventually gain her true meaning.

  “Wish to proceed?”

  Katie nodded.

  For the next several hours, James instructed Katie as to stance and holding a weapon. Once the instruction was complete for the day, they returned to the holding to find Connor speaking to another outside. Once their conversation ended, he walked towards James who was watching Katie enter the keep with a slight smile on her face.

  “Katie seems to be of good humor. ‘Tis heartening to see.”

  James nodded and his eyes fixed on Connor’s.

  “I am instructing her on self-protection.”

  Connor’s eyes widened.

  “Did she take to yer instruction?”

  “Aye. Like a fish to water. It will be ongoing for the next few fortnights.”

  Connor’s eyebrows rounded. “Fortnights?”

  James nodded once, serious. “There is much instruction to impart. I will be showing her as if I were teaching a young lad. She willna ever be defenseless again.”

  James could see that guilt was gnawing at Connor, and he looked to his right where he saw his newly discovered sister. Although James had not known about her until months earlier, he’d still failed to protect her from her cruel family. His sister had overcome many adversities and was now highly protected and loved by her husband, the Ramsay laird.

  The feelings of impotence and anger that accompanies the failure to protect the one you love was new to James, and he suddenly felt a kinship with Connor.

  He understood the self-hatred and guilt Connor’s look reflected.

  In an unusual demonstration of emotion, James reached out and clasped Connor’s shoulder before letting his hand return to his side.

  “We canna protect them from sunup to sundown every day of every month and year, Connor. What befell upon Katie is no more yer fault than what those bastards did to my sister was mine.” His gaze hardened in the next instance. “But I will be damned if it happens to Katie again. I will instruct her in proper defense, both with a weapon and without.”

  Surprised again, Connor offered, “I doona know what responsibilities Douglas expects of ye, James, but I’d like to extend to ye an invitation to remain here for as long as ye need or would like. Ye are my brother now, and I know that ye’ve an interest in my sister.”

  “‘Tis more than a mere interest, Connor. If she’ll have me, I intend to make her my wife. I accept yer invitation with much gratitude.”

  Connor hedged a moment and decided to speak what was on his mind.

  “Ye understand that my sister may never wish to marry. As much as I respect ye, James, I will never force her to marry or join with another, especially after what she has experienced.”

  James nodded.

  “I wouldna wish ye to force her. It matters not, however. I will wait for her. Still, if that day never comes to pass, I will remain waiting for I desire no other.”

  Connor nodded and indicated to join him inside. “Come. I will have a chamber readied for ye.”

  Chapter Three

  A month later

  Katie laughed as she dodged his attempts to gain on her.

  She felt free.

  Confident.

  Almost happy.

  James had taught her how to carry, hold, and use both a dagger and a larger blade, such as a small sword.

  He’d told her that because of her smaller size, a smaller blade would be easier for her to wield. They focused her training with that approach. He’d warned her that this could make her uncomfortable, since she seemed reluctant for physical contact and her smaller blade would require her to be closer to her adversary.

  While she agreed it would make her uncomfortable, she was committed to overcoming this issue.

  As it was, their hands had touched on a few occasions.

  And Katie no longer moved her hand away as if burned. For her, that was an accomplishment in and of itself.

  Katie turned and sliced downward with her smaller sword. James jumped out of the way, and she erupted in laughter anew.

  “Enjoying this, are ye nay, lass?”

  She leaned down to inhale deeply.

  “Aye!”

  James approached her cautiously. The last month had been enjoyable for him. He’d sent a letter to his father about his staying on and training Katie. His father had replied with agreement, and so James had begun teaching her skills that would help her to never be at the mercy of men again.

  “Fine performance, lass.”

  He made to grab her blade, their exercise complete, and his fingers brushed her hand. It surprised her that she did not feel the usual nausea and ne
ed to pull back that accompanied a touch that was not her family’s. Even then with them, she had limited tolerance.

  They’re eyes locked onto one another.

  Her smile didn’t fade as she continued to look upon him. He was a fine man to her eyes. He stretched above her, towering like a tree, with shoulders just as broad. When he sparred with her, he was bare-chested, and its massive width was covered with the same dark hair that fell from his head. James kept it tied back from his face, and she was curious about its length. Her fingers flexed as she tried to ignore the desire to run her hands through it.

  His eyes were magnificent. They gleamed like the sun on a clear, crisp day. It’s golden hue reflected the intelligence that was innate in him. She had the impression that this giant man knew what one would do even before the thoughts formed in one’s mind.

  The kindness that emanated from him to her, that was what had her heart beat in a frantic rhythm.

  Yes, he was most certainly the most splendid, handsome man she had ever rested her eyes upon, but what was more important to her was that he was kind and gentle.

  Patient.

  His heart was larger than his body.

  Though it had only been a mere few weeks, Katie felt the beginnings of strong emotion for him.

  But she couldn’t reveal that to him. She would never be a whole woman after what had happened to her.

  And Sweet James deserved a wife befitting him and his eventual station in the Menzies clan as future laird.

  And Katie could not, and would not, be the wife at his side.

  She would never be her.

  He deserved better than her.

  And that thought hurt as much as her dagger through her heart would.

  “Katie, lass. Are ye hale, mo stòr?”

  His treasure.

  When he called her that, her heart missed beats as it swelled in her chest. His burr was the strongest of any she’d ever heard, and its deep rich tones caused bumps on her skin more times than she could count.

  “My thoughts. They took me far away.”

  He studied her too closely for her liking.

  James Menzies had eyes like a hawk and he missed nothing.

  “Seems to me that far would be the castle, but ye were in England, lass.”

  Her eyes rounded at his words. “I apologize.”

  He continued to look at her a little longer making her shift on her feet.

  “Soon, we will begin training on defending yerself without a blade or weapon.”

  “Alright.”

  Her breath was halting, as if waiting for bad information to accompany his words.

  He looked away for a second before the golden jewels of his eyes focused on her again.

  “This requires contact, lass. Touch.”

  The roundness of Katie’s eyes was now joined with the roundness of her mouth.

  “Oh.”

  “We can begin with evasive maneuvers and the like, but eventually, I will have to show ye what to do if someone holds ye, captures ye.”

  Katie’s eyes roamed over his gleaming arms, sweat making them glisten. Odd, warring emotions passed within her.

  The reluctant feeling to never be touched again, which always gave way to repulsion, was at odds against the curious desire of wanting to know what it would be like to have James’ safe and massive arms around her.

  “Lass?”

  Her eyes focused on his expectant ones. Finding her mouth suddenly dry, she croaked, “Aye. I understand.”

  He nodded but kept the peculiar look on his face.

  They sparred a bit more before deciding to leave their private wooded area near the loch. Once they reached the courtyard, James nodded at her as he veered towards the stables.

  “Learn much with James, lass?”

  Connor watched her. He always did that. It was as if the unjustified guilt of not having protected her gnawed at him daily.

  “Yes, dear brother. Quit looking at me thusly. I’m bettering. I’m becoming stronger. I’ve never blamed ye, or anyone else, Connor, except for those actually responsible.”

  “‘Tis my responsibility to look after ye, lass.”

  “It is as much yer fault as Maddie’s upbringing is Sweet James’.”

  She covered her mouth with her hands, horrified that her mind’s name for him was betrayed by her mouth.

  Connor laughed.

  “Sweet James, is it?”

  Kiel and Iain walked over having seen Connor laugh.

  “What has our sour brother laughing so heartily?”

  Connor looked at Iain. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Katie close her eyes in embarrassment.

  “Connor!”

  Katie’s warning was met by Connor’s genuine laugh. It had been a long while since he and his siblings had shared this simple moment. Since Katie could walk, they’d teased her mercilessly.

  It was heartwarming to him that they had the fortune to experience this again, as if for a fleeting moment nothing horrible had ever befallen their precious sister.

  “Connor!”

  She growled his name again as she’d always had, making the brothers laugh all the more.

  “Do tell, brother, and share in this delight. I havena heard Katie growl like that in too long of a span.”

  She growled without any intelligible words, sending them into another fit of laughter.

  “Katie here just called James the Manslayer, sweet.”

  The brothers looked at one another for a quiet moment before erupting in guffaws. Katie’s cheeks were red but her nose flared slightly, signaling her rising annoyance.

  “Lass, the Marbhaiche? Ye jest. There’s nary a sweet quality about the man even if he were to eat fruit pudding for the remainder of his life.”

  Katie’s lips pursed as she looked at her brothers.

  “Truly?”

  They nodded.

  “Surely he’s known by another name?”

  They smiled and she closed her eyes.

  “Aye. James the Blackheart.”

  Connor said that, and Iain added, “But he’s most assuredly nay known as Sweet James.”

  “James Menzies has a repute as one of the fiercest warriors in the Highlands, lass. He’s never been bested in battle. ‘Tis why I didna object to his instruction to ye. ‘Tis the truth, and I say this without the least bit of bitterness or envy, he’s mayhap the best man to show ye. Even without his sword, he’s a force from legend and lore.”

  Katie thought about Connor’s words, attempting to reconcile the man he’d described with the man who was patiently and thoughtfully teaching her how to defend herself.

  “Sweet James…”

  Kiel’s mimick brought her out of her thoughts. They continued to laugh as she gave them annoyed looks before entering the keep.

  “Sweet James…”

  The loud groan in reaction to Kiel’s words made them chuckle all the more.

  Chapter Four

  “Are ye certain ye wish to proceed, Kate?” He’d taken to calling her Kate during instruction. “I can talk ye through movements and show ye without touching ye.”

  Katie thought about his words. It was tempting to proceed with the safest option. If she were being honest, in the previous weeks when James had brushed near her, touched her hands, or felt his body near hers- she’d liked it.

  And she wanted more contact with him.

  She looked up at him and for the first time in as long as she could remember, since before her violation, she wanted to be kissed.

  By James.

  By her Sweet James.

  “I’m certain, James.”

  Katie continued to look at him, as if truly seeing him for the first time. This man, this powerful, hulking man who was intelligent, powerful, and handsome, was also one of the kindest and gentlest men she’d ever met. Of course, her brothers and father were good men, the best she could ever ask for, but James was unlike any other man she’d ever known.

  “Thank ye for showing me.”r />
  “‘Twas nothing, lass. I doona ever want ye to be that vulnerable again.”

  For the first time, Katie didn’t look away when the topic of her rape was discussed.

  “I want ye able and prepared to defend yerself. I want ye to be confident in yer ability to defend yerself.”

  “‘Tis why I’m thanking ye, James. For that, and for giving me a measure of dominion back into my life. To feel as if I can protect myself and never be helpless against others. And…ye didna have to do so with such kindness and patience.”

  The look he gave her made her feel vulnerable of the heart and powerful, all at once.

  “‘Twas surprising, ‘tis all.” She fumbled for words as he looked at her a little too closely.

  She would not look away, however. It was past time that she looked strongly ahead, and nay turn her gaze away from that which made her uncomfortable.

  “What was surprising?”

  She strengthened her fortitude. It wasn’t that she was afraid to speak to him. They’d shared a few conversations, but the topics discussed were lighthearted and not private or intimate.

  “Ye're quite well-known for yer battle prowess, with and without yer sword. Ye've quite the repute for being a formidable opponent even without a weapon. ‘Tis quite unexpected that someone with that esteem should be so patient with a woman like me.”

  “A woman like ye? Ye mean to say special. Intelligent. Beautiful.”

  It was no small accomplishment for Katie to continue looking at him but she did so despite the coloring of her cheeks.

  “And how would ye be knowing what I’m well-known for, lass?”

  “My brothers told me.”

  He remained silently studying her, then, “How did this come about?”

  She broke eye contact and he slowly raised his hand, giving her ample opportunity to reject his touch. Gently, he touched her chin and turned her face to his.

  “Katie?”

  His fingers on her chin felt good, familiar. She realized that his touch was no longer strange to her, and tears wanted to form in her eyes at the liberating feeling.

  For James, her skin felt like the softest of cloths. Smooth, creamy, and ever so tinged with a curious red he wanted to know more about.